<p>momsdream,</p>
<p>Shake your head very violently. Now bang it on the floor under the table a few times. Then attempt to focus your eyes. There - you now understand what it's like to be very close to 50 - either on one side or the other....</p>
<p>BTW, we don't know what's going on in most of this thread either.:)</p>
<p>momsdream, it's never that great an idea to come into a bar, virtual or not, with great eyesight. A soft-focus lens seems to help. 'specially around closing time.;)</p>
<p>Didn't we card momsdream a long time ago and find her lacking the appropriate ... ahem... maturity level for this joint?</p>
<p>Although, on second thought, I'm not sure we want to limit ourselves to card-carrying AARP members :p.</p>
<p>I'll just have a few drinks before I enter next time. I bet it will all suddenly make perfect sense then.</p>
<p>"Didn't we card momsdream a long time ago"</p>
<p>Can't you just treat me as a "gifted" premenopausal woman and invite me to participate early? I'm certainly too old for the student cafe and am "walking the perimeter of the playground" because I have no friends :( </p>
<p>I've passed the college admissions without losing my sanity test, passed the "send 'em off to college" test, etc...and I even have a few gray hairs.</p>
<p>And, the best reason, if you don't let me in I'll be forced to drink in solitude and then stumble over here and cause a scene.</p>
<p>And I think you'll probably elevate the level around her, in numerous ways. momsdream's next drink is on me. :D</p>
<p>Momsdream, </p>
<p>You will always have friends because we are the friends of the friendless and this is the place where everybody knows your reputation because it has preceeded you.</p>
<p>So, come on in, step over Crash, she won't mind as long as you don't step on her (a whole nother story). watch out for Slugg's trail of slime it has magical powers. I would pass on the pretzels in the little yellow baskets because those baskets have been used for shoes. Don't mind the wet spots on the table, their just Alu's tears (if she could just throw all of that emotions in to her torch songs). </p>
<p>You don't have to shut your eyes because of what you have seen because after whilr you will find that you can't find your glasses, you've got bad sight, at times we can be unsightly most most of the time everything looks the same. But at the same time, you haven't seen a thing because the best is yet to come.</p>
<p>we'll never tell your business because we've got bad hearing so nothing that goes on here ever gets repeated. we've got gray hair, patches of hair, no hair and every shade of hair that can come out of combining bottles of Miss Clairol, we can give those pink and blue haired ladies a run for their money.</p>
<p>If it's a chocolate martini you want, than that's what you'll get. Keep in mind that we only use nestles or hersheys because we ain't a high class joint. Now if you want the good stuff like ghirdella, godiva or vahrhona, you may just force dodds and to start collecting on our tabs and we just can't have that.</p>
<p>Momsdream, </p>
<p>You will always have friends because we are the friends of the friendless and this is the place where everybody knows your reputation because it has preceeded you.</p>
<p>So, come on in, step over Crash, she won't mind as long as you don't step on her (a whole nother story). watch out for Slugg's trail of slime it has magical powers. I would pass on the pretzels in the little yellow baskets because those baskets have been used for shoes. Don't mind the wet spots on the table, their just Alu's tears (if she could just throw all of that emotions in to her torch songs). </p>
<p>You don't have to shut your eyes because of what you have seen because after whilr you will find that you can't find your glasses, you've got bad sight, at times we can be unsightly most most of the time everything looks the same. But at the same time, you haven't seen a thing because the best is yet to come.</p>
<p>we'll never tell your business because we've got bad hearing so nothing that goes on here ever gets repeated. we've got gray hair, patches of hair, no hair and every shade of hair that can come out of combining bottles of Miss Clairol, we can give those pink and blue haired ladies a run for their money.</p>
