Student Travel Safety

College Majors Musical Theater Major
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<p>A number of members have sent me PM’s regarding students and travel safety concerns. I am by no means an expert on this subject but since I have been asked I will share what we have done. The first step is the realization that while most people are decent there are some real creeps out there preying on our kids. Some of this is general some specific to a recent trip where the school does not provide any transportation. </p>

<p>Wally’s 10 rules of travel safety;</p>

<p>1) Be sure they have all the information they need to get where they are going. Our daughter left with a packet of everything from airline ticket confirmation, Maps of the airport terminals, a photograph of each of the planes she would fly on and the seating diagram of each, maps and directions for her destination. Etc.etc. The more you do this with military precision (ie the less floundering around) the less chance there is for problems. rehearse with them all the steps along the way.</p>

<p>2) Be aware of your surroundings (kids are generally not very good at this) so as to spot a problem before it happens. This is the most important step. They need to be told to follow their instincts and don’t hesitate.</p>

<p>3) If approached by somebody kids need to know that they are under no obligation to tell the truth. “Where are you going”? “I’m an unaccompanied minor traveling to CMU”, Wrong! How about, I’m going to Greensboro to visit my dad. I am so excited to see him, he is an FBI agent on special assignment and I haven’t seen him in a month. Watch the scumbag eviscerate with that one sentence. But these are things that have to be practiced in advance.</p>

<p>4) Don’t be afraid to call a spade a spade. “Look Mr. I am not in the mood to talk with anyone”. </p>

<p>5) Travel with head phones on pretty much all the time even when not listening to music, people tend to not approach anyone with head phones on. If somebody talks to you with head phones on you can ignore them and pretend you didn’t hear what they said.</p>

<p>6) Girls, even teenagers, wear a “Wolf ring”. That is a fake wedding ring (to keep the wolve's at bay) of some sort to infer you are married (not too fancy and not to pedestrian). Predators are frequently looking for loner kids, the runaway type. A ring will dissuade some from approaching. </p>

<p>7) Travel light and wear tennis shoes. You can check 15 steamer trunks if you want but one backpack carry on and not very heavy. You never know when you will need to move quickly. </p>

<p>8) If traveling by car never stop at a highway rest stop. Travel between the hours of 4am and dusk. Statistically your risk of a vehicle fatality or violent crime are much less than the rest of the day.</p>

<p>9) Never (ever ever ever ever) get into a car (or elevator or hotel room, etc) with someone you do not know. I don’t care if they are pointing a gun at you; have a knife to your back, no matter what don’t do it! Most people (and especially kids) are peaceful in nature and tend to believe what an adult tells them. So when some slime bag says, “if you get in the car I wont hurt you”, they believe him. It only makes sense right? I don’t want to get hurt (who does) so, all I have to do is get in the car and I wont get hurt. Right? Wrong. The research on this is absolutely scary. Once you’re in that car your chance of ending up dead goes from about 2% to over 50%. Have the confrontation right there and then. First of all the bad guys are not likely to shoot someone in a public place, next they tend to be notoriously bad aim and miss like 75% of the time even at close range, then the odds of the bullet wound being fatal is small. This is an important one to go over with your kids.</p>

<p>10) As I have said before, most of the schools (summer and regular session) that are being discussed on CC, the kids are probably safer from violent crime at school than when at home. These days there is so much security at airports that generally speaking that’s not a risky place for them. It is the travel to and from the airport and weekend excursions that are the riskiest. Some schools provide shuttle service and some do not. I would never let my kids get into a taxi alone, nor would<br>
I allow public transportation if traveling alone. I realize some of you are comfortable with that but I am not. The airport shuttle van service that all major airports now have, I am a little more comfortable with but not completely. Prior to learning we had a relative at our Childs destination here are the three things I considered doing to get her from the airport to the school (about 35 miles).
A) Contact a school staff member and offer them $150 to meet her at the airport (cab fare would be half that)</p>

<p>B) Contact a company like Global Security Associates that provide security escorts and drivers. <a href="http://www.globalsecurityassociates.com/%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.globalsecurityassociates.com/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>C) Contact a local Private investigator to do same. Generally speaking I would only hire one who was a member of the FBI retired agents society. </p>

