Agree with @rosered55 was so good to see your news. I haven’t posted until now, but have been checking thread to see if any updates. Ya, not thrilled with the homestay person having “plans” on the night of his surgery, but it all worked out and so thrilled you got to be there for him and meet up with his world over there. Sending big virtual hug to you both! Safe and happy travels to you.
Good to see you arrived safely and your son is on the mend. Enjoy your time with him. ?
I have been thinking about “homestay person having plans on the night of his surgery.” Even though it was not her responsibility to take care of OP’s son, but I would think someone who decides to be a homestay person should have a bit more compassion to not leave a sick person at home by himself. It is also surprising to me that the study abroad coordinator(s) were so unresponsive during an emergency. I would bring it up with the school so they could do better in the future.
Very happy to hear OP’s son is recovering. Hope OP will get a chance to see a bit of Paris. I would do a bus tour and a river tour since time is limited.
^^ Or at the very least have something prepared for him to eat?? Sheesh. I know times are hard for a lot of people around Paris, and many hosts are taking students because they need the money and not because they really want to. But geez. A little extra effort for a one-time extraordinary circumstance would kill ya’? I don’t understand people sometimes. 8-|
At any rate, I’m very glad your son is starting to feel better. Hopefully he’ll be feeling much better by Thursday.
I don’t think it is the homestay person’s responsibility to nurse the student or change her plans. For all we know she might have been going to a wedding or away for the weekend. She should have made sure there was food.
If a student in the US had an operation, the college, dorm head, apartment manager doesn’t take care of the student.
My daughter was in a homestay travel abroad program. Her hosts didn’t do much and there were 3 students staying with them. I think the other kids would have helped more than the hosts, but they could have been away for the weekend too.
Not if the kid had a cold or something that clearly wasn’t serious. But right after surgery? Unless their “plans” were unchangeable (had to work or something like that), I’d certainly have changed mine for a student staying in my home. Glad things worked out, OP, and hope he heals up well with no issues!
I hope things are going well. Avoid exertion…even climbing stairs or anything that could pull the stitches 
Since you’re in Paris, take advantage of the emergency to sight see and visit your son’s favorite places, cafes, etc. If there’s an exhibit, go see it. Lots of museums - the Holocaust museum (see all the plaques on all streets and schools commemorating people who deported to death camps or were shot in the Liberation of Paris),
Marmottan for impressionists, Berthillon ice cream…?
@twoinanddone In a serious situation like this, I do think some American schools would ensure that students were checked on - at the very least an RA. I know that at my school, people who had a serious case of the flu were checked on by the RA (my roommate was one of them…) so I am sure in an even more serious situation they would be checked on. At least they should be.
But even then, I don’t think it is even fair to compare this situation to students who are in the United States attending home institutions. OPs son is in a foreign nation - all by himself - in a program associated with his university, they should be more involved in a health emergency.
If the appendix ruptured I can see the host person needing to be a bit more involved, but it seems like it was a fairly routine appendectomy. I do not think too much TLC would be required.
I am sure most mom’s would do what the OP did though and that is fine, just no need to find fault with either the host parent or the program.
No matter how minor a surgery is, one is usually sore afterwards and would need help to get in and out of bed, not to mention having food available. My niece had one of those minor surgeries recently. The doctor told her she could travel back to UK the next day to continue her study abroad. She was throwing up and couldn’t get out of bed by herself for 24+ hours. Even with simple wisdom tooth extraction you would need to have someone around post op. It is really just common sense and a bit of compassion.
I had an appendectomy when I was in college. Unfortunately the younger doctor was on vacation and I was left to the old doctor that left me with a huge 6-8 inch cut. It was definitely sore but I was able to manage on my own.
