<p>Overseas - Perhaps if you wear something distinctive we'll be able to spot you? A marmot cape? Hmm no the weather is too hot... :rolleyes: hotpants made of duct tape? :eek: Carry a drum made of a chicken bucket (party size) and beat it loudly? We'll surely find you... :) but if you get lost remember no matter where you are in the world, Sinner's Alley is always just around the corner :cool:...</p>
<p>Oh man, and here I am in Rochester Meen-uh-SOH-tuh for the rest of the week, so I can't nab you at the airport! Waaaah.</p>
<p>I'm tired of clomping around in this walking cast thing, but afraid to take it off. I'm going to cut such a lovely figure at my friend's wedding on Saturday. Not.</p>
<p>Overseas, if you see a big yellow slugg wearing orange duct tape hotpants and a beer hat, that would be moi! :cool: </p>
<p>Mootie, the clompy foot will come in handy (heh) when it comes to standing in the buffet line. ;)</p>
<p>
[quote]
How did we raise a daughter who understands supersymmetric and QCD phenomenology, but picks such bitey boyfriends?!
[/quote]
Dahlin, why is your daughter dating my exes? I really should have bagged them and tossed them in the Charles, Potomac, or nearby hellhole when I had the chance. </p>
<p>If you really want some advice, here it is: some of us can understand graduate level quantum mechanics but cannot, for the life of us, find good men. We know this. It baffles us. Are we too trusting? Does the strong, independent woman thing attract the macho guys? Would be better off being innocent little twits who seem to have hoards of men around them, who all want to treat the twits better than the tough broads? (Not that I'm not a nice person - in fact, I work very hard to be a sweetie - but no way in hell I can even pretend to need a guy to save me. Not a Disney Princess.)</p>
<p>Hell if I know why it happens, but I'm developing a screening committee to deal with it. </p>
<p>A lot of parents are really afraid of complaining about the sig others, but, believe it or not, you can complain, and it's a good thing. I would dump a lot of the jerks sooner if the 'rents would actually voice some criticism, instead of the eternal support that makes me feel like an irrational man-hater for even considering that the guy is a creep. (Again, counterintuitive, but it's hard for strong women to criticise men, because we know, on some level, that people think we are man-haters. Not so, but I overcompensate.)</p>
<p>I see this with a lot of people - the parents seem more gung-ho about the relationship than their daughters, so the Ds don't want to ask for advice and use their parents as a sounding board before ditching the loser. So they hang with the loser and the parents don't know why she dates losers. (Forehead slap!)</p>
<p>Slugg, a simple, "Babe, you can do better. If he's convinced you that you can't, it's only because he knows otherwise," will get you far. </p>
<hr>
<p>On to real topics... 'Mudge is leaving! We'll have to get some nice champagne in here for a going-away party. If strawberries end up it, all the better.</p>
<p>Until then, I'll drown my sorrows in tequila. Straight down the throat. Cointreau, lime, and ice to follow if I feel like it. :(</p>
<p>Aries, I have a very strong personality and have never been a damsel. (More like the Paper Bag Princess.) My husband still teases me about some times early in our relationship when I melted down over him buying me things (I felt like he was patronizing me.) I am hyper-competant, tough-- but this masks a very deep vulnerable streak.</p>
<p>When I was younger I was always vaguely uncomfortable when a guy was solicitous, charming, or "too nice." In retrospect--I realize I was worried that if the relationship tanked, it would be "my fault" because I would be the "bi***" to his "nice guy." I was basically afraid of him being better or nicer than I was; does that make sense? So I kept picking 'inferiors.' It was my INsecurity, not my confidence, that kept motivating my wrong choices.</p>
<p>Furthermore I was afraid of relationship "success" because if success was achieved (meaning, being in love) then failure could happen (breaking up). By avoiding being in love I would be "safe" from that vulnerablility.</p>
<p>It took a really good, persistent guy to melt that defense system down and allow me to start being drawn to sweet, good, nice men. </p>
<p>I always tell my D to look for the guys who are not obvious. The cocky BMOC world-beaters aren't usually it.</p>
<p>SBMom - I wish I had that problem. :) </p>
<p>My problem is of a different sort - perhaps same symptoms, but different underlying issues. Some people have been kind enough to point out that, to a lot of men, it's a macho challenge to date me. A lot of them want to be "the first," but get really cranky when the rules apply to them, too. </p>
<p>Until 2005, I never turned a man down for a date. My love life improved after that point. The best relationship I had was where I did the pursuing - kissed first and everything. Nothing about "melting defenses;" in fact, my girlfriends (and guy friends) wish I would stop giving men a chance. </p>
<p>In my experience, there is absolutely no correlation between chivalry/dinner and eventual outcome in the relationship. I do let men buy me dinner; the only thing I've ever said (after a few dates) is that they'll have to let me cook dinner for them. </p>
<p>;) I have chucked the two men who have bought me jewelry; one of them told me, later that night, that he had been screwing his ex-fiancee while dating me. The other one was less egregious - I was just sick of him telling me that girls weren't as good at math as boys (and I'm an engineer!). SBMom - I wish I had your problem! That's something I can fix! :p</p>
