Do you and your SO have similar spending habits? One of my kids and their SO have completely different spending habits. Both in their early 20. Both making six figures and both don’t have any debt. One is very frugal and another wants to travel few times per year and dine in nice restaurants at weekly. Nothing over the top.How do people make it work? It seems like it will be difficult for them to change their spending style.
If the “spendy” one does not go into debt and still saves enough for medium to long term goals, that does not seem to be the complete opposite of frugality.
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It seems like they need to put their heads together and decide what their priorities are—save more for retirement? Save more for getting a place if their own? Save for a wedding? Save for time off when raising kids and/or pets?
How often do they both WANT to go out? Travel? How much is good amount to spend vs save? This is something they have to figure out or it can cause a lot of friction.
It’s not always just about the money. Some people don’t really enjoy dining out and traveling.
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Why is this my problem? It’s their business.
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If we kept our replies to only things that are our business, this forum would die! 
Long live the parents cafe, where we opine about tons of things that are absolutely none of our business. 
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I’m much more frugal than my H. Need hard proof that we can afford things. We do a lot of talking about investing, saving, and yearly budget.
One of the most helpful things is that budget. We review actuals vs budgeted every year and tweak as needed. We also discuss big purchases and splurges and decide together if we are comfortable.
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It didn’t work out too well for my ex and myself. He didn’t make much money, but everything he bought had to be the best. I used to cringe when we were younger, and I tried not to get as upset once I started to make more money.
D1 and her H have similar spending pattern but like to spend money on different things. D1 likes to travel and entertain. Her H has come around to travel and eating well. Her H likes to go to concerts and is into anything related to music. Instead of asking each other for money to support their habits, they both contribute to household budget and they keep what’s left over for their own spend.
D2 and her long term boyfriend (5yr) just broke up this year. She said he never wanted to discuss finance. He always got nervous and cagey every time she brought up topic of money. He said it was never discussed at his home.
When it comes to finance, it is good to have frank talk before getting married, to make sure both people have same goals. I personally would not want to be with someone who is very frugal.
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#1 thing upon which all else is based.
Financial compatibility.
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I say it’s hogwash, my husband and I are opposite in most things. We’ve been married more than 30+ years and have more money than we can spend. You guess it, I’m the spendthrift person.
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DH’s credit score went up 200 points when he married me. I am definitely the frugal one, so I’ve been the keeper of the budget and in charge of finances in our house for almost 30 years. He’s in finance/treasury, so he handles the investments. He’s never balked at my obsessive budgeting. We were raised differently when it comes to money, but we’ve been on the same page since before we got married. He didn’t want to repeat his family’s money mistakes. He recognizes his weaknesses; just this morning I had to divert the conversation away from a PWC he saw for sale online 
We’ve had murphy in our house too many times over the years, so it’s hard for me to let up on the reigns a bit when it comes to spending. I finally conceded last year when we bought a golf cart.
We have a quick budget “meeting” once a month when I pay bills to discuss any adjustments. We don’t spend anything over $200 without discussing it with each other first. It was one of the rules we came up with during our pre-cana classes all those decades ago; it works for us.
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Interesting, my husband specifically told me when we were first dating to not to be so frugal like his mom. While he doesn’t spend money but when he buys something they are usually good quality and they last a long time.
I’m the one who plans everything when it comes to finance, my husband prefers that I do it. I’m much better than he is, he prefers to do housework instead, much more relaxing to him to wash dishes and plays guitar than deal with taxes and investments.
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IMO the OP’s kid and SO don’t have completely opposite spending habits. Opposite would be one spendthrift super saver and the other with maxed out credit cards only paying the minimum each month. If neither has any debt, I’d say that is workable.
I’m the anxious saver who wants to be prepared for a rainy day. H is a comic/toy collector and likely a shopaholic. He always has to find something to buy. Always.
Fortunately for me, he hates anything to do with numbers. I have complete control over all finances. I try to make him look to see what we have, but he doesn’t want to know. He relies on me to tell him when to cut back. But, I hate being the bad guy who has to act like his mom. So our compromise is that our reserves are much much smaller than I’d like, but we don’t have any debt and our house is paid off. And he can’t go buying everything he wants either. I would say neither of us would buy anything more than $50 without letting the other know, but I buy so little - even clothes and shoes that it’s not a big deal.
