How are you (parents) handling spending money once your child is in college? We are footing the bill for tuition/housing/and books, but wondering how much should we budget for clothing, eating out, etc.? Also, DS recently began dating. Who pays for dates in high school/college? Do kids go dutch?
As far as spending money goes, our kids were put on notice sometime during high school that the minute they had that diploma in hand, they would have to generate their own spending money. That is where summer jobs and jobs during the school year come in. It’s worked great for us, and has the added benefit of the kids having to budget for themselves and make choices when money is tight.
The same way we handled it in HS with downward adjustment. We developed a specific annual budget for everything from shampoo to clothes and based the kids allowances on it. There was an expectation of pulling their weight, although that varied from much more in the summer to less during sports season for example. If a kid came under budget, kudos. If they busted it, too bad.
We went to see Pirates on Memorial Day. We paid for out two tickets and kids paid theirs plus snacks. No one asked any questions because that is the standard. Now, we were going because they wanted to go. If it was family vacation, different rules would have applied.
In college, jobs will replace most of allowance but either way, I’m not paying for dates, runs to Starbucks, etc.
This is the what the Thumper Family did.
Parents paid for tuition, fees, room, board, transportation home, and cell phone.
Kids got jobs…and paid for all discretionary spending…and books.
Parents sent nice gift cards, and gave cash surprise gifts every so often. But really, kids worked.
Our kids worked about 10 hours a week while on college. This was more than plenty for discretionary spending and books. One kid was a music major…and the other engineering…so both had pretty costly “book” bills. Still…they appreciated that we were footing the rest of the bills…and did not mind working siring the school year and in summers.
This also gave both work experience, and job supervisors for LOR when they applied for jobs later.
We too, are self paying for college (tuition, apartment, books,meal plan/groceries) and have three in college currently. Two attend college in state but out of town. One lives full time and works in his college town during summer. He gets a grocery allowance that includes enough for incidentals/cleaning supplies. The youngest will get less than that amount because he will also have a minimal meal plan/dining dollars. The other one lives at home, attends the Univ. in our town, and has a part time job.The eldest and youngest do not work during the school year but work all summer so they have money to use during school year, If they want something more than what his allowance covers.
If they really need something (youngest needed a certain colored dress shirt for something school related) we will take care of it for them. If it just something they want, that is on them. They are 3 & 4 hours away, so if there is anything they need on a weekend home, we will pick it up. I also buy gas for them to come home/go back. Other gas needs are on them.
We are fortunate that both our kids have merit scholarships. The oldest has a full ride, and we provide $200/month spending $. I transfer it into his checking account on the first of each month. He never uses it all.
The youngest has a scholarship that covers tuition, fees and a chunk of room/board. He too will get $200/month. I suspect he will use it all.
Oldest managed to get an engineering internship this summer and is making really good money. Before his interview, he told me that if he got the job, I wouldn’t need to provide spending money. I told him he might as well take it anyway because his younger brother would just use it if he didn’t. =))
We help with necessities. Kid pays for extras. Kid works summers and 10 hours a week during the school year.
Most college age people understand that date money is limited. Some couples are ok with dutch, some are more traditional. Depends a little on the individuals involved. Most college kids are smart about keeping dates inexpensive and being empathetic with each other’s budgets. If a boy takes my daughter out to a restaurant, she’ll offer to cook for him at her apartment the next time, and will readily suggest free events around campus as date activities.
Kid got her own credit card…kid takes care of her own credit card. (and does a very good job)
One kid had a full tuition scholarship, and we gave him $100/month (which we increased a little bit when we learned that the train ride to the volunteer gig of required 100hrs/year at into the spend money).
@sleeplessmom1 you are going to find a huge variety of answers to this question. We live overseas and our daughter had limited opportunities to have a part-time job and earn spending money. She did however get a great merit scholarship and several one time local scholarships when she graduated. We pay room, food, books (she is very frugal with book purchases too), and cell phone. Freshman year she had a full meal plan and we provided $100 per month for the rest. She is a STEM major, but is in music ensembles and takes private lessons in her instrument. She she used some of the scholarship money to pay for lessons first year. Sophomore year she lived in an apartment style dorm so was cooking the majority of her meals. We also bought a small commuter meal plan for those extra busy times. She no longer had scholarship money for the instrumental lessons. So we sent $300.00 per month for sophomore year, but $100.00 was for her music lessons each month. She is frugal and did not spend all each month. This summer she has a paid summer research internship and we haven’t yet figured out how that money will come into play junior year.
