When GD was born, all grandparents lived 3000 miles away, but when she was 9 months old, they moved within 1.5 hours (some less) of DIL’s large family. Not only do they see them more than us, but, since DIL is better at making contact, her family also has more phone contact with them.
We live a 7 hour drive away from them. It’s hard seeing the photos of all of them together with DIL’s family, but that’s the way it is. They now have 2 kids and we try to video chat every 2 weeks. They also started a shared album back when GD was born and post frequent photos and videos.
We certainly have more contact with them than my kids had with their grandparents when they were young. No internet or smartphones then.
My sister has both sets of grandkids on island, as well as both in-laws. The grandkids love and benefit from it. Her youngest D lives 2500 miles away and the in-laws live a plane ride away as well. The youngest D hopes to wait until she’s back on Oahu to start her family, but who knows?
Here at GD (3 mo old) place for the month and just got here. Then last night D and SIL left for an hour. First 50 min we ate, burped, read a book, sang, changed diaper. Then bam- screaming and what appeared to be missing parents. Looking around panic look. Mom came home and all was well…Got ideas to have her adjust to us? We will be watching her during the day soon.
We just had a lovely six day visit of GD and her parents. She’s 13 months, an absolute joy–smart, curious, friendly, good-natured…EXCEPT she has developed a ferociously awful sleep problem. Last two nights, up in the middle of the night for hours, mostly screaming. Apparently it started sporadically at home a month or two ago, but getting progressively worse.
Parents had always nursed/fed her to sleep at naps and night. Has little to no ability to get herself to sleep. That worked until it didn’t, and it is not a good long term exit strategy, which they now know. They’ve tried the crying it out move, but after an hour of screaming and running around crib banging on sides, does not look like leading to sleep.
If anyone has heard any magic sleep methods, or books, (have read Ferber already) , would love to hear. Parents got exhausted and cranky themselves. Can’t say I blame them.
Sigh–other than that, a lovely visit. She is a joy, truly. But has to learn how to go to sleep.
Is GD allowed to sleep with a pillow yet? If so, have them get a travel size pillow (so she can take it places) and put one of mommy or daddy’s t-shirts in it (one that smells like them).
We are just finishing our week visit with our 2 yo GD and she has been waking up at night hollering. Our S and DIL will be trying this strategy when they get home. The olfactory sense is strong and may help soothe her.
Oh and FWIW nana and papa had no trouble getting GD to sleep at nap time. 
My daughter is working on “sleep training” and I know there are several versions out there. I assume similar, but different than Ferber. I have no idea if any one is better than another, and would guess it all depends on the kid.
My daughter reads way too much, and believes most of what she reads! They just returned from a holiday visit with the in laws in England where the baby had some sleep issues blamed on jet lag in both directions. I am not an expert, but I can not imagine jet lag is still an issue as they have been home 4 days, but I am only mom/grandmom, what do I know? :neutral:
Super cute GD (7mos)spent 4 days with our family during Christmas. She is super sweet and pretty easy when Mommy is around But has started to get upset when she doesn’t see her mama. DIL’s family is pretty quiet. Our family is pretty loud. When she went home she had episodes of babbling very loud. Lol. They sent a video. It is very funny.
Just went over again for 2 hours while D&SIL left for chores. This time I used the Baby Bjorn soft front carrier. Now that I think about it probably did have mom and dads smell. Anyway I thought it would work as she did not look at me in it, just felt supported and close to me. It worked like a charm. Now this is one time, but promising.
Update–they’re back at their own home again, and GD did still wake up, but after parent check-in and the fact that now they are able to sleep in a different room, she finally went to sleep. D’s nerves rattled but knows they need to get through this. Gak, I had blocked out how hard so many aspects of baby-raising are!
Glad she seems to be settling down at home, @Garland.
Haven’t heard how our GD did last night when we each returned to our respective homes across the country. We landed just as DS and family were taking off for their home, and they sent a short video (it arrived at 2 am our time and needless to say we were sleeping) of GD in nothing but her diaper (she had been in an adorable outfit when we left the airport) at a very empty home airport gate, climbing on the seat and saying “happy new year!”. Hope they all got some sleep!
Ferber works for lots of parents. I prefer Sheila Kitzinger.
https://www.amazon.com/Crying-Baby-Sheila-Kitzinger/dp/0670813125
My babies had undiagnosed asthma waking them up in the night. They were shrieking because they couldn’t breathe.
Good luck to all parents and grandparents dealing with crying babies!
thanks, @alh --I’ll pass on that recommendation!
We played music in their room – had a cassette of the same music I played when I was pregnant and it worked like magic. (S1 was Scherezade, S2 was Gilbert & Sullivan.) It worked pretty well for them both.
S2 went through a phase around nine months when he developed separation anxiety and bedtime was utter misery. He’d scream until he threw up. I read Ferber, did some of it. Mainly we tried to stick to a bedtime routine, and DH started reading to him at bedtime. (I was still nursing and the smell of milk often got him riled up, even though he’d just been fed.) After about two weeks, things settled down a bit, but it took about six weeks before he was able to put himself to sleep.
I swore by baby front packs with both guys – instant ZZZZs, no matter who wore the pack.