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I grew up in a family where money governed every decision. Christmas presents after Christmas–hey everything is on sale. Christmas trees on Christmas eve–almost free, except the trees had no branches and they were crooked. Having dinner in a restaurant–are you crazy? Do you know how much the restaurants overcharge? Every single thing in their lives revolved around money. My parents, who were immigrants to the US, pulled themselves up from nothing; I don’t think they were ever happy. They were always worrying about money–constantly. I think it was a sickness. In my case, the apple fell far from the tree.
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I’m the frugal one. Left on my own I’d be the dragon sitting on my riches sometimes without enjoying it. Husband spends for experiences but doesn’t get crazy. Glad I married him. We make a good team.
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So much of this is about values and how you see the world. My mom, who stopped working to raise a family, was very careful about spending. My dad, who was working, always figured he could make more money. He wasn’t reckless but certainly not as careful as my mom. My spouse and I have a similar pattern, with me being the one who would rather refill the coffers than worry about what we take out of them. These differences have been both challenging at times as well as good for our financial health (both of us).
What you spend money on also reflects what you value. Some people like fancy restaurants, some like travel, others fashion or nicefurnishings. In the case of the travel, some will travel for months with a single backpack and basic accommodations while others view staying at the Ritz as a key part of the experience. I do agree that this has to be a discussion between partners. There has to be an agreement about what living within their means involves as well as how to save for future costs such as college and retirement.
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I also think as young adults starting out, it takes a little time to fall into a “right” spending pattern. If you haven’t had much money to call your own and now you do, that is an (pleasant) adjustment. If you are on your own now and your new salary is still low-moderate you still have to figure out how to pay the bills with what is in the bank account.
H and I both came from families that were fairly frugal. I would say probably my family even more - my mom came from another country and never had much so every day of her life was about stretching the budget and saving. To a fault perhaps! H and I chose to not have kids until 7 years into marriage. That was a first step in being able to both spend a little and save a lot. Two of us working, moderate housing budget, we had fun but inexpensive fun and travel.
Once the kids came, we didn’t hesitate to pump (dump?) a lot of our income into them - or what we wanted for them. Private K-8 or more, lessons, generous bdays/Christmas. Not to an excessive degree BUT much more than we experienced as kids (my parents would have never paid for “lessons”).
2 of our 3 have significant others now. One couple has a more moderate income, the other decently high income. I see them both thinking about their budget more than we did, similarly not having children early, etc. But they also have different things to spend $ on than we did as first married. Cell phones, tv/music streaming, internet fees, cable fees…takes a big chunk of the budget!
One habit I’m happy to see them adopt earlier than we did is quality in favor of quantity for personal belongings. Clothes, shoes, travel, food experiences, home furnishings. Buy the sweater you love and will covet for years instead of 3 basic sweaters. Buy the leather couch that is a classic instead of filling a room with bargain furniture.
Definitely how you were raised will have an effect on your spending habits. But it could go two ways - similar to how you were raised OR the opposite as a rebellion or refusal to land in a similar spot as your parents.
Money - we can’t live with it, we can’t live with out it!! 
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My D and SIL are in a similar situation. Good salary, no debt. SIL is very fiscally conservative. D is definitely not a spendthrift but not as disciplined as her husband. They set goals together, have separate accounts for personal spending, save to pay cash for high ticket items (such as cars, vacations, future children etc.). They put aside money for home repairs, holidays, car repairs etc. so they have funds set aside and nothing is a “surprise”. They even went so far as to pay off their house in 4 years.
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I agree that these two don’t sound “opposite”, and I’m sure they can figure out a balance. But the one challenge that I don’t know how to answer is how to get them to both enjoy certain things. If one of them likes going to fancy restaurants and high end hotels for travel, the other may be cringing and upset when the menu arrives with $40+ entrees or not be able to enjoy staying at the upscale hotel with astonishing prices and may zoom in on every little negative thing ala, “I can’t believe since we’re paying $X00 a night, they can’t even leave a chocolate on the pillow!” Or whatever. This seems problematic to me because the one who wants to be at the nice restaurant may have their experience ruined by the resentful/cranky frugal one who just can’t enjoy that upscale place due to high prices. So neither will have a good time, because there will be a cloud hanging over the experience. Somehow they have to work through this so that if they do decide to do some of those experiences, it can be fun for both of them. But at least they both are moving forward without debt and spending within their means, it sounds, so I imagine this should not be a deal-breaker!!
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D1 has a lot of airline points because of her work travel and she is also good at finding good deals to sit in the front. Recently SIL was traveling by himself for a bachelor’s party. He said, “I didn’t even know there was such thing as Group 4 for boarding.”
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