<p>This was touched on in the bubblewrap thread but I thought it deserved some discussion. How are parents dealing with siblings? Do you face jealousy (the "what am I chopped liver?" syndrome mentioned in the bubblewrap thread), concern or other issues? How about the various trips and events and the overall time focused on our academy-minded kids? Or even their incredible dedication, focus and academic/athletic capabilities? In my own case, my other kids seem to be handling all this quite well (thank God they each have interests and capabilities in different areas) but we're only just into it with my son just accepted into the AFA. Anyone have to deal with this, especially later in the process? Thanks.</p>
<p>This topic is near and dear to my heart. As twins grow up, I think a lot of people are a bit insensitive to the fact that they are totally different people and often consider them a unit. Comparisons are only natural, and when they have different talents and interests, I think it's up to the parents to help nurture those differences. Well, we got differences to the nth degree.</p>
<p>Throughout the admissions process for both daughters, we looked at their interests and brought them together to visit various schools. Our cadet was solely focused on West Point and had no real interest in visiting Mom's favorite LAC of the month. Her sister didn't want to visit any school where we would be looking at an ROTC program. As the process continued, there was a lot of attention on the West Point admissions process. IAW/nominations/interviews/MOC presentations on service academies/and a whole bunch of questions from friends, family, high school faculty, and others. And we were always wondering if she would receive an appointment. And how can I forget the drama of R-Day? Would I cry so much in August after dropping taking her to the Big 10 university? Of course not - no matter how much I would miss her. </p>
<p>Our other daughter was accepted to the few schools where she applied and there was no drama. I think that added to the "chopped liver" syndrome. She would walk around the house asking us to "smell the chopped liver". It started as a joke, but I always suspected that there was a tiny bit of reality in the term. All I can say is thank goodness they love each other and have become accustomed over the years to each other's time in the spotlight.</p>
<p>What's happening now? Boodle boxes are sent to West Point. We take our civilian daughter to Super Target for all of her needs. Mom has a female bonding experience at the Army-Navy game with one daughter. The other wants equal time in another activity. (A long weekend in some warm island sounds good to me. I'm still cold thinking about that game.) Mom and Dad go to Parents' Club meetings and talk about West Point. We paid our dues to the Parents Club for her school and won't go to a meeting. I don't think this is jealousy, but there is just so much attention placed on the WP experience, that it's really easy to feel "2nd best". And it's more acute with twins. Maybe some of the twins and/or their parents can comment.</p>
<p>The interesting part of all this is our son who is a sophomore in high school. He has followed 2 high-achieving sisters. They always received extra attention just because they are twins. They did well in school and excelled in sports. He is smart, but doesn't work as hard as his sisters. (Video games are so much more fun.) He's a decent athlete - runs cross country, but not team captain material in our high school of 4000+ students. He has been quietly watching and I suspect absorbing what we went through for the service academy application and from time to time has expressed interest. He has watched all of the movies with a great deal of interest, including Surviving West Point, Beast 2005, Inside America's Service Academies, and even The Long Grey Line. He even watched the dvd of the choir at the White House. And he watches them again as I love to go through them over and over again. (Yes, I'm a lunatic. During Beast I watched Surviving West Point so many times - and cried.)</p>
<p>What's he going to do? I have no idea. He has a mild interest in attending a service academy. We all know that it takes much more than a mild interest to pursue and succeed at an academy. Is he proud of his sisters? Definitely. Is he motivated by watching them? Maybe (could be a guy thing to demonstrate no interest). Will the interest deepen over time or fall by the wayside? We sure don't know. He has one passion in life and that is camping. He has backpacked throughout the Pacific Northwest and parts of the midwest. He'll be in New England for half of this coming summer and then will be a counselor at his camp for the remainder. </p>
<p>My hope is that he will continue to be proud of his sisters, while trying to determine what would make him happy. And I just wish everybody would stop asking him if he wants to go to West Point. His answer is always, "we'll see".</p>
<p>Alright momoftwins, I'm a twin. I have a twin brother who is also looking into the military but not West Point. We are very different, but in a weird way we are close, just for some reason not when our parents are around. My brother wants to do ROTC, and that doesn't carry the same attention as West Point. Its hard for me because I don't really like all the attention that comes with West Point. I just love the school, want to go, and I'm excited because I've got an appointment! Its weird, everybody seems to know that I got in and everybody wants to give me their opinion on it. The funny thing is I only told a few close friends, my brother told almost the whole school! I know he's really excited for me and all, but I can see him getting a little down because everyone is always talking to me about West Point and all. They ask him what he wants to do, only after questioning me and congratulating me on West Point. I'll go to church and people I haven't talked to in years make a point of asking me about West Point. Many are supportive, quite a few aren't (I hate the "why do you want to go die" question). I'm just wondering momoftwins, do you have any advice for how I can make it not so hard on my brother? He'll never admit that its rough, but I know it has to be. Being a twin is rough sometimes! Like you say, you're always competing about everything!</p>