<p>What are your ideas?</p>

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<p>Wally, I think the accuracy, usefulness, and real-world workability of the list is dependent on the age of your child. I won't critique each point but I will add something which I think may be potentially even more useful than anything on your list: have your D take a course in self-defense. All three of my college-aged Ds have done so and it was money well-spent.</p>

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<p>Lot's of good advice, wally, although I am surprised by your reluctance to use taxi cab service. Are there statistics that show this to be a danger for a young person - or any person- traveling alone? As someone who often relies on cabs myself, I am interested. My 21 year old also uses cabs, and I've not thought to be concerned. Maybe I should rethink this.</p>

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<p>Thanks Wally! useful!</p>

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<p>Alwaysamom;</p>

<p>One day you and I might live to be good friends but for now we will just have to agree that we see the world differently. I would be comfortable giving my list to a child from age 10-11 on up (not the wolf ring of course). Point number 9 in particular applies to even kids in there 20's. If you knew how many police reports contained the words, "He said if I took my clothes off he would not hurt me so I did because I did not want to get hurt" it would shock you. </p>

<p>Nothing wrong with self defense courses as much for strength, confidence, flexibility, coordination and endurance as defense. The key to safety is the avoidance of confrontation not learning how to manage it. Confrontation should be the last ditch effort when many other things (such as on my list) fail be that for a black belt or couch potato. Confrontation is bad even if you win. You don’t skip learning avoidance strategies and move right to confrontation management visa vie self defense classes. </p>

<p>Sometimes basic self defense classes can be more harmful than good, as with cell phones, they can engender a false sense of security. My daughter is 5’2” and 109 Lbs. I am 6’3” and weigh 240 lbs. And, while I can “pinch an inch”, that’s about it; My daughter could have been taking self defense courses from birth and would be no match for me. What I do agree about those classes is that frequently they do make you more aware and put you in better physical condition to run away (to fight again another day!). So, unless your daughters are experts, thinking that they will just fight there way out of any problems would not be my plan A. </p>

<p>ASAP;</p>

<p>Much of my post above does come from research I have done and conversations with federal law enforcement types. I have no statistics to show that cabs are dangerous places. I personally have no problem getting in a cab. {I was surprised to be in a major city recently and learn that the cab service there photographs all passengers) I am sure it depends on the setting but I want to avoid my teenaged daughters being one on one with a unknown adult man in a confined space (especially a car). That seems like a no no to me even if the statistics show it to rarely be a problem. Safety in numbers.</p>

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<p>Wally, the self defense classes in which my Ds participated did much more than teach them how to react in a confrontation. There were six full days of classes, (9-5, over three weekends) which covered general safety, safety on public transportation, safety while driving or walking, avoidance strategies, protecting yourself in a social setting, the importance of fitness and strength training, in addition to basic methods of self defense. I think you'll find that most good self-defense classes these days which are designed for women involve much more than learning how to "fight their way out of it".</p>

<p>I'm not disagreeing with your list, per se, although I do see some of your rules as items which should be covered with kids long before they're travelling on their own. Basic safety training and education is something which we started early with our girls, with much repetition and review through the years. I do disagree with the concept of not allowing public transportation and don't see how that is possible or practical for kids who are college-aged and who are living in an urban setting. This was the reason for my comment about age specific issues. I can't imagine the reaction of a college if you called and offered to pay a staff member to pick up a student at the airport. </p>

<p>I'm as concerned as any parent, trust me, about the safety of my 4 Ds. They've travelled all over the world alone, in school groups, in community service groups, with friends, with each other, and with my H and me, and although I worry like any mother does, I think that requiring that they be picked up by private investigators or security agencies is carrying your safety concerns to the extreme. Ideally, we, as parents, would like to put them into a bubble to keep them safe from any type of harm forever, but it isn't realistic, nor would it be a healthy way for them to live their lives.</p>

<p>Am I mistaken or did you say that your D was travelling this summer as an unaccompanied minor? I would have thought she was too old to be considered such. Doesn't that usually stop at age 14? I'm sorry she had a problem on her journey to her summer program and I hope that it didn't upset her too much.</p>

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<p>Alwaysamom,</p>

<p>See, I knew it could happen, I agree with you!</p>

<p>I like the sounds of the classes your girls have taken. The self defense classes that the YWCA teaches both here and in CA are lame. Like I said, more harm than good.</p>

<p>
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I do see some of your rules as items which should be covered with kids long before they're traveling on their own.

