<p>I wouldn't require a job or internship in the summer after sophomore year, but I would encourage your daughter to do one of these things (or to pursue a third valuable option: undergraduate research). However, depending on your daughter's field of study, having an internship might not mean making money. In some fields (e.g., engineering), virtually all internships are paid; in others, (e.g., social sciences), many are unpaid. Nevertheless, they can be good experiences.</p>
<p>I will research the driving schools. There is no way that her dad or I will attempt to teach her this summer, although we will practice with her. She took a driving course 2 summers ago and did miserably. We taught her last summer and she came close to passing the test, but freaked out on the final turn and made an egregious error. She is truly scared of the auto and the road. I am hoping that a good instructor will help her. Given her fear level, I am concerned that the time may not be enough. I want her to not only get the license but also to address her fear so that she drives more comfortably. </p>
<p>As to summer after soph year- we have talked a little about it. I said that while I understand and support the growth in music, I also want her to take advantage of the many other opportunities her school offers. As for now, she says she will look into a summer abroad opportunity related to academics. And a music camp. </p>
<p>I also explained to her that I am supportive of exploration- don't lock into a plan quite yet. Rather take next year to determine a probable course of action, then spend junior and senior years figuring out how to develop that course of action beyond the college years. So- I am all for keeping the music opportunities alive and available as well as exploring the many other opportunities that might fit her long term interests.</p>
<p>
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She has put in a few applications for summer work, at Target and Borders, but I tend to think the jobs will go to year rounders rather than summer help.
[/quote]
In most parts of the country, there is absolutely no way those jobs will go to anyone who doesn't already have retail experience. And putting in an application isn't the way to get the first retail job -- the person has to put in the app + stay on top of it - essentially hounding the hiring department -- the real world, job equivalent of "expressing interest". Even then it;s tough --those jobs are far more likely to go to young people who are available to work year round. </p>
<p>Believe me -- often the people who have those jobs have applied to 40 different places to get 1 offer -- and that was my daughter's experience back when the economy was still good. If you are nudging your daughter to fill out application forms at major retail chains or restaurants, you are wasting her time and yours. Plus, once the kid gets the jobs, it's shift work and the employees with seniority tend to get better shifts and more hours -- so its very possible to be on the payroll but only get called to work 15 hours in a week. So even with a job lined up, the overall earnings can be much less than hoped for. </p>
<p>Your daughter has a talent -- let her develop it. You never know where that may lead over time -- she certainly will meet a wider network of people at the music camps. Often getting a start at a real job (career) later on is all about who you know, and attending 3 different camps will mean that your daughter will probably get to know a very wide network of people. Down the line that may pay off big in unexpected ways.</p>
<p>
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my D has never learned how to drive. She has tried twice and not been successful. I do think that she should master this skill and am unsure whether the 2 weeks at the beginning and 3 weeks at the end of summer will provide her enough time to do so.
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I agree that it is valuable to learn to drive, but the time frame doesn't sound good. Keep in mind that even if she did come home for the summer and get her license, if she returns to school without a car she will not have any practice driving to reinforce her skills -- so it may be that she should wait to learn until she is ready to have a car of her own. The desire & need for her own car may also be a motivating factor when that time comes.</p>
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Regarding the driving- the reason it is an important issue is that it is difficult to get around without the skill.
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Then how can you possibly expect her to find a job? There can't possibly be all that many jobs within easy walking distance from your house, and she would need transportation to/from the job. Even if she gets her license at the beginning of the summer, she'll need a lot of road practice before she is ready for a commute on her own.</p>
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Driving would seriously increase her independence, which is what I want for her.
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So will spending all summer away from home. </p>
<p>I know you love your daughter and hope that in the end that she will settle near you, but it is possible that after college she may choose a city where a car isn't that important. But spending more time away helps break the habits of over-reliance on parents, whether it is for driving or anything else.</p>
<p>
[quote]
She is truly scared of the auto and the road. I am hoping that a good instructor will help her. Given her fear level, I am concerned that the time may not be enough.
