Starting college soon, starting to get nervous about leaving home?

Student Lounge College Life
1

I’m starting school at a small, Catholic private university in New England this fall, and I’m starting to get nervous. I had been nothing but excited during junior and senior year, but now that I’m graduated, it’s more of a reality.

The campus is BEAUTIFUL- I love it. Everyone I’ve met so far (at accepted students day and at orientation) is so sweet and I’ve made a lot of friends already. I have my roommates- 5 of them, I’m living in a quint with a shared bathroom. I’m in the honors program and majoring in psychology. I already have a pretty good amount of credits given due to APs.

On paper, it seems like I have no reason to be nervous. But I am. Academically, I’m not overly concerned. But I’m an only child and very close with my parents. My parents are actually moving up to New England (not because of me), and they won’t be very far, but I’m still really nervous. As a child I had really bad separation anxiety, and of course it’s gotten much, much better as I’ve aged and become more independent, but I definitely do still get anxious. I still have a different anxiety disorder and it seems to spike in times of transition or when I’m thrust into an unfamiliar environment. I do get panic attacks pretty often and now I’m starting to worry that my anxiety may get considerably worse as I begin college. I don’t want to ruin my experience with anxiety (as I have done before). I just want to make the best of things and really enjoy my time at the school.

The orientation session I went to was an overnight, and weirdly enough I found myself SO anxious and homesick even though I was only staying one night and my parents were in a nearby hotel. This makes me worry for the actual move and transition.

I already have accommodations for my anxiety set up with the Office of Disability (pretty easy process because I had them for the SAT, ACT, and from my HS) so in that sense I’m feeling pretty secure, but otherwise I’m a bit worried.

Any advice? :confused:

2

You’ve done the right things do far. How about setting up a daily check in with your parents (even just texting once a day for a few minutes)? Maybe if you start getting anxious, try to get yourself to think of one positive thing to tell them each time you chat for each negative thing you are thinking. I assume you also have located the campus health center and know how to get an appointment if needed.

One thing to think about is that if your parents are moving, you won’t have a link to your healthcare providers at home on breaks or via phone. It might be a good idea to identify a couple of providers in your college town that take your parents’ insurance and are taking new patients so you have a plan if you need more support than the campus health center can provide.

Ask your parents to plan to come for the fall Parents Weekend that your college probably has so you have a date when you know they will be coming and you’ll be able to show them your college once you’ve settled in.

Keep yourself busy once you get to campus. Go to prof office hours, get a job on campus, join a couple of groups to help you make connections. Say yes to invitations (if they are safe :slight_smile: ), and extend some of your own. Exercise, try to eat a reasonably healthy diet, and get some sleep.

Remember that you had 18 years to get used to home and family and friends there. It won’t be a snap of your fingers to build a great life at college. It takes a lot of students a couple of semesters to get there. Be patient with yourself. You’ve got this!

3

You should check to see if your school offers counseling. My daughter has anxiety and it’s really helped her to check in with someone once a week. Not as good as her private counselor, but still OK. She just finished her freshman year and did fine - she made some really good friends and is rooming with one of them this next year. Good luck!!

4

This is not forever. If you hate it, it doesn’t even have to be for one year.

But you owe it to yourself to give it a chance. Know that the beginning is going to be rough as you find your footing-- that’s true with every new beginning in life. So expect a bit of discomfort, and be prepared to ride through it.

If you hate it, it doesn’t have to be forever. But if you love it, you might wish that it could be.

5

I’d tell you a few things:

– Try to set up counseling sessions at your college starting when or soon after you arrive on campus. It probably would be good to talk things out as you move along.

–Acknowledge that it WILL be different, probably even feel weird when you start college. That is OK. In fact, that is normal. You will be in a new living situation, looking for new friends, faced with new academics etc. But also recognize that every freshman will be in the same situation.

–Find clubs you want to join, work hard in your academics, seek out new friends in your dorm/your classes etc., get ti know your professors etc…in short keep busy.

