Students who aren't the best at being students: how do you all do this?

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

<p>Angst and a veritable autobiography incoming...</p>

<p>I'm sorry if this post will come off as strange or rambling. This is a throwaway account, if you hadn't realized, so it's all coming out here. </p>

<p>I don't really know how to phrase this. I've had a pretty tough time in the middle school-high school transition (going into junior year now) and I feel like I've completely failed myself and my family. I used to be a very good student and now I'm not sure what went wrong– my GPA is at 1.8. I was diagnosed with ADHD and depression this year and was put on 15mg adderall in the middle of the second semester— too late. I keep finding myself wishing that this could've been discovered earlier. I failed one quarter of my honors English class and now I'm taking the regular junior class this year– I was hoping to do honors again and hopefully bring my GPA up, especially when I know the slight differences in "regular" classroom environments set me off as well as the possibility of having people who'd harassed me in the past because of my strange status in the classes beforehand (I had to take regular freshman English and it was a nightmare). Not only that, but I was raised to think that was the sort of class for "dumber" kids. I'm so worried. I spoke to my counselor about it and asked if I could possibly go back up and I wish I hadn't. I'd also disclosed with her my full summer school schedule (in hopes I could bring my GPA up and get credit) and received a "your parents have put a lot of money and confidence in you this summer!" and something in me just... broke. I didn't say anything. I just asked some questions. She hasn't replied to me. I'd had a big blowout fight with my parents about a day beforehand re: going back down to "regular" English and I didn't want to mention that because I felt that it'd seem too pushy, and I don't want to impose on anyone but it's beginning to feel so restricting– I'm so worried about becoming a train wreck. I'm so worried about graduating. I'm so worried about college. My parents always told me how disappointed they'd be if it turned out I would be going to somewhere small-scale as community college. And I feel so stupid and bitter and hurt that I can barely contact the counselor I should feel safe speaking to about this sort of thing outside of stilted, disconnected emails. </p>

<p>So I'm just going to make a throwaway and hope someone can relate. I feel so off. I feel so, so off. I'm going into junior year with a 1.8 and I don't know how I'm going to do with added summer school grades and my schedule makes me feel so awful and ashamed. I know I shouldn't be. I feel that there might be something additionally wrong with me mentally because of all this and I absolutely hate it. </p>

<p>I just need to know how you guys do it. If anyone here's like me, likely there isn't, but it's worth a shot. (I'm quickly realizing that CC is unhealthy for me, but I can't honestly find any place like it). How do you balance this all out, and how do you face it?</p>

2

<p>While I can’t relate through experience, first or second hand, I will do my best to give any advice that can help.</p>

<p>One thing that people on here can make you forget is that school is not the real world. What schools you go to and the grades you get do not define you. People have so many more dimensions than intelligence as measured by grades. This will be a big hurdle, but you have to find a way to face the music here so that you can turn this around. You will probably have to take some classes below the level you want to. And people will give you sh*t for it. Don’t listen to them, but realize they will be there, and be ready for it. I fully realize it is not at all easy, but if you can find some way to accept this reality, you can use the classes and recover from this.</p>

<p>Your college options are obviously limited, but a CC will do just fine. Don’t worry about colleges at this point, worry about yourself. The most concerning part of this post to me was “I feel so off. I feel so, so off.”</p>

<p>Find out what is off. You should keep working the grades angle, but the priority is to get yourself back to what you feel is your normal. Has any other major event occurred recently in your life?</p>

<p>Academically, if you can make some sort of improvement there will be a good story there. Even finding what is off and working to fix that will be a great story for colleges. That could give you a card to use in the college admissions process that could land you a better school than you expect. But, once again, make your first priority you, and worry about the rest later. Going through a terrible experience and still feeling “off” won’t do you any good, though it will seem like it from the outside.</p>

<p>“I feel that there might be something additionally wrong with me mentally because of all this and I absolutely hate it.”</p>

<p>My advice would be to see a therapist / psychologist immediately. I don’t know how you feel about this, but I can tell you from second hand experience that this is a very important thing. Not only will exploring this be beneficial, but it will give you another place like here to get help from. " I can’t honestly find any place like it" - seeking professional help would be that place. The symptoms of this may be academic, but you need to find the source first. Don’t simply fix the symptoms.</p>

<p>I hope any of this helps.</p>

3

<p>You’re not the only person to have problems in school, or be someone who’s bright, but their grades just aren’t on par with what they and/or their parents want. This might be hard to believe, because CC is so full of the 1% of the academic world, but I promise you it’s true. </p>

<p>I go to an average public school, and there are so many kids who have low GPAs who do graduate. Most of them don’t care about their grades; you’ve got something going for you: You do care about your grades and you have goals. Going to community college or lower tier colleges around here isn’t seen as something to be ashamed of. I get it, it’s not the desirable option, but there’s nothing wrong with it; anyone who tells you otherwise just isn’t be honest with themselves and is living in a disillusioned state. So don’t think you’re an idiot for your GPA; there are options and you’re a bright guy, just have had some obstacles.</p>

<p>Likewise, there’s nothing wrong with “regular” English. You need to look at this objectively: Can you honestly handle honors classes? What kind of classes do you think you’d do best in? </p>

