<p>I sure didn’t mean to sound critical…you’ve done great. If you’d done what we did (saved 100k for college, didn’t pay off mortgage) you would be no better off really, in my opinion.</p>
<p>We live comfortably but not high on the hog at all, and my car is 10 years old. I have newer jeans than you, though–those old ones won’t fit.</p>
<p>Once I got over the shock about the college prices, I realized that super-pricey privates are a luxury; one that we would have had to make very different life-choices to afford. We don’t have expensive cars, we don’t vacation in Europe–why did I think we could afford a high-end LAC? Fact is, without a lot of debt, we could not.</p>
<p>I mourned/felt bad for a while, but then looked at the bright side–D had choices that she/we could afford! And they were fine schools, all of them. She is learning, growing, etc.</p>
<p>I am so glad we walked away from unaffordable dream school! I am debt-averse, and value conscious. </p>
<p>I feel sure you will land on an option that will work well for everyone. Hang in there!</p>
<p>I think it is families which make assumptions-that debt is acceptable or not, that saving for college is an important goal or not, that a certain type of college is what their child needs, or deserves, based on various factors.</p>
<p>The system doesn’t make assumptions except that they assume that this is a product which you can choose to buy or not. You can choose to save beforehand, to borrow and pay later, or to choose another product which is affordable.</p>
<p>Unfortunately many of us don’t have all the information in advance about how much a school will actually cost, and exactly how a school will look at our assets. In your situation, the FAFSA figure was wrong or led to assumptions about private schools which were not correct. </p>
<p>Does your daughter have a financial safety, or other affordable choices?</p>
<p>You could not have done anything more financially. The problem is with your expectation. And the expectation your D has.</p>
<p>If you can afford $35K a year, your D can attend most in-state and out of state STATE universities.</p>
<p>However, it is unreasonable to expect D to attend a private school for that same amount, unless they really want your D. Or unless you did your homework and only applied to schools that meet full need. But even then they would expect your D to take out a subsidized loan and have work study each year.</p>
<p>People assume that schools will meet their full need, and as you can see that is an unreasonable expectation.</p>
<p>Unfortunately you needed to be more realistic in your expectations when you first put together D’s list of schools. In our own case, we did not have any financial need according to the FAFSA, so we needed to apply to schools that offer merit aid. The ivies were off the list, as were schools like Tufts and Vassar that we originally visited. We came up with a list of schools we could reasonably afford, even though D may have had to limit her choices. We were also realistic in our expectations of how much merit aid was conceivable, by really researching it.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, now you have to edit your list AFTER D was accepted into her dream school.</p>
<p>By my standards, you did everything right. What happened that was unexpected was that your daughter’s first choice institution turned out to be 60k each year instead of 50k. At 50k if you subtract 35k from the college fund, 5k in Stafford loans, about another 3k in your daughter’s summer and school year earnings, you would be looking at about 7k each year that could be covered with a HELOC or Parent Plus loan. With your demonstrated skills at controlling your expenses, the HELOC or Parent Plus would probably vanish pretty quickly.</p>
<p>Only you and your family know how long you want to be in hock for your daughter’s education (or if you even want to be in hock at all). The 60k dream school may be workable at a stretch. It might not. But to be honest, if there are any families on the planet that have the money skills to deal with that kind of expense yours is certainly one of them.</p>
<p>@chrisV2 - from your other post, I assume you are in NY, and, based on your daughter having applied to 15 schools (WOW!), I presume that included some affordable SUNY options.</p>
<p>Your daughter’s rating of schools is nice chit-chat; did she include the financial considerations in her ranking? Does she know that she may not be able to attend her first choice school because of finances? If not, it’s time to do so.</p>
<p>Decide how much you can comfortably pay, tell her and stick to it. Not how much you can stretch to pay. If a school is not viable financially, the school is off the table. Yes, it’s that black and white.</p>
<p>Pick an affordable option, send off the deposit, order the t-shirt, sweatshirt and loungepants, and start the exciting part of packing and planning for what will be. </p>
<p>The acceptance letter from her top choice can be placed in her scrapbook.</p>