–Give yourself time to adjust and feel comfortable at college. My S, who was a quiet kid, probably took until October of so to fully settle in to college life, develop lasting friendships etc. That is OK.

–Know that there will be bumps along the road. That is part of college. Leaning to handle these bumps in the road is part of the college experience.

–Your parents sound lovely and supportive. They will always be a phone call, a Skype, a Facetime away if you need them.

–Look at the vacation schedule for the fall semester. It is likely that you have a fall break in October, a Thanksgiving break in November, and a long semester break in December/January. There may be a parent’s weekend at your college mixed in there as well. So know that you will still see your family a good bit even though you are at college.

Good luck. This will be an adjustment for you and your parents, but for most people it does turn out well in the end. At some point in your life you will need to become more independent and hopefully college will be a good starting point for you.

6

Being nervous is normal. This is a major change.

It sounds to me like you have done some good realistic thinking about what it will be like going off to university. This is good. Having made friends already is a very good thing. Your first semester freshman year will probably be the easiest time of your life to make new friends, since everyone else there will be in the same situation of not knowing many people.

“You’ve done the right things do far.”

Exactly. I think that some nervousness is perfectly normal and understandable. There is quite a bit of good advice in the posts above. I think that you will do very well.

7

All the above advice is spot-on. I am the parent of a college sophomore, and my daughter had a tough time settling in. When you get to campus, your first job should be to set up an appointment at the counseling center. You may think you don’t need it. Go anyway. I guarantee that the appointments will fill up very quickly and you will then have to wait ages. Having someone to talk to on campus makes a BIG difference, even if you don’t know that person.

All you are describing is normal. You may think about transferring. That’s normal too. You may doubt all your choices. You may feel terribly homesick. You may think all of your friends from home are having a great time and it’s only you who isn’t. You may hate it even. All scenarios are normal. Here is the truth: it will get better. It may take a couple months, but it is a blip in your life. Hopefully you will settle in quickly and have minor teething pains, which can also happen.

Just keep sight of the fact that you are never going to be disconnected from your parents. It’s hard for them too, believe me. But this is a time of necessary transition. You are a young adult now and you need to spread your wings. Your parents are there for you 24/7, even if they aren’t literally in the room with you. Their number one priority is for you to be happy, and if they didn’t think you would be happy at this college, they wouldn’t have let you go. Resist the urge to leave campus at the weekends, because you need to develop a life that’s your own. If you run home at the weekends, it’s very difficult to establish relationships and a sense of your new community. So be focussed in your goals, be brave, persevere even when (if) things are tough, and you will be fine.

8

Your feelings are totally normal. It will be hard for you the first couple of weeks in school but you will be able to soldier thru. You will then settle into a nice groove and hit your stride. You are lucky your parents are coming closer. It might give you some strength knowing they are there for you.

Best of luck.

9

Agree. Take the advice above. I see you doing very well and setting in, even being able to help others next year who are also nervous. You have described a good place for you and with your support network in place, you will be able to enjoy your time in school.

10

You seem very self-aware. So give yourself the gift of time and reasonable expectations. Don’t expect to have a new friend group in the first week (or even the first few months). Acknowledge that, even if they don’t show it, lots of freshman are anxious and homesick. You are not alone.

Visit activities fairs, etc, but maybe give yourself permission to put off joining stuff until second semester. Give yourself a semester to do nothing but do well with your academics and to develop a routine that helps manage your anxiety. Of course keep an eye out for things that you personally find helpful with stress whether a yoga class or religious group. Or even spacing classes in a way that keeps you from being slammed on any one day.

Eat well and get plenty of sleep. Avoid leaving campus to go home until fall break if possible. I never really settled in and started enjoying college until I stopped running home every weekend. Starting off with college counseling if readily available is not a bad idea. They can help you determine what feelings are normal freshman feelings (that they can help you work through) and which are more specific to you and your issues (and may necessitate a trip home).