<p>On to happier topics…
How is everyone’s student doing on campus? S3 is very happy, very busy…I think he needs to back off on making so many commitments–club soccer, ultimate frisbee, rip flag football, a capella, Hillel, a few clubs he’s interested in…</p>
<p>His room seems to be social central. he likes it that way but realizes it’s not optimal for studying, so he is already planning to study elsewhere, either at the library or in the Kogod building.</p>
<p>He’s been all over DC, both with the AU program and with friends. Fast becoming an old hand at using the Metro. He and his friends went on an “eating tour” ordering just a little bit to share at as many ethnic restaurants as they could find. They’ve had Korean, Thai, Indian, Ethiopian, Chinese, French, Vietnamese, German and Italian. he’s very lucky that he is 6’3" and about 150 lbs.</p>
<p>He likes his classes but his Wednesday schedule is all screwed up and may necessitate other changes. I’m worried because he said his calc class seems easy and math is never easy for this kid. Maybe I’m borrowing trouble…</p>
<p>When a relative of mine had a horrible situation at our state college, drunk roommate, naked boyfriend (and I use the term loosely) waking up to them having sex in their bunk more than once, vomit, etc., her RA was useless. Her mom was upset that her R&B was not what she bargained for. She ended up networking and finding like-minded friends. The bad taste she got from the facade of the RA’s (who got free R&B) stayed with her though and she was always careful telling any prospective students the pros and cons of non sub-free housing. She did learn to make things better herself but she shouldn’t have had to put up with the stuff she did there without support. They all said, “Work it out” With another 18 year old that was far less mature? I thought that was what the RA and directors were for, when all means were used. Well, I don’t think this is the norm, but it is good to try to get to know the quieter dorms and make it known on your room selection if you don’t like to drink if that is the case. My son never regretted having his dorm sub-free, he had much more quiet, cleaner bathrooms by far and very little repair cost at the end of the year, actually under 50.00 compared to other dorms with much higher amounts.</p>
<p>cadiumred, I think you are grappling with more than the AU admin response to alchohol use… Looking back over the issues you have brought up and your intense involvement in “solving” them, I think you are having real issues letting your daughter become independent. I know people often toss this out as the solution to everything, but in your case, 6-12 sessions with a therapist focusing on just your relationship with your daughter and her launch from the nest may help you to clarify what actions are useful and apropriate. You may also find that the sessions help you to feel more at peace with her transition. Good luck!</p>
<p>I appreciate your response, but again, if parents were more involved all through their kid’s lives and especially through some of the college process, a lot of the problems at colleges would lessen. If the kids are drinking or making noise disturbing others, something is not right and it starts at home. Then the colleges need to crack down to correct what the parents neglected to do, that is enforcing proper values, behavior, as well as respect for others. After all, we didn’t pay or sign up for such living conditions for our kids.</p>
<p>My d., who was tripled at the beginning of last year, and who doesn’t drink at all (that one doesn’t have to do with us), liked her roommates so much that they refused de-tripling (and were interviewed in the college paper and on the tv station about their decision.) They did de-triple after the first term. Her classes were incredible, and she is carrying a heavy major/minor combination along with four years of a language, and is also a concert pianist (the teacher - an international performer - is extraordinary.) Her campus workstudy has been a great learning experience, and she got a fantastic, highly competitive summer internship (with amazing help from the career advising center, far beyond the call of duty - the quality of advising generally was our biggest surprise). She went on a spring break study tour related to third world economic development. She and her roommate are very close, and get to the gym at 6:30 a.m. to work out. Her GPA is far higher than we would have expected (or that we would have cared about). She went to the Inauguration events, a series of spectacular lectures in town, and in the DC area saw Diana Krall and is about to see B.B. King, and is heading for Broadway shows in two weeks. When her grandmother won a major international prize for her peace/development work, the faculty all urged her to attend, gave her off from classes, and asked afterwards about it. She hasn’t had to deal with alcohol or drug issues in her dorm (she and we know they exist elsewhere.) She has many, many friends, with similar interests.</p>
<p>Negatives: as we expected, the meal plan doesn’t work great for her (so we now have the minimum one, and the roommates plan meals themselves.) The food is good - it just isn’t the way she eats. The gym is sometimes overly crowded. Health services has been somewhat less useful than we would have hoped (but we have since found a doc who takes our health plan in the area.)</p>
<p>All in all - it has been far better than we bargained for. Oh, and did I mention that the need-based financial aid was much better than we had reason to expect?</p>
<p>welcome to college.
