The, “burden,” of family food traditions

This!!! :100:

No specific allergies, but we have some who wouldn’t eat beef/pork/lamb etc. and some who think meat must be the center of every meal. Fish is usually something that unites the crowd and is super fast to cedar plank on the grill.

5 Likes

We tend to have the same menu for all the Jewish holidays and Thanksgiving, although we have updated them a bit. I have been the host of Thanksgiving for over 25 years; by host, I mean it is held at my house, while mom did 90% of the cooking at her house! The menu had to be what she wanted and her way; as she is an excellent cook, we just went with it.

Now at 92, mom can not continue to prepare for 20-30 people, so she has allowed very small changes; she is still in charge! I keep trying to change what we serve and the time of the meal, but mom doesn’t like the change. My kids and grandkids usually are in town, and it is becoming more difficult to appease her. We are working on a plan for this year, so hopefully she will give in.

We also have 1 pescatatian, 2 gluten free, and a toddler with severe dairy and egg allergies. My GD, the toddler, brings her own meals everywhere, but my daughter vetoed some dishes last year as she was afraid GD might be exposed to the dairy and eggs in the dishes, so we eliminated a fan favorite appetizer and a dessert. I had a few unhappy guest due to the missed foods, but no one left hungry!

2 Likes

We have that same policy.

I still have my mom’s typed Thanksgiving dinner instructions from 1980. I thought it was tough until I ordered Hello Fresh last year. Yikes! The most cooking I’ve ever done. Many hours. It was excellent, but I think I will go back to Mom’s version this year.

We joke at Thanksgiving that we’re having “the traditional Thanksgiving steak” :joy:. We do holidays with just our little nuclear family and none of us are crazy about Turkey, but we mix it up sometimes with lobster mac and cheese depending on our mood.

There was one hilarious moment this year where W commented something like “Wow this champagne is amazing! what is it?”

To which I replied with just a hint of exasperation “It’s my favorite champagne I’ve been buying every year for the past 20 years!” So funny that (a) she never noticed I always served the exact same champagne and (b) she never actually appreciated it until this past year and (c) my tradition of always getting the same champagne was apparently a tradition for one (me).

[Moet and Chandon Nectar Imperial Rose for those curious; it’s a demi-sec on the sweeter side]

10 Likes

I’d like to invite myself to Thanksgiving at your house!

1 Like

Growing up, we had large formal holiday dinners, after which all of the women/girls would clean up. I cook, I clean, although my husband helps.

1 Like

For the last few very large family gatherings, we have used paper products, and tossed them. And the meals have been potluck. Sure, some folks cooked at the place where we all gathered, but we also ordered trays of things, etc. The idea was to have time to visit. The food…well…that could vary.

5 Likes

So funny how tastes vary. Mom’s sausage stuff (cooked outside the bird, with a nice crunchy top) is a favorite part of turkey dinner at our house. When mom was with us, some went home with her. LOL - I can recall my family negotiating how we should split the remaining leftover stuffing at our reheat-dinners. My son texted me for the recipe when he started making his own feasts.

4 Likes

Oh everyone has the recipes. But no one makes them anymore. I think everyone tried them once. That was it.

1 Like

It might be a topic for another thread, but I cook a lot of dishes that originally came from my parents but I’ve changed them so much over the years to suit my taste (and my family’s) that my parents probably wouldn’t even recognize the dishes as being originally their’s.

3 Likes

My labor intensive traditional meals morphed into steak or lasagne (which I can make ahead).
My sister’s in-laws discovered that Publix can do a pretty good Thanksgiving turkey with all the fixings and goes with that.

5 Likes

My MIL always has lamb on Easter, and she is absolutely shocked that we don’t have it (they have never traveled to our house for holidays, so we have whatever we want). She also can’t believe we don’t have asparagus casserole or jello salad with carrots in it. She actually has assumed that we carry on all of her traditions for everything, and we do not. My SIL apparently wants to carry on every tradition of her childhood with her H & S, and they spend every holiday with MIL. We, on the other hand, have developed our own family traditions … and now our D is developing HER own family traditions. I like that.

