<p>Thanks, too, khsstiches. You have a very positive outlook on finding happiness. Since my life has been in turmoil in recent months, I tend to read about people enjoying their empty nest time and think that their happy, perfect lives are out of reach for me. I guess some of us just have to look a little harder. Thanks for putting things in perspective.</p>
<p>We homeschooled our children, so my whole identity was wrapped up in being a homeschool mom. Last summer, as the time approached for our youngest to leave, I was not happy at all. Wellā¦in one way I was happy. Senior year was pretty rough. S2 is disorganized and the whole application process was monumentally stressful. He also developed a pretty bad attitude during that time. So, I wanted him to leave, but I didnāt want him to leave. I cried a lot.</p>
<p>Coming home to the empty house after dropping S2 off was painful. I remember one time when I started crying at the grocery store, because I picked up a bottle of grape juice out of habit, then realized I didnāt need grape juice since S2 was the one who drank it and he didnāt live at home anymore.</p>
<p>But, after a couple of weeks of sniffling, I looked around and realized this wasnāt half bad. H and I really reconnected, just like lots of people say often happens. It was pretty surprising. My relationship with each of our 3 kids has improved after they moved out. They call often, and of course there is facebook and email, so I am still very much involved in their lives.</p>
<p>I think someone said in this thread something about not needing to parent anymore. Ha! This came as a big surprise to me, but I am still doing a lot of parenting. Sometimes itās relationship counseling on the phone, sometimes packing boxes with stuff various ones need me to send to them, and sometimes just listening to the latest stories the kids have to share. I still feel very needed, and I like that.</p>
<p>In addition to parenting, I have stepped up my responsibilities in our family business, started working out (still trying to get more regular with that), took on a (very time consuming) position as the marketing chairman for a state association we belong to, and am contracting out some projects at home that have needed doing for a long time (painting, new carpet, etc.). Did you know that when you have painters come, you have to take all the books out of bookshelves so they can be moved? Then, since the books are out, you have to sort through them and figure out what to do with the ones you donāt want. You also have to take down all your pictures and drapes. I thought it was going to be so great because the painters would be doing all the work. Okay, they are still doing most of the work, but I am working, too! In a couple of weeks, Iāll be teaching vacation Bible school classes for 5 year olds, so that should be a fun change of pace. I am enjoying my life and am doing just fine with not being a homeschool mom anymore.</p>
<p>It might be a good idea to sticky this thread.</p>
<p>First off, how do you sticky threads? Yāall are getting me computer literate here.</p>
<p>Another question, with regard to homeschool mom, I often wonder, what is it like to send your child away to college when you have homeschooled them most of their life? That must be terrifying. We swam with a homeschooled girl, and she went to the local university, but is thinking of transferring to a state school in the Northwest, all the way from New Orleans? I cannot imagine what her mother must be going through.</p>
<p>Oh, yes, the home renovations. That is what this empty nester will be doing. Much needed kitchen repairs. Will probably wipe us out financially, but has to be done. Am anxious for son to go away so I can do that. Now, what to do with the ten cats during that time will be a challenge.</p>
<p>Definitely want to get back to swimming. Used to do that daily until school activities got in the way. Works wonders for your mental and physical well-being.</p>
<p>As for the grape juice, my son drinks white grape juice and eats malt-o-meal every morning. It will be very strange to not have to buy that anymore. Although I suspect I will be sending the malt-o-meal in care packages.</p>
<p>D #1 is not living at home this summer. Its a first. She has finished 2 years of college and had a job near school, so she and friends sublet an apartment. She is loving it and frankly, with jobs being very very scarce in our area, it was a smart move. Plus she was ready for the independence. She just had her first birthday not at home, #20. Now, there was indeed some sadness about that. It was strange. Iāve always done whatever they want for a cakeā¦and Iāve had some interesting requests over the years. But mail a cake? Not going to arrive in 1 piece. I did the next best thingā¦I sent a 5 pound Whoopie pieā¦it was a huge hit. It is HUGE and funā¦if you want a fun item to make your child happy and send something completely different, I suggest it. It was the next best thing to a cake. She thought she was getting cookies - HA! 