<p>You need to sit down with your parents and counselor and tell them about how you feel, and how them getting on you won’t help at all. Explain how you want to get back into the swing of things and get your GPA back on track, but they aren’t helping. Your future is not determined by your high school coursework and GPA. Seriously. You are not a bad person, you aren’t stupid, You just need some extra help right now. Seriously, try not to feel ashamed; in the “real” world, it’s not uncommon for people to have low GPAs. Hell, at my school, people are considered honor graduates if their GPA is above a 3.0. So you aren’t the only one. </p>

4

<p>There is an old saying “first things first.” Tuesday (since it’s a holiday weekend) before school starts find the school psychologist print out a copy of your post and share it. </p>

<p>If my instincts are good, the articulate person who wrote the original post has a tremendous amount of potential. Success and happiness is not defined by academic achievement. Your future in not set in stone at 17 years of age!</p>

<p>What I hope (and pray) for my kids and for you, is that you will become the best YOU! Tell us what you love to do and what you are good at doing. </p>

<p>Realizing your unique value in the world, getting “well”, and taking the pressure off yourself sounds to me like a great start to a bright future.</p>

5

<p>Warning: more text walls.</p>

<p>Hi,
I came back here to see if I could try and get rid of this account quickly after-- I always end up posting things like these as “vent threads” because I’m terrified of the responses. I’m really surprised to see these kind of responses. I find that sites like these usually come with a lot of “suck it up” when it comes to depression and stuff like this, which I was diagnosed with (er, double-diagnosed, because I went to a new psych after middle school) along with ADHD and I never really found any good resources that could… acknowledge that. I’m on summer vacation right now and just barely passed three classes and I’m devastated, but not as much as I feel like I should be. I’ve had the opportunity to visit a psychiatrist and he told me that I might have some underlying anxiety issues, too.</p>

<p>That’s my other issue. I don’t like bringing this up, because the default for “student” for a lot of people is obviously neurotypical-- but it’s quickly coming to me that I have to talk about it… I hate coming off as arrogant or even seemingly guilt-tripping a counselor or anybody into help with classes / getting into classes. I don’t even know if this qualifies as either of the two, but I hate pressing my luck.</p>

<p>I think that I do my best in honors classes. I remember that the reason I thought I screwed myself over was because of not getting diagnosed fast enough, but at the same time I feel that even having it is messing me up-- my grade in English went from an A to a D because a huge assignment from the previous quarter was graded late enough that it was placed in the fourth. It was like that for everyone, but my grade was extraordinarily low. But I’ve seen my work. And I know I can do well. I have the opportunity to be published in some literary journals and magazines right now, which I’m taking, obviously, and I’ve always done well in it-- I skipped a grade (in elementary school, and I am a late birthday, anyway so it doesn’t matter) and my PSAT score put me on the 98th percentile (critical reading) out of others in the nation. </p>

<p>I didn’t do well in the environment of my ‘regular’ English classroom from freshman year. Things seemed slightly off-kilter and things moved slow enough that I got… well, bored. I guess that’s the distinction, aside from the pace, which is obvious.</p>

<p>I’m still looking to go into honors English. I had a new teacher-- or at least one new at teaching honors classes-- this year and I don’t know if that affected me, because it did in eighth grade and the sort of trial-and-error / our class being the “guinea-pig” class that would happen threw me off, as well. I know the summer project, and read through it and I was so excited and motivated to do it… until I learned that I wouldn’t be doing it at all.</p>

<p>I don’t want to type this all out to anyone. I’m having a hard time not deleting everything, because it feels like a stupid humblebrag or something-- I guess the point of this post was to ask about communication. It might not be worth anything to appeal to a counselor about being put in honors classes when people higher than me have decided I might do better elsewhere, but if I do-- and I’ve linked my counselor this thread (don’t know if she’ll read it and part of me hopes she doesn’t)-- I’ll need some help.</p>

<p>Thank you so, so so much for all of these words. And for listening. I’m feeling better, now. </p>

<p>If any other students facing problems with mental health issues are interested and reading, this article was something I really related to: it’s about graduate school, but still-- <a href=“The Chronicle of Higher Education | Higher Ed News, Opinion & Advice”>The Chronicle of Higher Education | Higher Ed News, Opinion & Advice; </p>

6

<p>Also, apologies for the double post, but could this be moved somewhere else? I just learned of the Learning Differences forum, and maybe it’s suited for there.</p>

7

<p>I think you are going to be fine. You didn’t fail anybody. You suffer with a very common mental illnesses that are very treatable. Get your parents to help you get into the honors classes that you want. You are being treated now and next year will be better. Do the best you can. Then you can look for colleges. I think your hard work will pay off. </p>

<p>As for colleges, depending on where you live, I don’t think community college is right for you. I think you should try to go to a 4 year school. Depending on what you want to do with your life, one strategy that you might find workable is to try to go to a flagship public school that has a low bar to entry, but provides good opportunities to prove yourself and does attract other highly motivated students who went there because of the low cost. I think if you go to a school that doesn’t attract highly motivated students then you aren’t going to find your peer group. These places exist. I’m thinking like Iowa, Kansas, Utah, etc. Maybe even Alabama since it seems to be attracting many top students going for the free ride. </p>

<p>Another option is going to school in the UK. Schools in the UK just look at your exam scores. They don’t even look at your grades. So you may be able to go to something like St Andrews or Edinburgh. </p>

<p>Why don’t you post about a year from now and maybe we can get creative. Good luck. </p>