<p>I am a dad of HS Soph boys. Both boys were honor roll as freshman and crashed first half of their Soph year (both about 2.1-2.2 gpa). I am concerned about there grades for college entrance and any financial assistance which has started me thinking about planning for college now. I know I need to get them both back on track - and wanted some advice on how to approach and direct them without pushing them away.</p>
<p>I also was looking for advice on how/when to start looking into finincial aid and suggestions where to start looking. Any help would be greatly appreciated.</p>
<p>Colleges consider GPA and strength of secondary schedule as most important, so you are right to be concerned about grades. A lot of boys have similar problems. Could a tutor help? Could it be a problem of course selection? Also, consider how they are spending their time. Are they studying every night, involved in extracurricular activities, or just watching TV or playing video games?</p>
<p>Regarding financial aid, you can start to get an idea of what kind of aid you might get by going to fafsa4caster.ed.gov and filling it out. There are also some good books on the subject–I personally like Lynn O’Shaughnessy’s book “the college solution.” The formula will take into account that two will be in college at the same time. </p>
<p>Regarding college search and selection, sophomore year is not too early to start doing some exploring. It gives the kids an idea of big vs. small, etc. You can probably swing by one in your own town or stop by one during a spring break, for example. Good luck!</p>
<p>Do some back of the envelope numbers now and figure out an average-case scenario. How much $ can you reasonably afford to pay each year for the boys’ college education? Compare that to basic financial aid packages for families of your income/assets bracket with two kids in college at the same time and see if the numbers make any sense.</p>
<p>I have no clue your financial situation, but with college costs going up 10 - 20% a year lately (32% for the UCs last year!) many families are finding that FA packages (loans plus grants/merit aid plus work study) still leaves a huge gap. The trick is to guestimate how much that gap might be and then plan from there.</p>
<p>Some families are finding out that 2 years of community college followed by transfer is an affordable route. Some families are having their students go to less-elite colleges that offer high merit aid. Etc. I don’t know if those scenarios are in your family’s future, but if your kids don’t get back on the high-GPA train immediately, merit aid will become impossible.</p>
<p>It is tough to parent realizing that the teens have little understanding of long-term consequences for short-term choices. Their 2.0 averages could sink merit aid chances, especially with all the kids who are managing to avoid those kinds of bombs in the middle of their HS careers. </p>
<p>You are not starting too early. You have a lot to explore. Make sure your kids are not only in partnership with the college process (grades and finances!) but get them at the helm as much as possible. My main advice beyond that is to not jeopardize your retirement savings or get over your head with PLUS loans in this process.</p>
<p>Mom of twin girls and a forsh son here chming in re motivation. </p>
<p>I would encourage you to start taking them to college campuses on a casual basis but also to keep it realistic. If there is an interesting school that accepts kids w/ 3.0 to 3.5 where there are sporting events or camps, theatre productions, art shows… whatever floats their boats expose them and let them know what it takes to get in.</p>
<p>My S was inspired by the fact that if he gets a 3.5 he will be in GPA range for his sisters’ college which he really really likes. My secret agenda is the knowledge that if he gets there, a whole different level of schools may also become available to him as well</p>
<p>This summer you may want to do a casual tour or two since with twins starting earlier is sometimes the only way to get it all in. But keep it casual and give them control over the trips.</p>
<p>Welcome to CC! I agree that you’re not starting too soon, both admissions and financial aid continue to evolve and it’s just plain smart to understand current policies and trends.</p>
<p>For FA, I like the site finaid.org. I found this part particularly helpful:</p>
<p>Remember, your finances/taxes from the year prior to when your twins attend as fr is the one used for FA calculations. For instance, my D2 is a jr this year, so 2010 will be used by colleges to calculate her fr year FA eligibility.</p>
<p>LEt’s not get the cart in front of the horse-- WHY did they crash this last fall? That is a huge change in how they are doing. When the ship has sprung a disasterous leak, the first thing to do is address the leak. You can pick a port of destination once there’s no longer water coming on board. </p>
<p>I would definitely have their eyes checked. One of our guys had 20-20 vision as a 14 year old (we know because he had a physical to go to National Scout Jamboree). A year later he absolutely stunk at a tennis try out. Turns out his eyes had changed dramatically and he badly needed glasses. You can’t hit the ball if you can’t see it coming. Turns out he was missing a lot that had been written on the black board as well. The optomitrist said that many teens have significant eye changes. </p>
<p>There’s several behavioral techniques that you can use. Avoid face to face talks – in those you will always be dominant (older male is by default). Instead, look for opportunities to discuss things while moving side by side – such as walking the dog. With you both facing forward, you can all listen.</p>
<p>Take a page, also, from dog training. Immediate, small payouts are far better than big, long term payouts. So, instead of saying “Get all A’s this semester and I’ll give you $500” (or some other big bribe/payout), say instead “Get all your homework turned in tomorrow and I’ll give you five bucks at dinner.” </p>
