<p>Got to love those puppies! My "puppy" will be two next month and still gets up between 6:00 and 7:00 and continues to need to potty every 2-3 hours, rain or no rain :-( At least my husband is willing to alternate weekend mornings with me; he took this morning!</p>
<p>bookiemom - lock those puppies in DH's closet/golf bag/favorite TV chair/whatever for a few hours. Works for me. As for yourself, finish the mimosa, check into a spa hotel and don't come out until DH has peeled himself off of the ceiling.</p>
<p>Rum Coke, please. I have to finish painting the frontroom today. D is getting home tomorrow, and her bedroom is stacked to the ceiling with stuff from two rooms. MUST FINISH PAINTING. DO NOT PLAY ON COMPUTER! :D SBmom, we must have been separated at birth. :)</p>
<p>Slugg/SBmom: our only has been in college for a year now. The empty nest syndrome (plus or minus) draconically replaces all school-associate activities. No more back-to-school nights. No more fund-raising activities, no more helping out with class whatevers, no more stopping in to see the office about something, no more wanting to talk things over with the principal, no more checking out the contents of the library, no more proms. All we are supposed to do now is to give money through the parents' programs.</p>
<p>An abrupt change. But we've managed to cope ;).</p>
<p>Hello everyone.</p>
<p>I'm back to drinking soju and TsingTao beer over here in Shanghai. Sometimes I imagine you all think I am just joking, that I really don't go to Shanghai. </p>
<p>I actually do. </p>
<p>Anyway, thought I'd report back on Aludaughter, the drop off and first days.</p>
<p>In reverse chronological order:</p>
<p>I called her today. She is so busy and then consequently so tired that she falls asleep in minutes. Her new sheets are "awesome." She is not homesick yet at all.</p>
<p>She emailed me within hours of getting back from Outdoor Action, Princeton's pre-orientation hiking trips. She was assigned to the hardest trip on the books, I guess because of all the ballet. She said she has never laughed so hard in all her life, that the other kids, freshman and leaders, were so smart and so funny, and that they all bonded. Plus they had perfect weather. Plus it was beautiful. Only downside was that she couldn't wear stilettos to the dance that followed because her calves were sore:).</p>
<p>Now fast rewind to the days before dropoff.</p>
<p>We had the same quandaries as other families. First of all, she's a girl and she wanted to bring a lot of stuff. Second of all, I have girl still in me and liked buying her stuff - sheets, duvet covers, lamps, towels, you name it. So we shipped 8 boxes. And went off to New York with a full set of luggage, maximum we could check in, for a few days of the high life.</p>
<p>Before we left, I said to her, "D, I will probably have to impart some wisdom to you before you go." "Mom," she replied, "You've been imparting wisdom to me for years and what you haven't imparted I can figure out."</p>
<p>New York was about eating, going to the theater, staying in a hotel with a pool on top, and buying her a black winter coat. And the usual mother-daughter bickering.</p>
<p>I was obsessed with being able to move her in to have that moment. However, the drop-off day was Saturday, and UPS didn't deliver on Saturday or have their on-campus truck open. So she and I drove down Friday, got her boxes, dropped off one big suitcase with the sheets, I made her bed, we drove to the Fedex off Route 1 to get the box that hadn't been delivered and went back up to NYC.</p>
<p>The next day was the actual drop-off. Again, usual mother-daughter squabbles. At least I hope they are usual. No stomping, no crying, just a lot of verbal eye-rolling while I kept trying to do whatever she said she wanted to do. This NY trip was my grad present to her, because she said for graduation she just wanted time with me. For those who don't know, I work very very long hours outside the home.</p>
<p>As we left the hotel, she said, "Mom, this isn't going to be big emotions." Made it to campus. Finished the move in with what she had there. Other 8 boxes were yet to arrive. Move in involved my assembling a glass and wrought iron table from Taiwan, with my fingers because H had bought some cool thing that was 101 tools in one but I couldn't figure out how to open it. I am terrible at assembly...</p>
<p>There was a dropoff rehearsal of sorts. Stood outside the gym with 500 freshman waiting to go in and find out who their small groups were. D says, " I hate large groups." Then she notices, "Hey it's so-and-so!" Someone she met in CA. When I suggest she go say hi, she says "Mom, just let me do my watching thing. I am very good at what I do. Maybe it's not the best way but it's my way. It leads to better friendships in the long run." I leave her be. I see her walk into the gym amongst the other kids, I can always spot her hair, it's the color of a penny if the penny were a little bit blonde. As I walk away from the gym, I hear the sounds of hundreds of 17, 18 and 19 years olds cheering eachother on.</p>
