<p>If someone breaks out the mint juleps, I can tell my scandalous bartender story. ;)</p>
<p>I have my little silver cup right here aries!!!</p>
<p>As for evilneighbor, I think perhaps those little SNAP things you throw, that burst on the ground, should pepper his every step.</p>
<p>Indeed. Indeed.</p>
<p>Mint juleps at the ready. Caps in hand. </p>
<p>Stories please. While we wait for Slugg to come and entertain us yet again. Like Penelope weaving and unweaving as she waits for Odysseus.</p>
<p>LOL! </p>
<p>First story: New Year's Eve. My family bought fireworks. My stepdad (McGuyver, in the flesh) and I decided that it would be fun to tie two firecrackers together. We had some issues with the payload - if they didn't light simultaneously, the unlit firecracker would weight the first one down. I managed to get one that lit, went up, down in a shower of sparks, hit the ground, and the second one went off on impact, which sent it carreening down the center of the road, making a high-pitched WWWEEEEEEEE for a solid 100 yards. It was fantastic - straight shot down the road, skimming the surface, screaming like a banshee and smoking. </p>
<p>The East Coast version of Evil Neighbours threatened to call the cops on us. Apparently, our fireworks engineering was not the least bit sedate. Bah humbug! </p>
<p>McGuyver and I tried launching fireworks at his home. We managed to get a few that screamed over his porch, or at least in the vicinity thereof. You need two to go the distance, but if they don't light simulateously, they kind of crash and burn. Eh. May I suggest long-range missles?</p>
<p>Okay, Sketchy Bartender/Why My Life is Like Bad Daytime TV:</p>
<p>One of my friends - who is fairly prominent, asked me to meet him for drinks at a bar. </p>
<p>I got there early and realised that being a young woman, alone at a bar (however reputable) is not a good idea, so I geeked myself up. Hair in a librarian bun, glasses on, newspaper under my arm, pen for the crossword. Making Laura Bush look like a hussy. </p>
<p>Sat down at the bar to wait for friend. Bartender, who has to be at least 20 years older than I, asked what I wanted to drink - me, no thanks, I'm waiting for someone. Five minutes later, bartender wants me to order a drink. "Honey, you still waiting for a guy? Just order a glass of wine and give him the bill when he shows up." Me: "No, thanks, I'll wait." Weird eyebrow/eye movement/smirk from bartender.</p>
<p>The Hot Toddy To Go crew showed up and asked for a disassembled hot toddy for the road. This was good for a laugh. Bartender did not appreciate my humour.<br>
BT: "Are you still waiting for that guy? Why don't you just come home with me tonight?"
HTTGC: "Hey, that's a good offer, you should take him up on it."
Me: "NO!! Ack!"
HTTGC: "Why not? He's a bartender! You would be doing pretty well for yourself."
BT: "That guy isn't going to show up. Come home with me."
Me, mentally, "Because I'm waiting for ___." Mental head slap. "Um, I have to find out where my friend is." Take off running.</p>
<p>Friend was elsewhere waiting for me. When I caught up with him:
me: "Thank God I found you. The bartender was starting to proposition me."
him: "He propositioned you?"
me: "He said that I should have gone home with him instead of hanging out with you."
