Some Colleges Allow Co-ed Dorm Rooms

Parents Forum
101

<p>I ran this thread topic past my daughter, who will be entering college this fall. She and I agree that coed rooms are a good thing, as long as the arrangement remains voluntary. </p>

<p>My daughter and I see coed rooms as the next logical step in “normalizing” an abnormal living situation. After all, college students who have grown up with just other-gender siblings are likely to find it abnormal to share a dorm room with someone of the same gender. Students who are Onlies (my daughter and I belong to this group), and who have a natural need for abundant solitude and privacy, are likely to find it abnormal to share a dorm room with anybody, regardless of gender. (Where else but college, the military, a nursing home, or prison are adults forced to live with and among strangers on a long-term basis?) </p>

<p>When I was an undergrad between 1971-75, coed dorms were practically unheard of. However, my gender-segregated freshman/sophomore and junior/senior dorms had open visitation, so I was as likely to encounter my same-gender dormmates as their (either gender) guests in the hallways and bathrooms at any time of the day or night. Guests were rarely a problem. During my senior year, the top two floors of my dorm went coed on an experimental, voluntary basis; I saw no change in my dorm floor’s social dynamic, aside from a greater number of residents developing casual-to-close male/female platonic friendships. I found coed dorm life to be more “normal” than gender-segregated dorm life, but as an Only, I always disliked dorm life. I expect that my Only daughter will dislike dorm life as well, so I am in favor any accommodation (such as coed rooms) which might make such an abnormal living situation more “normal” for her. </p>

<p>When my daughter enters college for the first time this fall, she will be in the same situation as KrazyKow (Post#5)--a female in a male-dominated major. My daughter has always had more (and closer) male friends than female friends, because she and her male friends have always had more shared academic and personal interests, and a more compatible approach to life. Also, my daughter prefers her friendships to be egalitarian, easy-going, and drama-free, so her male friends have always been good for her, and she has been a good female friend for them.</p>

<p>At college, my daughter will be living in a coed dorm which offers only same-gender rooms. She has told me that if her dorm should offer coed rooms at a future time, she would prefer having a male roommate, and--knowing that my daughter has always chosen good, nice guys as friends--I’d prefer that she have a male roommate, too. I’d rather my daughter have a male roommate she genuinely likes than a female roommate she merely tolerates.</p>

102

<p>"I mean really... give me a break. I have many male friends- gay and straight- who I know I could easily live with platonically."</p>

<p>I continue to think that it's no coincidence that it tends to be women who say this. I am not yet convinced of the existence of the straight male platonic friend (I mean, from the male's private point of view).</p>

103

<p>
[quote]
I continue to think that it's no coincidence that it tends to be women who say this. I am not yet convinced of the existence of the straight male platonic friend (I mean, from the male's private point of view).

[/quote]
</p>

<p>That is funny. I am afraid that I have to agree with it. At my age, I have seen it and done it. A platonic relationship is probable my only option. :mad: If I were 18, I could not confidentially say that I would not have more than platonic thought. :)</p>

104

<p>I continue to think that it's no coincidence that it tends to be women who say this. I am not yet convinced of the existence of the straight male platonic friend (I mean, from the male's private point of view).</p>

<p>Perhaps that is because I have noticed that women are more likely to think in shades of grey and men are either/or.
I normally hate making blanket statements but physically female brains have more connections between the halves so perhaps this is the reason?</p>

<p>Speaking for myself, I have had very good male friends, some I was vaguely attracted to, but since they were friends and I didn't want to lose them as a friend, I didn't think about dating them, until one of them, who I had thought about marrying in some very distant future, got married.
I had been happy as we were. oops.</p>

<p>I preferred dating people on the outskirts of my social circle so that when I stopped dating them, I didn't have to deal with it every day.
If I had been dating in college, I probably would have stuck to those outside the college or at least the dorm, but that isn't hard to do.
I don't want to have an ex- that I am going to have to let in to the building after his 3am date.
Living with someone doesn't really make them more attractive,( rather the opposite) but it does allow you to get to know them a little better.</p>

<p>I wonder if I am really unusual in that I preferred superficial dating for a while. I didn't want to delve into my boyfriends emotional goo. I wanted to have someone to go dancing with, that could teach me to work on my car and that would make my girlfriends envious.
I even dated a republican for a while ;)
Cause he was funny & fun and gorgeous.
and he liked to dance.
But if I had lived in the same dorm and shared a bathroom with him- I doubt if I would have gone out with him once, because knowing that he read Soldier of Fortune magazine, would have put him out of the running immediately.
Still I think it would have been worthwhile to get to know him, and college life, including shared dorms can facilitate that.</p>

<p>I'd agree that young men have a harder time thinking of women primarily as friends and not sexual partners- then again I have heard that men have a hard time not seeing sexual imagery in everyday objects at that age.</p>

<p>My daughter lived in dorms for three years that were co-ed and had shared bathrooms. However- since each floor had two bathrooms, they had option to have the bathrooms designated by sex- they chose to leave them open to who ever wanted to use them, but if even one person had disagreed, they would have been single sex.</p>

<p>There are still womens' floors in most schools I have heard of , and while I can understand the point of view against co-ed dorms ( not rooms I think that is another thing altogether), I also think that men can learn to check their impulses and behave appropriately- isn't that part of growing up?</p>

105

<p>"I'd agree that young men have a harder time thinking of women primarily as friends and not sexual partners- then again I have heard that men have a hard time not seeing sexual imagery in everyday objects at that age."</p>

<p>Bingo. And you can omit "at that age."</p>

106

<p>I really did not have to read this thread on cc, as the majority of posters are quite liberal, so no surprise here. Pretty much anything goes and we must pat ourselves on the back for our most enlightened liberal views. </p>

<p>Thank heavens there are still many who are religious and conservative and definitely value separate but equal housing. I can only hope that these male or female only dorm options won't disappear entirely.</p>

107

<p>As long as families utilize the single sex options they will be available, but you know what they say, Use it or lose it.</p>

<p>When we looked at schools we determined criteria for ranking and weighted the criteria.Availability of housing was a criteria although it wasn't the strongest ranked.</p>

<p>For a student who is adamant that they have single sex housing, they may have a situation like my niece, who attended a New England somewhat conservative college, assigned two roommates, who partied, stayed up late and who had their boyfriends overnight regularly.
It wasn't until my niece was a senior ( her school is quite rural) that she was able to find a single room.
It caused quite a bit of conflict throughout her years there although once former frat housing ( the frat had been expelled) opened up for students, she enjoyed that.</p>

<p>My daughter by contrast, had a single room on a co-ed floor for three years of college. She could open her door when she wanted, and had a dial chart on the door to indicate where she was or if she could be disturbed. Having a single room, was a bonus. Other dorm rooms at this "hippie" college, were divided doubles, so that students had the option of using one or both rooms for sleeping and one for studying if they wished.</p>

<p>Thank goodness we all have the opportunity to do our own rankings with our own criteria.
:)</p>