<p>Sometime, we'll get a lot of drinks in Sinner's Alley and we can girl-talk about the string of crappy men that I've dated.</p>
<p>Aries, sister...you come right over here and join me in the tangerine booth. </p>
<p>Blowing off girlfriend's parents when you meet them for the first time = Dumba** New Boyfriend (DNB). :mad: </p>
<p>Introducing yourself and thanking them for the groceries they bought for you and your new girlfriend (their daughter) = Smart New Boyfriend (SNB). :rolleyes:</p>
<p>Aries I will happily be on your screening committee. I have great instincts now...</p>
<p>Actually met my H on a blind date. In my late 20's, single, hearing the tick tick of my bio clock, I requested of several good friends to find me a great man. They went to work, and voila.</p>
<p>you seem like a goddess to me. doesn't make sense for you to need a godsend.</p>
<p>LOL. Slugg, sounds familiar. :)</p>
<p>SBMom - didn't you almost not go on that blind date? I think I recall a story about telling your friends to set you up with anyone, anyone whom you might get along with. You almost didn't go, friend reminded you of your promise to go on said date, you went, etc. Right?</p>
<p>You can be on my screening committee. :) I'm serious. :)</p>
<p>Yes, aries that's exactly right! Good memory.</p>
<p>I am serious too. I will keep my eyes open. :)</p>
<p>Thank you! :) </p>
<p>How 'bout a nice daquiri with a parasol to toast to that? It's blazing hot right now. :)</p>
<p>But, hey --Aries. We all get to vote, right? If you added up all of the years we've been married in this joint, it would be...a lot. Which means that you have a whole bunch of...ahem, <em>mature</em> matchmakers who know the difference between bad, jerkface boyfriends and really great <em>parent-approved</em> boyfriends. Part of the Outstanding Boyfriend test will be essay, and there will be a multiple-choice section, e.g. Things To Do When You Meet Your Girlfriend's Parents for the First Time: </p>
<p>a.) Don't look up from your computer;
b.) Don't introduce yourself;
c.) Don't apologize for parking your piece-of-sh%! 10-speed against your girlfriend's white drapes;
d.) Act like you can't wait until they leave;
e.) Stand up and introduce yourself, for chrissake!</p>
<p>The final portion of the test will be a personal interview with the matchmaking committee. Then, and only then, if he passes our test will he be allowed to meet you at a nice restaurant and buy you dinner. He will be granted permission to go on a date with our resident goddess, Ariesathena. ;)</p>
<p>I think we should get recommendations from the god-elect's exes, too. Lots of useful info there.</p>
<p>Think about your nicest boyfriends: wouldn't you give them a good review to this day? And the crappy ones would all get a thumbs down.</p>
<p>LOL! You guys crack me up. </p>
<p>Slugg - of course, with all of your "mature" (hey, I've seen you slumped over in that corner booth, asking for "one for the road" ;) ) experience, you're more than welcome to join the fun.</p>
<p>Problem is, I don't date men with obvious personality flaws. My parents have liked a fair number of them. (They were kicked off the screening committee long ago.) It's not like they make the SluggD Boyfriend mistake of not being nice. </p>
<p>SBMom - actually, I'm friends with a lot of the slimey exes. Good friends, bad boyfriends. They would, however, give me pretty high ratings as a girlfriend. But yes, I'll ask for references. Kind of like for a babysitter. :)</p>
<p>All but one of my exes would get a thumbs down. I'm working on legislation that would require some of them to come equipped with a "Warning: Explosive" sign.</p>
<p>That reminds me of a story, courtesy of one of my friends. His ex just got married. He always got along with the mom and would be very nice to the girlfriends - talk to them, ask about their day, let his g/f have girl time. Anyway, before her wedding, the girlfriends and the ex and the mom were all talking about her exes. They went chronologically, until the mom said, "And then there was [insert name]." A witness said that the reaction was like throwing water on a bunch of cats. Hissing! Screeching! Pulling of hair! "Eeeewww! We hated him!"</p>
<p>Well, this one is just an a** and would fall into that last category, aries. Gawwwddd (I'm whining, here)...she's still pretty young, so I guess we're going to have to suffer through a few of these protozoans. :p</p>
<p>slugg, is he really cute? I mean, what is the appeal?</p>
<p>Sluggbugg - GASP...I recently read an article about pheromes etc. and women are apparently attracted to mates who have a DIFFERENT smell, ie not attracted to men who smell (scientific name insert) like their fathers/brothers....SO, here's the plan..abscond with a bunch of rank Sluggson socks and hide them amongst the personal effects of said New Boyfriend....imagine if it worked....we could rule the world!! Best Wishes ;) BHM</p>
<p>I wish, SBmom! That would at least provide some eye candy for mommy. (Sluggdad says that the previous comment is unbecoming in "old ladies." Remind me to mismatch all of his work socks later today.) I was picturing Josh Hartnett. Alas, he has a big hunky mind -- damnit. She says he's a genius. :p</p>
<p>LOL, BHappyMom! Evil geniuses combine to hatch a devilish plan to rid the planet of slacker boyfriends. He'll never suspect that Sluggson's sock stench was to blame. Mwuahahah! :cool:</p>
<p>SBmom, if you want to get an image, sluggdad thinks he looks like Dwight Shrute on The Office.</p>