Looks like all of the following methods of managing household finances are represented here:
- A, B, Combined
- A, B
- Combined
For the OP’s kid and kid’s SO, would any of the above likely be better or worse than the others if they do get married?
I rather not spend time keep track of little things, I rather spend the bulk of my energy and effort keeping track of the big goals. My husband and I have joint account since we’ve got married. Before that we splitted expense evenly on trips and stuff. We never have to discuss anything before hand, but we’re reasonable, nobody out to splurge on a Rolex either. We’re not materialistic either.
Long ago, I think when our first was a baby, for about a year I did track ever expenditure in a notebook with a different pages per category. It was helpful. These days most of our non-regular expenses (and regular too) are paid via Visa. The end of year report is a very easy way to see the trends.
In college and law school, I tracked every expenditure every time and recorded all of them. It really made me very conscious of my income and expenses. As soon as I started working and was making many times my expenses, I stopped. I still lived well below my income and we live well below our income as a married couple as well.
H and I have similar philosophies about saving, spending, etc. We have always been compatible in that regard.
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This, without a doubt, would have saved (or prevented) many marriages.
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We had no frank talk, thank goodness we’re still married. However I had no intention of support anybody long term. I never had any money talk with my kids before college either. Thank goodness they are independent now.
I would hate to be married to someone who pinches pennies, I can’t stand people like that.
Both of my kids learned how to budget, but not keeping track of every single item either, if they want expensive item, like one had to pay for LASIK surgery, it’s pretty pricey around here, she had to reduce expense somewhere else.
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My good friend’s H was a global head of a trading desk for an international bank. He told me that he was not allow to make any purchase on Amazon without my friend’s approval. He was to put everything he wanted in a basket and she had to review the basket before he could hit purchase. She said he had the habit of ordering the most expensive option and often it’s something they already had. He said he had more purchasing power at work.
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When my husband and I got married (2nd marriage, so each had some money), he thought he was much better than I was with money, but at this point he would agree that I am much better overall than he is. (Examples - he checks his bank statements every month and makes sure everything balances to the penny, and I never balance. He thought he was going to pay for his child’s college with his retirement savings - I had to set him straight). We have very different styles of money management, but similar values related to money. (Save a lot for retirement/kids college, don’t ever pay interest on credit cards, enjoy life some as you go, for example). We don’t share any credit cards. We had a joint account for kids college money, and that account has now turned into a clearing account of sorts. It’s all my money in that account, but he takes from it to pay bills and deposits money when he owes me for something. It works for us, but I’m sure others find it very odd.
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Sometimes when people are pinching pennies, it’s because they want to save for a house purchase. Based on the other threads about escalating home prices, I can see how it could be a challenge to save down payment funds. It probably gets tricky when a couple has varying priorities for future.
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Both H and I have similar values so our spending habits are similar. We are spending much more freely now than before since our kids have good incomes and we don’t need to worry about leaving them an inheritance.
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Closes mouth and laughs. Wouldn’t even make it through a first date with this type of person. To each his own. Wow, just wow.
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That describes the interaction with my relative and their spouse. I couldn’t live that way. I really couldn’t and wouldn’t want to try.
Back when doing the expense tracking in early marriage mentioned upthread, I did ask my husband to give me receipts. I never second guessed any purchase - it was all for logging purposes (and I did all the grunt work)
But he has bought multiple catamaran boats to sail between NY to South America, New Zealand. Now he has a new boat from France that he will be sailing back on. My girlfriend still gets sick every time she is on the boat with him.
Every relationship is different and people find what works for them. I try not to be judgmental on other people’s relationship.
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This. What works for some doesn’t work for others.
I was surprised several years ago when a friend of mine told me her H paid the credit card bills without looking at them. My H looks at the charges weekly and asks me if he sees something he can’t identify. Not that he cares if I ordered a piece of clothing or something, but as a check to make sure it isn’t a fraudulent charge. Just common sense to me.
The only thing I would caution against is being in a relationship where one party has NO knowledge of the finances.
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But we are commenting on and not judging. I certainly couldn’t be friends with someone like that but it obviously doesn’t bother you. Different strokes.
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Agree. But I think it’s very very common. I know a lot of women who have no idea about their finances and find out after the death of a spouse/partner that they had a different picture than they had thought.
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In my family growing up, it was my mother who handled all finances and my dad who had no idea. This continued even after my dad started a very successful business. Not something I would advise.
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DH never sees our bills. I’ve always been the one to deal with it, insurance, mortgage, taxes. He’s capable, but I am less busy. With three women in the house, I always thought it was good he did not see them!!! I should sit down with him once a year and just go over stuff. We have similar spending habits and are together since he has been WFH for many years, so we discuss things frequently. One thing we have never argued over was money.
It’s not just SOs who can have different habits that affect you, it can be roommates. D1 has roommates who are spenders. She has had to watch herself more since living with them. They saw higher rent as being a problem, yet didn’t consider the commute to work, which will negate any rent savings. Or they just spend their money on unnecessary things that add up quick. Door dash!!! The up charge is ridiculous- just go get it.
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This is us, except I’m not sure he is capable at this point. It’s always a New Year’s goal to MAKE him sit down and watch what I do, but it never seems to happen. If I mention it, he says “no way.” I do try to tell him basically what I do, and where everything is, but who knows what sinks in. This is why I made up the “What to do if I Die” document and taught older S to be my back-up in middle school.
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