I don’t have personal experience with Thatcher but I will say this about mental health - BS can be hard for kids with mental health issues. If you suspect or know that you (or your child) has issues, BS might not be the best thing for them. Or it might be if it’s a school that will really support them. But almost no kid I know got better mental health wise from going to BS. And I have known several kids whose parents seemed to think this would happen.
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Late to the chat, but I’m a current student at Thacher and have a slightly different perspective on this topic which might be helpful. Mental health is a serious issue here among my peers. I’m going to make a number of seemingly opinionated claims here, but I genuinely wouldn’t do so unless I felt as if it was necessary to reach out with the reality of life here and unless I felt as if my stance represents that of the majority of the student body, which, to both degrees, I am confident it does.
I applied solely to Thacher some years ago–it was my dream school. Unfortunately, not only has it failed to live up to my own hopes nor those of my peers, but it forced me to watch my otherwise successful and happy friends succumb to the extremely difficult-to-manage challenges that come with simply being on this campus. The majority of Thacher students you speak to today are taught to smile for the tours and the donors and the board of trustees, but I assure you that well over three-quarters of the student body are far worse off mentally for being here. I and many of my friends have developed severe depression and anxiety during our years here, most of whom have been placed on significant amounts of medication in order to cope. At this point, we’re just waiting on graduation with bated breath. That should not be the norm. As a prefect, I sense that it’s getting worse, pervading the student body far before the notorious Thacher “Sophomore Slump”: the ennui seems to start earlier and earlier each year.
It seems, at least according to near-collective consensus in my class, that the dismal state of mental health at Thacher is the result of a number of factors.
I believe the first of these is simply the fact that Thacher effectively combines an extremely rigid, structured way of life with absolutely no modes for escape or flexibility. It is a rural campus with few students, all of whom are highly driven and desperate to survive both academically and socially. Compounded with a rigorous courseload and a school day that’s scheduled to the minute from 6:40am to 10pm, it’s the definition of a pressure cooker. Thacher students are expected to take on an immense amount of work, extra-curricular duties, and a very cutthroat social scene (despite all Thacher talks about a “community”) and they are expected to accomplish them to the best of their abilities. There is no room for error and there is little support for those who need it: the definition of sink or swim. It’s a culture shock no matter where you start; it breaks anyone down, and it’s your choice whether to work yourself back up or stay broken. And at the same time there’s a sense that we’re all wasting our teenage years here. I truly thought I was making a well-worth sacrifice coming here from a relatively independent life in a big city. But on the weekends there’s no life to be had. I don’t want to party, but I certainly want to feel as if I’m alive. I would do anything to take the train to meet a friend for lunch, to go to a museum on a Saturday, to have time to read a book for pleasure, to go camping, grab Chinese, see a DIY music show out on the town. Instead, we have Open House, an uncomfortably formal event sucked dry of any life it had by a half-hearted headmaster who hardly even shows up anymore, we have supervised beach trips, we can take van rides into a one-street town that gets old after two visits. In speaking to friends at other BS, honestly think Thacher is an anomaly in regard to rules, regulations, and freedoms.
At Thacher, 18-year-olds have essentially the same rules as 14-year-old freshmen. Taken out of context, a universal and very early weekend bedtime (and, for seniors, “wandering,” or the ability to walk around an acre of campus unsupervised following dark) reinforced by the possibility Judicial Committee review and suspension as an 18-year-old (or 17- or 16-) is hardly how I hoped to spend my teenage years. I wish I had known just how locked down life is here.
To a similar end, Thacher no longer delivers the “trust” the administration claims to place in its students, and that’s created a huge emotional drain for the student body. Thacher was once able to tout that no doors were locked on its campus. Now, the campus is inexplicably outfitted with floodlights, security guards patrolling classrooms and the newly fenced front gate (locked from the outside), and all doors are locked besides the students’ own rooms. If I want to go for a walk off campus I have to sneak out on a secret footpath to avoid detection–I mean, really? Disregarding extremely sub-par sex ed (taught by the students themselves), an environment such as this one is hardly conducive for healthy relationships. It is absolutely no wonder why sexual assault is rampant at this school and among Thacher alums: the School is built in such a way that good relationships and even friendships are extremely difficult to maintain. And the School’s solution for this problem is to get rid of the student body’s only free social time during the week (“9:30-10”) as well as senior “wandering” and replace them with another score of scheduled events. It seems that the School’s MO for most things is something along these lines: to disregard the root of the problem and instead slap a quick fix on it. I pray that the School reevaluates this tactic before it all comes crashing down on them.