<p>If it's a chocolate martini you want, than that's what you'll get. Keep in mind that we only use nestles or hersheys because we ain't a high class joint. Now if you want the good stuff like ghirdella, godiva or vahrhona, you may just force dodds and to start collecting on our tabs and we just can't have that. Jmmom is paying and that's a good thing. we'll make a true barfly out of you.</p>
<p>LOL Sybbie--and I suppose the reason you posted twice is because you forgot that you had just posted moments before. And I guess you might come back later and post it for the third time. Oh, I guess I wasn't supposed to point it out, right ;) I'll catch on.</p>
<p>Yes, I ran across one of Alu's seedy songs while randomly scanning this thread earlier today. It was followed by someones mention of a threesome, so I was thankful that the song hadn't seduced me in that way. I'm not even sure what the song was about....but it didn't leave me feeling threesomesque. ;) </p>
<p>That's when I realized how disconnected I was and I started to feel very alone. There was a discussion about Joplin....and I wondered why you were all getting so excited about Scott Joplin....and I felt even more disconnected....and the Sinner's Alley started to resemble a ragtime saloon in my mind...with the ladies in flapper dresses and headpieces (in red). I now assume the reference was to Janis (I HOPE!)</p>
<p>Come to think of it...my mental image of your bar is probably more upscale than it is in reality. Hershey's chocolate, eh? That's fine. I know how to slum it. Do we bring our own flasks? </p>
<p>I'll try not to step on anyone or touch any magical slug slime (unless something good happens when you touch it). </p>
<p>Warning: I am clumsy. I spill drinks. If this bar has WiFi, you are forewarned to keep your laptops off my table. My drinks must be served in a sippy cup with a spill-proof top. (I know this isn't helping your view of my maturity :) ). Perhaps I should skip the martinis and just drink beer at this bar. </p>
<p>Thanks for the drink JMMOM. I raise my sippy cup to you.</p>
<p>I'll now share my first joke in Sinner's Alley:</p>
<p>Donald Rumsfeld walks into the Oval Office and says,
"Mr President, some bad news. The latest report says that three Brazilian soldiers have been killed in Iraq."</p>
<p>"Oh my God!" says George with a genuine look of horror on his face. Cabinet members are all surprised at the President's reaction and they feel that he is finally beginning to understand the magnitude of the war.</p>
<p>Just then, George leans over to Condoleeza Rice and whispers....
"Quick, how many millions are in a Brazilian?" </p>
<p>LOL....LOL....</p>
<p>(sip)</p>
<p>I make amazing Godiva/Kahlua hot chocolate - if you're on the east coast, where it's currently freezing (or damn close to it), it might be better than a martini.</p>
<p>Hold on - I'm climbin' up for some air - I've had it with the gum. Any Vienna sausages around. yes, I am that desperate and you know how the taste buds go after a few suds...Scoot over Sybbie (if you can remember ho to ...no one else is SO DRUNK as to repeat the same statement TWICE. Shheesh, we can't take you anywhere.)</p>
<p>Now...is there a story in all this? A script? Maybe even a musical with a catchy title like, "The Bar to No-wear" or "Obliterate Commiserates" (Mudge will think up an eloquent title I am sure.) </p>
<p>It's about a group of more than mildly intelligent, delightfully provacative yet highly moral mired-in-the-muck-of-middle age (I do like that line) adults canoodling and doodling in a semi-divey bar while their alter egos - stretched across the globe - at all hours of the day in night manage their real lives as best as they can. Can you work with this or has everyone doozed off...</p>
<p>I'll just be in the corner, alternately singing and crying.</p>
<p>I have to be careful not to fall asleep or I might drool.</p>
<p>Momsdream,
The joke was hysterical!!!</p>
<p>Re: sippy cups. Aren't those the best things ever. When the kids were little we had a gazillion of them. We needed a gazillion because every place (restaurants, church, friends' houses, etc.) we went we left one behind. We just couldn't seem to keep track of those sippy cups. I might need my next gin and tonic in a sippy cup.</p>
