<p>Gradewise my son is doing better for two reasons. No more Latin! Such a relief for him, though I do hope that like me he learns that immersion is a great way to learn a language. He’s also taking a really fun (non-honors) English on mysteries. His grades have been great, more than making up for the lack of weighting.</p>
<p>Nightchef, I will also vouch for studious GFs as a good influence. 
They are so adorable when they are studying on the sofa in the family room with their laptops and Bio books.</p>
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<p>I’m always perplexed by a significant difference in work ethic of siblings raised in the same family. I have five kids, four teens and a 2-yr old, and there are slight differences in their work ethic, but not huge. </p>
<p>What major factor(s) do you think contribute to significant differences in the work ethic of siblings? I hoping for more than “they are just wired differently.”</p>
<p>Different wiring is the major difference in our family. </p>
<p>Teacher perception also counts. If the older sibling is a star, that can be a major burden for younger siblings. If the older one slacked, the younger ones can want to show that they’re entirely different. Of course it can go the other way: a younger sib can rise/sink to the challenge.</p>
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<p>Yes, yes, yes on any ideas to help the underachieving high school student pump it up for college!</p>
<p>My S had the best semester of his high school career this past fall when he achieved highest honors while taking five AP courses. In previous years most of his courses were none-AP. He explained he liked AP courses better since they had less Mickey Mouse assignments. I take this as a good sign that if he enrolls in an academically competitive college he may possibly thrive. (fingers crossed)</p>
<p>I think 3.3 3.6 kids come in different varieties, but mine is the type who knows how to study but doesnt need to in order to get B+ - A- grades.</p>
<p>My hope is that at the very least hell still be satisfied with B+ grades in college, but hell have to put in more effort and will be surrounded by other students who are doing the same. It may be a bumpy transition, so I plan to get his GC involved in talking to him about it.</p>
<p>Last year, I was right where you all are now: with a daughter with high test scores and grades that were a result of lack of effort. But with a semester and some behind her at a college she loves, I can tell you my kid got to college and actually decided to apply herself. And the results have been fantastic. I don’t know what caused the change in her (or I would have done that years ago and would certainly share the secret!) but she got one B and 5 As first semester, is on Deans list and applying for Honors College. And she has straight As so far this semester. We are totally happily befuddled. So keep the faith!</p>
<p>Yes, my S is like yours, PayFor. When he received he heard from one of his top choices last week, the “terms and conditions” of the acceptance was that he finished his senior year with no lower than a c in his classes. He was thrilled. Thanks a lot Admissions.</p>
<p>I have a feeling that some schools have already made their decisions on many RD apps and as long as the mid-year reports are not disastrous, the decisions stand.</p>
<p>^I’m hoping this is more the exception than the rule, PaperChaserPop. Our son is depending on those midyear reports to help him. I know some of the schools he’s applying to specifically said they don’t evaluate RD apps till the midyear reports are in (Tufts said this, and I think Skidmore too?). And at the Brandeis info session they said they focus on junior and senior grades, which they obviously can’t do if they don’t have the senior grades yet.</p>
<p>PayFor, my son experienced exactly the same thing–he’s doing better with 3 APs this year than he used to do with none. His Euro history AP class homework consists almost entirely of large gobs of reading, which he loves. I think people often assume that AP classes must be harder, but more advanced doesn’t always mean harder for bright kids.</p>
<p>nightchef, your s’s story made me smile. My kid was in the same situation going into his jr. yr. with a 2.7 - 3.0 GPA. I cried on CC a lot </p>
<p>By the end of his jr yr, he had pulled his GPA up to a 3.5 and got a decent score on the SAT (w/o prep) and in the fall, applied to schools that I thought were serious reaches. Well, as often in the past, I was proven wrong and he got into a selective school. He’s set on attending but he’s still waiting to hear from his mega reach. </p>
<p>Last yr, as a jr, he said that he wished he hadn’t resisted the challenging honors and AP’s in favor of regular classes. The higher level classes were much more interesting. As he put it, "In regular Engl, they ask ‘What happened?’ while in Engl AP they ask, “How and why did it happen?” That’s when I knew he was growing up…</p>
<p>My son sounds a lot like the other students discussed in this thread. CC can be a bit daunting for the parent of a kid with a GPA in the mid 3s. Its easy to think that the only option available will be JimBob’s House o’ Schoolin. The reality is that there are hundreds of excellent schools that would love to have these kids attend.</p>
