<p>doddsmom- you go girl!!!</p>
<p>I'll need to verify this with my wife (as always), but it sounds like there may have been a digression from controlling moms to controlling wives....</p>
<p>I see how you mean by hijacked. Of course when you have folks sitting in a lounge the talk will turn to marriage.......who has to get home first.</p>
<p>Yes, M'am, doddsmom. That is the truth! </p>
<p>It's a f--d if you do, f--d if you don't kind of world for a controlling mom. I was going to use an example from a handout given to parents this year at Back to School night to illustrate my point, but I think I shredded it, already. It was two pages worth of sanctimonious BS, "From Parents to Parents," on how to get along with our teenagers. How about a handout given to every student on how to get along with their parents? And, while we're at it, how about another page on how to respect and get along with their teachers? Let's have them take some of the responsibility, shall we? Jeez, if we did that, we might be trying to control them, and God forbid that we attempt to control our teenagers. ;) </p>
<p>Well, anyone who says that a mom who tries to shape a kid for the real world is controlling, as if that's a bad thing, is a...poopy head! :) It wasn't always this way, folks. There was a time not too long ago when it was appropriate for parents to regularly remind their high school kids to do homework. It was okay to follow up and make sure that they did. It was also okay for parents to dole out some sort of mild punishment if kids didn't do their chores (what's a chore, again?). </p>
<p>"No, you can't go to the rave and give all of your friends a ride in our Expedition until you've finished mowing the lawn." What a concept! </p>
<p>We live in a parenting culture that condones a crazymaking mix of overinvolvement when they're young and underinvolvement when they really need it during adolescence. When did it become controlling to inquire about homework or studying for a test? I guess, it was always controlling, but it wasn't always labeled as bad parenting. ::: putting on my asbestos slugg suit:::: </p>
<p>We hear it over and over again. Let them experience the "consequences" of their actions. So, if a son leaves a half a pound of hair in the shower, clogging up the drain, with a sponge left in standing water long enough for the sponge to come back to life and regenerate on its own, the natural consequence of a mom's noninterference is what? The daughter comes in to do her thing the following morning at 6 a.m., and all Hell breaks loose.</p>
<p>I can hear the ever present voice of the family counselor in my head chanting, "But, then they'll work it out between themselves, and there will be no need for a mother to intervene." Up yours, counselor in my head! Yes, there is a need for a mom to step in, if she wants to maintain any peace in the house. The solution: Tell the son to rinse out the shower, and tell him more than once. Post a sign up on the bathroom door. When that doesn't work, pay the sibling massive amounts of money to clean out the shower, so that the other one sees that she is profiting from his slobitude. :p </p>
<p>Let's face it. Real moms and real dads are controlling, some more than others. You do what you have to do because none of us has a Ph.D. in this crap (nobody in SA, anyway), and we go by our instincts and how we were raised. If it makes you feel better to put plastic chip baskets on your feet and do a jig on the bar here in SA, go right ahead! Sybbie loves the company. :D</p>
<p>Amen, slugg!!!</p>
<p>Mommy dog nips puppies when puppies are unsociable.</p>
<p>Mommy horse nips baby horse when baby is unsociable.</p>
<p>etc etc etc.</p>
<p>It is a Law Of Nature. Our job is to equip them for real life. Since when do bosses not care who completes the work? Since when do spouses not care who clogs the drain? Since when does Uncle Sam not care who turns in papers on time?</p>
<p>My parenting principle is that my future son & daughters in law will be GRATEFUL to me.</p>
<p>My rule was if I can tolerate it I will, and when I cannot the law will be laid down. So I picked no battles I didn't care about and was obdurate in the battles I did care about.</p>
<p>The only place I feel I lost was in the "Don't be so rude to me" battles with the teenage daughter. She's excruciatingly well-behaved to everyone else, but I bear the brunt. Must examine root cause however may never figure it out.</p>
<p>Back to the larger discussion, I don't think being a parent and making expectations clear is the same thing as being controlling. SBMom, my parallel principle was - Is this behavior I will appreciate in a 21-year old or not?</p>
<p>Alu,</p>
<p>Root cause: You are her mother.<br>
a) She has to shove off you to be her own woman/person.<br>