She has a boyfriend and they buy groceries together and she or he will cook for the other, they go out to inexpensive restaurants and share meals, sometimes go dutch or sometimes one pays for the other. She has access to the family Netflix account and he has access to the family Amazon Prime account so they watch a lot of streaming TV and movies. They also have a nice collection of DVDs between them. Free events on campus are also sources of dates. If they want to do something bigger–like take in a museum with a bigger entry fee, they ask for that for birthday gifts.
As long as both are students, and both have limited amounts of money, then yeah, paying your own way is pretty standard. It can be that he pays for one entire date and she the next. But let’s be real: both are in college to get jobs to provide a living wage. Traditional courting is not only regressive, but irrational.
He’s either worked or volunteered full time every summer in high school so we feel that he deserves a break before college. He has mentioned working part-time during college, but that likely won’t happen until next year. He will have a full meal plan when he starts this fall. Sounds like $100/month is a good number for discretionary spending and he will have a debit card that we will be monitoring.
Kids have their accounts linked under ours, so it is an easy transfer when money is needed in their account. Usually keep a two to five hundred in there at any given time. They use it as needed. We add more when it gets below $200. Don’t keep track/monitor or need to budget them, they are sensible. We also have card on amazon account they share so they can order what they want/need when they want. We have never had a problem.
These threads are always such an eye opener to me LOL. Hopefully my kids never read them.
Our kids were told that they should have summer jobs to generate cash for incidentals, entertainment, and books in college. #1 did that, working in a summer debate institute. He also picked up some spare money doing writing/research during the school year (e.g., fees for contributing to an online blog). He never asked us for money during the school year, through we did provide a basic sum in his bank account at the beginning of each school year.
2 came down with mono her first semester, and her curriculum was so demanding that she had to drop a course. Insisting that she also keep a job while at school would have been cruel. Also the cost of supplies in an art program is really high. So we supplemented her budget routinely. She did work a couple of summers, however.
We pay for everything except her spending money. If she hasn’t earned her money for going out, shopping, etc…, her life is going to be dull. She is well aware and keeps track. Don’t know about dating these days. I am guessing in college, underclassmen probably pay their own way.
Guys will often pay when asking a girl to go out somewhere for a more conventional date or two. Beyond that, it is usually taking turns paying or splitting the check/paying your own way. In my kids’ circles, it is pretty bad form to constantly expect the male to pay in the hetero dating world.
The @thumper1 plan for us.
In my girls’ experience, the guy typically paid for the first date. After that, paying was done by whoever had money.
Our kids have had jobs since age 15 and along with some allowance, have had to pay for all their clothes, entertainment, and personal care products themselves. Our plan was always to have summer jobs cover some educational expenses and work study to be for their spending money. Well…D went and got herself a full ride scholarship, and we feel that her #1 job is to maintain eligibility for the scholarship and that we will “pay” her for doing her job by giving her spending money. Right now we were thinking $100/month sounded reasonable. She’ll have a meal plan and we’ll send her each semester with lots of laundry detergent, etc. so I’m not sure just how much she will need to be spending.
However your family plans things, make sure you remember that the meal plan may not fully meet the student’s need for food, especially if the student has classes or activities that conflict with the times when the dining halls are open.
Some students end up spending their “entertainment” money on food so that they get enough to eat.
My DS’s meal plan included a certain amount of money in flex dollars to be used at other food places on campus. This will be his first year so we will see how that goes. We switch DS’s low balance free kiddy account to a free college student account. He had a very P/T job at his HS and earned a little money. He is waiting to hear back on some summer jobs to fund his spending money for the school year. I have a debit card on his account so that I can make deposits easily as needed. I’m trying to set him up with what he needs since we live so far from his college and he can’t raid the house for food, supplies, etc. He is not expected to work during school, unless it is a research lab related opportunity or something else through the school.
DH said that grandma plans to give DS a money gift for graduation that may negate us having to give him any spending money for the year. He still needs to get a job, though! I’m not paying for college dates, etc.