She, her roomies, and the guys across the hall were ALL very very happy.</p>
<p>Thanks for your replyās. D1 is still in deep trouble. She is beyond overcome in her grief. Any suggestions and or referrals are extremely welcome.</p>
<p>morrismm, I am sorry to hear about your daughter. Iām not an expert (though Iāve done a fair bit of reading) and I would think that getting any kind of counseling could help your daughter but that cognitive behavioral therapy could be particularly beneficial. It is obviously natural and rational to be sad when someone you love breaks up with you. But, to be overcome with grief for an more extended period suggests that sheās carrying with her some thoughts about her self, her value, her abilities to get what she wants (or something) that are really hampering her. CBT is designed to help her deal with those and in effect rewire her mental circuitry for the future.</p>
<p>Iām starting the empty nesting early. My rising junior D is in Toronto working for the summer in her uncleās lab. S is traveling for most of the month in preparation for going off to his freshman year. Shawbridgewife is traveling and Iām in Colorado starting my book and doing my annual āstrategic planning for lifeā retreat with my close friend.</p>
<p>Apparently, empty nesters are the new power brokers in DC: [The</a> Power of Empty Nesters - Page 1 - The Daily Beast](<a href=āThe Daily Beast: The Latest in Politics, Media & Entertainment Newsā>The Daily Beast: The Latest in Politics, Media & Entertainment News)</p>
<p>Excerpt: Somewhere, right now, people are probably compiling a list of Obama administration milestones: The first African-American president has been the first to increase fuel standards in more than a decade, the first to nominate a Latina to the Supreme CourtĀand so on, right down to White HouseĀs first-ever organic garden. To this list can be added one ĀfirstĀ that has gone largely unnoticed: For the first time, a critical mass of top-level White House staff are professional women with grown childrenĀa pioneering generation of empty nesters who have managed that fabled work/life balance at the highest professional levels and emerged with a set of qualifications unparalleled even in such a credential-rich town.</p>
<p>These empty nesters bring to the table not only executive-level experience in their chosen fields but also skills honed over years of simultaneous child-rearing: multitasking, time management, patience, unflappabilityĀeverything it takes to raise a child and hold on to a high-pressure job at the same time.</p>
<p>blackeyedsusan, I am happy that the people with grown children are having such a wonderful time in Washington. The situation for those with children still at home is far from ideal, however. See [A</a> āFamily Friendlyā White House Is Less So for Aides](<a href=āhttp://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/04/us/politics/04parents.html?scp=1&sq=family%20friendly%20white%20house%20proves%20less%20so%20for%20many%20aides&st=cse]Aā>http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/04/us/politics/04parents.html?scp=1&sq=family%20friendly%20white%20house%20proves%20less%20so%20for%20many%20aides&st=cse).</p>
<p>Those
that you mention often come at a high cost.</p>
<p>We kind of drifted in to the āempty nest,ā since S left in 2006 but D didnāt leave until Jan 2009. We had a preview when both were off for a month last summer to Taiwan. We havenāt moticed any huge changes other than less chauferring & itās easier to make impromptu plans & changes since there are only the two of us to consider. I can spend more time & energy with my non-profit without feeling Iām depriving the kids or hubby of time & attention now that the kids are pretty self-sufficient. Even tho D is home this summer, sheās busy with her friends, summer school & internship & mainly I am chief chauffer (she still only has her driverās permit). She adapts to my schedule or can catch the bus, so it has been working pretty well so far. She will go back to school in CA in 6 weeks & S will join here there for his senior year.</p>
<p>The most troublesome part of the empty nest for us for the moment is the dog. We used to never have to worry about what to do with her because there was always someone around. Now with the kids gone, H & I both have to schedule not only our own travel but care for the dog, too!</p>
<p>Yes, our dog is old and doesnāt do well in a kennel. He is blind on on daily medication. It has gotten to be a problem for us too. With the kids gone and us wanting to go visit them or take other weekend trips(aging parent in nursing home across the state), the dog has complicated things. I love dogs and we have always had one but have decided that this one will be our last because of the logistics.</p>
<p>My latest adventure: I just got cast as an old lady in a local production of āThe Producers.ā I think Iāll be one of the sweet, horny old ladies doing the walker dance!</p>
<p>I am so happy! When I went to auditions, there were at least 50 people there, and I obviously was the oldest one. Virtually everyone was at least 30 years younger than me. We had to sing and then --in a group ā learn a long dance combination. The dance audition took an hour, and I never ever learned the darned combination. I thought I did a good job, though, when at the end, they asked us to do the combination like we were old ladies! Not hard for me! I just continued to act forgetful!</p>
<p>Northstartmom, I swear I am coming to see you in one of these productions someday. Between this one and the previous one that you described you sound like a heck of a lot of funā¦and you said you canāt cook but I can, so we wouldnāt starve!!! You go, girl, and break a leg!!! In the most theater conscious sense of the phraseā¦donāt want you really needing a walker!</p>
<p>OMG, this was me last summer, very emotional and sad that my only daughter was going off to college. Husband and I have no parents, so we were really were facing a new phase, but after a small adjustment period, I started feeling like that old sexy gal I was 25 years ago when hubby and I did not have children. Husband and I made plans to go out more often, cook themed dinner every week (mexican, italian) etc and pursue some artistic things that we never really got a chance to explore. I started making jewelry, earrings, necklaces and husband pursued singing and playing acoustic guitar in restaurants. We actually had fun going to the different venues and meeting new people.
We enjoyed it so much and reconnected that it was a real adjustment when daughter came back home. We forgot how much energy and focus it takes when you are doing the day to day real time parenting.
For one thing my house was cleaner, there was bread and eggs in the fridge when you needed it and my daughterās room was clean.
Donāt get me wrong, I would never trade my daughter for anything in the world, but the empty nest is really a wonderful time to renew your own personal spirit, get in touch with single self and take care of your own needs and interests. Thing that we tend to neglect and forget about when we raise our children.</p>
<p>I mentioned somewhere before that I started doing pottery and enjoy it a lot after work and gym every evening. But, boy oh boy, I am so happy to have D home for summer, I love serving her and a little mess here and there, I feel that I am doing something more real. And soon grandkids are coming for 3 weeks. we have them every summer, they love to go to camp and we spend time with them after work. Soon they outgrow camp, just like our D did at around 11, so we are enjoying them while it lasts.</p>
<p>Wow, grandkids. Iām ready, but my children are not. So weāll wait a while longer, and it will be even more of a treat for me when it happens!</p>
<p>My older son is turning 40 this year. His D is 10. We have had them for awhile, they are fun. Unfortunately, they live very far away.</p>
<p>We just went through the 1st year being an empty nester. It was extremely hard but we survived. It just was that I was so involved in my Dsā lives for 24 years. It not like I didnāt have anything else to do b/c I have my own business and work 50-60 hrs per week but she was the last D to leave and I truly enjoyed spending time w/ her. When she left to attend school 4,000 miles away, I didnāt believe I would be able to breath. But we survived and I learning how to spend quality time with my husband and doing things I have put on the back burner for years. This fall when she leaves for school I have decided for my husband and I to take a trip just the two of us. We havenāt had a trip just the two of us for a very long time. Iām really looking forward to it.</p>