someone PLEASE edit my common app essay!

<p>i'm desperate for help, I have had only one person edit it, and he only made minor grammatical changes.. I want to see if the topic I chose and the conclusion I came to reveal something positive about me.. and if the essay overall is coherent and interesting to read.</p>

<p>No 2014 applicants, though! </p>

<p>current college student or older are welcome.</p>