<p>I survived. FBIL brought a blowtorch and it wasn't a cute, little culinary sugar torch. He brought the kind of blowtorch that welders use, with an 8" open flame. His kitchen is being remodeled, and he couldn't find his gourmet cooking tools, so he grabbed the nearest thing in his garage. The idea was to brown the sugar on top of his creme brul</p>
<p>SB, how was yours? You had a house full, didn't you?</p>
<p>Yeah! Forget college selection! If they don't need to borrow any money from me, am I gonna care what they studied when they come home for the holidays over the next few decades? Nope, but my happiness will be heavily invested in their choice of spouse....for the rest of my life!</p>
<p>Waaaaaaaaah! We want DIL and SIL selection rights!</p>
<p>Like, hey! Potsmoking is an unacceptable EC. Get outta here! </p>
<p>And...by the way....who told you that you could apply to our family without a sense of humour? ;) Knnnnnnnot! </p>
<p>And yes, I'm afraid say, your parents must interview for the position. Blowtorch wielding control freaks will be rejected.</p>
<p>Waaaaaaaaaahhhhh!</p>
<p>LOL you crazy nut folks.</p>
<p>bean-i-tude. Perfect!!!</p>
<p>Rent: THE movie to bring your boyfriend to for a matinee--
*he'll be so happy that you aren't a skanky smack ho, he'll appreciate you even more
*he'll be grateful you haven't left him for a woman (yet)
AND
*he will be so happy to leave all that inane singing (let's face it: 3 good songs out of, what, eleven?) that you will be in for a great evening.</p>
<p>Well, Slugg, think of it this way, when the kids get married and you commit hari kari, FBIL can whip out his welder and cauterize the wound. Sounds like he might have been much more fun in his pot-smoking days, happily scarfing overcooked beans and topping off with a Hunt's snap-top butterscotch pudding!</p>
<p>My TG was pretty darn good. (1) H cooked all the hard stuff, leaving me only sous chef duties and the "accolade" dishes-- desserts. (2) D was back from school and the whole house temporarily (but beautifully) resumed its normal vibe/orbit. (3) My mom, his mom, D's bio mom and I all meshed reasonably well, aided by roughly 1.5 bottles of excellent wine per adult. (My dad commented happily to my sister what a great dinner it was, and added genially "and no fighting!") (4) My sister dropped her ne'er do well BF much to the entire family's relief. We all gave thanks! </p>
<p>One negative was my mother, who brought her dog-- a very SICK puppy. Seriously, this is a rescue dog who has gotten nothing but 100% love and is MUCH more weird and traumatized-acting than he was when he was rescued ABOUT SIX YEARS AGO. He used to be fairly normal and dog like but a bit skittish. NOW, he will not eat except human food, from my mother's hand. He cannot be put down. He needs to be in full body contact with my mother 24/7. I mean, this dog acts like a 18 month old human!! I hate this dog (and PRAY he will soon cross the Rainbow Bridge.) My sister says it's not the dog; it's all symbolic. She's right. It is not the dog; it's that my mother is a very lack-luster grandmother to my kids, and it steams me that this dog gets 10x the attention from her that they do. GRRRRRR! </p>
<p>HOWEVER my MIL was absolutely great to have. She is nearly 80 yet she is full of fun, **** & vinegar. She adores my kids and really puts in the time and effort so they feel that. She will schlepp across the country happily and eat out of their hands. </p>
<p>All in all a nice evening (evil dog was put in car for dinner, so dinner was truly PERFECT.) </p>
<p>Vow: Xmas alone with nuclear family on desert island.</p>
<p>LOL, SB! :D :D A thumbs-up from your dad, no more n'er-do-well FBIL (sister's b/f), and you had a great MIL to balance out Evildog and Evildog's owner. ;) No one put a hex on your turkey, so it was a good Thanksgiving! </p>
<p>What is it about old bags and their crazy dogs? My mom had a Yorkie who was like a third boob. She fed it Oreo cookies, and it had a smoker's cough exactly like hers, except in miniature. Sheesh. It finally died (big surprise), but not until she had it operated on several times to repair a hernia that was protruding from its a<strong>! As if the hernia weren't horrible enough to look at, she would take her finger and shove the a</strong> bubble back into place, and the dog would just stand there like a zombie and let her do it, instead of biting her like any normal dog would have done. It was probably too weak from smoking cigarettes to even notice! :p</p>