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</p>

<p>Amen. My “Rules” are really just helpful hints to parents who have contacted me on this forum regarding safety and I have no idea what has been done previously in their household. </p>

<p>
[quote]
I do disagree with the concept of not allowing public transportation and don't see how that is possible or practical for kids who are college-aged and who are living in an urban setting.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>First, remember my kids are not college aged. I may change my tune when they are but probably not. I am talking about busses and subways. In my world it is possible to get around without them and no way I am letting my 17 yo daughter travel on a city bus by herself even in our little town much less a metropolis. </p>

<p>
[quote]
requiring that they be picked up by private investigators or security agencies is carrying your safety concerns to the extreme

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Most people would probably agree with you. Wally tends to do things in extremes but then Wally has seen some extreme things. Maybe my preventions are measured in pounds that are over the top to most people but that’s okay with Wally.</p>

<p>
[quote]
I can't imagine the reaction of a college if you called and offered to pay a staff member to pick up a student at the airport.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>They may have laughed me off the planet (though I doubt it, remember this is summer session for a 17 yo traveling 2300 miles) but I don’t care. We are not talking a college student. Frankly the other camps we are familure with provide transportation so in my mind they should be worried about my reaction, not the inverse.</p>

<p>
[quote]
Am I mistaken or did you say that your D was travelling this summer as an unaccompanied minor? I would have thought she was too old to be considered such. Doesn't that usually stop at age 14? I'm sorry she had a problem on her journey to her summer program and I hope that it didn't upset her too much

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Thank you for your concern. With all the training we have done she did some things really well and one thing not so well. She told this creep more than she should have. He was stalking her as she departed the plane. The stewardess had to order him off the plane. She is doing fine. She did fly as an unaccompanied minor. At least with Continental it is until 18 yo.</p>

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<p>I'm sorry Wally, but I don't think a 17-year old who needs to travel as an unaccompanied minor sounds ready for college (or perhaps her parents aren't ready for college!). You have to let kids get lost every once in a while ... how else will they learn how to get un-lost?</p>

<p>My daughter was humiliated by the stuff the unaccompanied minors are forced to wear around their necks by the age of 11 or 12 and I stopped using the service for non-stop flights (she always had a cellphone with her and knew how to reach Aunts, Uncles and friends in the unlikely event something happened to the person who was supposed to meet her). In 8th grade, she took her first connecting flight by herself. There was a last minute gate change during her connection, but she survived and found her way to the new gate. To this day, I'm always proud when she's the one who says, "let's check the TVs to be sure the gate hasn't changed" everytime we're traveling. One year, due to a communication glitch, her camp in Canada failed to pick her up at the Toronto airport. She was as calm as could be. She called me, I called the camp. She then bought a magazine and waited patiently in a cafe.</p>

<p>Am I a nervous wreck about her leaving for college in a few short weeks? Absolutely not. She's been ready forever! Am I going to miss her terribly? Absolutely yes. I'm not ready!</p>

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<p>Wally,</p>

<p>As I have only one child which is a girl, we have always been very protective and security minded. Probably more so since her dad is in a high visibility job which puts her at a higher risk for all kinds of unwanted attention.</p>

<p>Although I think your list is worth while....I think it's a disservice not to empower your child to have their OWN plan when it comes to travel especially if they are over 16.</p>

<p>My child got separated from her choir group while in NYC in March. I won't get into the details about the lack of supervision but she was left in Queens at 2 in the morning by herself. The subways were not running back to Manhattan at the time and her cell was not working. She had several men approach her to offer her a ride back to the city. We had talked about this situation happening and she knew the name of her hotel and that she should take a cab if she should get separated. She had enough money to do so and that's what she did. Fortunately, our game planned work and she got herself back safely to the hotel. We are thankful for that cab driver.</p>