<p>I might need a lot of gin to treat my stress and muscle soreness. We just bought a house, two villages away from where we currently live, and we are packing and moving ourselves. I knew we had bunches of stuff but jeezzz we have managed to accumulate a lot-o-stuff.</p>
<p>I anticipate hanging out in Sinners' Alley even more to escape the moving/packing stress.</p>
<p>Momsdream,
we are sooooo happy to have you. We have been waiting for you for at least 48 pages! <3 -SB </p>
<p>doddsmom,
I have a nifty professional/mathematical formula for estimating time to be spent packing up a given space. Many amateurs foolishly peek into a "bed room" (say a 12 x 14 room, that contains a bed, a nightstand, a bureau, and a fiendishly small closet, with, say, 2 paintings on the wall) and they'd estimate that to pack said room would take...mmmm.... 4-6 hours. This is an understandable assumption particullarly as most of us fondly remember the days when our entire apartment-full of worldly possessions could be bagged up in hefty bags and tossed into a VW bug for a cross-town move.</p>
<p>However my formula is to multiply the 4-6 hour layman's estimate by 600. Especially if you are a person who, when going through the bureau, might actually like to read bits and pieces of paper, or sort them into "toss" and "save" piles; if you might actually like to return borrowed the library books that are unexpectedly discovered in the back of the closet; if you perhaps would care to box up smallish kids clothes and mail them off to your sister in law who is expecting twins, etc-- as you "pack." (Or, if you are a person who becomes overwhelmed by endless and depressing tasks and has to hop over to the Alley for a libation.) HOWEVER when you get to the third or fourth room of the house, the multiplier does go down to 150 from 600-- because at that point you will be giving away steuben glass before you will ever consent to bubble wrap it. You will be tossing piles of scrupulously saved kids paintings (which are disintegrating & yellowed) onto a bonfire before sorting them and finding a box into which they will not be squished. You will spackle shut the attic access and simply abandon anything that has wound up up there. </p>
<p>We will keep a booth open for you doddsmom with a giant slurpee sized sippy full of G&T! ;)</p>
<p>SBmom,
The mathematical formula to determine the amount of time to pack a room seems to be accurate so far based on the packing I have done to date. It would take Doddsdadd the 4-6 hours to do the room mentioned above or even less time. He doesn't understand my need to go through all the drawers, cabinets, etc. He figures we could get rid of 70% of our stuff and never miss it. As long as the 70% is his stuff I might agree :) but certainly not my stuff, not my two sets of Christmas china and 12 cool dinner plates from Pier 1 that don't match anything and have no other pieces (cups, saucers, serving pieces, etc.) to name some of the things targeted by Doddsdad. Can you imagine, the Christmas china!!</p>
<p>If it weren't so darn early here I might start hitting the gin, guess I'll settle for a Diet Pepsi.</p>
<p>I wish I could say I was enjoying the super-large Wawa coffee I bought this morning- but I've spilled it (no, I'm not kidding).</p>
<p>Doddsmom, villages? Where do you live?</p>
<p>Wow, haven't been down to the Cafe in awhile and you all are up to 70 pages here in Sinner's Alley!! I can't believe this thread is still going. It is too funny. Could we possibly be this funny in person? Momsdream, your joke was a scream! Sent it to D #1, the kid with the "Republicans for Voldemort" bumper sticker on her car.</p>
<p>Ok, here's a joke. It's a little dated--someone probably posted it 20 pages ago but I didn't read all the postings so I may have missed it.</p>
<p>"What's Bush's opinion on Roe versus Wade?</p>
<p>He doesn't care how people get out of New Orleans."</p>
<p>That's funny (and sad) on several levels.</p>
<p>Here's my chance for an easy Honors entry on my resume and application! Post #1400 on the Sinner's Alley thread! But I don't have anything to say, so I'll give the quick answer to Momsdream, and doddsmom can elaborate later. We live in Germany. </p>
<p>Wait, doddsson has the resume and he's the one applying to college...How could I get that mixed up???</p>