<p>Any savings from having gone to a more affordable option can be put towards grad school, a nest egg, a downpayment on her first house, etc.</p>
<p>Agree with mtpaper. Hold to that 152K for 4 years figure, find a school that D will be ‘relatively’ happy with, and keep your home ownership free & clear!</p>
<p>And, not to make light of the situation 'cause we’ve been there, but have her sign a paper stating she won’t put you in a real nasty nursing home because of this! :)</p>
<p>We can afford $35K a year, sort of. So that is what our son had to work with. Anything more went off the table immediately, not another thought. Still had some great options. He’ll be going to Pitt this fall and he’s as happy as can be.</p>
<p>Thanks for all your responses…can’t argue with anything you are saying here. I admit in hindsight we were naive about this. I did research these schools and for example the school in question claimed to give an average of $38K per year in awards. I figured ok even if we got half of that we’d be in the hunt.</p>
<p>One thing that I did not realize…in this bizarre world I find myself in…that a loan package is considered to be an ‘award’ (!) It was drilled into my head growing up that loans are a liability, certainly not an ‘award’.</p>
<p>Maybe these colleges should start pre-qualifying families even before the application process. If we had a sense of this six months ago I would have told her ‘no way’ to applying to this school, and we certainly would not have visited the campus.</p>
Well, your income is far above double the median US income. More like triple.</p>
<p>Did you read my earlier post?</p>
<p>
I know a lot of people who have saved tons of money from college by using AP/IB/DE credit. Some have shaved off two years; many private schools will let you shave off a year with the credits, so that could make your savings get divided in three, not four, making the school more affordable.</p>
<p>Chris, many of us have been where you are. Actually, I am just starting this process but learned a lesson (a little late) when I took my son to a very nice private college here in our state and he promptly stated “OK…we can stop looking now. This is the one!” This was long before I had found CC and reached the conclusion that the nice private school was likely not in his future. </p>
<p>Now, he compares all other schools to that one…and there is no comparison. On the positive side, he is looking at several of the state schools and will likely find one he is happy with. If not, he knows any additional costs over and above what a state school will cost will be his responsibility.</p>
<p>Many schools allow you to meet and discuss potential cost with a financial aid advisor to give you some sort of preliminary figure. Also, many schools have calculators on their web site. I can’t imagine the cost of pre-qualifying applicants and it seems to me the applicants responsibility with so many resources.</p>
<p>What you do NOT want is for your D to see you as the bad guy who promised the moon and then delivered a dead toad. </p>
<p>So, I would vote for $80 trip to a counselor for the two of you together (tell the scheduling secretary that this is an emergency – it is and please treat it like one). Hopefully you draw a good counselor but even a not so great one will do for the moment. </p>
<p>When the two of you get there, you are going to unload your frustration and grief and deep, profound worry that your D is going to hate you because you can’t deliver what you thought you would be able to do. Get all your heartache out on the table. It’s odd, but often a person can “hear” what is being told a third party when she/he won’t “hear” when it’s said face to face. </p>
<p>Once all your grief and worry is on the table, it will be much, much easier for D to sort thorough her options. Alas, she can only borrow so much money – you would be on the hook for the rest through Parent Plus loans. If it isn’t possible for her to go to this school, ask the counselor for advice on how you two grieve together. </p>
<p>All this has to happen ASAP because she needs to make choices. Good luck. You are not alone in this. It is a very brutal time in our country.</p>
<p>Chris, the only “mistake” you made was when you looked at the avg award from schools you assumed you would be eligible for aid. No way would you get any need-based aid with $150k in savings for school, an income 3X the national avg, and owning your house free and clear. </p>
<p>Need-based FA is for families with need. As the system is setup yours does not have need. FA is not a discount program for college. </p>
<p>Your research should have shown you in a few minutes that you would be full pay. That was the mistake.</p>
<p>@olymom makes a good point about allowing time to grieve - for your daughter’s disappointment at not getting what she wants, and for you at not being able to enable it. </p>
<p>Have a good cry, hug, and then order the sweatshirt and move on.</p>
<p>Not to be callous, but…a counselor? Please, this is a private family issue, albeit brought into public on the CC show courtesy of Chris!</p>
