<p>I love not having relatives sometimes
We have a tradition of going to the local zoo for dinner- no really ;)
My younger daughter has anxiety/OCD/ADHD... something that made family gatherings intolerable- especially when she was younger because she couldn't behave to their expectations- and having it at home was even worse.
Our local zoo has a catered dinner in an enclosed area with cement floors!
very attractive when I was concerned about her throwing her entire plate to the floor/across the room.
We kept going when oldest worked at the zoo & eating yards away gave her less time to be away from her precious ponies
But with kids- doing something for a couple years becomes a tradition- and their expectation- so we again will be eating with the elephants and the falcons!
I do kinda miss cooking holiday dinner- but I like experimenting- my family not so much-
( we go away for winter break too! highly recommend it- no cooking- lots of snow- we have a whole set of "relatives" that we only see once a year* well the ones that live in our neighborhood we see more*- we don't have to worry about imposing because we are paying for it-only drive when we want to- the kids are trapped with us!)</p>
<p>As for advice to children-- When I was about 14, my dad, a gruff WASP, advised me: "Marry a Jew; they're good to their women."</p>
<p>Slugg, I thought you were all coming this way. I have you signed up for the handwriting analysis talk in the mountains and Thanksgiving at the beach. A little bottle of local white and trout! Lufthansa has the best rates right now.</p>
<p>Overseas, that sounds wonderful! The mountains, the beach, some smoked trout, and a heavenly glass of white wine. Lovely. ;) </p>
<p>Ideas, so far:</p>
<p>~Hide out at Jmmom's house.
~Put BastardlyFutureIn-Law to work in the kitchen.
~Find a fun, new place to have dinner (e.g. the zoo).
~Find out where Lufthansa flies and go there! :)
~Make a reservation for everybody at a nice, local restaurant (my idea). </p>
<p>~Fly to Vegas and have dinner with Elvis impersonators.
~Introduce BFIL to EvilNeighbors and hope that they talk him out of coming to dinner at my house. :o
~Lock the front door, turn off the porch light, and hightail it over to the restaurant where we met for Bay Area Klatch I.
~Bribe the guy's elderly parents to stay in town and have dinner with their son. Oy!</p>
<p>My mother gave me this advice: when considering a girlfriend, look at her mother. Sooner or later, a girl turns into her mother. Can you picture yourself married to a version of her mother in 40 years?</p>
<p>Likewise for boys. They turn into their fathers as they age.</p>
<p>AND...for the girl....when looking at a boyfriend, watch how he treats his mother becasue you will be treated in the same way. </p>
<p>"Uh oh."</p>
<p>My ideas:
1. Invite another pompous bastard to a CATERED buffet dinner so the two of them can have a pi$$ing match while the rest of you hide out in the kitchen drinking gobs of lovely wine. (Figured if he's a medical muckity muck, he MUST be pompous. * says the architect who once had 4 different cardiologists as clients*).</p>
<ol>
<li> Hire a few sleazy male strippers as after dinner entertainment so the bastards will discourage their son from marrying into your insane family--'cause we don't wanna to do this wedding, slugg! Really. Try to appear as nuts as possible. This could work?</li>
</ol>
<p>I think cheer's Dueling Pompous Bastard plan should rocket to the top of the list. :D</p>
<p>She has a pretty good long term plan for getting the guy out of your life, too ;).</p>
<p>
[quote]
My mother gave me this advice: when considering a girlfriend, look at her mother. Sooner or later, a girl turns into her mother. Can you picture yourself married to a version of her mother in 40 years?