him: "Were you waiting for a better proposition?"</p>
<p>Mental head slap. </p>
<p>Extracted foot from mouth, then washed away the scent of stinky feet with alcohol - thankfully, far away from SBT.</p>
<p>Bad daytime TV. Never promised a good story - just a sketchy bartender tale. :)</p>
<p>It's early yet, but the day started out out at 3:39 a.m. this morning when sluggdad got up and couldn't find buggson. We went through the usual checklist, which we can do in our sleep by now: </p>
<p>Car--check; bike--check. Sluggdad called his cell phone, and it rang eerily from the dark interior of his bedroom. No buggson.</p>
<p>Then, the usual questions...What time did he come home from work last night? Did you see him when he came in? Did he say that he was going to bed, or was he going out to howl at the moon with his friends? Are you sure he isn't buried under the covers somewhere in the hovel, a.k.a. his room? Were there any away messages? </p>
<p>Still not panicked, but conceding any hope of getting back to sleep, we ran down the list of previous disappearances...</p>
<p>Did the tattooed prom date from two years ago return and take him to the Rocky Horror Picture Show in Oakland? --No, he's outgrown that crowd.</p>
<p>Is he in the garage recording something in the middle of the night? --Nope, sluggdad already checked, and the guys who used to hang out here after school eating all of our food recently moved to L.A.</p>
<p>Is he in Seattle chasing down high school girls with the slacker roommate from UCSC he met during the summer of his Junior year? --Nope, that guy finally graduated after his seventh year and got married.</p>
<p>Was he lying on his back next to the freeway overpass gazing at the stars? --This was an actual story concocted to explain where he was in the middle of the night while he was at the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Since the Rocky thing is pass</p>
<p>Slugg:
It was the alien abduction.</p>
<p>Plain and simple - they abducted him, tested him, possibly had their <em>way</em> with him (NOTE: check to see if he's pregnant), and then returned him almost to the same spot where they'd picked him up.</p>
<p>^^^ Yes!! you have it!</p>
<p>LMAO. I'm almost crying here. </p>
<p>Damn! Does he sleepwalk? Like normally?</p>
<p>This is HANDS DOWN the absolute best thread on CC! I'm about to wet my pants laughing. I wish S could write his admission essays with Slugg's panache -- he'd be a shoo-in anywhere.</p>
<p>Slugg,</p>
<p>We really are going to miss him when he leaves your house this fall.</p>
<p>All I can say is,</p>
<p>Ah ha ha ha. Ah ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha. </p>
<p>Oh my god. Oh my god.</p>
<p>Verbatim quote from my mouth thirty seconds ago. Slugg. Work with SBMom. Please please please put together the next comedy/reality/hallucination show.</p>
<p>Yours,</p>
<p>Alu.</p>
<p>He said he was dreaming of mermaids. :D</p>
<p>Mermaids. Hmm... just don't stick one hand into a bowl of cold water and the other... um, never mind.</p>
<p>Just popping in again to inform you all, through the tears of laughter, that (a) there is, indeed, World Cup fever everywhere (except they call it WM here in Austria and not WC hahahah that would be the potty), and (2) at the top of the highest peak in Austria, the Grossglockner, there are signs pointing to the nesting places of the apparently ubiquitous... WHISTLING MARMOTS. I kid you not, I even bought a stuffed one and took photos of various marmot-ish stuff to show you all later (including the Marmot Salve, made from rendered marmots (I kid you not) which I forewent in lieu of the Edelweiss Salve). I hope they weren't following us all the way here: TJFH (who is now graduating to TSFH, I guess) may be ignoring his summer reading and avoiding starting his essay drafts but hey, he's on vacation. For another week anyway.</p>
<p>Keep smiling everyone, and if I see the marmots, where should I send them now? Slugg's closet is all set and the aliens are gone, is that right?</p>
<p>Hey Moot:</p>
<p>I was above the tree line in the tundra of the Rocky Mountain National Park in CO and smiled/laughed (confusing my H) at all the signs & photos of marmots ;)</p>
<p>The gods that be of cc really ought to post a picture of a marmot somewhere, just for kicks.</p>
<p>Here's a good picture of a Vancouver marmot named "Mom".
<a href="http://www.marmots.org/%7Emarmot/jpegs/mom.jpg%5B/url%5D">http://www.marmots.org/~marmot/jpegs/mom.jpg</a></p>
<p>Moo, that is the cutest marmot I've ever seen!! Moot, not only can the Alley marmots whistle, but they can do the Turkey Trot, the Bunny Hop, and the Funky Chicken. :D</p>
<p>And, I can't say for sure if the aliens are out of the closet...well, you know what I mean. I'm afraid to go back in that room and check. :o</p>
<p>sluggbugg: Anna Quinlan after a few too many?</p>
<p>slugg jr: Teen-aged Calvin sans Hobbes?</p>
<p>Wow that is one noble looking Marmot!</p>