taking kids' friends on college visits - smart or not?

Parents Forum
1

<p>This may have been covered in past threads, but it isn't so searchable, because all the words are so common. How do people with actual experience see the pros and cons of taking a kid's friend along on a college visit? Were experienced folks' kids influenced by HS friends riding along? Was that influence beneficial (another set of sharp eyes)? Or did it tend to drive D or S toward adopting the friend's personal tastes and feelings about the school?</p>

<p>Does it matter if it's a multi-school overnight road trip, or a quick afternoon seeing a school that is within an hour's drive? I am guessing it's the same dynamic either way. Fewer dollars are invested in the actual trip if it's nearby, yes. But if a good option is crossed off the list for the wrong reasons, that's unfortunate.</p>

<p>I will watch responses to this thread with appreciation, of course, but I really have nothing more to add -- I'm throwing the question out for guidance from those who have been there.</p>

2

<p>My daughter, now a college freshman, visited a few schools with different friends. They all formed their own, very different opinions. Their relationship played no role whatsoever in their feelings about the schools they saw together.</p>

3

<p>Hard to say for me, S visited two with a friend but I wasn’t there. I kind of feel like he might have liked one I favored if I had been there, and/or the friend had not, but I guess I’ll never know…</p>

4

<p>We took several of S1’s friends with us to various schools.Their parents were working, I was more familiar with the trip, and we were going anyway. These were schools where kids were applying/had applied. It worked out fine for us.</p>

5

<p>We took a friend to one school, did most visits with just the two of us. The friend didn’t like the school they saw together and it is one of D’s top choices. So, it wasn’t a problem of influence. I’d worry though about having a friend along on a longer trip where you did most of your college visiting. It’s not just what happens at the school but those moments in the car or wherever when things come up in casual conversation and you have a chance to make a point or suggest another perspective if it’s just two of you.</p>

6

<p>I remember my sister doing two college visits with friends. The first one was a road trip up to Chicago to see UChicago, Northwestern, UMich, Notre Dame, etc. My sister didn’t like a single school, her friend fell in love with Northwestern and is now attending. Second visit was up to Ithaca with another friend. The friend absolutely hated Cornell, my sister loved it and ended up being accepted ED. These were both two very close friends, all quite similar people, and had little affect on how each other perceived the schools.</p>

7

<p>Friends? Don’t see a problem. bf/gf? No way. D and ex-bf wound up at the same small school after a visit. She didn’t want to go alone; he went and looked at a school he never would have considered. They broke up this summer, had a very uncomfortable first semester. Anyway, don’t do it!</p>

8

<p>D#1 was anxious to see schools by herself … D#2 was reluctant to do that. So with D#2 we took a different friend on each trip. It was a lot more fun, and both girls benefited. I say go for it. Good memories, leading to good decisions.</p>

<p>bf/gf? Wow. No way.</p>

9

<p>H took S and 2 of his best friends on a 9 day, 17 college “mancation”. As horrible as might sound, it went very well.</p>

<p>Rationale for takIng them: I (mom) couldn’t be off work. All 3 boys have similar GPAs, test scores, ECs, and family incomes. Our strategy was to look at schools that meet full financial need.</p>

<p>The friends’ parents helped contribute some money for the trip, and they stayed in inexpensive motels (2 double beds) that included breakfast. They also brought a cooler/food so they could save costs.</p>

<p>We live in the middle of the country, and they saw/visited schools in several states, including PA, NJ, NY, CT, VT, MA, NH, ME, OH, & IL. It was a one-shot deal.</p>

<p>S set the itinerary and the boys made arrangements & reservations for tours & interviews, if schools required them.</p>

<p>I should note they didn’t take official tours for all 17 schools. They included some drive-by’s which were added because they were relatively nearby.</p>

<p>H said having all 3 worked great. S behaved better because his friends were there. His friends behaved better because H is not their dad.</p>

<p>S & one friend tended to like similar schools; while the third friend liked bigger schools.</p>

<p>They also got to see parts of the country they had never been before. They texted me tons of wonderful photos, including one of my favorites of the 3 of them in front of Niagara Falls.</p>

<p>The 3 boys have been competing alongside and against each other for years. In sports, for parts in plays, for first chair, etc.</p>

<p>S & one friend ended up with the same favorite school. Independently both decided to apply ED. Both were aware that either one or both could be rejected. S already told his friend if they went to the same school he didn’t want to be roommates.</p>

<p>S was admitted ED; his friend was deferred. The 3rd boy applied ED to a different school & was deferred also.</p>