Third, you will feel hunted at this school 24/7. It does not ever stop until you walk out the gates and can finally breathe. The levels of anxiety here are so extreme that I, for one, feel like a racehorse at the gates every time I drive up Thacher Road, breaking down in front of my poor parents purely out of anxiety every single time. The rules are so tight while the consequences are extreme and yet completely unpredictable. These factors create an environment in which students constantly feel as if they’re toeing the line of a JC (Judicial Council) case and a ruined future, even if they’re in such an innocent position as being one minute late to nightly check-in or even if they’re found in a classroom with the lights off (the demonization of intimate relationships here is a tale for another time). There is no flexibility unless flexibility benefits the School in a particular situation. Not to mention the fact that the School encourages students to snitch on one another, and it happens all the time. Where else can an administration not only create such an animosity between themselves and a student body, but also succeed in turning the student body against itself? I’ve never felt so paranoid as I do when I’m here, and I don’t even have a reason to feel that way. It’s just the general standard; you’re always looking over your shoulder for an adult (or peer!) catching you in some kind of mistake, no matter how minor or even nonexistent.
Overall, this place feels quasi-dystopian. I’ve become a person I never thought I would be and done things I never expected I would just to get through life here. I wish I was speaking solely from personal experience. Harboring some kind of deep disdain for the treatment of the student body here is so common at this point that it comprises 80% of conversation at this school. And what makes it thousands of times worse is that the administration is completely out of touch with its students. They’re blind to it all: A third of upperclassmen opted to leave school early this fall because they couldn’t bear remaining on campus through Thanksgiving, and the School continues to act as if they’re blessing us with allowing our return to campus following winter break. Even after years and years of student petitioning for a full-time, school-funded counselor, Thacher has yet to deliver satisfactorily (a counselor was hired last year, but she is only slated for five hours/week on campus and is not school-funded). There is no talk about mental health except among students. Mindfulness isn’t enough here, you need Prozac and Xanax. The number of students who skip meals and undereat is ridiculous. I am a B camper (for those in the know) and have been given zero opportunities to utilize that ranking. Student admissions panelists are given packets of stock answers that do not line up with the reality. The “peer culture” is based on snitching on one another, gossip, and, in the boys’ dorms, overconsuming preworkout and lifting weights before, during, and after classes. It’s depressing by nature.
And yet, listen to a recent video from the head of school (who is, in fact, collectively disliked, even among faculty and (especially) among parents), read a recent letter sent to the parents, look at the Thacher Instagram, and you’ll see a completely different school, the school I thought I was applying to when I was in eighth grade. The School’s focus on promoting its own image like a bureaucratic institution over the well-being of its own students is blatantly obvious when you’re inside, but it’s totally shrouded from the outside.
Thacher certainly has the means to be a fantastic school, and ten years ago, it was. It seems like an absolute paradise, and we all thought it would be. But now the mountains and the orange blossoms and the pink moments are nothing but reminders of all we’ve been through here. It’s gone off the deep end, and I’m far from alone in saying this. That’s why a sixth of the senior class is gone, either voluntarily or through expulsion. When overworked, sleep-deprived students are pushed to their breaking points day after day in an environment that constantly turns a blind eye to them and their cries for help, when there’s nothing to do but wallow in one’s own misery, there’s no choice but to turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms. And the School acts surprised when they find, time and time again, that their campus is plagued with eating disorders, drug use, cheating, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, self-harm, sexual assault, social anxiety, suicide attempts, bullying, blatant homophobia, sexism, and racism. Even Thacher alums are notorious for drug abuse and alcoholism in college because they did not receive the proper education and exposure under this administrative system. The same goes for sexual assault and emotional abuse: they just don’t know what’s healthy and what’s not after going through Thacher’s rampant hookup culture. There are countless examples showing that the JC system is deeply flawed. On top of all of this, scores and scores of age-old Thacher faculty are quitting this year. If that doesn’t say something, I don’t know what will. It needs to be fixed. Unless it is, I am very disappointed to say that I could not, in my right mind, justify send my future child to Thacher after seeing what it has done to my peers and to myself.
Yet, I think these are new developments. Many of us have spoken to alums from five or ten years ago and it seems as if they attended a completely different school. I’d love to hear your thoughts and to answer any questions. From my end, the reviews on Niche are far closer to the truth than any Thacher-sponsored publication. @leslieknope20 @CaliMex @janehoya @ThacherParent @SportyPrep @CAboardingparent
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@shytan, welcome to CollegeConfidential. I commend you for your honesty and bravery. As a parent it was heartbreaking to read your account. As a current Thacher parent some/much of what you wrote resonated and rang true based on conversations I have had with other parents (from a variety of grades) and with what I have witnessed of the administration. Our son is happy at Thacher but that doesn’t negate the truth of your experience. I am so sorry and hope that your college experience will be a happier one. Please know that there are parents who are working towards improving Thacher’s culture, who care about every child’s Thacher experience, not just their own.
