With corporate offices increasing going from individual offices to open floor plan, the non-yakker can be very popular…
Both social anxiety and personality
[QUOTE]
whether OP struggles more with a fear/anxiety of social humiliation; a lack of social skills (could be due to lack of exposure to life experiences or due to neurological differences); and/or a simple preference for quiet environments with limited social interaction {/QUOTE]
I think I have all of these issues with fear of social humiliation, lack of social skills, and preference for quiet environment. My preference for hanging out alone made me put a wall between me and other people which led to a lack of social skills.
Actually, I’m currently in college but I’m majoring in accounting because I feel like it’s more suitable for me because I’m quiet and like to work alone. I went crazy in taking quizzes of which major I should take and accounting almost always come up.
However, I’m arguing with myself whether I should change my major into civil engineering because I like the building aspects of it. Most of my friends are studying engineering though because they’re friends of friends.
YES.
@adrenalinee, what’s important is that you have friends, that in itself shows that you are capable of having social interactions with others.
You have a lot more skills than you are giving yourself credit.
Consciously taking yourself out of a major you have a PASSION for, is a terrible idea.
Engineers aren’t valued for being assertive in social pleasantries; they’re valued for being assertive about their professional opinion about engineering.
I work with plenty of fellow engineers who are socially quiet at work. In meetings, they speak up about what’s important.
@adrenaline, I have to go to sleep soon, so if I don’t post more tonight, that’s why. But I agree with aunt bea. Even though your shyness gives you some problems (think of problems in this sense as puzzles to work out solutions for, like engineering problems, not like disease problems) the shyness and quietness are ALSO the flip side of personality/character traits that are positive, good and even strong about yourself. That is a very important thing to learn, and key to you finding success. By that, I don’t mean to say you don’t need to work to overcome things that hinder you, but it’s important to honor WHO YOU ARE and work with it.
I really recommend the book Quiet by Susan Cain that @coolweather mentioned and also the book The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron. I think they would help you see your predicament about yourself in a somewhat different context that could be helpful. These books actually stress the normalcy of these personality types and the evolutionary advantage of some members of society having the unique constellation of traits of quietness and sensitivity (even though our current culture doesn’t tend to reward them.) Even though these traits are problematic in term of finding the right “fit” in life and building survival strategies, paradoxically, by accepting them as normal for YOU and setting certain boundaries for yourself, you can develop the confidence to overcome the crippling social anxiety aspects of your personality. By learning more about yourself and honoring yourself I believe you can learn to communicate adequately and eve well in your own style. Thinking of yourself as fundamentally flawed will keep the vicious cycle of anxiety going.
BTW, would you say you are a visual thinker/problem-solver? I was wondering if visual thinking is what is pulling you toward engineering rather than accounting (which would be a practical choice but maybe not as appealing.) Maybe your brain is calling out for the type of stimulation that engineering problems give you…but then you have the issue of working in teams, etc. to deal with…Just wondering.
“I went crazy in taking quizzes of which major I should take and accounting almost always come up.”
I am not sure those self-test quizzes can really identify the careers for people.
My daughter took the online self-test MBTI in high school. The result indicated she was some kind of extrovert and did not suggest her to have a career in engineering or computer science. Careers to help people like social workers, psychologists, business,… were proposed. She believed that result and stayed away from anything related to engineering in both HS and in the first year of college although she was strong in math and science. After three semesters she switched to computer science and did fine with that major.
You should believe in psychological tests only if they are done by real professionals.
I’m going to pile on here and recommend that you at least watch Susan Cain’s TED talk. You don’t have to suck all the oxygen out of the room, be the life of the party, etc. You’d just need to communicate amongst your team effectively. She does a great job at discussing the strengths, and cites examples of people that are more inwardly focused. Good luck.
If you decide to switch majors, be aware that engineering has a rigid course sequence. It may take extra semester(s). If you love it, that might be worthwhile.
I’ll chime in here:
I’ve met all kinds of personalities within engineering. So, being shy doesn’t reduce your chances of success in the field. It will mean that you will be put into some uncomfortable positions sometimes. Making a presentation in front of a large audience is a daunting task, even if you are not shy. But you just learn to do it. You learn to make yourself more (but not always totally) comfortable in those situations.
You do so by 1) Knowing the subject matter you are presenting (listed number one because it is the real key to not being nervous). 2) Practicing your presentation several times (usually at home where you can speak out loud and not have people listening, thinking you’re nuts) 3) Don’t have charts that you read, use them as notes and speak normally when talking about the subject. 4) Anticipate what questions may come up and either change you presentation to address them directly or have a prepared answer ahead of time. 5) Don’t be afraid to say you don’t know and will get back to them later with an answer (nothing makes you more nervous than trying to bluff an answer)
When you get nervous, you will (at least I used to) feel like you have to go pee. So, limit your liquid intake (stay away from the coffee especially if you have this problem) and make a bathroom break as close to the beginning of your presentation as possible to limit that feeling.
I used to be EXTREMELY nervous about making presentations and I’ve done enough now that I can do them without any hesitation at all.
In group roundtable meetings and staff meetings, a good organizer or manager will try to get the shyer people to put forth their opinions. After all, shy people have something to add too. If the manager isn’t doing that, sit down in a private meeting with them and ask that they do so. After all, a good engineering group will try to make the best use of all the engineers within it.
One’s personality can change from day to day, even hour to hour depending on your mood and the circumstances into which you are placed. Being a typically shy person does not preclude you from being a very good engineer.
On public speaking… For me it came together when I realized I was basically telling a story and I only had to tell it to one or two people at a time. If 15 others eavesdropped that was their problem. I just had to switch which two I was engaging every 15 seconds or so.
I love it now.
I wouldn’t worry about being shy. I always considered myself shy, but did the things I wanted to do anyway. Everyone is messed up, just in different ways.
I’ve always been very shy, and I’m an engineer. I gained a lot of confidence, though, after doing very well in engineering school (undergrad and grad). All of a sudden, I liked talking to other people about my field! I interviewed well and wasn’t nearly as shy. That carried over into my personal life, and now I deliver speeches about mental illness. If you had told me I would turn out like this, I would NEVER have believed you.