<p>Thank you for this thread. The older ones for this group are understandably full of news about this year’s graduates and their plans. I hadn’t wanted to derail that by bringing up questions about how and why and what next in the ways this thread is going.</p>
<p>It is very wise for us to help each other deal, not only with our kids who are still in HS and starting their college search, but also with the experiences of the kids who make that transition into college. </p>
<p>My D is a jr. She’s a 3.5 most of the time. Weighted? Lots of her B’s (and the one C) are in honors-type classes, especially if you count being a year up in math (the usual algebra in 8th grade thing). Tons of As in music, art, etc. She’s not a focused tester, bounces between 80s and 90s percentiles depending on the subject, what’s on her mind that day, the weather, etc.</p>
<p>There are many factors - as many as she has facets to her personality - and we do have an older D who was completely different. Both girls are wonderful in their own way. Do I wish this one were different? Sure, she’d have more choices for college, and more money from schools, if her stats were higher, but honestly we’re fine with this, especially because she’s finding out she’s got the numbers for just about anywhere she’d like to go. </p>
<p>We like many do have to remember that a 3.5 is a GPA many kids would be raving about. We do fight the feeling that a B is a “failure.” But we learned very quickly with this creative, hard-on-herself, dreamy, funny and surprising kid that making her own way is absolutely the most important learning experience she’s going to have. We had some scary times when we wondered if she’d put the lessons together, but as in the stories above, I will say that at this point she’s moving forward due to increased maturity, looking at her peers and emulating ones she respects most, getting some perks and plums now and then, and having some wonderful adults who’ve treated her with respect and encouragement.</p>
<p>I remind myself that high school IS for maturing, that it’s a rare kid who doesn’t need to stumble once in a while as they learn how to manage. We’re giving her the chances to try - and sometimes come up short - and try again. In the end she’s looking pretty good, and it’s clear throughout it all that she’s challenged herself and done some very interesting and impressive things along the way.</p>
<p>Her dreams for school (and don’t forget, a kid who’s dreaming about college AT ALL is a HUGE SUCCESS!!! We’ve all seen the other side of that coin, now, haven’t we?) are for a place she can immerse in her love of the arts, mostly theater, amid a stimulating college atmosphere, preferably with access to a city. Every indication is that she’ll be able to make this come true, even at a “safety” school.</p>
<p>I love it! She wants a fun, exciting, interesting life. And I do know - like so many of us, remember? - that high school ain’t where that’s going to happen. I’m not going to tell her to get all worked up about it, as long as she continues to have a perfectly respectable GPA and runs her life like a reasonable person, stumbles included. And after seeing many kids crash and burn in college - for lots of reasons, with lots of different abilities and some with stellar stats - I’m glad I’m confident this girl will be ready, and in the right place, to come into her own. </p>
<p>We’ll all happily leave HS behind, like 99% of the population. If it isn’t going to haunt us in the future, why let it make us miserable in the present? I’ve so appreciated the people on this forum who say that their long-term relationship with their child, and that child’s long-term happiness, self-esteem, whatever you call it, is much more important than any of these fleeting issues. And the more we focus on how much she’s growing and learning, not on the mistakes and the numbers, the more she grows and learns. </p>
<p>I’m not trying to sound like an expert; it’s been hard rowing for about 5 years now. But we’re in the boat; she’s the one swimming the channel, and we’ve come to respect the strength she’s using every day to make it across.</p>
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An absolutely brilliant metaphor.</p>
<p>Oh my…I should have waited for midterms before heaving a sigh of relief…excellent first quarter grades (all As and a B in all IB/AP classes) turned into really, really disappointing 2nd quarter (all 3 As, 1 B and 3 Cs). he said he was going to work hard so counselor could put a letter of support on front of midterm grades. BUT today I hear from counselor that 3rd quarter is looking WORSE? is it possible? He has two Ds in two AP classes as we are midway through 3rd quarter. He has never sunk this low. All the big state/safety schools have accepted him. And he just got a full ride from his economic/academic safety and I think it sent the worse message possible…there were no “strings” attached to the offer although we assume he has to graduate. I really wish there had been strings attached to high school performance instead of getting a 3.3 in college (he, of course, assumes that is a slam dunk!). OUch times 10 and a lot of anger from me…advice? His girlfriend is coming home from college t his weekend for the HS school dance and I am not sure whether I can/should say at this late moment…no, you’re grounded. I jsut found out about the grades from his HS counselor today.</p>
