Spending money?

Parents Forum
21

Our kids each have a credit card on our account. They are allowed to use it for things they need (toothpaste, groceries, shampoo). They are responsible for their own spending money for things they want but don’t need (dates, eating out, movies, etc). If they aren’t sure, they ask and we discuss. We tend to be generous, but they know we expect them to gradually take on more responsibility for themselves.

One of them did not have a job before college, but had saved birthday money and such for a long time. She was frugal and really didn’t need much. She did an unpaid internship after freshman year and had an on-campus job and/or paid summer internships after that. She’s never run out of money. The other had a job senior year of high school and got a job and for a while a second job as soon as she got to college. She asks more questions about what we are willing to pay for and what she must pay. But she does follow the rules we set out and she works hard to earn money for what she wants to do.

Both of the girls are dating. They and their guys take turns paying or otherwise share the costs of dating. We do not pay for their dates.

Neither of them has had a car at college. The younger one will have a car in the fall. We decided it would be helpful for her to have one. We bought the car and it belongs to us. We are paying insurance and she will buy her own gas.

We do take them clothes shopping when they are home. Both of them have large scholarships with fairly high GPA requirements and know that academics come first and if they need help with money, we will help them.

22

DD#1, our second child is going to have to be put on an tight allowance when she get to college. At this point, she will spend every dime she has. She is taking a class and doing cheer practice this summer but next summer, Ms. Diva will have to have a job. She has begun couponing but is of the mindset that she MUST make the purchase because she has a coupon. We will work on that this summer with the Krazy Coupon Lady recommendations instead.

23

I’m sending my kids to live with some of you, because they sure can’t find jobs here. :(( (The younger babysits when she can get a gig, and the older has worked temporarily at a home for visually handicapped people, and served ice cream at the State Fair.)

I’m hoping the situation for DD17 will be better at college (in a much larger city).

24

Were there few or not free food events?

My friends and I dealt with the food shortfall by visiting/crashing free food events…including wedding receptions and librarian conventions. Plenty of free food/desserts and surprisingly good conversation.

Granted, having some older friends getting hit on by completely blitzed middle-aged librarians can be a bit of an occupational hazard*.

:smiley:

  • Still a sore point with said older friend even ~2 decades later.
25

Extra food was a big problem for S2 and his budget this year. He had an unlimited meal plan, but there was no meal plan food available past 7pm, which seems fine in theory but he was usually up for another 6-7 hours and got hungry later, especially when he would get done at the gym. It is also difficult when your friends have unlimited funds and are going to grab something to eat every night.

26

The spending money thing is interesting. My daughter was told she was responsible for her own spending money. Then, when she chose a private university more costly than our (good) instate public, and when she qualified for work study, we also told her she needed to pay for her books. Like in thumper’s family, she got gifts of money sometimes – and once she asked for a $200 Chemistry textbook for Christmas :slight_smile: (Santa came through.)

She had a friend at the same school who was also responsible for some of her own tuition… so her summers were spent working quite a bit. Come graduation time, her parents surprised her with the gift of a new car and a year of car insurance. That was their way of ensuring she had a stake in her own education… and rewarding her for it at the end.

27

We paid for just about everything during college. I made one son pay for tickets and damage do to him wrecking the car once. To their credit, both of mine were very frugal. If they spent much it may have changed, but paying for a video game every couple of months or expensive ice cream (to quote my husband "be glad it’s not beer) seemed reasonable to me.

28

@TQfromtheU

We found that our kids were much more responsible when spending money they earned…than when spending money we just gave them.

Both knew…if they wanted something…they had to save the money to get it. Both worked.

We really have no idea what they actually spent…because THEY earned it…and it was theirs to spend.

29

We won the lottery on this one. The government supplies every single thing our son needs, and he is paid a small salary while he earns his degree at the academy. We are emancipated parents. The only thing we pay for are his flights to/from school. Had he gone to a civilian college, we would have paid all tuition, fees, books, R&B, and travel but all his personal expenses, including dates, would have been on him. No spending money from us.

30

Our S get a nice windfall fro an aunt, so we didn’t give him ANY spending money. He also was able to save whatever funds he earned and spend them as he chose because we paid room, some food, tuition and school fees, plus plane fares.

For D, my memory is hazy about how much we gave her or how regularly. Mostly we’d give her a lump sum and expect it to last a term or longer. Generally she’d let us know when she was running low which would be much later than we had projected.

31

@cobrat - I was a journalism student and freshman year volunteered to cover almost all evening speaking events. The school paper paid me a little more than minimum wage for the story and I enjoyed the free cheese and veggie trays! Great speakers series and a snack!

32

I don’t know about who pays on dates.

We pay for our kids cell phones because we have the phones bundled in a plan and it is not expensive.

If they use the car, they pay for gas.

Our oldest has always hustled to pay her own way, as much as possible. From a young age, she has been paying for her own clothes, personal items, and spending money. She got her AA from community college and nearly paid her own way. She transferred to our state flagship and we paid for tuition and fees, and she worked and borrowed for room and board, books, and personal spending. She has graduated and we have given her a lump sum as Launch Money, which she will surely need since she is moving to the other side of the country for her first step into full adulthood.