If my son were in Paris either my wife or I would probably go as we are retired and have the funds to do so. I certainly would not hold it against the host parent or sponsoring organization for not doing too much. If you want your kid to be coddled all the time do not send them abroad. We are not talking a third world country for a major operation. It is Paris for an appendectomy…
I know my daughter’s host parents in Spain would have stepped in and done more. They could be rather abrupt, but they made sure she was taken care of. (“Dad” would often give DD rides to school when he didn’t have to.) I don’t think it’s asking too much for a host parent to go a little above and beyond in a serious situation like this. And getting your appendix out is NOT a minor thing.
^If it has ruptured, I fully agree.
Well, there are a lot of “hosts”, whether it be study abroad, foster families, J-1 summer students, where money is the sole reason for doing it. Not very nice to leave a very sick young student alone in a strange house with no food. I think it borders on negligence (not legal, just moral, but still…). What is the matter with some people. Hey, what goes around comes around, or at least I hope so, I’m all about kharma.
My kid had two horrible homestays in Jordan. So I am not so surprised. When my son was sick in Jordan, the program followed up to make sure he was okay. At that point he was doing a program without a homestay.
My family in France really treated me like I was their daughter. I went to their son’s wedding years later and exchanged Christmas cards with them forever. But when I was staying with an older woman in Germany as part of a Goethe Institute program, her only job was to provide bedding and breakfast. There was no interaction at all. The program, I think, sets the expectations, I was very lucky with the French program, they vetted their families carefully and had enough good families that there were good choices.
Sounds like there is a bit of a disconnect in the nomenclature and thus expectations of whether one has landlords or substitute parents.
“Sounds like there is a bit of a disconnect in the nomenclature and thus expectations of whether one has landlords or substitute parents.”
Definitely. I suspect there’s also a cultural difference at play. My husband is European, has a degree from one European uni and did an internship at another European uni and company. The European uni model tends to be much more hands off than the American one. Uni students are considered adults; some unis don’t even have dorms or college housing because the students are assumed to be adults and responsible for housing and feeding themselves. The level of parental involvement at American college is not the level of parental involvement in Europe. My English in-laws are incredulous at the American college system that treats students as children.
The French host in OP’s story is likely to view the arrangement as one of an adult boarder or tenant rather than a child that needs parenting. That’s not necessarily uncaring, she is performing the duties she agreed to and should not be expected to be aware of or buy into the common American extended-parenting model. Would it have been nice if she’d taken on more of a role of friend or even caregiver? Sure, but it’s unfair to criticize her for acting according to the agreement and what’s culturally appropriate for her. After all, the idea of study abroad is to live within and experience another culture, not play around the world while expecting the foreign people to adopt our cultural norms.
@roycroftmom I would agree. But as a “human” I’d find it difficult to leave a very sick young man (or anyone for that matter) without food at the very least after major surgery in a country where they have no one to assist them. I’ve been a landlord for students every summer and while I don’t “mom” them, I do make sure they have the basic provisions they need to be comfortable, including occasionally providing a nice dinner or cold medicine or any extra sweatshirt if they don’t happen to have one. Just what one should do for another IMHO.
I’ve never had a landlord do that, but it is certainly kind of you to do so. I do think the cultural differences play a big role here. In some places, I think that such action would be regarded as odd at best, and likely overly intrusive and personal. Differences make the world interesting.
My daughter had the flu twice last spring. Student health center sent her home and the dean sent out an email that she wasn’t to be in class. No one from the school checked on her (but she luckily had friends and roommates who did).
It would have been nice if the homestay person had stayed home, but she did pick him up from the hospital which is more than her responsibilities required. If the hospital thought he needed care, they would have kept him. The surgery was in the morning and they released him at 5. I’m sure he felt crummy and appreciate his mom coming, but he was not in medical danger. If the study abroad program has a responsibility to check on the students, they should have. When my daughter was on study abroad, I don’t think the program or her home university checked on them at all, and the homestay parents weren’t that nice. As someone said, they do it for the money to fill rooms their own kids have vacated. They are landlords, not parents.