I was the first in my family to leave for school, so everyone came along.
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/23/opinion/sunday/taking-my-parents-to-college.html
That was a beautiful story, and an awfully good reminder of what mountains many first generation students climb.
That was wonderful, thank you for sharing.
I can’t even tell you how much of it I related to- and she articulated it so much better than I ever could.
I’ll add one more wrinkle that I think many first gen kids can relate to: my older sister has never been to one of my graduation ceremonies (not high school, not undergrad, not for my masters). She is jealous of me (she never got very far in college) and she admits that when she’s drunk. It hurts. We’re not even close, but it still hurts. Just knowing that part of your family dislikes you because you dared to accomplish something important to you. I have other first gen friends who have gone through the same thing. I’m lucky that it’s only a sibling (and one I’m not particularly close to) but I have other friends who have had this experience with parents, grandparents, etc. It’s heartbreaking.
@romanigypsyeyes I have had a similar experience with a sibling. We did discuss it at one point and it was a revelation to my sibling that I did NOT go to college simply to make her look bad. She had never considered that it was not about her at all but about me and my goals.
I think the lack of family support is one of the biggest reasons that 1st gens struggle.
@romamigypsieyes and @Cheeringsection I experienced this not only in my immediate family, but my extended family as well. My mother passed away when I was 3 weeks old. Because my father was in the military , my two sisters (13 and 14 years older than me) were sent to live with my maternal grandparents . My aunt lived a block from my house and was very involved in my upbringing. She had a daughter who was 6 weeks younger than me . We were raised more like sisters than cousins. I was one grade ahead of her, but for whatever reason she felt the need to compete with me for everything. I was the first one in my family to attend a four year school . My oldest sister graduated a 2 year nursing school . The only reason I was able to attend school was because of an inheritance I received from my middle sister when she passed away when I was in middle school. She never has the opportunity to attend school and it was very important to her that I get my college education . I took out some additional loans( which I paid for) and completed my education . My cousin began attending the same college that I did for several years then transferred to a community college and ultimately dropped out. There has been a lot of resentment towards me from my cousins, my aunt and even my other sister as if I was given something that they weren’t . I initially felt extremely guilty about my successes in life and even tried to hide some of them, but I came to the realization that many of them has the same opportunities or better ones, and through bad choices that they made did not experience the successes that I have. I don’t flaunt my successes , but I also don’t hide the either. It has taken me a
long time to work through the guilt I’ve experienced in the past, but I guess through age came maturity . I empathize with both of you.
While I realize this may not make any of you feel any better, not going to graduations is not just a 1st Gen issue. I come from a very disfunctional family. My parents and grandfathers went to college and both grandfather’s had post graduate degrees but had died when I was young. None of my 3 older siblings went to my high school,college or law school graduations - I did not go to their college graduations either b/c my parents could not be bothered to include me. No one in my family went to my law school graduation while my nutty father ruined my college graduation. Families can be really goofy, regardless of educational achievement.
Some schools are getting smarter about how to ensure that 1st gens students are successful by providing academic and other advising aimed specifically at the needs of that particular group. If you are 1st gen to college, it’s worth asking about what kind of support the schools to which you are applying provide to 1 gen students.
Loved your story Oldmom. Now, if you started Cornell in '99, you in no way qualify for “old”,
This isn’t oldmom’s story in the link.
No, not my story. I graduated from college in 1971. I read it in the NY Times and wanted to share.
Oh don’t get me wrong, I know that skipping graduations and what not is not limited to first gen kids. Just for me what stings is knowing it’s because of jealousy. If it was because she just didn’t care or think it wasn’t important, I think it would hurt less.
Perhaps. I guess it depends on the individual. I found family not caring at all pretty painful too. No one in my family went to my law school graduation - it was a very lonely experience. I am just grateful my h and I are able to provide our s with a more positive experience and have the wherewithal to pay cash for his college with no debt.
My h was a 1st Gen and had a much better experience in terms of emotional support from his parents when he earned his B.A. and J.D. Money was a challege - they had none and his dad refused to fill out FAFSA - “none of anyone’s dang business”. But my h did National Guard duty to pay for college and received emergency grant money from his major department when he was about to drop out due to lack of funds. He graduated with his JD in '88 with only $3,000 in debt. He has since donated a fair amount of money back into that department’s emergency fund account.
@oldmom4896 and @mom2coIIegekids - woops, then my mistake. But, thanks for sharing, was a good story.