<p>Thanks, all. I’m not sure I’d use the word “relaxed”… but also wouldn’t go so far as “resigned,” either. I guess what I’m looking for is “accepting.” THE MOST helpful words I heard in my teenage parenting years is to remember that they are more critical of themselves than we could ever guess, and that to add to that will just make them feel worse. And who wants their child motivated by anger, or guilt? She wants to make it on her own, mistakes and all. She feels rotten when she doesn’t do well (and, like most kids here, this means a few Bs, maybe a C in a rare while; we’re not talking about flunking), and she treasures her successes, and I’m just trying to travel along with her. </p>
<p>It’s easy to think they don’t care; shoot, it was easy to think that with my more standardly “successful” kid. And even though I’m SO looking forward to this trip being “over,” I also know better, from my D1, many nieces and nephews, dozens of friends - the wondering and the worrying is never over. I just hope she can make a nice move in fall '11 and start what I am sure will be a much better phase in her life. Lots of these kids here (and I’ll say I’m included) just aren’t the types to love high school. I know, wherever she goes, that college will be a much better time for her.</p>
<p>Rodney and Holliesue - are your D’s juniors? If so, we’ll have a fun couple of years together! If they’re seniors, I hope things are working out for you all, and I’m eager to know how you’re doing!</p>
<p>yabeyabe…Earlham is a great school, but not a fit for my rabid conservative son. Earlham is very very liberal having a Quaker heritage. I think he sees Taylor as a better fit if he does the small school thing. He’s a capitalist through and through. </p>
<p>EmmyBet…“accepting” of our kids is much more important you can imagine. I have a daughter who has always tested off the charts and was a 4.2 gpa honors student at a first rate high school. She was a national champion athlete. Beautiful girl. Life looked so easy for her. Then she was raped and went into a horrible death spiral. She took a medical release from her freshman year (scholarship student) and she faced a long long slow climb, and lots of counseling. Still probably one of the brightest, funniest and best-read kids I know, she works, attends community college (4.0 gpa) and intends to transfer soon to the local state u. Nothing about her life looks as it was carefully planned by her father and I. But truthfully, she is amazing. She is much more responsible, more grateful and harder working than most kids her age. I’ve learned “accepting” with the best of 'em.</p>
<p>emmybet: yes, she’s a junior…but nevermind, they won’t be soulmates…mine is rungs lower on the ladder; perfectly happy with B’s; doesn’t even keep track of grades…</p>
<p>Debrockman- WOW! This is so strange. My son was tested in 3rd grade for ADHD. He tested “borderline”. We had him tested at Vanderbilt by a very respected professional. He has been on Adderall XR since. We take him off of it during the summer and have tried this year to take him off of it completely. My son doesn’t think he needs it any longer and neither does his father. I think father is afraid of the dependency and the stigma. We had two of his Honors teachers evaluate him without the meds. and it didn’t come back that he “NEEDED” it, so the Pediatrician didn’t put him back on it. I’m seriously having second thoughts now. While I don’t want the drug to become a crutch for him, I truly believe it helps him keep focus. Maybe I will have to rethink this. Thanks.</p>
<p>Krangell, we struggled a lot with the medication decision, but my daughter, after having been on her meds for 6 months said that her thoughts had been out of control. In her case, we were also dealing with an eating disorder…which research is showing is often coexistent with ADHD, particularly in kids who have been traumatized in some way. She was very concerned about her brother, who is similarly bright, but scattered, after he was diagnosed. Both kids test over 150 IQ and had high success in school (except when my son decides he thinks something is “political” (sigh). We struggled because when your kid is achieving, you wonder…do they NEED this? The psychiatrist described these kids as kids who can hang on through sheer ability…who can really get thrown out of whack under outside stressors. My daughter strongly admonished me for my avoidance of meds for my son. I still do not know it is the “right” decision. I guess I should ask Dr. Emerson. I do know that he is happier, more able to stay on task, gets his homework done, no longer leaves ice cream in the pantry…you get the point. I hope that he will not always need the medication.</p>
<p>Waldo, I have noticed the schools you are applying to. I wonder if they know that they are considering someone with the maturity of a french fry.</p>
<p>Regarding ADD drugs. My son has been on various ADD drugs for 8 years. The whole family can tell when they wear off…he becomes The Most Distractible Person on Earth.</p>
<p>Last summer as he prepared to go to college, he was in a bit of a rebelious mode and he stopped taking his meds because he kind of digs the wild way he feels when he’s off them…LOL, instead of recreational drug use, it was recreational drug non-use.</p>
<p>fendrock…we visited Hillsdale and my son thought it was pretty great…both the environment and the adorable guide who spent the day with us Hillsdale doesn’t have an undergrad business program. If he wasn’t thinking he wanted an alternative to a graduate degree if he decides against grad school (accounting to CPA), I think it would be higher on his list.</p>
<p>Thank you for such frank discussion - and my heart’s out to your daughter, debrockman. I do think kids who experience, or see closely, real troubles have wisdom that their peers miss. I don’t wish problems on anyone, but people who can learn and grow are fortunate.</p>
<p>This D2 of mine has always been sensitive that way, can be a silly teenager, but also can be very insightful. She’s not had any major trauma herself, but some chronic health problems and some pretty nasty situations, as well as friends and neighbors who have seen real troubles, and I think sometimes that’s why she can’t get too worked up about homework. I think this quality will serve her well in the long run. </p>
<p>Anyone who keeps perspective and thinks about why they’re doing what they’re doing is bound to benefit. And colleges that look qualitatively at applicants will find these characteristics. I’m counting on that.</p>
<p>I love this thread. Haven’t posted on it yet, but have a B+ S. I was a B+ kid. You all realize, don’t you, that if the kids who are now getting B+ and have SATs around 1900, were to start doing what is required for A’s, the standards would just raise? I’m glad there are folks who are more academically motivated and focused than I am. But I find value and sanity in balance. Creativity shouldn’t preclude good grades, but there are only so many hours in a day and the artists don’t always have the time or energy for high academic achievement–let alone motivation.
That said, I was disappointed when my son, who is a good writer, declined to apply for the College of Wooster Scholar’s Award because he was just plain “done” with the college app process.</p>