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Thank you for sharing your story, it takes incredible bravery. As a parent this is what I am seeing and hearing from my children at Thacher as well. The school we visited in 2017 was a completely different school, the decline in culture and moral has been consistent since the day my first child stepped onto campus. I also believe there are 8-12 very experienced, as well as, younger and well liked faculty leaving this year. We feel very stuck at Thacher, as moving high schools is no small feat and creates its own stress and challenges. It is very unlikely to impossible I would send a third child to Thacher. I say this to warn others to do their homework and really explore other options. As a parent that has tried to talk to administration, they are completely disinterested in parent concerns and involvement. Thacher believes they are the experts in all things related to your teen, and yet you can see children falling through the cracks and it’s heartbreaking. Thacher needs an inspiring, passionate, boots on the ground leader that the kids find also find inspiring, and relatable. If you can find the recent “State of the School” you will have to look no further to hear the distressed calls of an overwhelmed leader totally buried in theory and not at all alive or engaged with the student body in the classroom, barns, dining hall, sports fields, hikes or real camping.
@shytan, you are a wonderful writer, and I understand the frustration in wanting so much more from Thacher than you are getting. As parents, we thought they’d be mentoring and caring for you all as individuals, unfortunately that’s not what I’m seeing or hearing. There are parents out here that want more for you all.
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Hi, I do have a question! The impression the school gives is that mental health support is available to all students at anytime, and I’ve further assumed it is free. How does the system really work? One of my kids mentioned that a friend wanted to continue in therapy and that it was $200/hr is this true? Thank you in advance.
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Thank you so much. I’m glad to hear that this isn’t the first time you’ve heard something similar (while it is unfortunate in other senses). I certainly am grateful for those parents (especially those of the class of 2021) who are on our sides and aren’t stuck remembering the “Old Thacher.” Thanks again for the note.
Thank you for your very kind words. I completely resonate with everything you said there. It does seem that parents are starting to see how utterly disconnected and out of touch the administration is. I hope that puts some pressure on the school to change.
As for the “State of the School” address – it was exactly that. They actually “unintentionally” scheduled the address during a required senior meeting and we had to ask to see a recording. It’s those kinds of things that run rampant here between the admin and the student body, and those micro-aggressions, so to speak, add up. And while I believe she’s trying, there is something very wrong with Blossom’s presence at the School. I actually haven’t seen her this term besides some assemblies and Open House. It’s very strange to have a headmaster spend little to no time among students. She doesn’t eat in the dining hall, even.
And re: the mental health support system, it’s always felt pretty half-hearted and reluctant. Up until last year or so, contacts of two or three counselors were listed in an email sent out by the Director of Student Life each week. At that time, these counselors were neither full-time or school-funded following the first consultation. A policy like this caused issues for students that didn’t want their parents knowing about the fact that they were seeking out counseling, but also couldn’t (and shouldn’t have to) pay out of pocket. That being said, under considerable pressure from the student body, I believe late last year they implemented a new position known as the “Emotional Health Coordinator” and a student-comprised “Emotional Health Task Force.” While initially advertised as a vaguely full-time counselor, the official job description only requires 5 hours per week. I am still unsure on the status of the payment system. I sought out counseling this year and somehow still don’t know. The “Task Force” has yet to hold a meeting or make a visible change. Hopefully that helps clarify things a little, although I really should know the details. The admin has evidently not been all that open or clear about this.
Let me know if I can help answer anything else.
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Unfortunately, there have been a few kids (and sometimes their friends who are trying to be “supportive”) who get into trouble and then post pretty salacious and/or negative comments. I wish there was a “waiting period” for kids to cool off or else require a disclaimer that the author was just punished or even kicked out. So, consider the source.
Thacher does most things well, including meeting kids where they are and addressing their needs. And the notion that kids aren’t “supported” is off-base. Freshman year offers huge support, advisors are very on it with their advisees, the prefect system functions well, and the whole community is open to kids pursuing their identities and affiliations.
Spring of Senior year at Thacher is most often known for kids getting wistful and crying all the time because they are about to leave the greatest place on earth. New alums and their parents receive communications during the first year of college about how difficult the transition can be because college is often such a let-down from Thacher, especially because the kids have lost the phenomenal support system they were used to.
However, in reading the comments from the author above (not the earlier Niche posts that are cited), this does not seem to be a kid who was in trouble, etc., and you feel deeply for them. This damnable pandemic has added such a huge layer of stressors to students and the administrators trying to keep the doors open and the kids on campus. The stress levels for teens right now is astronomical and they have essentially “lost” two years of normal social experiences. Regardless, I hope the Administration is listening and appreciates that despite the fact that the students are on campus, that is only half the battle. I fear that these kids who have had to make so many sacrifices will continue to need extra support over the next few years.
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