<p>I always wondered if her vet was ever brave enough to ask her if the dog chain-smoked all day long because of its smoker's cough, but this little dog was probably paying for his new sailboat, so I imagine not. Btw, "old bag" is actually a term of endearment in my family, simply because it's not prefaced by a litany of descriptive swear words. My sister warned me that the Yorkie was quickly replaced by a Schnauzer/Dachshund mix from Hell who eats its own poop. Our mom got it from some "friend," who told her that the dog was more than she could handle. Music to my mom's ears because she fancies herself as a one-woman ASPCA.</p>
<p>Before I get a bunch of PM's on how to break a dog from eating sh** all day long, I know it's a behavioral problem, and there are ways to train a dog not to do this. Fun ways that I won't go into detail about, at the moment. Besides, it's my mom, and she has an aversion to sensible solutions. And, after a martini, or two, I can tolerate the sh**-eating Schnauzer from Hell. :D</p>
<p>OMG, slugg, don't do this to me! I cannot be laughing & snorting & having coffee come out my nose at 10am in the office, no one will believe I am working.</p>
<p>One question, did yo mama wash her finger after the quickie hernia repairs. Put me on the WL for your first book, magazine article, etc. You crack me up :D</p>
<p>Do update us on the driveway saga one of these days!</p>
<p>Cheers, hahahahahah! :D I actually have a gong, and I'm not afraid to use it! Not a bong, a GONG, like the old Gong Show. </p>
<p>Slacker, n'er-do-well b/f shows up...GONG!! </p>
<p>Blowtorch-wielding, control freak FBIL invites himself to dinner...GONG!! </p>
<p>Underage g/f with lawyer parents walks through the door...BZZZZT, GONG!! You are ouuuu-tta here! ;)</p>
<p><<the sh**-eating="" schnauzer="" from="" hell="">></the></p>
<p>And I thought I had the only one!</p>
<p>We have reached a new low here, even for Sinners Alley. I don't think I need to elaborate. :p</p>
<p>Change of subject anyone?</p>
<ul>
<li>how <em>do</em> these folks manage to be so clever and funny with such degenerate material? -</li>
</ul>
<p><em>shakes head in awe</em></p>
<p>Somemom, believe it that everyone in the room had their eyes glued to that finger to make sure that she washed it off with hot water and industrial-strength handsoap. We would all watch to see what she was touching before somebody could herd her toward a sink and a bottle of antibacterial soap. :::eww::: She had every intention of washing that finger off, but she'd get distracted along the way and move somebody's cell phone or grab a pen to write something down. We were always in a state of hyperalertness, like air traffic controllers or submariners or meerkats. :)</p>
<p>New low? Methinks new heights. Someone go get Cur. How was his Thanksgiving I wonder? We know about TheDad and tsdad from their other thread. Along with beururah. Jmmom, have you narrated yours yet? Anyone else? I know, it's difficult with the SBMom and Slugg Joycean Ulysses versons but hey, pitch on in.</p>
<p>Slugg. Enough martinis and you might put the dog in the oven by mistake. The hernia count as stuffing?</p>
<p>Was it Carolyn whose mom recycled the Thanksgiving peas? This inquiring mind wants to know if she recycled the peas, again! :)</p>
<p>
[quote]
The hernia count as stuffing? --Alumother
[/quote]
</p>
<p>:::snort:::LOL:::eww::: :o</p>
<p>It's a celebration day. SluggS submitted his UC app this morning. It's slowly sinking in that we are finished with college apps...forever. At least, I think we are. So far, there are no more colleges on his radar, and I'm going to say (tentatively) that we are...fini. Woot! :) Barkeep, drinks are on me, today.</p>
<p>a third boob.... exactly!!!!!!!!! ROTFALMAO!</p>
<p>Not to alarm anyone but I have just noticed that slugg's (very funny) post at 11:48 is numbered with the "mark of the beast". Co-inky-dinky? I think not.