<p>You may resist this sort of payola scene but, I promise you, it works. You DO have to have the cash and pay it out (promising to catch up with them “tomorrow” undermines the exercise). And, please know, you don’t have to payout all year long. Tell them “hey, turning in homework is a challenge. I read about this from another parent and I’d like to try it next week.” So, five days at $5 apiece is $25 per kid for a one week trial. At the end of the week you haven’t yelled any ( but no turn in, no pay off) and they’ve gotten the practice and the message that it really isn’t that hard to remember to turn stuff in. A night with no assignments? An easy $5 for them.</p>
<p>More on behavior modification for young males:</p>
<p>Explain how huge it is to be trustworthy. The more you can trust them, the more liberty you can grant. </p>
<p>Don’t be stingy with big adventures. Do stuff with them. Rafting trip, city theater trip, cross country skiing, tickets to a sporting event – whatever you can manage. Eat macaroni all week to make these adventures possible. Make it clear that they get to go even if their grades are in the toilet. They are worthwhile men no matter what their grades are. They will test you to see if you mean this – don’t fail that test. If you respect them for who they are, then they are much more likely to respect your goals and values. </p>
<p>Make sure they know there are options. Tell them that you are open to them transferring high schools or home schooling or alternative schooling or private school – each one of these might have (huge) obstacles to overcome to make happen but let them know that they are NOT prisoners. If there are people or circumstances that they need to get away from, you are their ally – not their warden.</p>
<p>Fix today’s problems. College focus can wait a semester or two while you attend to this. Good luck.</p>
<p>Ahh, one more. Check into their writing ability. HS demands much more writing. IF they have a hard time composing in long hand, check out getting a laptop for each. Expensive, yes, but worth it if they can start churning out the essays in a neat and complete fashion. Getting our guys a laptop helped immensely.</p>
<p>olymom you sound like Supernany! I mean that 100% as a compliment and agree that connecting with the boys is key and that finding out what changed and adressing it is the first step. Nice series of posts!</p>
<p>Gee, thanks! No nanny training but my husband and I both have training in wildlife behavior and wildlife management – an excellent background for living with teen males . . .</p>
<p>Olymom… I remember our kids studying all week, going to practices and participating in what seemed like 20 activities between the four of them. They knew that Saturday was a day that we would rise at 5:00 with a great lunch, and snacks packed, and head for the ski slopes. We did this since the oldest was in the third grade. We never gave our kids money for their grades but we acknowledged their determination and long hours spent on academics. We did this all through school, until the two middle kids reached jr year and drove with their sister to the slopes. Those ski days gave them so much to look forward to and the bonding and trust that developed was immeasurable.</p>
<p>If you want your children to work hard, than they need to see how you, the parent, values the work that they do. I remember each of my kids working extra hard all week just to have that free Saturday with the outdoors and their parents…great memories. To this day the three older kids do the same thing while in college. They all ski on Saturday, and Sunday is back to their books. </p>
<p>One of my sons had said during break that the greatest gifts are experiential, the kind that create the memories. I agree with the poster who said that even if the grades don’t measure up to your expectations don’t stop the activities. It will be these days that will bond you and your son and it gives you all the opportunity to talk and think about his future together. Car rides and hiking are great times to talk to teens.</p>
<p>*I am a dad of HS Soph boys. Both boys were honor roll as freshman and crashed first half of their Soph year (both about 2.1-2.2 gpa). I am concerned about there grades for college entrance and any financial assistance which has started me thinking about planning for college now. I know I need to get them both back on track - and wanted some advice on how to approach and direct them without pushing them away.</p>
<p>I also was looking for advice on how/when to start looking into finincial aid and suggestions where to start looking. Any help would be greatly appreciated. *</p>
<p>2) For most upper middle-class people, FA is mostly loans. That can be surprising to many people. Most schools do not have the endowments to give away free money. Federal grants are for low-income families. </p>
<p>3) What is your home state?</p>
<p>4) I would explain to my kids that college is very expensive, and that for them to get into the kinds of schools that give the best financial aid or scholarships, they will have to have strong stats. </p>
<p>5) Having mediocre grades leaves kids with the fewest options. The schools that will accept them are usually the ones who give the LEAST aid. </p>
<p>6) Financial aid is based on your EFC (expected family income). Scholarships are based on GPA and SAT/ACT scores (some will ask for a FAFSA, too.).</p>
<p>You need to speak to your sons about their grades and somehow let them know that the choices they are making now might preclude them from opportunities later. Are they in over their heads with their courses? Have you or them considered tutoring?</p>
<p>As a mother of twins, we started college visits very early. It was a great way for them to see what they needed to do in order to attain their dream. It is a different ballgame with twins…much more intense. The process needs to be started much earlier than with a single child, however, your guys sound like they need to understand what the process is all about.</p>
<p>I’m finding myself fiercely hoping that OP is shoveling like mad to figure out what happened this fall. If sons are not happy and thriving-- for whatever reason – then there is massive work to be done NOW. Counseling, change of school, medical check up, the works needs to happen to get the train back on track. Otherwise the whole notion of even having a college career (anywhere) goes up in smoke.</p>
I mean that 100% as a compliment and agree that connecting with the boys is key and that finding out what changed and adressing it is the first step. Nice series of posts!</p>