<p>Northstarmom, I totally agree.</p>
<p>What’s the rush with her going away to a residential college? Culture shock is not insignificant. Think of all that this young woman has gone through. Stability seems the order of the day.</p>
<p>Additionally, I don’t understand why anyone would suggest her attending a college in any area without significant cultural diversity…where there may be people with a relationship with Ukraine, and Eastern Europe.</p>
<p>Check out Eastern University in St. Davids, Pennsylvania. Eastern has been an excellent college for an ESL student (international) that we know. She spoke decent conversational English upon arrival, but limited academic English. It is a faith-based school, but that has not been a problem for this student, who is not Christian. A very nurturing place for her as she adjusts to the US. She has loved it and made alot of friends.</p>
<p>Yes, older adoptees need time to attach to their new family, but children who are 16 at adoption are motivated for this. Keep in mind that children of age 14 and older are given a choice in the courts in their home country about whether they want to be adopted or not. If they do not want to be adopted, they remain in the orphanage system and are given vocational or other training as they age out. Many former Soviet countries provide training and resources to young adults up until age 21, which is more than we can say for the US foster system. So the option to stay “in country” is a very real one and I am sure this young lady had friends in the orphanage who are doing that. </p>
<p>So the fact that she chose to leave her country, language, and friends means that she was highly motivated to have a family, an education, and a future. She will do fine, with support and guidance. She has already lived through the very hardest events that a young adult can live through. Going to college will not be as hard for her as some would assume. She has inner resources that have guided her this far, and will continue to do so. I am guessing that she will not take her education for granted, and will work hard. She will be more mature than her peers in some ways, less mature in others, but it will all work out.</p>
<p>It is easy to give other parents advice, but I think we should trust that these parents know what they are doing. Adoptive parents are often highly educated and resourceful people who are able to do incredible therapeutic parenting under unusual (and sometimes difficult) circumstances. Her parents are looking for advice on specific colleges, and not for parenting advice, if I read the OP correctly.</p>
<p>"t is easy to give other parents advice, but I think we should trust that these parents know what they are doing. Adoptive parents are often highly educated and resourceful people who are able to do incredible therapeutic parenting under unusual (and sometimes difficult) circumstances. Her parents are looking for advice on specific colleges, and not for parenting advice, if I read the OP correctly.
5grizzlycubs is online now "</p>
<p>If the parents are so resourceful, then why aren’t they posting here? Why do they also erroneously think their D would have 0 EFC due to being adopted at a late age?</p>
<p>I don’t see any reason to trust parents just because they adopted a child from abroad. Having the resources to adopt from abroad doesn’t mean that parents are good parents or have what some might regard as common sense.</p>
<p>If the girl will be 20 when she is starting college, and both she and her parents feel that it will be best if she moves to a residential college to gain more independence, they are probably correct.
Also, 4 years of living in this country is sometimes enough to gain a very good command of English language. This girl may not need any ESL help at this point. But I think she would still greatly benefit from a diverse student body. </p>
<p>I think women’s college might be a better choice because it will probably have less of a wild freshmen scene, but I also doubt that a girl who lived in a Ukranian orphanage till the age of 16 will be easily scared or impressed by anything going on in a college dorm.</p>
<p>“If the girl will be 20 when she is starting college, and both she and her parents feel that it will be best if she moves to a residential college to gain more independence, they are probably correct.”</p>
<p>I would not make that assumption. The girl moved to the U.S. at age 16 after being in a Ukrainian orphanage. While conditions in such orphanages have improved somewhat, from what I’ve read, it’s likely she experienced things like lack of social stimulation and even food shortages and neglect while growing up.</p>
<p>My concern is that the young woman may not yet have had the socialization and experiences in the U.S. to cope with some of the dorm situations that are stressful and challenging even for kids who grow up in the U.S. I doubt that her experiences in an Eastern European orphanage bear many similarities to U.S. dorm life.</p>
<p>I also wonder how in touch her parents are with her emotional life. Many teens and young adults aren’t that forthcoming about their concerns when talking with their biological parents whom they’ve had a close relationship with. Given language and cultural barriers as well as having been adopted at age 16, I wonder how much the girl expresses her concerns to her family.</p>
<p>I also have the experience of having a niece – who was adopted at age 5 after being removed from abusive U.S. parents, and still at 23 is having some difficulties related to her earlier life. This is despite years of therapy and not having to deal with the kind of geographical move that the OP’s friend’s D has had to cope with.</p>