[/quote]
My son learned to drive in high school, but he was the same way and really did not get comfortable behind the wheel until he was in his 20's and had to drive a lot for his job. </p>
<p>Truthfully, I think the other drivers on the road were better off for it. I mean -- some teenagers just aren't ready to focus their attention on all the different things and engage in the coordinated actions needed for safe driving. My daughter (younger sibling) later told me some stories of things that had happened when my son was still a teenager and she was a passenger... and if I had known at the time, I never would have let him drive her around. (My fault - I used to ask him to pick her up for school or take her to places for my convenience -- but he really wasn't up to the task). </p>
<p>I know it is frustrating, but your daughter will learn to drive when she's ready. Think how you would feel if you insisted that she focus on driving this summer, and then she got into some sort of accident. My son is much more capable, but he still isn't all that great of a driver (quite a few traffic tickets) -- so basically some people are better drivers than others, and the most dangerous place in the world that any of our kids can be is behind the wheel. So count your blessings. ;)</p>
<p>
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the most dangerous place in the world that any of our kids can be is behind the wheel
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that is definitely true</p>
<p>I would let your daughter take the lead on the subject of driving. She will learn when she feels ready. Compared to almost every other nation on earth, the U.S. has what I consider to be an insanely early driving age and there are lots of kids who are simply not ready at 16 or even 18. Our inadequate mass transit creates an extreme dependence on the car that is uniquely American, although there are a few large cities where you can live comfortably without one. I also want to mention that I met many NYC kids at my Ivy years ago who had never learned to drive since there was no reason.</p>
<p>3 camps in one summer? Your daughter sounds very ambitious and focused. She must be passionate about pursuing music. </p>
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I know I am a parent who encouraged the music education, but thought she had put the idea of a future in music performance behind her when she elected to attend the Ivy.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Forgive me if I'm reading too much into this statement, but it sounds like your problem with her summer plans is her choice of career, music performance. There isn't much you can do about that, except be supportive.</p>
<p>If you are concerned about the money and experience of working, perhaps she could get a job working at a music camp. My school was advertizing positions just recently and I think they paid $2000 for around 1 month's work. They mostly involved teaching, which can be a good skill to have if you plan to go into music performance because it gives you something to fall back on when performing jobs are scarce.</p>
<p>bela- you are probably right about my ambivalence to the idea of a music performance career. Here are my concerns with it:
1. It's tough to make a living-tougher than other paths
2. If she wanted music why didn't she go the conservatory route- she could have- she is that good but decided not to apply to conservatories or U music schools. Her Ivy isn't the best place for music performance since they don't offer it as a major.
3. I worry/suspect that she will expect us to "support" her efforts more financially than emotionally. Although she is willing to pay for these camps herself, this is the first time she has been willing to pay for anything on her own. She generally expects us to bear the cost. Getting her to understand the value of money has been an ongoing struggle, which will continue no doubt regardless of her major.<br>
4. I worry that she will neglect her academics, or make them a definite second priority-which I think is foolish at an Ivy. </p>
<p>So- music performance as a career is a concern, but more immediately, my concerns are how this choice impacts her academic actions at college. </p>
<p>Yes, I know I must accept whatever she chooses. That doesn't make it easy, however. Which is why I come to these boards.</p>
<p>anneroku- If my D decides to wait out learning to drive, how would you recommend I deal with her visits home? Our city is very bad on public transport (buses only that don't go where you really want to go- the whole city is built around the car being the best way to go where you need). Am I supposed to be the chauffeur?</p>
<p>First, I am one who really believes in teenagers working. </p>
<p>However, if there were ever a summer where not working was a good, viable plan, this is it. Even last summer, it was hard to find jobs. I know the economy in Texas has/had been a bit stronger than the rest of the country, but even so, it is going to be very difficult to pick up summer jobs this year. Our high schooler is lucky that he is being a camp counselor where he went to sleep away camp. Many of his friends have not been able to find work. And this is for high schoolers who could work some now and some next school year.</p>
<p>That said, I know Houston. Houston is not NYC it is more like Atlanta. It is really a car city. However, as I advanced through college, I came home less and less, eventually just for a week or two at the beginning and end of summer and for holidays (ie winter break). </p>
<p>There are two week driving courses, but the real issue is the practice factor. To really be a good driver, some researchers suggest that kids need 100 hours of driving time with their parents. In fact, our state requires that under the age of 18, to get your license your parents have to swear (legally) that you have driven 40 hours with them or another adult.