b) Worst behavior generally gets discharged on "safest" person. </p>
<p>Bummer! ;)</p>
<p>In a sense I dodged the bullet with my D (who is stepD) because she had an alternative mother-- and no matter how wrong I was, I looked great by comparison. But a part of me feels sad she didn't get the early childhood that would have allowed complete teenaged hideousness, lack of gratitude towards me, etc. She was a pretty sweet teen, but at what cost to her?</p>
<p>My S however, is making up for it. ;)</p>
<p>Watch out for slugg when she puts on that asbestos slugg suit. Her eloquence, always present, ratchets up a notch or two. Slugg, you can speak for me anytime.</p>
<p>Respectfully and in awe,
jmmom</p>
<p>p.s. if <em>I</em> were a controlling mom, I would hang around this crowd anytime. :cool:</p>
<p>Careful, doddsdad, it's this controlling wife and mother's birthday today. You be nice to me!</p>
<p>Dear DW,
Of course I'll be nice to you! Not only today, but every day! You didn't think that my message was referring to you??? Did you??? </p>
<p>(Just in case you did, please note that it was written yesterday!)</p>
<p>Yours,
Doddsdad</p>
<p>P.S. Sparkling Riesling on the house for everyone in celebration of Doddsmom's 39thhhhhhh birthday!</p>
<p>Happy birthday Doddsmom,</p>
<p>Doddsdad, </p>
<p>Don't spread mom's business because she told me that she was way younger than 39. But since you are offering free dirinks, we'll forgive you this time.</p>
<p>:) 39 Cheers for doddsmom, today! :) :) Happy Birthday to you! :)</p>
<p>From the cheerleading squad here in SA! Rah-rah-(36 more rahs)annnnnnd...RAH! :::throwing Sybbie into the air::::39 handsprings later::::</p>
<p>Now, slide that glass of Riesling down to this end of the bar, and pass me a can of Ensure. :p</p>
<p>;)Thanks, jmmom, and right backatcha!:cool:</p>
<p>Gimme a chair and a towel. boy am I tired from those handsprings and I got all wet when the sprinkler sytem went off because we lit 39 candles.</p>
<p>This is why no one in the alley is on the record as being older than 29. Forget sliding a glass of wine down to our end of the bar, slide a couple of bottles and some long straws. what not straws ! </p>
<p>Hey we will toss back the little hair we have left as me and Slugg are not adverse to just swigging it out of the bottle.</p>
<p>Happy Birthday Dod'sMom!</p>
<p>What's Dod getting you?</p>
<p>As a <em>joke</em>, my son got me a rap CD with vocabulary words in it. It is called <a href="http://www.Flocabulary.com%5B/url%5D">www.Flocabulary.com</a>, and it was actually a pretty funny gift. I think he was showing off his Impressive Collegiate Vocabulary and wanted his father to "study up". </p>
<p>Well, I have learned a few words from the Flocabulary CD, including this one:</p>
<p>Agedcanine-activitis, (n.) - the ability of an old dog to learn new tricks.
:D</p>
<p>So, I've finally arrived at SA. took my own advice and figured I'd hangout here while waiting for son to find motivation mojo. Thank you jmmom for getting a table.</p>
<p>And Happy Birthday to Doddsmom! Thought you'd like to know that D is back at your alma mater and doing pretty well - has gotten very involved with some campus activities, made a new (hold your breath) independent friend, is enjoying classes, likes her single room in Bloomington St. (old AOPi house). Planning on re-rushing - I think I'll just do straight up shots of vodka during that weekend.</p>
<p>fredo, you've come to the right place.</p>
<p>Just so everyone knows, Doddsmom has left the building...Doddsmom has left the building. Well, she's gone overnight to her class so she'll be offline until tomorrow night. I'll let her know she has birthday greetings waiting. I know it will be difficult but leave one bottle for her (Think about your audience!)...Well at least one glass (who are you kidding?)...Forget it! Just have a good time and I'll buy more! </p>
<p>fredo, I'm sure doddsmom will be happy to hear about your DD. She may join you for the shots if she is re-rushing. </p>
<p>dahkie, Just for the record because it's a common mistake. Our DS is not named Dodd. I think you have to be rich to have a son named Dodd don't you? Is anyone really named Dodd? We work for the Dept of Defense (DoD) schools in Germany and our kids attend school in the Dodds schools, thus...well I thought it was clever when I first selected it...well, maybe not clever...different, yeah that's it...different!</p>
<p>Sybie, thank you for your forgiveness. You're right, Doddsmom can't be a day over 29! (Although I'll need to have a special talk with our 17-year old DS.)</p>
<p>Dodds,</p>
<p>Hey, it worked for Dorian Gray. But we won't sell our souls just borrowing the concept.</p>
<p>LOL - I never thought your name referred to your kid's name. Dodd is pretty funny!</p>
<p>Dodd if a boy, Dodder if a girl.</p>