<p>I am remarried he has three of his own, I have one left going on his second year in college. Now this year , because we were recently married we both have to submit our financial information . It’s going to make the parent cost go up and his bio father took off with both kids college funds. No one can find him. He has gone missing for 13 years. What is not fair is that I have to keep taking out loans for my son to go to college and now more so, and he, my son has chosen NOT to let us claim him as a dependent and had done the same to me last year. With that being said why do I have to work for years and years at two jobs to pay for this if he won’t let us claim him. That si so not fair all in itself, but to throw my new husband in the argument is truly not fair when he has his own. I think if I have to be on the hook for this they should try to find the dead beat and make him too.</p>
<p>Elfin, I feel for you, but dont understand all this.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>You do not need your sons permission to claim his as a dependent. If he qualifies as a dependent just do it. I dont even understand where the kid is coming from.</p></li>
<li><p>States have gotten better at chasing down deadbeat dads. If you havent tried lately, try again. Did you have a child support order whn he ran off?</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Elfin…</p>
<p>You are not obligated to take out loans. If you can’t afford them, then don’t take them out. No one can make you take out loans. </p>
<p>Also, tell your son that you won’t help with college if he won’t let you claim him on your taxes. </p>
<p>Your son can take out a student loan that he’s responsible for and commute to a local college.</p>
<p>The government’s expectation is that it is the family of the dependent student that has the first and foremost responsibility in financing a student’s education. Congress sets rules regarding financial aid, and the Department of Education (ED) interprets them. The result is the calculation of an Expected Family Contribution using information obtained on the FAFSA. It’s not perfect, but it’s what we all have to work with. Those are the rules.</p>
<p>Now comes the reality. NO ONE “has” to pay ANYTHING for their kids. If the parents cannot or will not pay, eligibility for aid does not increase based on the inability or refusal to pay. Families have many reasons for not paying, but there is no law that says they must pay. Please do not allow your child to <em>make</em> you do anything you cannot afford to do.</p>
<p>Reading this thread has made me a little sick… </p>
<p>My story:
I have a 16 year old daughter who is about to begin the college applications.<br>
Her mother and I were never married.
We have joint custody and BOTH parents raise her, but she lives with ME 2/3 of the time and her mother only 1/3 of the time.
I am married. My wife is a doctor… (not a specialist, she is in no way rich)
We have a 529 college plan for my daughter but it will in no way come close to covering all her college costs.
Although we make decent money my wife has medical school loans over $200k and paying them is like having a second mortgage… we live month to month.</p>
<p>The fair thing would be to consider MY income, and MY ex’s income to determine how much the EFC is. </p>
<p>What bugs me is not that my wife should be responsible… but that my kids bio mother can get off scott-free??? Screw that.</p>
<p>Make MY wife pay and HER mother doesn’t even get considered??? My wife married ME, not my daughter. Her Mother is STILL IN THE PICTURE. My wife is constantly being reminded of how she is NOT her mother.</p>
<p>With $200k of student loans against us, we are NOT taking out more loans… and we do NOT have a savings. My daughter will get her 529 and off she goes… It is just plain stupid.</p>
<p>How the hell do I get her the loans? And how the hell do I get her BIO mother to cosign for 50% of them. (I will cosign for the other 50%, not my wife).</p>
<p>Well, there are a number of schools that will expect to see the bio mom’s income as well. Those are the top schools that give the best aid.</p>
<p>The reason why FAFSA includes your wife’s income is because her income contributes to your standard of living. The “family income” is what supports the family. That means that you’re not paying for all the household living expenses yourself…you’re sharing those costs…therefore more of YOUR income can go towards college. If you were still single, then all the household expenses would be yours alone. </p>
<p>You are free to do what you want in regards to your D’s education. You do NOT have to co-sign loans and neither does the bio-mom. No parent has such an obligation.</p>
<p>I have no idea why you think co-signed loans are the answers. You might as well as tie an anchor around your D’s neck and throw her overboard. </p>
<p>Just tell your D how much you and her 529 will provide “per year” and that she’ll be responsible for the rest thru merit scholarships, etc. Since it doesn’t sound like she’d qualify for any need=based loans, help her find schools that either fit the 529 budget or will give her enough merit to supplement the 529 budget.</p>