Get thee behind me Sluggie.</p>
<p>The Elm Creek Ranch Thanksgiving Dinner and a Show was a double celebration as Mudgerella turned 18 that very day. Pretty cool.Traditional, just friends and our newk-clure family. All in all, a happy time.</p>
<p>skol to mudge & daughter!</p>
<p>I had quite a Thanksgiving dinner at my sister's house. She has a Martha-Stewart-perfect, huge dining room with every sort of fancy item for the table, many antiques, silver, crystal, china, flowers, etc. Very proper, very fancy.Two tables were set for 21 guests. One of the guests was my sister's father-in-law who has rather severe dementia. (He was kind of a naughty old guy before the dementia, now he is naughty with no inhibitions.) He couldn't get his chair up to the table too far so his chair stuck out back-to-back with one of the chairs at the other table--guess who got that chair? So I had to suck in my tummy and slide into my chair, but oh, dear, there was the table leg as well. So I was sort of perched there, half hanging over the table with the elderly grandpa's chair backed up against mine and I couldn't really move (or breathe). </p>
<p>Grandpa was saying all sorts of inappropriate things at dinner, trying to discuss diseases one does not discuss at the dinner table, asking my D to marry him, advising me to purchase contraceptives, and so on. The most amazing remark was as my sister, the hostess, leaned over to serve him some pie for dessert. (Think of the logistics.) He asked my saintly sister if he could...hmmm...engage in an activity with her normally enjoyed by couples who are in a serious relationship. She just calmly said no, and would he like pecan pie or pumpkin. Quite a disconnect with the formal surroundings and ambiance.</p>
<p>My three favorite things about the dinner are the mashed potatoes, the stuffing, and the cranberries. The potatoes were an unfortunate disaster, made with sour cream, and they tasted like something had gone seriously wrong. The dressing, made by my husband, was bizarrely dry, with the bread cubes strangely whole. We discovered that my H forgot to add any of the chicken broth! And the cranberries...brought by one of the guests...cranberry soup would describe it. (We did have a wonderful new chocolate-pumpkin-Heathbar torte that I did love.)</p>
<p>Note to family: next year, supervise husbands who are cooking. Put Grandpa at end of table (not next to any younger females). Make regular potatoes. Make cranberries ourselves. Make chocolate-pumpkin-Heathbar torte again. And have more wine before dinner.</p>
<p>bookiemom, excellent tale, thanks for sharing! Next year, if you like, I'll sit next to Grandpa-- just to get the sort of proposition I have not heard since the '90's.... but could you put a Mick Jagger wig on him for full effect?</p>
<p>getting psyched up for our big vacation- if we didn't go away at xmas for a week- we would never get through the year.
( and they would probably call my H in to work)
same people every year- but we aren't related to them!
the owners Grandmas Spode for xmas day diner and Grandmas rib recipe for xmas eve. lots of kids- one girl will be telling us what it is like to be a freshman at Smith , one boy will be turning in his college applications- two high school sophmores including D2- lots of middle and smaller kids, some of them giving the older ones a run for their money!
One family who came last year for the first time- and is planning to come back this year- the dad is a neuro prof at the UW and went to Reed- he and my daughter had a great chat ( so there are some new people I lied)
Two tables so we can work it so the kids sit at one and the adults at the other- they like it better that way- and it was a lifesaver when they were small and I needed a break--
we have been there so often that I have read about all the books- ( this will be 18 years!)- but there is a coffee table full of all kinds of people magazines that I would never read-;) ( I don't really go to the doctor enough, to get to read magazines)
I also enjoy reading books to the younger kids- even though mine still "let me", it just isnt' the same.
that reminds me of another guilty pleasure- giving advice to young parents! ( I don't tell labor or nursing stories so you can breathe out now)
I do nod knowingly though- and tell them that for several years- I had one kid who refused to sit at the table-and that wasn't the half of it- it makes them feel better to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel</p>