<p>I don’t understand the big rush to force independence on someone who probably has not had much opportunity to be dependent on adults – the kind of trusting dependence that kids are able to experience when they grow up in nurturing environments. Why not start by commuting to a community college?</p>
<p>I am amused by the insistence of some posters who simply must shift this discussion to parenting and must transform my careful references to “Mom” to parents. Single mom. Demanding and time consuming job. Few financial resources, but heart of gold. (Perhaps I should say few financial resources because of heart of gold.) Adoption to assist bright child with considerable potential to achieve desire to emigrate and have greater opportunities. Their relationship is fine, even if it does not fit your expectations. Mom is not into internet–prefers to interact with other live humans, especially new daughter, grown children and grandchildren, in her limited free time. Asked friend with empty nest, time on her hands, and recent college searching experience to help identify potential schools. This is not a crisis folks, just a request for ideas.</p>
<p>Oh yes, and many many thanks to those of you who have given me suggestions of schools and websites to check out. You have had some great ideas!</p>
<p>One more AHA! thought (that cam to me, as these insights always do, in the course of nmenial work, in this case, scrubbing the cat box):</p>
<p>The word “adoption” has misled some of you, who are thinking adoption as in, “Hubby and I want to expand our family, go to Ukraine, and find a child to love.” In this context, “adoption” means “I met a delightful and bright girl through my church’s summer exchange program. She desperately wants an opportunity to study in a good school. The easiest way* to get her to the U.S. will be for me to adopt her.” Think partnership between two individuals, with one providing the other with a much wanted opportunity. The family relationship is a by-product, not the objective, of the adoption.</p>
<ul>
<li> There is nothing at all easy about adopting a teenager from Ukraine. But it is impossible for a teenager in Ukraine with no resources whatsoever to immigrate to the U.S.</li>
</ul>
<p>Keep smiling! I am! S n S</p>
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<p>sewn,</p>
<p>You present a situation but you are not presenting enough information so that you can get accurate information. Most of the parents are not trying to pass judgement as to whether your friend is a good mom.</p>
<p>Did your friend the legally adopt this child? Yes or No?</p>
<p>Yes, all of this matters because of the young woman’s ability to get accepted to college and to finance her education. You have been already misinformed in your post when you assumed that because the child was orphaned that she would have a zero EFC. </p>
<p>IF the child is not a US citizen or permanent resident, she will not be eligible for any federal or state aid. If she is not a citizen or permanent resident, even though she lives in the US in the college admissions process she will be an international student.</p>
<p>In addition the overwhelming number of schools are not need blind to international students so her ability to pay will be a factor in the admissions process. The overwhelming number of schools are need senistive/need aware to students who are US citizes/permanet residents.</p>
<p>From your latest post it seems that money is going to be an issue. having a low EFC does not automatically translate to getting a lot of financial aid. Only a small number of schools in the US meet 100% demonstrated need with out large loans. With the exception of Bryn Mawr, I don’t beleive that any of the schools mentioned meets 100% demonstrated need. This goes back to my original question how much is the parent willing to borrow/pay to send this young woman to college?</p>
<p>If we had some stats then maybe we would be in a better position to give an adequate list of schools for this young woman as It would be in your friends best interest to also have a list of schools that are financially feasible options if the young woman can not get merit money.</p>
<p>If they are not too far away, you might check out a group called Associated Colleges of the South. They vary in selectivity, and to some extent size, but all are good to wonderful schools.</p>
<p>I don’t know what they all have as an on campus living requirement, but many schools allow older students to live off campus. I think if your friend wants to have the young lady experience on campus life, a CC would not be the place to go.</p>
<p>Also, if the young woman is now a member of the church group through which your friend met her, they may offer financial assistance if she attends one of their affiliated colleges, if they have any.</p>
<p>Best of luck.</p>
<p>Goucher College in Maryland…not too far, not too competitive, not far from Baltimore/ DC, smallish size, embraces diversity and living abroad.</p>
<p>I want to second the thought of a church affiliated school. If the girl and family are active in a church, colleges affiliated with that denomination may give her a little extra scholarship, and there is likely to be a religious group on campus that will be supportive.</p>
<p>If she gets good financial aid, I like the CTCL colleges. Juniata is very nice, and Juniata gives quite a few nice scholarships.</p>
<p>Or, closer to Trenton, how about Drew? It is in Madison, NJ, a lovely campus that is a reasonable train ride to NYC, and not too hard to get into. I know two young women who are there who like it; it is a small, supportive United Methodist school. But again, only if she is eligible for, and receives, good financial aid.</p>