Sinner's Alley Happy Hour (Part 1)

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<p>Oh Crash, that is a funny story. I can relate. My D, at age 10, thought "oral sex" was "talking about sex!"</p>

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<p>Sinners' Alley....hmmmm....finally some place to go where I don't stand out wearing my sackcloth and ashes. Oh, and I'll have a gin and tonic with lime if you please.</p>

<p>So now that I have my drink, let's see...</p>

<p>The people in the office complex are starting to come in and check on me. I guess I will have to stop laughing so loudly and banging my hand on my desk. The parental sex ed. lessons were hysterical. </p>

<p>Citygirlsmom-I love the story about the Converses. Our daughter has multiple pairs of Converses in a rainbow of colors to match her 70s-80s era Rock Band t-shirts. Isn't it amazing when what you wore and listened to as a kid cyles back around? </p>

<p>Oh, and to add to Doddsdad's Mother's Day story....on top of a clean room our daughter also presented me with a lovely Mother's Day card. First, she took one of my blank note cards (certainly I didn't expect her to spend her money). Second, she wrote in the card and made a mistake. She then used duct tape to cover up the error (the walk up the stairs to get another note card was too far and the duct tape was on her desk nearby and everybody knows duct tape "rocks").</p>

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<p>Before I order my cocktail, I need to go check out the restrooms. I can't tell you how many times I've embarrased the heck out of myself during Happy Hour, leaving the restrooms with a trail of toilet paper stuck to my shoe or a paper toilet seat cover hanging out of my pants! :eek: :eek: :eek:</p>

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<p>kissy, your TP problem may stem from all that 6 am drinking...</p>

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<p>
[quote]
Isn't it amazing when what you wore and listened to as a kid cyles back around?

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I went to a fashion show at my D's school where she told me that leg warmers were coming back. Outside of being a dancer, could some explain why this is happening?</p>

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<p>I don't know - they always looked kinda stupid to me....but then 70's retro is coming back, too, including the psychedelic colors and plastic danglies - never one of my favorite eras...</p>

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<p>OK, here we go. Y'all didn't know when this started that I save these nuggets from our family and keep them in a file for amused reading. Herewith, four of my favorites from the past 10 years:</p>

<p>(1) On a really hot day, I was driving the boys home from school. P (age 8) had been running around on the fields with the sports club after school. He was panting and gasping and making choking noises in the back seat. I asked him if he was okay, and he said, "Oh yeah, Mom, no problem, I'm just evaporating."</p>

<p>(2) In the carpool to school, the boys were arguing over what constituted a complete sentence. They agreed that "Dog ran." would not cut it, but that while adjectives weren't always required, sometimes "the" might be. P (age 7): "So, a good sentence could be, 'The dog ran.'" G (age 9): "Not for Mrs. V it wouldn't! <the creative="" writing="" teacher=""> For her you'd better say, 'The rottweiller scurried.'"</the></p>

<p>(3) I was driving the boys to camp when Roy Orbison came on the radio singing, "Oh, Pretty Woman". I sang along for a few minutes, then changed to a different station, thinking the boys might not want to hear that moldy stuff this morning. P (age 8) tapped me on the leg and said, "You can turn that back, Mom. I'll have to know about that stuff in a few years, you know."</p>

<p>And finally, not for the faint of heart...
(4) P (age 6) was looking over a library book on sharks at breakfast. While eating his waffles, he was studying some small photos of sharks mating. He "ooh"ed and "ahh"ed over photos of embryonic sharks and baby sharks being born ("Aw, cutie..!"), then asked, "So Mom, what are they doing here?" I check the photo. "Oh, that's two sharks mating." "Mating? Does that mean having sex?" "Well, right, in the way that animals do it. They'll have baby sharks before too long." <... long pause, chewing sounds ...> "So, are they having unprotected sex?" :eek:</p>

<p>Your faithful reporter, checking out now. (Note for those who have been paying attention: "P" here is my younger S, who will be a, um, "challenge" to help place for college. At least he's never been dull to be around, LOL!)</p>

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<p>Here is mine -
When my daughter was in kindergarten and my son was in third grade, my son came home and said some older boys had gotten in trouble on the bus for saying the "F word".
Later, my son was teasing his sister and she got very angry and threatened him - "If you don't stop, I'm going to call you the "E word" !!!!" None of us could figure out what the "E word" was, and we kept asking my daughter, who was very mad. Finally, she shouted, "I'll tell you what it is - EDIOT !!!" She was even madder when none of us could stop laughing and laughing :)</p>

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<p>Hi all, I hope you don't mind me pulling up a stool. This is a great thread, and I've enjoyed your stories. Anyway, when my now rising senior was around five, he wanted me to play his favorite Christmas song. I asked him which one, and he said, "Everyone loves a turkey!" We looked over all of his children's music and sadly couldn't find it, and to be honest I didn't know what song he was talking about. A few days later in the car, he was very excited when it came on the radio.</p>

<p>The first verse, Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, jackfrost nipping at your nose, etc. I didn't get the connection until the second verse,
Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe help to make the season bright.......</p>

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<p>My son thought that "Bells on Bobtail ring ..." was "Bells on Taco ring ..." :)</p>

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<p>I'm not exactly a role model when it comes to bad language.</p>

<p>When my daughter was around 4, she dropped something and said, "S<strong><em>!" Trying to be a proper mom, I answered automatically, "S</em></strong> is not a nice word to say." At this point she looked at me in genuine bewilderment and said, "But, Mom, I dropped something...." Apparently she'd heard me say it often enough in similar circumstances that she assumed it was the correct response :o.</p>