<p>So we don’t know yet how it’s all going to turn out. But even if his friends had been admitted & S deferred, I don’t regret inviting them. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity for them, and I know it is something they will all remember for the rest of their lives.</p>

10

<p>That man-cation sounds like it could be a reality show. Good for your husband to have the patience; I’m glad it worked out well. Big gender-based overgeneralizations, I know, but I sometimes wonder if girls are more likely to feel that they have to work out a shared view of a school with a good friend, if they tour it together. Other posters have not found this. I guess it depends on your kid’s personality.</p>

11

<p>We have taken friends on campus tours, mainly because their parents didn’t. We are taking 2 friends along on the next tour. One, because her parents aren’t interested in helping her with the college selection process and one just to get a feel for a college campus to start her search process (sophomore). I don’t know that I would do that at a highly selective school but these are mostly safety or pretty sure thing schools. It probably doesn’t matter though.</p>

12

<p>Well, we didn’t take any of their friends on our visits to college. I think we all would have been a little reluctant to talk so openly about our impressions if someone else was there. We also wanted the time to be ours.</p>

13

<p>We took S1 on a visit by himself. He was antsy the whole time and didn’t enjoy the trip. Then he and his best friend went on a visit together w/ no parents. They had a great time. They both chose that school and were roommates throughout college.</p>

14

<p>I have 4 kids , and I never would have done it . Too much chance for distraction ! For this reason ,I have never traveled with another family (abroad ). I want to fully experience what I am seeing .My husband took each child on college tours -I stayed with the others .It was their special time together .</p>

15

<p>D went on one visit with a friend, both the friends parents and I were there, too. I know that isn’t exactly what you asked, though it seems like it may be the best of both worlds. The girls were able to discuss it as friends as well as with a parent. </p>

<p>Neither girl is going to the school they visited together and they are not going to school together anywhere. It was a good experience for them, though. They were able to bounce ideas and questions off of each other.</p>

16

<p>I think it depends on the kid and the friend. We took one of D’s friends on a tour and the friend was way too influential in my D’s forming an opinion on the school - didn’t bring that friend along again.
Took one of S2’s friends on several tours (including overnights) and the boys formed their own opinions on each school (sometimes the same/sometimes different).</p>

17

<p>Ds1 visited three schools with a friend and his mom. The friend and mom (my good friend) were on a monster, 14-college tour, but the mom knew my ds was interested in three of the same schools, so she asked if we wanted to fly him up to meet them for that portion of the trip. The only cost was his plane fare and meals as she already had the room and car rented. </p>

<p>Both boys liked those three schools and applied to all three and were accepted at all three. I feared that they had influenced each other, but it worked out great. Ds1 is at one of those three schools, and his friend is at another of them. Ds may have never visited that school if it weren’t for my friend’s invitation. I am eternally greatful.</p>

<p>Agree with previous poster that I suppose it depends on the kid. I think the way that my friend did – having a friend join for a portion of a looooong trip – was a smart way to go. Broke up the trip for both of them.</p>

18

<p>Agree that it depends on the kid, but we never did it. We did take much younger sibling along, which benefited her but may have very slightly distracted older S. </p>

<p>It’s such an important phase in life that I wouldn’t want the distraction of other kids and I found the time as a family invaluable. In the end, the only application overlap my kids had with their friends was with state schools, which we to this day have not visited as they are remote and those schools didn’t makemit to the final two for either kid.</p>

<p>Obviously other people feel differently, but looking at D’s friends, three are attending regional Catholic colleges majoring in business or social work, one at a state uni majoring in business and another at an art college. D is majoring in a liberal art. The group has stayed very close and visit each other’s campuses, but there were two outliers in that group who were not looking for the same kinds of things in a college, not to mention that two are athletes on scholarship and each family has different funding issues.</p>

<p>If your high schooler’s friends’ interests are closely aligned, I’d say that’s unusual. I can’t think of a single reason I would turn the college search into a group activity.</p>

19

<p>lefthandofdog brings up another aspect of the college visits–VERY young siblings. We have been on 2 tours over the years where families have brought toddlers along. I don’t think that was a good move at all. The kids, obviously, were bored and very distracting for all involved. I understand that sometimes babysitters are an issue but don’t bring toddlers on college visits, please.</p>

20

<p>

D and I are talking about a similar tour this summer. She asked about taking friends along and I said 2 max, so we have room for luggage :). I know we couldn’t cover as much territory as your H and his crew! </p>

<p>I did mention to D that I had read touring with friends was a bad idea because if they didn’t like someplace it could influence HER. She didn’t seem to think that would be a problem.</p>