<p>Sween1234, if the burden of your wife’s $200K in student loans doesn’t make it perfectly clear to you that putting the same kind of burden on your kid is a huge mistake, I don’t think anyone here can help you. Knowing you had a child to put through college, you chose to marry someone encumbered with huge debt–if we’re talking about what’s “fair”, one could say that was unfair to your daughter. One could also say that foolish financial decisions made by you and your current wife are not the fault or responsibility of the financial aid system.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Well, when you say your wife married you and not your daughter (which I whole-heartedly disagree with), what do you expect?</p>
<p>I said this two years ago up thread and I still stick by it. When you marry someone, you marry that person and their kids. Don’t like it? Don’t get married. Sorry.</p>
<p>To address comments…</p>
<p>My wife’s student loans were encountered AFTER we got married 11 years ago. My daughter was 4 when we got married. I put my wife through Medical School, working my butt off to support the family on a single income living in a row house. My wife now earns 65% of the income and has only improved my daughter’s standard of living. What kind of FOOLISH financial decisions have we made??? MommaJ you are obviously uninformed. Medical School is expensive… and I cannot even write off the interest on those loans. I am not asking for the Financial Aid system to take the burden off of me… I am asking for them to apply the same equation equally to her Mother. The same Mother who walked out on her daughter 14 years ago because she couldn’t handle raising her. </p>
<p>You see I was IN college when my daughter was born, and I dropped out to move home and take care of my daughter when her mother decided she had had enough. I paid my student loans and did not even get a degree. I decided to put my own future on hold for my daughter. I then put it on hold again so my wife could go through medical school. I worked my way up to the top of an engineering firm with NO degree. My daughter’s mother moved in with her mother and went back to school and now has a Masters. There is no reason why she can’t cough up some $ for her own daughter…</p>
<p>I want my daughter to have more opportunity and more education, and less debt. But her MOTHER needs to be responsible too! I started a 529… I am doing my part. I also expect to pay a little more when she enrolls…</p>
<p>…but what I refuse to do is pay 100% of the bill while her mother gets off without paying. That is the part that is “not fair”.</p>
<p>My wife does her part raising my daughter… and has taken care of her more than her own bio mother. Why does she need to be screwed out of the bio-mother’s contribution??? </p>
<p>The bottom line here is we cannot afford anymore loans. And we do not have the savings to put her through school without aid. We have a little to spare but the budget is tight. The cost of living is very high where we live (in a modest 1600 sq ft house with 3 kids). I also have 2 other kids to put through college (sons of my current wife). </p>
<p>The burden needs to be shared by her bio-mother. It is unfair to my daughter to dump the burden on her… but we refuse to do it by ourselves also.</p>
<p>Oh… and the Bio-mom always makes it VERY clear to remember SHE is her mother, not my wife.</p>
<p>So anyhow… my complaint is WHY does the system allow her to get away with this?</p>
<p>The system allows ALL parents to get away with this. You’re under no obligation to pay a dime no matter what FAFSA says.</p>
<p>AND…as I mentioned…the schools that give the best aid often require the info of ALL parents (so BIO mom, too). </p>
<p>There are no laws that require YOU or the BIO mom to pay unless you two had a legal agreement when child support was determined.</p>
<p>* I put my wife through Medical School, working my butt off to support the family on a single income living in a row house. *</p>
<p>If find this odd. It doesn’t sound like you put your wife thru med school since she has over $200k in loans from that period of time. Sounds like she borrowed all/nearly all the costs. When someone says that they “put someone thru college” that means that they paid for it. Sounds like your wife put herself thru college with loans that she’s now paying back.</p>
<p>My wife now earns 65% of the income and has only improved my daughter’s standard of living. </p>
<p>??? I don’t know how you can make such a claim. Even if your wife contributes NOTHING towards household expenses, if she’s improving your D’s standard of living, then those are expenses that you’ve been rescued from. </p>
<p>Again…Tell your D how much YOU"LL contribute via 529 and/or current income. Your D will have to work with THAT budget. If that means finding schools that will give her big merit, then great. Your D is free to ask her bio-mom to contribute, but your D can’t force her to pay, just like she can’t force you to pay anything.</p>
<p>I supported the family while my wife was in Med School… paid the mortgage, etc. So my wife could quit her job as a Lab Technician and go to Medical School. WE are both repaying the loans now. No, we could not afford the $40k per year on a $50k income!</p>
