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<p>They are disproportionately concentrated in my junior year.</p>
<p>Hi, this is my first time on college Confidential looking for help.
I sent my Essay to you in PM, not sure if you received it,
But thank you in advance !</p>
<p>Interesting–are you commenting solely on grammar/clarity or on creativity/content as well? You’ve always struck me as particularly left-brained.</p>
<p>I pmed you my essay~</p>
<p>Sent you mine. Thanks you for your services, silverturtle :)</p>
<p>I received great feedback from silverturtle. +1
Thanks again.</p>
<p>Same. Thanks for the essay reviews Silverturtle!</p>
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<p>How can you have over 900 posts and not realize that silverturtle is a senior this year?</p>
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<p>My focus is on grammar, clarity, and style, though I comment (usually briefly) on the topic and the effectiveness of the execution. If any other helpful and relevant ideas come to mind, I share those as well.</p>
<p>As a request to those who intend to send me their essays: please proofread them first. It is needlessly time-consuming to point out 50+ mistakes in a single 500-word essay, and this has been the case for surprisingly many of the essays that I’ve read in the last several hours. Thank you, and I hope that I’m not sounding overly frustrated. :)</p>
<p>I’d like to thank you once again for your help, silverturtle. I wish you the best of luck in the coming months.</p>
<p>silver, im about to send you my boarding school essay (:</p>
<p>hey,</p>
<p>i just pmed my essay to you, and i was wondering if you got it. it didnt show up in my ‘sent items’ folder.</p>
<p>hey i sent you mine as well, I’ve gone to the point of my essay where i can no longer see my own grammatical errors, so i proofread the best i can, im sure there are only few. Anyway, I’m excited to see what you say 
Oh and good luck with the colleges! Your one of those true geniuses out there.</p>
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YES!!! I should definitely mention that on my own thread… spelling mistakes in particular make me go “***!!!” because spell check is at everyone’s disposal…</p>
<p>Also, @Anonymous1993, I’ve only really known of Silverturtle through two of his threads: his chancer and his SAT thread.</p>
<p>Silverturtle–</p>
<p>Now that you have read a bunch of essays, what tentative conclusions do you come to about common errors/characteristic deficiencies?</p>
<p>I’m not silverturtle but… grammar (all sorts of mistakes) and a monotonous sentence structure. Many people stick with short to mid-sized sentences all the time. Varying the sentence structure a little bit adds spice to your essays, people!
In addition, some essays are a tad bit too autobiographical and don’t really focus on a “selling” point.</p>
<p>Hope that helps.</p>
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<p>In the grammatical/mechnical/stylistic domain:</p>
<ul>
<li><p>Excessive use of participial phrases. In many of the essays I’ve read, more than half of the sentences have started or ended with participial phrases. Overly relying on any one syntax is never a good idea, and participial phrases in particular can lead to an inorganic flow: we rarely begin sentences in speech with them.</p></li>
<li><p>Use of excessively formal diction. The college essay is important, but this is one context in which importance does not equate to a need for strictly formal language. The attempt to sound formal in the essay is most problematic when it leads to verbosity (e.g., variations on “As a product of the fact that” instead of “Because” showed up in quite a few essays).</p></li>
<li><p>Excessive use of long sentences. Yes, English grammar allows us to create very long and flowing sentences that are not technically run-ons. But there’s nothing wrong with using a period every now and then; in fact, a mix of long and concise sentences is optimal. </p></li>
<li><p>Excessive use of commas. Many writers have a tendency to put a comma wherever they would pause if they were reading the text (e.g., putting commas after each “Yet” for dramatic effect). This practice can make the sentence clunky; use other techniques, such as sentence structure and diction, to achieve the effect more naturally.</p></li>
<li><p>Forgetting that you are in control of structure. No, you don’t need three body paragraphs and a restatement of your thesis. </p></li>
</ul>
<p>Content-wise:</p>
<ul>
<li><p>Don’t abuse the hook. Many essays start off with a surprising statement that, because it is confusing or paradoxical, draws the reader into the essay in search of an explanation. This technique can be quite effective, but it can also be taken too far when the hooking statement turns into an elaborate metaphor that goes unexplained for too long. I should know the topic of your essay before I get to the last paragraph. </p></li>
<li><p>In the same vein, don’t develop overly complicated metaphors. Metaphors can be quite helpful in illuminating aspects of your life—when the reader has a good understanding of the metaphor. If the metaphor is awkwardly communicated or is too elaborate, drawing meaningful parallels to what the essay is really about (i.e., you) is difficult.</p></li>
<li><p>Find the right balance between sharing anecdotal description and explicating personal qualities. The standard practice of offering a life experience is a fruitful one for college essays. Care should be taken, though, to ensure that sufficiently cohesive and developed conclusions are drawn from that event. At the same time, the axiom that a writer should “show not tell” should be kept in mind. </p></li>
<li><p>Don’t be overly abstract. This downfall, often stemming from a discomfort with writing about oneself, is the most common way in which I see a very good writer fail to produce a compelling college essay. Common manifestations of this error include the use of an unclear, idiosyncratic metaphor to avoid actually writing about yourself, the employment of language so abstract that it doesn’t convey any meaning to the reader, and philosophizing effusively (if you find yourself using “one,” “oneself,” or “people” more than “I” and “me,” you’re probably doing something wrong).</p></li>
<li><p>Don’t write a boring essay. Even a thoroughly well-done essay can fail to be a compelling aspect of your application if it is too safe or cliched. When I say “cliched,” I refer not to the topic but to the execution; indeed, some of the most memorable essays are those that take familiar topics to interesting and unexpected places. A grammatically flawless and otherwise well-written essay about how being captain of your basketball team has led to personal growth and leadership confidence, for example, won’t be a detriment to your application. It also won’t help your application: it’s too safe. As long as the communication is lucid, essays that are quirky and bold tend to be great. Amid a sea of “good” college essays, being different is invaluable.</p></li>
</ul>
<p>Because I am going out of town in about an hour, I will have to get to the remaining essays tomorrow. It is entirely possible that my inbox will reach capacity in the interim, though.</p>
<p>Great analysis in two posts above!</p>
<p>I PMed you my essay. Thank you so much for offering help! :)</p>