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<p>Oh zappos, I'm so sorry that happened -- a parent's worst nightmare. I'm really glad she knew what to do. Even if the subways had been running, she did the right thing by jumping in a cab. No teenager should ride the subway alone at that hour of the morning.</p>

<p>Hopefully she called you (or someone) as well. Even though I'm very used to my daughter taking cabs, I always tell her to immediately call me if she's in a cab alone late at night. I then stay on the phone with her until she arrives safely. </p>

<p>Cell phones and cash -- two very powerful tools for getting out of a jam.</p>

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<p>Jersey;</p>

<p>I am the first to agree that our kids live sheltered lives. We are as shocked at the absences of parental leadership in some kids lives as some people might be in our methods of parenthood. If this thread turns to parenting methods it will not be of much use to anyone. </p>

<p>What were your methods for teaching your child to get “un-lost”?</p>

<p>
[quote]
I'm very used to my daughter taking cabs, I always tell her to immediately call me if she's in a cab alone late at night. I then stay on the phone with her until she arrives safely

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</p>

<p>This makes my point of cell phones probably being the item that gives the greatest false sense of security today. </p>

<p>You are so concerned at her choice to take a cab alone late at night that she is to “immediately” call you and stay on the phone for the entire ride. So, you have taught her that making dangerous choices are okay if you have a cell phone. Lots of people perished on 9/11 who were talking on cell phones. What would you do for her if on one of those rides she reported there was a problem? There is nothing you could do for her except maybe call the police to take a report after the incident. I wouldn’t let my daughter get in a cab late at night by her self if she had 14 cells phones a GPS and a shortwave radio! I am glad you have never had a problem but that just sounds crazy to me. </p>

<p>Zappos;</p>

<p>
[quote]
I think it's a disservice not to empower your child to have their OWN plan when it comes to travel especially if they are over 16.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Would you elaborate? What do you mean by "plan". What plan did your child come up with?</p>

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<p>Do we need to start a new topic (rather than musical theatre) on parenting skills?
There is room for different philosophies and there have been many different philosophies over the years.</p>

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<p>I personally think that the direction that this thread is beginning to take is a recipe for a lot of disagreement and outright argument, if it continues in this direction! Why not quit when we are ahead? :)</p>

<p>I do want to say that I don't think it's quite fair to assert that a 17 year old that travels as an unaccompanied minor is not ready for college. The maturity and experience level of 17 year olds varies widely, and what might be easy and breezy for one might be more challenging and scary for another. I also frankly think we value independence to such a degree that our culture pushes kids to be adult much, much earlier than in the past. (A good example of this is when I hear people complaining that a five year old is immature. Well, as the teens would say "Duh!") </p>

<p>Certainly, as parents, our job is to help our children grow up and become independent adults capable of making sound, safe decisions, even in emergency situations. But how we do that depends on many variables, including our own experiences, our parenting styles, our belief systems, our temperments, and -- most importantly -- our children's temperments, dispositions, experience and comfort levels. Quite a balancing act, and we all just do the best we can. It's a scary (but wonderful) world out there. It's a tough job to teach kids how to stay as safe as possible (I don't believe ther is any such thing as real safety) while not scaring them to death. </p>

<p>Lisa</p>

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<p>Very nice summary to this potentially contentious area- safety concerns are always a minefield. Each child is different, each parent holds different opinions about safety issues and somehow each of us needs to find the balence.</p>

<p>Good luck and godspeed to all who are traveling over the holiday!
MikksMom</p>

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<p>Lisa,</p>

<p>You’re always the level headed one around here. :) I am fine ending the discussion if you guys think it wise; I have accomplished what I hoped to. I do think we can express differences of opinion without it turning to an argument though. Some of you think I’m crazy and some of you seem crazy to me but that doesn’t mean I dislike you ;)</p>

