<p>Yes indeed. 
And you? Project underway?</p>
<p>Well, on the empty nest theme, my H scheduled us to take a trip immediately after drop-off, to my brother-in-lawās condo in CO. Heās going to fish, and Iām going to bring my sewing stuff. Too many UFOs (quilt-speak for Un-Finished Objects, for those of you who are uninitiated)!</p>
<p>Iām not sure H quite meant to combat the empty nest blues in this way - he often takes off to fish right after school starts and the kids are back in their schedules. Except this time I can go, too!</p>
<p>The funny thing is D1 will be between internships, so sheās going to fly out and JOIN US. Um, defeats the purpose? But as many people have said, when theyāre out of college and working, time together is precious, especially when their jobs are far away.</p>
<p>Weāll take our ārealā empty nest trip eventually ā¦ but the next vacation scheduled is a graduation celebration with both girls to Disney in January (D1 will be between internships again, and says sheāll come even if she has to be unemployed to do so!). So Iām not exactly sure when this traveling together thing is going to happen. Thatās OK - weāll have LOTS of time together at home, which Iām actually looking forward to.</p>
<p>Enjoy every moment of your time together. We hope to follow in your footsteps with a trip to Disney!</p>
<p>My nest is far from empty - only 1 of the three gone. BUT, yesterday (Labor Day) I had the time to (a) change the pictures that had been magneted to the fridge since about March of 2009, and (b) change the clothes of 11 American Girl dolls who had been wearing their Christmas outfits since November of 2009.</p>
<p>There is this joke about a Muslim, a Christian, and a Jew having a conversation about when life starts. The Christian insists that it starts at the time of conception, whereas the Muslim is in favor of life starting when the baby is born. The Jew, asked about his opinion, laughs and says: āYou guys have gotten it all wrong. Life starts when the last child leaves the house and the dog dies!ā</p>
<p>I am starting to accustom myself to the idea of my first child going off to college. I still have a 4-year-old at home, so itās not that dramatic, but I have to start getting used to the idea already, anyway. I saw this movie lately (canāt think of the title) where the kid leaves for college, and Mom has to go sit in the car, because she is crying. It hit me then, that thatās gonna be me soon enoughā¦</p>
<p>One idea I have not seen on this thread is using this time to re-connect with old friends. Last year with one child in college and one in HS (my nest is half-empty or half-full depending on how you look at it) I spent a weekend in NYC with my college roommate. We have kept in touch all this time, but due to living about 700 miles apart hadnāt seen each other in about 25 years. The weekend was terrific and I felt as if we had seen each other the day before. We stayed up until 3AM talking the first night! </p>
<p>And yes, we plan to do this again.</p>
<p>empty nest rears its ugly head again! </p>
<p>i havenāt seen my youngest in almost a full year. i did see him for two days in june, but that was just so busy that i hardly knew he was here. heās home for most of this week and i so want to enjoy the time with himābut i find myself already dreading the goodbye! isnāt that silly? it makes me so angry with myself. i want to ālive in the momentā but i am sad knowing how hard it will be to say goodbye again for probably another yearā¦i just wasnāt prepared for this!</p>
<p>for those who would suggest that i get a life, i understand how you could feel that way, but i do indeed have a pretty busy life. and i keep this sadness a secret from almost everyone i know.</p>
<p>oh well, itās good to come here and say anonymously how i feel ā and so much easier!</p>
<p>wbow, Iām sorry to hear that things are still sad. Momselba, loved the joke.</p>
<p>ShawWife thought she would feel miserable. She actually so dreaded it that she stayed away for the first week+ after dropping off ShawD and then we took a long weekend in Boulder and then she went up to Toronto to help her mother after knee replacement surgery. She was sure she would cry when we left ShawD, but ShawD was so happy and in a place that seems so good for her that ShawD didnāt cry once (and she cried when each kid left for kindergarten, middle school, probably HS, at all movies that have the remotest sadness, at Americaās Got Talent auditions, etc.). </p>
<p>Instead of feeling bad, she (and I) are having a very good time thus far (one month into it). I expected to, but her feelings are a surprise. </p>
<p>All the traveling, incidentally, meant that ShawWife visited ShawD once for 2 hours and another time with me when we took her out to dinner. Before returning home after dropping ShawD off, she helped her sister set up an installation at big public art thing. By the end of this, ShawWife was desperate to get to work. Weāre now at home and sheās hard at work, with a new direction (still experimental). What helps here is that she loves her work or rather is driven by it emotionally in a way ā her work has big elements of self-expression. The new series of work has, at one level, to do with travel and rootedness.</p>
<p>Weāre spending enjoyable time together. Weāre socializing at the almost painful (to me) level that we did pre-kids. [This weekend, we went to see a movie on Friday night. Saturday: yoga class, drop my cappuccino maker off at a repair place 45 minutes away, shop at an Eileen Fisher outlet store sale, get her and me customized lenses for glasses to go with Euro-style frames, went to an art opening and had a couple from the opening over for dinner. Sunday: Bike ride together, Brunch at friends a few towns away, I had to leave for a couple of conference calls while she went to Costco on the way home, dinner for another couple].</p>