We are in the situation where one set of grandparents lives close to our GD (Charlotte, NC) and we are far away (Connecticut). In fact, the other grandmother is GD’s child care, and S1 and DIL see the entire family (grandmother, grandfather and DIL’s brother) at least once a week. I travel to spend a long weekend with them about every two months , but until GD is older (she’s only 11 months now) I know she’ll know them better than DH and me. Initially I was sad about it, but I’ve kind of accepted it. And when she’s older, she’ll understand the deal, so I guess I’ve made my peace with it.
Sort of.
It is what it is, and unless S2 (Madison, WI) decides to move to that area, we’re staying where we are.
We’ve just come through (mostly) the other side of GS’s sleep regression. At around 11 months he stopped sleeping through the night, waking around 2 or 3am and refusing to sleep in his crib for naps. S and DIL tried letting him cry it out, but it didn’t seem to work, though it had when they initially trained him to sleep in his crib. He regressed to needing to sleep on mom or dad’s chest and no one was getting any sleep. He doesn’t use a pacifier and has a pretty set bedtime/nap routine so they couldn’t figure out what happened. Their pediatrician said that as long as he was ok (they use a video monitor), it was ok to let him cry until a “normal” wake-up time which, for him, is between 5:45 and 6:15am. Now, at 13 months, he goes to bed at 8 and pretty much always sleeps until that time. Naps took longer to settle, but now he can be put in his crib and within 15 minutes he’ll lay down and go to sleep. To be honest, he goes down better for Grandpa than for anyone else!
@alh Big enthusiastic second of Sheila Kitzinger!
Things are much calmer here babysitting for the month of January 3 mo old. Starting first full week. Sending text photos to parents who are working during the day as they like that. Staying ahead of the feeding, diaper changers, and enjoying playing. Soooo cute! Trying to talk, babble.
My DD, mom of the two grandkids, had her daycare and later Montessori routine during the day - I worked FT until she was 5. I found she didn’t need that much sleep, so at 7 months of age, I would keep her up until 11 pm so she would sleep through until 5 am. Later she adjusted to longer sleep - her sister, 25 months younger, at one month slept from 8 pm at night until 6 am the next morning. I remember regular bedtime and neither of them fussing. Since I went back to FT work and was an older mom, I did not push my body to breastfeed.
DD was not able to breastfeed her daughter due to her job, but won a M - F nurse manager job so was able to breast feed her son. The babies are 14 months apart. GD really likes a lot of attention and has had issues getting to sleep at night. On weekends, she may have part of the nap she normally has at daycare (12 noon - 2 pm). The parents have gotten better with GD, but almost always she falls asleep in their arms at night. Never is put in her crib for her to lie down to sleep on her own. The pacifier was to be given up at 18 months (according to read sources) but she doesn’t want to part with it and she has it when she wants it - sometimes she is holding it while drinking her milk, and I put my hand out for it - but sometimes she wants it back. GD always has the pacifier to go to sleep. GS is very easy - and he sucks fingers or his right thumb when he wants to sooth himself - really only cries when needing to burp, diaper change, or overly tires and is easily soothed. I see them once a month, or during this last month it was more often. DD’s sister also visits regularly, so now my GD doesn’t cry when we leave because she knows we are coming back at some near future time.
When DD/SIL leave the house when GD is up, we go to one of the bedrooms to distract her while the parent leaves.
Right now GS sleeps in the pack N play next to parents’ bed, with the breastfeeding. IDK when he will sleep longer in the night to have him be in the kids’ room (two cribs). I am thinking that when GS is in the crib, GD will also settle down in her crib - but that may be wishful thinking.
Since I didn’t have any issues with DDs sleeping, they were in the same room - toddler bed and crib, and then went on from there. When they got older, they got their own rooms.
GD is very comfortable around her grandparents. The other grandparents only see them maybe twice a year, but the level of warmth and love is sensed - and I do think the GD senses being relatives - maybe the way we talk and do things, and the closeness with the parents. GS is good with anyone holding him and giving him attention.
Looking back, I think my older DD (except for not needing a lot of sleep as a young child) was the easy going baby. DD2 sort of took cues from DD1 (except for sleeping and was a marvelous sleeper that maybe DD1 took cues from her). GD’s personality is more like DD2 was - but since she doesn’t have an older sibling, has a full range of activity. GD is also a runner - she races to things, never slow. So cute.
These youngsters just capture your heart, and they grow so fast.
My daughter and her husband are going through the horrors of sleepless nights with my 7 mo grandson. He has never been a good sleeper and will only sleep if he is nursed. They’ve tried the drowsy but awake thing to no avail. I will look into the Kiplinger book. Their pediatrician told them they need to start sleep training. D is on board, but SIL is skeptical. I really feel for them.
D and SIL are in the midst of it now. After the night-time screaming horrors I wrote about a couple weeks ago, they soldiered through a modified Ferber campaign, and now she almost always goes back to sleep on her own. Almost have her regularly going to bed in her crib still awake (though apparently still breastfeeding before) and have today successfully put her down for a nap in her crib instead of D lying down with her. D needs to get back on the job market, and needs GD to be able to nap and go to bed without her. It hasn’t been easy, but they are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Pretty sure when a number two comes along, they’re going to be stricter about not getting into this position in the first place.