<p>My little sister just finished her first semester of high school... she got straight As in the 7 classes she took and is class president.. soooo i dont think im overshadowing her :)</p>
<p>This thread hits home for many I think. Some of us had talked about this last year and its good its been brought up again. I sit here at my desk looking at four to one photos of my kids. The four being that of a savvy looking young man in uniform. The other of an older brother on a mountain with backpack & boots. Seems the photo ops aren't very even.... Living in the shadow doesn't seem to end at I-Day or R-Day. All the hub-bub over getting a nomination then getting an appointment & I-Day kept our family rotating around the academy kid. We we're never any less proud of the older one as he's done grand things at such a young age but felt that he got pushed to the background somewhat. What do you do? I've yet to figure it out because things tend to revolve around the academy kid even now. The holidays revolved around what time his flight was, what day was the academy ball, how he was doing with his new life seemed to be all anyone talked about. We are always living on the edge to see what new grades have come in or to see if he will email, ect.. The other son, we can just pick up the phone & call him or he can bop by to borrow Dad's tools and never bring back any old time. Could be that academy kids use more of our worry & energies because we can't just pick up the phone to check in. Its probably good AFDAD2010 that the other kids have other interest cause you're gonna be real busy! And try not to feel guilty. I agree so much with Momoftwins. Its just a bit more tramatic having to fix all these boodle boxes and worry about how hard things are for one kid vs. another who isn't throwing grenades and doing PT at 5am on 3 hours of sleep before going to class giving a Physics test . You are getting ready to find out what stress is and how far Gumby can really stretch! LOL Hang tough!</p>
<p>Good thread! I'm seeing a touch of this--oldest is off thriving at her LAC, but a lot of the discussions focused around the academy appts during Christmas. Fortunately, our B&GO had a lovely visit with her about how much he admires her LAC--he's a contributor every year... We'll make a point of making oldest dd's spring concerts... Thanks for the reminder!</p>
<p>As try as I might to make sure everything is kept in balance, sometimes I slip- like when I asked my daughter to reserve a few days in June to attend I-Day, or when mentioning that our family vacation would have to be scheduled around our son's schedule- she brought up how she was feeling left behind in the back seat- to which we reminded her that we are just excited about her upcoming graduation, and doesn't attending EVERY regatta for the past 8 years count for something??? Can't win-
I don't envy MOT or others that have even more coming up in the pipeline- I have my hands full with just these 2!</p>
<p>My 2 dd's are 12 and 16 and they "worship" big brother and bask in the reflected glory, not to mention the handsome cadets who make the "long trek" across Connecticut to visit. So it's not a big deal for us but I can see how there can be problems with it.
Also I can vouch that Navy2010 braves the elements to see her dd row on the flood-choked mighty CT river.</p>
<p>AFDAD2010: Our younger son (16) is thriving in the absence of his older brother, a plebe at West Point. Although he is proud of his older brother and carries his keys on a USMA keystrap, I believe he is enjoying the opportunity to get out of his brother's considerable shadow and get involved in activities without the fear of being criticized/harassed by his big brother. He is also pleased that the shared bedroom and shared car are now 100% his.</p>
<p>Speaking of bedrooms.....It's funny that when the kids come home the first thing they notice is every little change that has been made at home- it can be the smallest, insignificant thing-but all of a sudden it seems to unnerve them a little- as if they have missed something-</p>
<p>funny, before they left home I considered myself lucky if they remembered where the toilet tissue was stored so they could replace the one that they just finished! Go figure!</p>
<p>Great posts from all of you. Momoftwins and Jamzmom, as usual, your writings touch the heart. All these posts made me realize it's probably a good idea to think and prepare now for all the changes and look for ways to make this a little easier on the siblings. Navy2010 -- I'll try to avoid those "slips" but I expect logistics will always be an issue. As for Ben's (the 2010 AF guy) brother and sister -- they're very proud for sure but It's hard for me to read what's really going on inside. They don't seem to have any problems with it at the moment and I certainly don't want to create one where there isn't. Still, I see what's coming and I won't put my head in the sand. Thanks again for those thoughts. We have some pretty savvy parents on this board!</p>
<p>CLS is alive an well in our household! I'm glad to finally have a name for it! We remind our DD at State U how proud we are of her 4.0 and the decisions she's made while in college. She's doing extremely well.</p>
<p>But....DS is a doolie at AFA and he does tend to get all of the attention from everybody. While he would prefer to wear civvies, he has to travel in uniform for now. That draws attention. People who know where he's in school want to know how he's doing...etc.</p>