<p>Iām likely to have a trip to Milan in a couple of months. Unlike the many years with kids when she stayed home, she can now come with me if she wishes (I travel too much and to too many places for her to come every time, but for cool places like Milan or London or Stockholm or Barcelona or even Singapore, she can now come sometimes). Iāll be busy but Iāll undoubtedly stay in a relatively nice hotel (paid for by clients) and she can check out the art there and talk to galleries and then we can spend the weekend someplace nice. </p>
<p>I did have dinner on my travels with ShawWifeās cousin and his wife. Their kids are in grad school and post-doc, one near us. They said that they just found themselves increasing their responsibilities at work and are very happy.</p>
<p>I still havenāt gotten started on the book project that I see as an extension of my pro bono activities and that should fill empty nest time if I have any, but Iām working pretty hard. My current project is a diet. Iāve lost 15 pounds or so. Then to exercise and then who knows.</p>
<p>wbow, for living in the moment, itās not something Iām good at, but how about meditation and yoga? I donāt know that yoga really does much for me spiritually, though it feels good. But, meditation in principle should help in that direction. ShawWife and I are going to do a meditation retreat sometime. Maybe that could help.</p>
<p>wbowā¦that seems like it would be very hard to do. i totally understand how you could feel that way. i hope you enjoy the visit and hope the future will bring you closer to your child.</p>
<p>wbowāsorry youāre still sad. Just seeing your S for a few hours or days/year must be so hard for you. </p>
<p>I do miss having more communication with our kids than we do but am very happy for them because theyāre excited about their new lives and we canāt NOT be. Weāre also very busy at this point of our livesāme with my nonprofit that is growing pretty dramatically these days and H with the increasing responsibilities and his mentoring a young co-worker. We have been fortunate that we are able to see the kids from time to time. As soon as we hear from S, we plan to book our trip so we can visit him & D in Nov/Dec. They are both also planning to spend some time with us for Christmas, so that will be nice as well. I am very fortunate that my work does make travel easier and I am able to visit my kids sometimes and sometimes theyāve been able to spend time with us as well.</p>
<p>i will be ok. i will be ok. i will be ok.</p>
<p>i get so worked up about all of thisāi must need help!</p>
<p>wbow, I always think Iām sad for me, not for them. If the child is off, being happy and successful, then thatās great. But that doesnāt keep a parent from missing her child.</p>
<p>trueāi am happy for them! more than happy for them! but sad for meāthat is correct.</p>
<p>wbow, I am remembering the note I wrote to DS the first time he went to sleep-away camp: Missing the people you love is OK; it is part of loving them.</p>
<p>If we can miss our children without standing in their way, we are doing alright. </p>
<p>I had a tough time the first year, in spite of a demanding new job, friends, etc. I put up a brave front but was walking around with a giant hole in my heart. The hole got smaller in the second year, then was hardly noticeable by the third year. Itās been 5 years now and I still miss him, but it is not an ache any more.</p>
<p>I hope you feel a bit more at peace soon.</p>
<p>Agree with the aboveāit does get easier over time, especially when we remember that our kids are living their lives and thriving.</p>
<p>Some small, unexpected perks of empty-nesting:
- carpooling with DH is a pleasant option, not a requirement due to shared cars
- no worrying about kids out late on the road
- with only two of us, I throw pots and pans and big bowls in the dishwasher
- we donāt run out of milk between shopping trips
- DSās room is now the āvacuum closetā. His closet has my out of season clothes
- no stack of college mail in the kitchen
- no unexpected sentences starting with, āOh, Momā¦ā</p>
<p>It definitely gets easier over time. The first day without my kids was awful. Then, suddenly, it wasnāt awful. I still catch myself thinking, "I have to get home and make dinner (or pick up DD), but find itās nice NOT to have to do those things. DS and I talk daily, and DD and I text. I miss them, but am happy on my own.</p>
<p>Traveling with no worries. I had a trip to Sao Paulo planned and a client asked if I could go to Basel. I scheduled it prior to SP and flew from Boston to Basel and am in London on the way to SP. In the old days, I would have tried to get home in between.</p>
<p>colmomto2, I walk past the kidsā rooms and wonder for a second if they are in their rooms asleep (room is dark at night) and then realize, they are off at college.</p>
<p>For one week, beginning in a couple hours, my nest will not be as empty. D is coming to visit. I will pamper her to the best of my ability. She has been on her own financially since grad in May.</p>
<p>Just spent Thanksgiving with my kids in their college town. It just seemed easier to go to them than to bring them home to me. We had a great time - shopping, eating, shopping, eating, playing cards, shopping, watching football, eating, shopping, etc. I am now back home and missing them terribly. </p>
<p>Ugh! Thought I was past feeling the empty nest, but find I miss them more now than when I first dropped them off at school this past Fall. Thought I was keeping busy and filling in the gaping hole they left when they went off to school. Apparently, Iām not doing as well as I thought. DD, especially, didnāt want me to leave yesterday. Itās been a rough first semester for her, but I think she will be fine. The good news? They will be home for Christmas in a few weeks. Wish I could hug them today.</p>