<p>It is easier than you think to say, 'Look, this is reality. What we thought we could afford, we cannot now. Your 99% happy school is not going to happen due to them not giving enough award money. I’m sorry, but we need to quickly find an alternative. So let’s get to work together!"</p>
<p>There’s the parent, there’s the kid. The parent earns the money, the kid gets the benefit of it by having a great four years as a college student. It shouldn’t be made into a family crisis.</p>
<p>I did research these schools and for example the school in question claimed to give an average of $38K per year in awards. I figured ok even if we got half of that we’d be in the hunt. </p>
<p>On many finaid disappointment threads, the response is that, sorry, this is not research. It’s reading the colleges’ web pages. </p>
<p>If the average is 38k, that includes poor kids and families with multiple kids in college at the same time. If the average is 38k, some got 56k and some got 10k- and averages can be thrown off by the number of needy kids supported at the higher level. One has to also look at percentages of kids on aid and carefully read between the lines- and, I’ll nag again, look at resources like finaid.org.</p>
<p>*One thing that I did not realize…[is] that a loan package is considered to be an ‘award’ (!) *</p>
<p>Not all colleges reflect loans in their packages. They leave those decisions to families, re how to make up the gap. In reading the schools’ finaid pages, this is something many (most?) do admit: that packages are made up of grants, scholarishps, campus jobs and loans. </p>
<p>The question remains: why is this college sooo special that it’s worth 60k? Is it a top-notch school that’s one of very few that covers her major? Does it guarantee internships or something so unique? Or, is it simply an emotional response- gosh, so pretty, near some city or in some gorgeous rural location? Lots of kids fall in love with a “dream school” because they had a nice tour. Go look at the course catalog, the profs’ backgrounds and enrichment opps- is it really worth 60k? My friend’s son wants her to finance the school that offered him the least aid because some better schools rejected him- and suddenly he got into an ego sweat. You have a chance now to be analytical. Good luck.</p>
<p>OP, your situation is about the same as many others who are in the same process as you: high costs to fund kid’s college education.</p>
<p>There are three things that other folks might want to consider doing differently than this poster:</p>
<p>1- separate the FAFSA EFC analysis and how each college allocates its own aid; what I mean is that FAFSA is a standardized process for determing eligibility for federal aid purposes; colleges use their own process to decide how to allocate money from their institutions</p>
<p>2- gather information about average non-need based aid from the College Board or other resource to get an idea of how generous - or nor - specific colleges are with their aid, which can give you an ideas of how likely it will be to get suignficiant assistance; for example, NYU gives an average of $7250 non-need-based aid to 9% of students, whiel George Washington gives an average of $22,632 non-need-based aid to 27% of students</p>
<p>3- Love Thy Safeties; this family is hemmed in by school acceptances that the kid seems less than willing to attend less than happy to attend; ideally, every school a kid applies to should be a place where she would be happy to go, and that list should always include Financial Aid Safety schools where the kid is likely to get signficiant (enough) aid</p>
<p>That said, the OP - who has a current income in the top 10% of all families in the US - has some choices: decrease charitable contribuitions; borrow using a HELOC; trim current expenses to free up more ready cash. Those are harsh choices, but they reflect the reality that colleges expect us to fund colege education using three sources of money:
1- past income (savings)
2- current income
3- future income (loans)</p>
<p>Yes, the killer is the $150k income and the paid off mortgage. Their thought process is that many people with that income are paying a chunk in a mortgage and still contributing a chunk for college. In their mind, it not nearly the same hardship for you since you don’t have a mortgage. </p>
<p>You need to come to terms of what your reality is…</p>
<p>Either you’re going to pay the price or you’re not. If you’re not, then you need to tell your D. </p>
<p>Like someone else said, it’s hard to believe with all of those applications that only one school is a “99”…while the rest are just “50’s”. If that’s the case, then that list was poorly created. </p>
<p>I would revisit the more affordable schools ASAP…and find one that can be a 75 or so. </p>
<p>BTW…not every school that is presumed to be a “99” actually turns out to be that way. EVERY year we see kids posting about how happy they are to go to their “dream school,” but later deciding that it wasn’t what they thought it would be.</p>