In my experience the first week is always full of conflicts and adjustments. My freshman dorm was insane in the beginning and then it quieted down, there are going to be the kids who drink excessively no matter what the quiet hours or RA says. You just have to learn how to do your thing and figure out the problems yourself. Thats why we go away to school, so we can learn how to problem solve for ourselves. The first week is crazy at any school, once classes start most people realize they have to work and those you don’t want to suffer for it, but it is impossible to expect no drinking, no loud noises or anything in a dorm or on the campus as a whole.</p>
<p>So, Cadiumred, you really think parents should be handling their children’s issues forever? Does your mom handle yours? Call your boss when you have a conflict with a co-worker? I didn’t think so…so what you really mean is that your daughter is not yet an adult, whereas many here on this thread, think she probably is. And can handle this. And that handling it herself will be good for her development as an independat being. Of course, an 18 year old will not handle it as perfectly as a 50 year old. But she will learn. But she won’t ever get to learn if your attachment issues prevent her from ever having the opportunity.</p>
<p>On the alchohol issue, I am afraid I disagree there too. Alchohol is a permanant part of our society- given that, I think college is one of the safest places to explore it’s use. Not totally safe, but safer than insisting they never touch until age 21 when they are more likely to be living independantly, driving cars around daily and intereacting with many total strangers.</p>
<p>The issue of alcohol on college campuses is a huge one. I am very concerned, there is alcohol addiction in our family history. But I realize that college is a time of exploration. I recently had a talk with my son about the issue, and he had chosen to go through high school without drinking but he told me that realistically he probably will drink in college. I know I have no control any more, he is making his own decisions. I just have to rely on the guidance I have given him in the past.</p>
<p>He is in Anderson and told me that his room is party central because they have the best electronics- they have a Playstation 3 and a relatively large screen TV. So, I don’t think its party central because of alcohol but I guess he could be hiding it.</p>
<p>Here is a recent article about how some college presidents are trying to create a discussion about whether the drinking age should be lowered to 18 since in other ways the definition of an adult is at age 18. </p>
<p>Neil Kerwin at American University did not sign it. And I was impressed that American required a 2 hour course on alcohol abuse. Personally, I think they are probably doing the best they can. However, because the policy is applied by humans and humans are fallible, it may not always be consistent.</p>
<p>There isn’t a single public health or college alcohol/drug expert in the country or Nat’l Institutes of Health agency who/that supports the Amethyst Initiative - the evidence is overwhelmingly in the opposite direction.</p>
<p>When are they de-tripling? if you say there are singles throughout why is de-tripling not going on? They told us when she moved in, that daughter might not be de-tripled til next year??? This would solve some of her issues.</p>
<p>My son is having a wonderful experience so far. He, too, is in Anderson and reports that his room is social central. He’s met a great group of kids and they have had a lot of fun so far. For example, the other day he and a group of friends took the Metro all over going on an “eating tour” stopping at all sorts of ethnic restaurants and having one or two dishes to share at each!</p>
<p>In HS my son never drank. I know he has gone to some parties on campus with alcohol, and that he has had a couple of beers, but reports there is no pressure to drink or to drink more.</p>
<p>Before he left home, we discussed various scenarios and choices he might be faced with, and how he might handle them. He has made some smart rules for himself and I know he will keep to them because over the years he has developed self-discipline. The rules he has made for himself include no parties during the week; only one party on any weekend because he likes to do so many other things as well; and to limit himself to a max of 3 beers in any one night (he is about 6’3").</p>
<p>As his parent, I would like him to forgo any parties and never drink any beer…but he is beginning to strike out as an adult making his own choices. What’s so funny is he doesn’t even like the taste of beer! but he is heeding our warnings about not drinking anything he doesn’t open for himself. I suspect that within the next few weeks the allure of the party scene will have worn off for him and that he will revert to being busy doing everything else, knowing that he could go to a party if he wants to do so.</p>
<p>Otherwise, he reports that his classes are all good, the sports teams he is joining promise to be a lot of fun, and that other than the snafu with his Wednesday labs schedule, everything is sunny on his horizon. I am hoping the snafu gets untangled today–the computer gave him Spanish, Calculus and Economics labs all at overlapping times!</p>
<p>He and his roomie are very different people with different interests–although they are in a UC–but they seem to really be enjoying each other. In response to so many of the postings here, I asked a lot of questions when he finally called home for a real chat yesterday. He said that his floor seems very social and that there was a lot of partying going on last week–he said he was one of the tamer partiers- but that as of Sunday things had calmed down a lot. He said the floor was still “active” till about midnight but that soon after that you could hear a pin drop. Most of his floormates (all in his UC) seem to be very social but also very academically focused.</p>
<p>MIMama,
Don’t be scared. Read the thread “Nightmare at AU Distraught Parent”. Cadiumred has always had issues of all types with AU administration. She’s never pleased with anything. We’re just used to her by now!!!
My son, in Leonard, is having a wonderful, mostly alcohol free ( I think ) experience at AU. Pleased with dorms, friends, activities, and classes.</p>
<p>Cadiumred,
De-tripling may not solve your daughter’s roommate problems. She may end up in a worse situation than she is in now…
If her roommate issues continue, you may want to consider a single for her next year.</p>
<p>Hello5,
I know what you mean about getting a new roomie not necessarily working out any better!Many times the new roomie can be even worse than the old one…you have no way of
knowing what the problems were in the initial room assignments, or who caused them.The new roomie could be an even worse match! So I hope cadmiumred’s daughter can work out a switch with other girls that would work for all of them…</p>
<p>My daughter, who attends Penn State, has shown me on her course syllabuses, which include the outline of the procedures that seem to be in place regarding this pandemic. “Don’t come to school, no Dr. note needed” Anti-bacterial soap in every classroom, etc. Have you heard from any of your kids if there seems to be a policy in place regarding the procedure that AU would follow if something extraordinary were to occur? I read their policy, but have a hard time putting it into something close to a realistic, viable plan or procedure that has been disseminated to the students. If I’m missing something, please let me know.
I hate to be an alarmist, but I know some schools are requesting students have enough food in their rooms to sustain them for a few weeks, should a shut down of the school and the facilities occur.
What are your feelings about this? Am I being to much the alarmist?
Thanks!</p>