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<p>It's been a long week--I'll take a maragarita on the rocks with salt!</p>

<p>When my D was about 4 yrs. old, we were riding in the car and she asked, "Mom, do you have to be married to have a baby?" So I was considering what and how much information to provide as I began--"No, honey, you don't have to be married to have a baby. . ."
Before I could continue with the lesson, she said, "I didn't think so. All you really need is someone to drive you to the hospital!"</p>

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<p>One of my coworkers used to live in Canada and her family had to drive to Tennessee to visit her parents. At the end of one long trip to see the grandparents during which her husband commented frequently upon the driving skills of the other people on the road her four year old informed Grandma that his two year old brother could talk. My coworker was unaware that he had learned to talk.
"Do you want me to make him talk, Grandma?"
"Yes", answered Grandma.
"Jimmy, show Grandma you know how to say f#$%."
Jimmy obediently produced his first word for Grandma. Grandma apparently spent most of the weekend lying down in her bedroom.</p>

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<p>Thank you, mardad, for establishing that "borrowed" stories will pass muster. I'll have a Chardonnay please (I'm sure that's passe, but trends arrive slowly to smalltown NE).</p>

<p>My friend was out for the afternoon, leaving her H home with newborn S and 3 year old D. Baby S was crying and crying. 3-yr old D informed Dad, "He's hungry, you need to feed him (demonstrating by holding her baby doll up to her breast)." Dad told her, "Honey, daddies don't have milk, only mommies do." D's reply: "What do daddies have? Juice?"</p>

<p>Thank you doddsdad, for opening your tavern. These cc diversions are as high on my cc-love list as the informative college stuff.</p>

<p>Great stories, all. Mootmom - loved yours. I kept track of such stories, but stopped too soon. Taramom, yours is one for the record books, and I am headed over to the Cowards to nominate it in the Sex Education category.</p>

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<p>jmmom, that is the funniest story. Thanks for the laugh! I'm enjoying the musings on this thread.</p>

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<p>At the risk of being dunned for plagiarism:


</p>

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<p>Several years ago I was quizzing my son and his friend on their vocabulary words while we were driving to school. They had to use them in a sentence. Friend's word was "devoid." His sentence was, "I am devoid."</p>

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<p>I’ll have a glass of the house read wine. (Citygirlsmom: I need an official ruling. Was that a pun?) Hmmm an intriguing vintage….engaging, yet impertinent…demure, yet passionate..with an interesting label…I’m not sure I understand the rattlesnake and cowboy boots emblem..</p>

<p>I agree with jmmom. All of these stories are great! I’ll second Taramom’s Coward nomination and I can see a bunch more coming. </p>

<p>Rascal, now I’ve got a problem because I keep trying to remember the correct lyrics…two keys?.no…bright lights?..no, redundant…some lights?…no…some tinsel?..maybe…</p>

<p>Jmmom, It’s not plagiarism if you cite your sources, and I hope others don’t mind forwarding similar contributions. We can’t read every thread, so we often miss both wise and funny posts. Today, I’ll settle for funny. If Curmudgeon doesn’t join us soon, I may drag him in by cutting and pasting some of his posts. He’s a founding partner here in Sinner’s Alley.</p>

<p>I know I said there were rules, but I only said that so everyone would break them. There’s really only one rule: Have fun with this!</p>

<p>Addendum to Doddsmom’s post: She forgot to mention that DoddsDaughter trademarked her duct tape “correction tape” in the mother’s day card. On top of the tape, she wrote “Created by DD tm.” It should be appearing in office supply stores everywhere soon. At dinner tonight, we told her that her card had been described on CC for everyone to see. She said “Great!” and told us she had read recently that “Duct Tape is like The Force. It has a dark side and a light side and it holds the universe together.”</p>

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<p>At my 16yo suprise party last night, DH, job was to roam the house and yard. </p>

<p>He would walk in saying, ANNOYING DAD is here, kinda like jack in the shining</p>

<p>There were 8 boys sitting in one room and H walked in. SUddenly all boys were silent. H asks, So were you telling dirty jokes? Furitive glances were exchanged. Then DH says, will I have some new ones!! According to DD, the exchanged glances went from terror to curiousity, but no words were spoken. DH than turns and says, Carry On Then...</p>

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<p>I’m hesitant to submit this one. This family story is embarrassing, yet true. I sincerely hope that it will not offend anyone and that the moderators won’t find it necessary to delete, but let me know if I’ve stepped over the line. I’ve always loved telling this story to reading teachers. I thought they should appreciate the mastery of phonetics and generalization demonstrated in the story. For some reason, it doesn’t always work that way…</p>

<p>In solidarity with Crash, Helicoptermom, and Motheroftwo: </p>

<p>Eleven years ago, I was leaving our house with 5-year old Kindergarten DoddsSon and 2-year old DoddsDaughter. Thankfully, it was only the three of us. As we were about to get in the car, DS tugs my shirt and quietly told me, “Dad, I think DD said the f * * * word.” Rather than say the word, he spelled it…..correctly! As you can imagine, a great variety of thoughts and emotions went through me. I wondered whether she had said it. If she did say it, who could I blame? (I couldn’t blame the kids on the school bus. She didn’t ride a school bus.) I took some solace in thinking that DS knew it was not a word he should say, but was he tattling? With all these thoughts tumbling though my mind, I looked at him and asked the question that puzzled me the most, “DS, how do you even know how to spell that word?” He looked up at me with surprise, then exasperation, rolled his eyes and said, “Dad, I know how to spell duck!”</p>