<p>We meet up again for a goodbye after her initial registration. I have spent the time at a parent presentation in her residential hall. We leave her dorm room, she in hiking boots, a sun hat, and a backpack that raises over her head. We put our hands on eachother's shoulders. I put my cheek on hers. I hear her breathe. I am so vividly reminded of the first time I heard her heartbeat in utero, just that whooshing of another being's life, so much a part of me and yet destined for her own trajectory. She stands there quietly for two minutes, then says, "OK Mom." I think I said "OK baby." Then she turned around and walked up the hill alone. I walked toward the parking lot then turned around to see her go.</p>
<p>For this goodbye, instead of "Oh Mom you were the greatest Mom I owe you everything.", we bickered as always, planned together as always, held hands. No final poignant words of thanks for me. No tears. Just the sight of a child who has been ready for this day from the time she was six weeks old. My joy in this one comes from her own competence and joy in her own life. From shaking my head in astonishment as she makes her way through the world. And from the emails she has been sending daily, chatting, happy, busy, focused. When she needs me she will call me for support. Funny, I notice she still calls me Mommy. </p>
<p>I can't wait for grandchildren.</p>
<p>Bravo Alumother! Bravo Aludaughter!</p>
<p>Beautiful story!</p>
<p>love SB</p>
<p>Its so enjoyable to read these tales</p>
<p>
[quote]
No final poignant words of thanks for me. No tears. Just the sight of a child who has been ready for this day from the time she was six weeks old. My joy in this one comes from her own competence and joy in her own life. From shaking my head in astonishment as she makes her way through the world.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Alu,</p>
<p>Wow, such a beautiful moving statement. I have already been crying off and on all day yesterday, now I start my day with more tears (but these are good happy tears). So glad that I don't drink beer. but hey, I live on the edge and have a soju with U.</p>
<p>The sun is going down. I am going to make myself a nice Kahlua and pour it in my Williams shot glass and toast all those wonderful times of visiting schools and driving around here and there and talking with my son. You know this college business is kind of cool. It's intense for sure...but like Alumother stated so eloquently "and then I turned around to watch her go." That's what its all about...what great opportunity to be able to go to college and to bridge the divide. There was never a discussion in my house about whether. It was always about when. And now here it is! I can't watch mine walk up the hill but I think in these last few months I did turn around and take a second look. Sometime tonight, it will be afternoon there and the plane will take off from SFO and I will follow it until I get an I'm o.k arrival email sometime tomorrow morning after midnight his time. Then I am going to take a deep, deep breath hope the antibiotics have kicked in, the boxes have arrived and know that there will not be any sheets on the bed. Wait, wouldn't that be something if maybe there were!</p>
<p>overseas - you might be surprised about those sheets!</p>
<p>We don't have any tender stories to tell, as our drop-off/move-in became a Katrina story instead. However, we moved him into his "substitute" college of Bates last week. While he was in class all day, DH and I toted in the second-string belongings - sheets from home, borrowed iron, what few clothes he had not taken to Tulane (the non-favorites), new socks, the clunky older desktop computer (instead of the sleek new laptop), etc. etc. This was all done to a chorus of welcoming voices of his new floor-mates who were anxious to meet him and welcomed him when he arrived at the end of the day.</p>
<p>Two days later, I drove up (only an hour away) with a second slug of "needs and wants", including <em>correctly sized</em> sheets. I had totally forgotten about the whole twin XL bit, as his Tulane dorm was one of the few regular sized. He carted all the stuff up to his room and I headed to the nearest Wal-mart for a rug for the gritty floor. When I returned (45 minutes later)he was at some sort of Frisbee club meeting but, when I walked into his room I discovered that he had (!) assembled the bedside table, put away all the items (!!) and - overseas take note - made his bed(!!!) with the new sheets.</p>
<p>That evening, he called to thank me for the rug, talked about what he did that day, asked my opinion about wall decor and just generally chatted. This is not a typical behavior for my DS as of late and, as trivial as it may seem, is a moment I am treasuring.</p>
<p>Move-ins may not go the way we envision, but each of our kids, in his or her own way, are showing us that they are ready, we have done our job and - yes - they appreciate it.</p>