<p>To nightchef: Thanks … I have to remind myself a lot.</p>
<p>With these kids (I guess with all kids, but I’ll admit I didn’t think this way with my 4.0 30+ ACT kid) it just doesn’t seem to help anyone to think “If they’d only do this, or do that, X would happen…” High school is a hard place. We’re lucky our D gives us a clue to what gets in her way. I never would have known the level of perfectionism she had, until she got some perspective on herself and explained to me how she knows she can never do the work she’s imagining in her head and for so many years just slapped something together or didn’t do anything at all. Lately she’s found her own ways to fight that and do the work that both she and her teachers can value. We’re also lucky that we eventually found out some really hurtful things that were going on last year with vile teachers and cruel peers. Unfortunately it was too late to save some grades, but I’m more glad we addressed the issues than I am worried about her record.</p>
<p>Believe me, I’m not the kind of parent who praises too much (heavens, no) or thinks we should just help them feel good about themselves no matter what. I make my expectations clear, but I watch myself - someone once said that inside, they’re harder on themselves than we can ever be, and I’ve had a few glimpses of that. That’s the person I try to talk to - the one who’s doing her best, the one who cares, the one who will make it through. </p>
<p>Call me sappy, but my favorite movie is “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Life is what you make it, and there are many ways to be a success. Except my girls ARE going to “shake the dust of this crummy little town off their feet” and they ARE “going to see the world!”</p>
<p>To fineartsmajormom: I feel for you! The way these kids stumble is so hard to deal with.</p>
<p>My personal opinion is not to ground him. In a few months he’s going to have to make these decisions on his own. I’ve always told my kids when I interfere in their lives that I’m entitled to when it’s “my time, my energy, my money.” Of course you should take some kind of stand if he could seriously jeopardize his future, the college acceptances, etc. But that’s only words; is there something that you can do that will show him that this kind of behavior will affect his getting things from you? Is he expecting a trip after graduation? Or what is he expecting his lifestyle to be like during the summer, or while he’s at school? My older D wanted to fly home for Thanksgiving her first year for a banquet; if she had done this her last semester senior year, we would have told her we weren’t paying for that trip anymore (but if she had chosen to pay for it herself, that would have been her business). Sometimes the way they figure out how to get what they want when we’ve removed our help, even if it’s because of a “punishment”, shows how motivated they really can be.</p>
<p>If you flip out, and his acceptances aren’t rescinded or his scholarships affected by what he’s doing, then you’ll just lose credibility and he’ll focus more on how you acted instead of how he acted. I recommend that you try to let as many natural consequences happen to him as possible. This is all in the name of his success at being independent when he’s out of your sight line.</p>
<p>I’m right in there with you! This kind of thing could happen at our house, too. Good luck!!</p>
<p>Colleges won’t want to see quarterly grades – just the semesters. Nevertheless, it should be a big wake-up call to him. We know kids who lost merit $$ or were asked to take a gap year because the second semester grades stank.</p>
<p>EB, thank you for the wonderful posts.</p>
<p>well, s is scrambling to deal with the bad grades…at least one seems to be the fault of the teacher not inputting some data. The other may be rectified also but only to a C. I think he is not really in danger of losing merit aid that he has been awarded from schools that only want final grades, but the reach schools that ask for the midterm grades may just reject him outright …not such a bad outcome since reach schools are unlikely to give merit aid anyway, but a recent visit to his first choice reach school hinted that grades were less important than portfolio so I think this was in the back of his mind when he started to let things slide. I really want to kick those portfolio reviewers sometimes…</p>
<p>In terms of consequences at home… Yeah…dance is still on simply to be fair to girlfriend. He does have a summer trip planned (we already bought the plane ticket to at a bargain price!, but he is on the hook for most other expenses. I told him that there will be no help with the Eurail pass if we feel that he has risked his merit awards. I have told him that for me this means his final reportcard needs to be a 3.0 (and no Ds). It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t lose it…I don’t want the stress of worrying about this possibility and he has to save me the stress. I think he is good with this as a very reasonable target.</p>