Given that she won't be driving on campus, this is a real hindrance to mastering the skills. </p>
<p>Not driving will really limit her future opportunities in terms of cities. Obviously, many places are easy/not impossible without cars. As she gets older, and closer to the next stage of life, driving may become a more important skill to her. Another thought, is she at an Ivy in a small town. Perhaps that is where she should take the course and the road training -- Houston is a scary place to drive in.</p>
<p>As to when she comes home, I was a driver when I went away to college, but we only had two cars. So, when I came home to visit, I would have to work my schedule around my parents. Same thing here, just because she wants to go somewhere, doesn't mean she should get to -- not right then, if it isn't convenient for you.</p>
<p>patiencema,</p>
<p>I think you should only drive your daughter around if it fits into your schedule and is not a major inconvenience. If she doesn't spend much time at home over the summer this probably won't be a big problem. Maybe she has friends who are willing to pick her up if they have plans together. It should be up to you how much you are willing to accommodate her. </p>
<p>Maybe if she sees that you are not always available that will give her an incentive to learn. I understand what you are saying about living in a city built around having a car. If she has to deal with mass transit this could also compel her to learn. She will either end up going out less or figuring out her own transportation if you are not the chauffeur. But I wouldn't force her into driving if she feels she is not ready -- I would tend to trust your daughter's gut feeling about this. It doesn't sound like she will really have enough practice time even if she does take lessons this summer. </p>
<p>As far as choice of career -- I think you are right to worry and should share your legitimate concerns with your daughter. I majored in an arts field that was not a particularly strong department at the Ivy I attended. Though it worked out for me, in retrospect it was probably not the best choice of school. It sounds like you are respectful of your daughter's preferences and it's important that she follow her true interests. But you should not hesitate to discuss the implications of her possible career choices.</p>
<p>patiencema, your concerns are real, and I don't want to make light of them but it sounds a bit like you are anticipating problems that don't yet exist.</p>
<p>
[quote]
1. It's tough to make a living-tougher than other paths
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Well, yes, that's probably true, generally speaking. The chances of her supporting herself purely on performance are definitely on the small side, however, most people do a mix of things---teaching, accompaniment, for example. Also, since your daughter plays the violin, she could be part of a quartet, an orchestra, or even a bluegrass band! The important thing is that she is pursuing something she loves, which is a lot more motivating than a secure paycheck. She is doing this while she's young, and this experience of pursuing her passion (whether she sticks with music or not) will always be meaningful. Studying music seriously is pretty character building! It requires self discipline, the willingness to take chances, courage (to stand up on that stage!), and the fortitude to face rejection, among other things. Pretty good life skills.</p>
<p>
[quote]
2. If she wanted music why didn't she go the conservatory route-
[/quote]
Can't answer for your daughter. She may be asking herself that same question. It's hard for kids to know the depth of their commitment ahead of time. My son went to liberal arts college for a year before transferring to an art school. I think this is fairly common.</p>
<p>
[quote]
3. I worry/suspect that she will expect us to "support" her efforts more financially than emotionally.
[/quote]
It sounds like she is changing her attitude about money. It's a pretty big shift that she is paying for the camps herself. She's taking responsibility for her choices, right? Sounds to me like you've done a good job of "getting her to understand the value of money". </p>
<p>As for her academics, only time will tell. If she values being at college, she will probably do what she needs to. There may be dips in grades and mistakes along the way (I'm speaking from personal experience here), but, really she sounds like she will be fine. She's lucky that she has something she loves.</p>
<p>Driving- I'm guilty of not getting my license until I absolutely had to- hard for me to learn when we had a stick shift clunker, time... finally got it in summer before junior year in medical school, got my new Ford Maverick then (parents didn't want me to have used car hassles, this was off the lot, end of the model year- it had black vinyl-aargh- seats and even had an AM radio), just in time to drive to my hospital rotations in a big city. She should use available summer time to practice as much as you/she can do it. Public transportation works- no fun with groceries, but doable I learned. She still has time to get the driving skills, needing them will be the motivator.</p>
<p>Summer music camps- fantastic! As long as finances are fine for school there is no added benefit in doing unskilled work- for some it is the motivator to stick with college. Think- when in her life other than now will your D have the opportunity to indulge in music like this? My niece went to, then worked at, a summer music camp- she now has a couple of part time jobs to support herself out of school- music performance major. This is the time of life to do things you can't do later. The unskilled jobs will be there forever, the chance to do music like this won't. She may get a reality check and realize she needs a different college major for job skills after the experience and change her degree plans. It sounds like she has done her homework in planning for this, I don't think getting a paying job will teach her any more organizational et al skills- she already has them. It is good she is not in a conservatory- she has nonmusic options that may be her job and music only an avocation.</p>
<p>The teenage college years are a transition into adulthood, no need to rush the process if finances permit. She has found a way to pay for this and it sounds like she isn't just expecting parents to pay for it without a thought as to the finances- you need to let her know if she needs to work for college funding- that is the only reason to not go to the camps.</p>
<p>Update-
D has gotten into Madeline Island, but has been waitlisted at other festivals/camps. She really wanted Bowdoin, but has been waitlisted. She is currently bummed. Bigtime. </p>
<p>The situation as stands would put her into a camp through the beginning of July. </p>
<p>She has also decided to stay on campus through June 2 in order to work reunions- which will enable her to make some good money. I fully support this decision- shows that she's thinking of the realities of life. </p>
<p>So- right now, she will be home from July 6- Sept 10 or so. Plenty of time to practice the driving. Plenty of time also to bemoan her fate. Hope she either- gets off the waitlist or finds something else to occupy her time at home.</p>
<p>patiencema
sorry to hear about the waitlists -- but of course it's part of the performing artist's lot, as your D knows. How she handles that will be a good test of where her head and heart are in relation to pursuing her music. Meantime, lots of time to practice driving this summer!!</p>
<p>I agree with orchestramom^^^. In a way, it's a good thing that she faces a setback now.</p>
<p>Sounds like your D will have time to do some driving this summer. I grew up in So Cal where everyone got their license at 16. My D (we are in San Diego) got her license last year at 16 and is a very good driver. She shares a car with me and it works out well for us.</p>
<p>I think it is important to know how to drive in case of an emergency. My friend's D was not at all interested in getting her license, but her parents insisted she do it before going to college just in case there was ever a time when she was out with others and no one else was in a position to drive.</p>