<p>Champagne all around! Skoal!</p>
<p>Jmmom, with another not expected moving day story, you may be right! Opps, I just heard the cork hit the ceiling!</p>
<p>You all are very nice. I had been feeling sorry for myself, what with the lack of warm and fuzzies. I think it goes to show that motherhood is always moving, one way or another. Jmmom, I love it that in the end it still comes down to the mom's ability to muster about the XL sheets.</p>
<p>Okay one funny anecdote about the sheets--</p>
<p>I also made D's bed on drop off day while she was figuring out where to put things.</p>
<p>Due to the plane schedules we did not leave until the next morning. Since one of D's brothers had been feeling sick during the drop off and wanted a proper goodbye, we popped in the next day for that. </p>
<p>D is used to a duvet at home, but was warned by many that duvets are too hot in overheated dorms, so we instead brought a light quilt & sheets only. </p>
<p>She had slept under the cover, but not between the sheets!!</p>
<p>:)</p>
<p>...so much a part of me and yet destined for her own trajectory. --Alum</p>
<p>When children leave, we evolve as parents to the point of understanding the full meaning this statement. We read it, we mouth the words, and we imagine what it will be like when they are younger. But, it isn't until the carefully chosen, XL-twin sheets are on the bed when we really get it.</p>
<p>"...Mom, just let me do my watching thing. I am very good at what I do. Maybe it's not the best way but it's my way."
"...OK Mom." I think I said, "OK baby." Then she turned around and walked up the hill alone.</p>
<p>There it is, the moment of astonishing clarity when we know it is time to let go. We do, because we have to, and the campus police would escort us off the premises if we didn't. :) </p>
<p>"...You know this college business is kind of cool." I couldn't agree more, Overseas. Very cool. :cool: This is a celebration worthy of champagne. I'll have a champagne cocktail, Curm. Don't forget the sugar cube. Happy launching, everybody!</p>
<p>Kinda foggy today isn't it Sluggbug.... I don't think I am ready for that visual your description just portrayed. My baby is 6' 1" and still says "I love you guys" before he goes to bed every night. How do you go from seeing him for the past 6,570 days, changing just about that many diapers, and then walk into an empty room come September of next year?</p>
<p>I'm going to steal from Alumother one more time because she put it so eloquently...</p>
<p>"...My joy in this one comes from her own competence and joy in her own life. From shaking my head in astonishment as she makes her way through the world. And from the emails she has been sending daily, chatting, happy, busy, focused. When she needs me she will call me for support." --Alum</p>
<p>Because this is what takes its place, BEACON. Loss is quickly replaced by joy. It has been that way for me, anyway. I can't tell you how gratifying and exciting it has been to see the little girl who would let strangers cut in front of her in line become a competent, well-spoken young woman. Not really a reflection of me, anymore, but her own self-determined person.</p>
<p>The empty room is still hers, any time she is home for a visit. It's just that, now, it's a real homecoming. She is genuinely happy to see us, and I find myself excited and looking forward to having her back. When she left for her freshman year in Fall 2003, H tried to turn her room into a combination library/private country club, and I booted his butt outta there. ;) It's her room, and it will continue to be for a while longer.</p>
<p>P.S. It's clearing up on this side of the tunnel, BEACON. I live in the dreaded 'burbs! :)</p>
<p>Update, son slept on the mattress foam and the pad over it last night. Today, maybe the sheets.....I'll never know. But then he didn't even get to his room until after midnight. </p>
<p>I got the funniest phone call yesterday before his trip. "Mom, I've packed the bag and the phone doesn't fit...what should I do?" Now consider this is long distance...he has been on his own for the last month. "Well, why don't you put it in a bag and just carry it on the plane, I mean it's not a very long trip" I say. "Oh yeah, that would work." "Thanks." </p>
<p>An aside: He is still sick, taking meds, sore, sore throat. And I feel really bad.</p>
<p>i love those "what should I do" calls. Got one yesterday and it sure felt good.</p>
<p>sluggbugg, more coincidence, grew up in same burbs!!</p>
<p>As you guys know, we've been on a pervert hunt. With help from the health club and a dedicated, local policeman, they got the scumbag who exposed himself to my son. Turns out that my son was the second victim. The parents of the other boy did not file a police report. We did, and S went down to the police station last week to identify the guy in a picture lineup.</p>
<p>:) No words, just ::::slugghuggs:::: for sluggS!</p>