7 Likes

Most of my traditional Slovak dishes are too labor intensive for just the 3 or sometimes 5 of us. That and my DH won’t eat any of them; he’s very traditional bland Irish/PA dutch foods. :confused: I’ve found some places over the years where I can purchase some traditional items: Marie’s Nutcracker Sweet in PA, Zygma’s Grocery outside of Charlotte; there are a couple Eastern European bakeries within driving distance here in western SC. I now choose one or two traditional dishes to cook for each holiday, but that’s it. Today we’re having steaks because I’m just tired, no cirak, no paska, just no. We did a boil for Christmas last year. I love to cook, but I don’t have it in me to do the full traditional fare anymore.

1 Like

My grandmother, an immigrant to NYC in 1939 but not born Jewish, had amazing dishes. This thread made me think of her apple flintzen, a pancake that probably has 100000000 calories, but was SO DELICIOUS! Her remaining daughter, my aunt born in 1940 (surprise!), may have the recipe written down, or perhaps her daughter, my cousin. I will have to ask! and maybe try to recreate it.

5 Likes

My BIL got a turkey from Popeye’s for Thanksgiving last year. It is cooked, so you just heat it (like an hour and a half). Was as good as any other turkey I have had (but I am not a turkey connoisseur).

It’s a team affair here - everyone has their favorites, and everyone pitches in. Makes the holidays a whole lot more fun.

2 Likes

I don’t know think I saw anyone mention this but another option for the “must have tradition dishes” is that something can still be a tradition if it’s not on the table every year - it’s ok to miss a year! Traditions are generally good memoirs NOT world records for most times in a row!

Part of my family is pretty traditional food wise and my kids and I like to introduce new stuff. For a holiday of more than just our family (H and I and, 3 kids and their SO’s) everyone is going to chip in with dishes. Or alcohol. Enough of the holidays are “holiday by abasket” - they all know how to cook or order stuff to bring!

Our Easter was yesterday. My house hosted. SIL
a made her traditional sausage and Kraft. Niece made her traditional Mac and cheese and hot cross buns. I made traditional mashed potatoes and roasted asparagus. (I realize none of these are overly hard but cumulatively many dishes = time!)

But I wanted to make spatchcock chicken instead of Turkey - I made it! D2 wanted to make an elote salad - she made it! I wanted to eat carrot cake - and was going to make it but the Costco choc peanut butter pie looked amazing and saved me at least 1-2 hours - yay for Costco!

It’s hard to hear and harder to do, but you gotta speak up and rally the troops. Maybe people have no idea the potato salad for instance takes hours to do!

8 Likes

We might forget that the point is to gather together. Gathering is the the most important tradition to continue.

So many traditional foods were meant to be prepared by the family or community together.

7 Likes

It’s fun when the next gen takes over. My grandma had her meals, my mom put her British spin on it, sibs and I took over at some point, and now the younger ones are contributing.

We’ve gotten away from one person doing the cooking. For Christmas and TG, the hosts do the main and everyone else brings something. As the family has grown, new things are added. My niece’s BF makes the best mac and cheese, my SIL a broccoli salad. Different veggies and sides every time. We love it.

Brunch this morning was another communal effort. At a niece/partner’s home, she did coffee cake and mimosas, and the rest of the family brought the remainder. Casual, fun, and more than enough food.

Sometimes tradition means change.

6 Likes

Even my mother got tired of the traditional meals, especially at Christmas (a repeat of Thanksgiving) so we started doing Prime Rib. It really is a whole lot easier than turkey and stuffing.

Today we went to a friend’s for Easter, and had hamburgers. It was pretty nice and clean up was a breeze.

Our traditions are not for holiday but other food. If there was American chop suey and a gallon of chocolate milk in the fridge, we knew my older brother was coming to town.