[/quote]
<em>de-lurking for an oh-so-characteristic cynical comment</em>
No wonder no guys like me, if that's what they've been told to think. :rolleyes:</p>
<p>tyearsg, I can assure you that looking at your mom at 15 can be troubling. We can be oh so hard on our folks at that age. To be honest, it is o.k. to be that way. Just be kind. I held my 96 year olds hands the other day and marveled at her strength and beauty. Nothing ever stays the same! ;)</p>
<p>overseas: You're absolutely right, and I do try not to judge people... it's just, I sincerely hope I'll have the strength to avoid the scary, irrational raging/blaming/accusing/crazymaking behavior I'm used to getting at home. I've posted about it here before, asking for advice--sorry if it didn't make sense out of context.</p>
<p>It's just my gloomy, awful sense of humor. :)</p>
<p>tyg, there ARE exceptions! if you strive to be different from your mom, in ways important to you, you will succeed.</p>
<p><em>Back to our regularly scheduled, irreverant Sinner's Alley nonsense</em></p>
<p>tyg - glad to see you back. Hang in there.</p>
<p>Yes. Back to nonsense.</p>
<p>I have caught sight of myself in plate glass windows and had momentary shock that I'd just seen my mother, followed by total HORROR that it was, indeed, ME I'd just seen. :eek:</p>
<p>TYG-- I have tried to be very different than my mother in certain ways. I think the challenge is not to be defined by the parental rubric. </p>
<p>You try to be "not like" or "like" but either way you are buying into a certain rubric-- this is why you see the grandma strict, the mom indulgent, the daughter strict-- oscillating back and forth between extremes. I think it is more helpful to try for "middle ground," but this can be harder to do because you have to have the courage to retain SOME of what you didn't like-- the appropriate part-- or the courage to forge a whole new path that is not the "opposite of" anything.</p>
<p>My parents were visiting recently and my wife remarked how different my dad and I were. The areas she pointed out were a conscious decision I made not to emulate.</p>
<p>Abbreviated Aries dating rules:</p>
<p>*He'll never treat you with any more respect than he treats his mother. If his mother is not in the picture and there isn't an adult female whom he looks up to, run.
*Ditto to waitresses. Does he tip well? Is he polite?
*How does he treat his ex-girlfriends? Does he speak well of them, or does he subtly (or overtly) put them down? (This is coming from Aries, who has had the crappiest boyfriends ever... but, see below)
*How does he feel about your guy friends, your dad, and your ex-boyfriends-who-are-still-friends? My last b/f got all snippy about my friendships with my exes - insecurity coming through, which really manifested itself in the constant stream of "data" about how women are less intelligent than men. Ugh! Anyway... also on the list is dads - the men who have been the best to me recognize how important my dad is to me; the worst ones are afraid of him.
*Never, ever date the son of an elementary school teacher. Son will cry when someone takes his toys away and tells him that nap time is over. (Okay, okay, I'm cynical. Dated too many of them, and they all threw fits.)
*Is he from the South, or does he think that the '70s was all about having emotionless sex and hooking up in lieu of dating?
*Sports affiliation: real women don't date Yankees fans. :p</p>
<p>ThisYear'sGirl: Drop a PM or an email if you need to vent. All I can tell you is that it's easier to deal with when you get older than it is at your age. Years from now, you'll be able to actually call them on their behaviour without fear of being sent to your room... but more importantly, you can have a relationship on your own terms.</p>
<p>TYG: You came here for advice? :D I brought my dog in today, and before you delurked, we were all placing bets on how many times she would wag her tail in her sleep. We're trying not to get confused by the occasional involuntary paws-running-after-rabbits movement. That's how deep we go in Sinner's Alley!</p>
<p>Well, I can't believe I haven't spent time here before -- I started to read this thread, and at page 19, I discovered that it goes on for 76 pp. I guess I'm just not dedicated enough to read everything, so I'll just order my cadillac margarita and take a quiet seat in the corner. I'll try not to be in the way!</p>
<p>That's just to get me out of the doghouse. I spent an entire 30 minute drive home with a 15 year old who's driving me to drink, lecturing him (o.k. sometimes loudly) about attitude adjusments required for his future health and well being on this planet. But this thread, especially sluggs misspoken words post, has cheered me up considerably -- thanks!!! Maybe I'll order the monster size (or wicked large) margarita instead.</p>
<p>Okay, now that I know sjmom does not come from San Jose, I have a new theory: people who say "wicked large" tend to have had a foot in Maine at one time or another. ;)</p>
<p>LOL jmmom. I have been to Maine, and I think it's just lovely -- would love to live there some day. "Wicked large" was just one of the adjustments I had to make to east coast living. I still haven't figured out what to call soft drinks. Growing up in California everything, including 7-Up, Dr. Pepper and Root Beer, was called "Coke." Then we lived in Canada, and I can't remember what we called it, but in the Midwest, it was all "Pop." Now on the east coast, I usually say "soda" or soft drink, but I think I'm better off sticking with a margarita!</p>
<p>sjmom - You now have another thread to discover, but this one you'll have to hunt for: the "coke" vs "pop" vs "soda" vs "soft drink" vs. I-don't-know-what-else thread. Yes, here on cc, we've done it all.</p>
<p><em>all the important issues</em></p>
<p>sluggbugg, that's exactly why I come here. :) My reply to cheers was a joke that ended up not making sense out of context ...</p>
<p>I'll just grab a Coke and relax. :)</p>