Our swimmer ended up having some great choices and narrowed down his list during the summer before his senior year. He started contact with coaches in September of junior year and began with maybe 20 schools he was interested in - DI and DIII based on where he would fit on the team and his academic interests. He was invited to some junior days that he attended and also visited schools/coaches over the course of the year. This really helped him to clarify what he wanted. He accepted official visits to five schools, but ended up only going on four as he felt one of the schools was bigger than he wanted. The official visits were in September and he LOVED all of his visits - certainly a highlight for him. All of the coaches were supportive and seemed transparent throughout the process. Some were more consistent with him over the course of the year and I think that influenced him a bit, but not as much as you would think. They all pretty much told him that he had their support for admissions before the official visits, which was good for him as some can go on official visits but not be offered spots or a coach’s support. He realized he was in a great position, but it was still difficult to make a decision on where he wanted to be as he truly connected with all of the schools, teams, coaches and just needed to decide.
In the end, he chose the school and team where he felt most comfortable and would be able to pursue his academic interests and be part of a competitive and fast swim environment. He committed to his top choice (an Ivy) at the end of September. Although he had a pre-read conducted before his official visit (all Ivy schools do this to make sure you are recruitable), once he gave his commitment, he had to wait two weeks for admissions to give their initial acceptance (phone call and email reiterating acceptance) and then in December received the official acceptance (when all EA candidates receive theirs). It was much more stressful than any of us imagined - even with things aligning as well as they did for him. We really encouraged the official visits as we knew it was important for him to see what the team/school/coaches were like over the course of a few days. Most of the coaches told us at any time we could inquire as to where our son stood as far as recruiting, which was helpful.
My advice would be to have your son/daughter keep in regular contact with coaches, but don’t overdo it - each coach is different. Some coaches wanted weekly updates, others not so much. Our son would update the coaches after swim meets, when test scores were received, to touch base, to share news and/or to inquire about team. Figure out what is important as far as the team goes - where do they want to be - top end of swimmers on the team? kids to chase? big fish? small fish? In the beginning of the recruiting stages, our son had D1 and D3 schools all with strong academics, but he narrowed down his list as time went on and he discovered more of what he wanted. Over the course of his junior year, he communicated mostly through email and phone calls with the coaches. Some coaches came to visit our club team to watch our son swim and/or home visits in the summer, which was nerve-wracking for our son, but I believe meant a lot to him. Our son did most of the communicating. We did communicate with the coaches when we took our son to visit schools and also during home visits. Towards the end, my husband did have some communication, but mostly about financial aid/merit money and the timeline.
Realize that the list of schools can change based on performance or projected performance. Our son had some great swims in December and over the summer of his junior year and then had more interest from some schools (although he ended up sticking with the ones he was interested in the beginning of the recruiting process). Your son/daughter will build a relationship with the coaches and for our son, it was difficult to make the phone call to turn down a school - something that you can lose sight of as the process unfolds. We got to know the coaches as well from home visits and school visits, so it is tricky all around. I know rules on recruiting have changed this year, but I would encourage your son/daughter to have patience - our son did not express his commitment until the end of September of his senior year. He did not feel pressure to commit early from any of the coaches and they recognized that he was a kid who needed time. He could have verbally committed earlier, but we really encouraged him to take the official visits. However, if your son/daughter feels that they have found the perfect fit, then I can understand wanting to commit early. I also strongly agree to base the decision mostly on the school as coaches leave, programs change and injuries can happen.
In the end, we witnessed our son mature, come out of his shell and learn how to have a conversation - difficult ones when necessary. When it was all said and done, he knew what he wanted and we supported him. There are so many great programs/schools/teams/coaches and getting everyone (swimmer/parents) to see the big picture is important. Our son is so excited and can’t wait to become part of the team and school. We are so thrilled for him! Good luck! Feel free to message me if you have any further questions.