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<p>Wally --</p>

<p>I like you just fine and I don't think you're crazy! :) </p>

<p>Some of us live in an area where public transportation and cabs are a way of life -- we have no choice but to allow our kids to use them. This will shock you ... but we don't even own a car. Not spending 30 minutes a day looking for parking for the past 6 years (I donated my car to a charity in 2000) gave me 700 hours of my life back! I have a driver who picks me up and takes me to work every morning, and I take a combination of public transportation and a nice leisurely walk to get home every night. It's WONDERFUL!!</p>

<p>
[quote]
... you have taught her that making dangerous choices are okay if you have a cell phone.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Nope, but I have taught her that a cab is better than riding in a car with someone who has been drinking ... or walking alone. And, the mandatory phone call (rule = after midnight) serves a couple of purposes, chief among them is letting the driver know she has a phone and that mom knows she's in a cab.</p>

<p>
[quote]
Lots of people perished on 9/11 who were talking on cell phones.

[/quote]

Yep ... and we watched it ... not on TV .... so I think we have a pretty good idea of what happened that day, but I really don't get what it has to do with traveling safely.</p>

<p>
[quote]
What were your methods for teaching your child to get “un-lost”?

[/quote]

Excellent question. I've taught her to read signs, ask questions of people wearing airline uniforms, policemen, etc., and most importantly, remain calm. I'm pretty sure I've given her the skills she needs to navigate a dangerous world with the right mixture of confidence and fear. And, as Lisa stated so eloquently, it was not easy nor did it happen without fear. But, it's probably my proudest accomplishment.</p>

<p>I'm sorry if my comments came off as criticizing your parenting skills. That was not my intention. But, it did seem as if you were criticizing the parenting skills of those of us who live in an entirely different world than you. I'm the product of a "Green Acres" suburban-like upbringing myself, so I'm pretty used to people questioning our "city ways." It's just difficult to understand if you don't experience it. </p>

<p>-jersey</p>

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<p>I lived in LA and have been to your city on business many times so I do have the basics of big city living down. And, we do live a green acres existence (literally). I live on a road that is seven miles long and has 3 houses on it. Other than the mail lady and the upper neighbor we might get one car a day that goes by. In the years we have lived here I have never heard a siren. So our paths have been the opposite. </p>

<p>Agreed, a cab is better than a drinking driver of walking. And, having gone without a car for two years myself I understand the necessities of public transportation for some people. I just don’t think single girls should be out late taking cab rides by themselves, that’s my point. But then that’s why you live where you do, and I don’t. </p>

<p>The 9/11 comment was in support of my belief that cell phones frequently provide a false sense of security. A cell phone was not able to spare those victims from their horrible demise. I do think having your daughter make that call is better than not. Not because the driver knows she has a cell phone (you say that like it’s a gun) but because someone now knows she is in a cab. </p>

<p>Happy 4th! Wally</p>

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<p>I think ALL of you are wonderful parents who show an exception interest in your children's welfare just by virtue of being on this board. I don't think any of us are crazy ..... I am sure I am not the only one around here who values being able to share our ideas, experiences, points of view, etc. and am grateful to those who make this list (and our sharing) possible.</p>

<p>Keep the ideas coming!</p>

<p>And I hope everyone has a happy and safe :) 4th of July. </p>

<p>Lisa</p>

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<p>Another member gave me some good advice off list that I want to share. This is what I meant in my top ten list item number four but this member did a much better job of articulating the concept than I did. </p>

<p>"My experience in dealing with old pervs is that they won’t mess with you in a public place if they think you’ll make a scene. They look for passive victims. If you seem fierce, nobody bothers you no matter how petite you are and there’s no rule saying you have to be nice and make everybody like you if you're just passing through. Make a scene loudly if somebody presses the point. You'll probably never see those people around you again, so it's okay to be a b*tch if need be. They'll get over it." </p>

<p>Sounds like good advice to me.</p>

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<p>Great advice, and one worth passing along, especially to young girls who have grown up in a culture that encourages them to "make nice" to almost everyone. Girls (and boys) need to know that they do not have to be friendly and pleasant to everyone, even to every adult they meet, though I do like my children to be polite. But I also tell my daughters that they should listen hard to that gut feeling that tells them when something is not right. (Reminds me of the old Madeleine book and the famous Miss Clavell!)</p>