<p>I remind her that most people in our area are familiar with State and the other LACs in our area, and either went to them themselves or have sons or daughters there. But VERY FEW have any experience with a service academy, so it's a natural point of discussion.</p>
<p>I told her it's just one of those life situations you have to experience and adjust to and the spotlight will someday shift. And then shift again, and again. Unless you're a movie star, you don't live life in a spotlight!</p>
<p>Nice thread.</p>
<p><vent>
I personally hate all the attention. In general, I hate attention; I just want to be me and do what I want. Everyone is always congratulating me or asking if I've made my decision yet, which is very frustrating on some days. Which really gets me is when people ask, "Why do you want to do that?" I'm sure some other people know what I'm talking about there. Sometimes something is so strong inside that it's unable to be described by words (or maybe I'm just bad with words).</vent></p>
<p>Some of my friends understand; some don't. A couple of my friends are sick of people congratulating me every day. Another friend knows that I need time to think, so he verbally jumps on anyone who asks me anything about the academies (I just don't like "talking back" at adults; he's from a rougher background/he has an attitude). Some of my friends don't get why I want to go into the military. Some of my friends are 110% supportive of any choice I make. Then students try to get me to go to one or another because then I'd "get to wear a funny hat" and send a photo to them. Psh.</p>
<p>I hate teachers and adults, though (not really, but). I asked certain authorities to NOT tell everyone about my getting the appointments. However, what do they do? They announce it to all the teachers, the entire school, and put it in the newspaper. This is the same group of people who brag for me and drive me up the walls. Then adults come to me to give me their opinion of where they'd go if they were me (causing more confusion). They say, "Do NOT go to USMA/USNA. Go to USNA/USMA," with some other comment that has no real factual basis.</p>
<p>I try to avoid it and bring up something else, but teachers just keep pressing the issue. The only adult who has been of real help is my BGO. I wish I could get into contact with other USNA/USMA candidates in my area...</p>
<p>I mean, this was MY plan in the beginning. I embarked upon it all on my own, and now my parents want to show up on I-Day/R-Day with me. I keep telling them, "No. This is something I want to do alone." Somehow I don't think they understand. Any advice, parents?</p>
<p>I just hope the saying is true---"High school hero; West Point/Naval Academy zero."
</p>
<p>EDIT:
I come from a family of 11 children, so I guess I'm not used to centered attention. I hate it. I want the spotlight OVER THERE, near the baby, perhaps.</p>
<p>dictoranna,</p>
<p>You own the process and the decision. R-Day/I-Day will be a milestone in your life and in the lives of your parents. If you decide to attend West Point and your parents can only attend 1 event, plebe-parent weekend will give them the most bang for their buck. But if they can swing being at R-Day with you, it will be a watershed moment. (pun intended) You may not like being the center of attention, but you may want to have their support that day. And they will have a better understanding of what you'll be experiencing and where you are.</p>
<p>Depending on how active your local parents' club is, there may be an opportunity to meet other cadet candidates who will be attending West Point. I'm not sure about USNA, but I'll bet they will have something. Or you can ask your MALO if he/she can help you connect with other appointees. Speaking of attention, you'll most definitely get some this summer. :)</p>
<p>Haha. Attention...of course. I don't mind the cruel attention, just the praise attention that I hate.</p>
<p>Older brother thinks younger sister is in prison.</p>
<p>A Younger sibling's view of West Point: <a href="http://www.west-point.org/family/mem2007/plebe/ppw/ppw_wp_journal.html%5B/url%5D">http://www.west-point.org/family/mem2007/plebe/ppw/ppw_wp_journal.html</a></p>
<p>Older brother admires Cadre. "They are in Older Sibling Heaven and I wish I were one". </p>
<p>dictatoranna - Through a kid's eyes, things are alot different than through a parents. Glad you let us know what it feels like. Strange seeing your perspective. I never thought about it that way. Has to be tough on you. Maybe the excitement will settle down in a while. Its hard on 'ol Mom & Dad knowing they can't share this experience with you. Try to be patient with them. please? :)</p>
<p>I can really empathize with dictatoranna; ever since I've gotten my appointments people have constantly been asking me if I've made my choice, what I'm going to do, am I nervous...and multitudes of other questions. I'm really not a "spotlight person," if you will, so all this attention seems really weird. I guess I would call myself a pretty low-key, humble person, so I just try to shrug off the attention like it's not a big deal. I've just done what I've always done, nothing more or less...you're not the only one dictatoranna, I know where you're coming from.</p>
<p>My least favorite is "hey, why do you want to kill people for a living? Aren't there better things you could do for our country?". I have to restrain myself everytime I hear that one, which unfortunately is quite often. People also say things like that to my mom. I don't think many people join the military to kill someone. I'm joining the military because it's always been important to me to know I was doing everything I could to make friends and family safe. I always get congratulated and then feel guilty when my friends have gotten into places and no one cares because its a "normal school". People I don't even know come talk to me! I'm just happy it didn't get announced to all the teachers, or put in the paper. I feel for you dictatoranna!</p>