Our youngest has always needed to be poked and prodded to work much. Freshman year of college was a bit of a shock to her, as she blew through her summer earnings and found herself broke and needing to get a job during the school year. This summer, she is working over 40 hours a week, lol. We pay for her books, and her OOS health insurance.

During the school year, we will slip a Target Gift Card, or Amazon Gift Card in a care package or card. No allowances.
Something practical for birthdays or Xmas – something the kids might not have the funds to get for themselves.

Before charging anything on our credit cards, the kids know to ask first, ex: Whose dime? Yours or mine?

It was easier with our oldest because she has always had a preference to make her own way. No problem taking the bus to community college. No problem working and going to school. No problem thrift store shopping or being frugal.

It’s been more difficult with the youngest because she has always had a preference to be taken care of and wants life to be easy. She is a bit put out that she “has to work” and we don’t give her money for clothes or shoes, or treat her to getting her hair or nails done, etc. She has friends who still get the parent cc to pretty much buy whatever they want.

We really encourage both kids to get financially independent ASAP. H and I are looking forward to the day when the money we earn is ours again.

33

My daughter has a full tutition scholarship. We pay room and board. DD pays for her books and general spending. She works summers or does paid internships. She does some paid writing and works on campus 10 hours a week. We expect our son to do the same.

34

Let’s say that – as happened to me at college – you have classes from 11 to 12 and 1 to 2 three days a week. And let’s say that lunch is served from 11 to 2 in the dining hall. You have one free hour during that period – from 12 to 1 – and that may not be enough time to walk to the distant dining hall, stand in line, get and eat your food, and walk to your next class. So you end up buying something from a vending machine or snack bar near one of your classes – and you pay cash.

Or let’s say that – as happened to one of my kids at college – you’re in a musical ensemble that rehearses twice a week in the early evening, causing you to miss your meal plan dinner. By the time rehearsal ends, the dining hall has closed. So you go somewhere else – an on-campus or off-campus eatery of some sort – on those two evenings after rehearsal, and you pay cash for your meal.

Free food events that take place at some other time during the day or week will not solve these problems. The ultimate solution is to get off the meal plan, but this is often not possible for freshmen – or even for upperclassmen who live in a dorm, where they may be required to be on a meal plan as part of their housing contract.

I don’t think anyone here wants their kids to go hungry. And I don’t think anyone here wants their kids not take a class they need or want or not sign up for an extracurricular activity that interests them because it would create a conflict with the dining hall schedule. So I want parents to be aware that situations like the ones I described can come up, and that it’s not the student’s fault. College isn’t high school. Nobody makes sure that kids have the opportunity to eat the meals they’re paying for.

35

Do check to see if your college had dining points that can be used at places other than the dining halls. Our kids both had that.

One of my kids was a music major and he had ensemble rehearsals every weekday from 5-7 for four years. He seldom bought food from a vending machine. In addition to dining points, he also had a fridge in his room, and a microwave. He had plenty of food to eat. Also, his dining hall would make box lunches to go for anyone who asked. He did these too every so often, and said they were mighty good.

36

Many of the schools we looked at had dining rooms open continuously from 7 am to 7-8 pm, or the ability to use dining dollars at the pizza place or deli on campus. Some had the option to get a take-out box of food like a sandwich. My daughter lives in a sorority and had classes during the lunch hour every day last year, so they’d put a plate away for her or she could make lunch in the kitchenette. It wasn’t great food but it was free.

I don’t think there are many schools that have no other options than to sit in the student dining hall and eat during the 1-2 hour meal times.

Do kids prefer to go out to fast food or order a pizza? Sure.

37

We paid tuition, room & board or rent. They paid for their books and most everything else with their savings/earnings, and gifts (we have a family member who sends every student a quarterly gift, because that’s how They got theough school themselves)

Dating was generally whoever had money that week, but a lot of the “dates” were free events on campus. I do know my sons were fond of bringing flowers to their female friends, as a way to cheer them up, but mostly the dates were free for them both.

38

Current college student has 1/2 tuition merit award, so there is some flexibility in our budget. We have auto deposit for $50 a month into his account for incidental expenses. He may need an extra $25 in a month sometimes (he is a cheap date, he will cook for his girl friend in the dorm kitchen but also likes to take her to chinese etc. once in a while).

39

Our S14 pays for his books, utilities at his apartment, and his spending money out of his summer internship savings. We pay for everything else, including tuition, rent, food,and travel. He buys some of his clothes and I buy some when he is home. He knows that he has it very good. It will be the same for D18…we expect to be full pay where she goes unless she gets some merit. She will pay for books and spending money. She currently runs her own business and babysits so she will have savings.

40

For our kid she may not be able to make it back to the dining hall at lunch and she has to eat at the dining hall at her dorm. However they have all of the stuff to make sandwiches at breakfast and fruit, so she’ll just pack a lunch and take it with her to class like she does in high school. They also have the option to order a box lunch the night before and pick up at breakfast.