<p>I was replying to the comment that my wife going to Med School was foolish… She has improved my daughter’s life by becoming a doctor. She has improved the entire family’s as well.</p>
<p>I just don’t want to limit my daughter because we can’t pay more… She will have to try to get something from her bio-mother… but I KNOW I am going to end up paying more. I (or should I say WE, including my wife) always end up sacrificing for her.</p>
<p>/rant</p>
<p>Rant on. This really is the forum for that. Most of us have done it ourselves. </p>
<p>And believe me, we get it when you write: “I just don’t want to limit my daughter because we can’t pay more”. Almost all of us on this forum have had to limit our children’s choices because of money. Case in point: Happykid. She spent two years at our local community college, and now is at a not-top in-state public U that works for our family budget. She’s doing fine, and will have a successful career. Did I feel bad about not being able to afford the terrific programs her HS teachers told her about, and that some of her HS friends were accepted to? Heck yeah! But I kept my head on straight about the money through this process. </p>
<p>When you are done with the ranting (or at least ready to take a break from it), sit down with the numbers, and come up with a figure that you and your wife really can afford. Ask your daughter’s mother about what she is ready, willing, and able to commit to for this daughter’s education. If necessary, have your daughter get that in writing. Once you have these figures, it will get easier. Truly it will. </p>
<p>Wishing you all the best!</p>
<p>I just don’t want to limit my daughter because we can’t pay more… She will have to try to get something from her bio-mother… but I KNOW I am going to end up paying more. I (or should I say WE, including my wife) always end up sacrificing for her.</p>
<p>You seem to think that your D (or anyone’s child) shouldn’t have limits based on finances. Sorry…but in the real world that’s the way it is…even with parents who are married to each other.</p>
<p>Not having limits for college choice is a LUXURY. Do you realize that most kids in America who go to college have to commute to their local CC and/or local public univ? The idea of “going away” or picking whatever school you want is a very expensive luxury. If you want to indulge that luxury, then open up your checkbook and accept that. </p>
<p>If you CHOOSE to pay more, then that’s YOUR choice. YOU are choosing to let your D have the LUXURY of going wherever the heck she wants to go. That’s your choice, your decision. But, you can’t make that decision for the bio-mom. She has the right to think that attending a local CC and state school (or whatever) is fine.</p>
<p>Sween, I just wanted to say that I can understand your dismay. It can be quite a shock when you first figure out the ins and outs of financial aid - it was for me. This is particularly true of people who are in “step” situations I think. </p>
<p>Many people enter second marriages with the idea that they will each take care of their own kids’ college expenses, only to find that the step-spouse’s income is imputed for purposes of financial aid calculations. It’s even MORE maddening with those schools that use the ex-spouse’s income to calculate aid, but the ex refuses to contribute anything.</p>
<p>Fwiw, I didn’t bump this thread. CC is glitching.</p>
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</p>
<p>Darn, and I thought you were psychic . . . replying to a post two hours before it was posted! ;)</p>
<p>Darn I should have just kept my mouth shut and let you think I was super duper gifted :p</p>
<p>Yeah, I know I dug up an old thread. But it was relevant to my search and got me fired up enough to join.</p>
<p>I’m not looking to send her to an Ivy League school… (She’s a B student anyway).</p>
<p>I want her to go to the same school I did (Penn State, I know they’re not getting good publicity now… but whatever.) I don’t want her to end up at one of the cheaper State Universities. She’s looking at business major we think… and we’re trying to encourage a young entrepreneur. </p>
<p>We’re currently going through the “I want a car” stage… but I think college is more important.</p>
<p>I want her to go to the same school I did (Penn State</p>
<p>Well, usually when “we want” something specific for our kids, we pay for it. This doesn’t sound like your “ex’s” want"…it’s YOUR want. </p>
<p>It’s irrelevant that the school isn’t an Ivy. Ivies cost the same as many schools. </p>
<p>If attending PSU involves “going away” and paying full price, then it’s a luxury. Furthermore…PSU is one of the most expensive state schools in the US. It’s instate tuition is very high. The instate COA is high (If you’re OOS, then the cost will be VERY high.).</p>
<p>So, you want her to attend Smeal? Is admittance frosh year or junior year? If it’s junior year, then you might be able to save some money by having her attend a local PSU and then transferring. </p>
<p>Yes, college is more important than a car. Is your D willing to get a part-time job and save for a car? Would she work full time over the summer to save even more?</p>