The kids high school (distract magnet IB school) had plenty of wealthy people. So I had to laugh about their scrambling at the parking lot when I’d pick them up (if they didn’t take bus back to home high school). Evidently there were no fewer than FIVE Odyssey minivans in our exact same same color. Somebody here probably had one too - I think it was sage metallic green (looks grey).
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There are not that many minivan options these days, and the Odyssey currently comes in seven colors, five of which are grayscale (white, black, and three gray / silver colors). The green must be discontinued, since the other two colors are red and blue.
We shipped S a bmw that was nearly as old as he was for his SR year of college. We had our mechanic check it over and tweak what he could first and S happily drove it until it started having major mechanical issues and then inherited a nice older mercedes coupe from his aunt (that looked much newer than it was). Yes, he’s had pretty cars but he didn’t buy either of them and they were older.
We sent D our newest car, a Volvo when she was a SR in college, figuring it should be fairly safe in an accident. It was a nicer car than I was allowed to drive at a comparable age. She’s still driving that car a decade later and doesn’t put much mileage on it. Mechanically it’s still fine.
Older Mercedes, BMW, Volvo, etc. often depreciate a lot, making them not so expensive to buy used.
However, one reason they do depreciate a lot is that maintenance and repair costs can be significantly higher than for other cars, which can deter many potential buyers (particularly used car bargain shoppers) from wanting them.
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My point was that it might APPEAR to others that our kids had nice cars that looked fairly new but they were actually the castoffs that we paid nothing for (I take that back, we DID pay for the used Volvo but it was coming off a lease and was much lower than FMV–bought it from one of H’s coworkers who loved leasing & didn’t drive much), except the costs of getting said vehicles to our kids. Jonses may have thought they were being terribly indulged when they were being a bit less indulged than it appeared.
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On my first trip home from college, I got a ride from another student I didn’t know via ride board (remember those?). As the gang of us walked across the parking to load up, I remember thinking “Oh no… please let it not be THAT car” since the style seemed date back further than me. But it turns out the family was original owners, car was in to notch mechanical condition. I rode with that bunch a few times, great discussions on our 6 hour ride.
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I think there are also certain circumstances where they MIGHT make more than we think, they MIGHT have inherited $, etc. but in fact we may know they well enough to safely rule out that they DON’T have the fluid cash to indulge in the indulgences we see.
I’m sure we’ve all seen some of those circumstances.
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It’s true that it’s hard for most of us to really KNOW what the cash flow obligations of others are–for example not everyone knows who is being supported by another person (e.g. we pay all our expenses for our adult D, a relative contributes toward the expenses of her in-laws, my friend advanced significant expenses for her dad’s care every month for a long time, another relative pays for all his household expenses and the HELOC on it plus expenses on a house he inherited that his D lives in plus his adult S’s expenses). These are just some of the non-apparent expenses that some of us have in our lives. Also, there are some different streams of income or assets that may not be apparent–inheritances, independent contracting gigs, etc.
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(Time out) Why is there a cake after your name? Is it your bday? Is there some new feature I don’t know about???
Back to regularly scheduled programming….
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It was my CC anniversary, I’ve been informed. No calories. Haha!
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Way, way before we had children, we decided that money would not be a limiting factor in where they went to college. We were both zero EFC, first-gen college students who worked our way through, and H was particularly adamant about the value of his degree (Ivy, Ben Franklin Scholar back when it included merit/need full tuition) in getting him out of poverty. We saved, lived on one paycheck and bought a modest house after we paid off the student loans, no longer had childcare and had saved a down payment (no family help). That discipline paid off when I was dx’d with cancer at 41 and my income became sporadic and ultimately dropped to nothing.
Best financial decision we made was not buying a lot of house. It enabled us to throw current income at tuition. A few families in our neighborhood have vacation cabins, but don’t do other travel. We could do that, but neither of us wants the upkeep, and we’d rather spend our vacation dollars going to cool places. And now that our sons are 3,000 and 5,000 miles away (and ten time zones apart), we visit them as well. They kindly chose to live in interesting places to visit.
Vacation is our splurge, but we do a lot on not much $$.
The folks with fancy cars in our neighborhood have just moved in recently. With the way prices have gone up, I’m not sure how they manage. Some have multiple generations/adult relatives living with them to help with expenses. Most of the new homeowners have young children.
I suspect there are a few millionaires in the neighborhood who have diligently been saving nuts for retirement and being content with what they have. Lots of Priuses, Outbacks, Hondas, etc. Only a couple in-ground pools. Kids went to flagships, some OOS. We have lawyers (government), doctors (military), research scientists, government contractors and tradespeople in our neighborhood. When people move, they tend to head out of the area, and don’t buy “up.”
My youngest sister and her H, OTOH, have two big SUVs, a pontoon boat, a 20 ft RV, a gigantic storage shed, a waterfront lot on the lake where they plan to build (and looking to buy the adjoining lot). Her house is completely remodeled.
How do they do it on two modest salaries? The vehicles are used, bought when a couple years old. Ditto the boat and RV. They do all the reno work themselves; BIL cuts lawns for extra $ and barters with the occasional plumber or electrician for anything that’s complicated. They bought the lot from an elderly neighbor who was tidying up his estate. He couldn’t get to the lake any more, kids didn’t want the lot. Gave him over asking price because they felt he was lowballing and didn’t want to rip him off. To the rest of the world, they look pretty comfortable.
They refinance their house to get enough cash to make a down payment that makes the monthly payments affordable on the RV and vehicles. One son got through three years of college (partial sports scholarship), and one daughter is working and is not in college, so they have no educational debt. My sister has three (soon to be four) grandsons, she’s 56, and she’s retiring in December. She and my BIL lost an infant son in 1998 at three months old, due to a heart defect. They made the choice to go out and live, embracing their family and community.
So who’s richer?
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Sorry, that was longer than I expected!
It was perfect. 
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We had the “state flagship rule” for our 3 kids. If they could get a financial aid package that made the private university the same cost or cheaper than our state flagship, they could go there.
For the first 2, they were able to attend private universities for what the flagship would cost. For the youngest, he attended the state flagship. Since he was a chemical engineering major, the large flagship actually made more sense for him.
We did not take out Plus loans or parent loans, etc., the kids just borrowed what they could form the federal government. So they graduated with loans, but manageable ones.
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My (Irish born) mother used to differentiate between “lace curtain Irish” and “shanty Irish.” While largely economic, it also had to do with lifestyle - think Downton Abbey with all the upper class habits but no money. I grew up thinking we were lace curtain.
Imagine my surprise when in the 70s we qualified for “government cheese” and need based student loans.
Maybe not so much cash, but I knew which fork to use at dinner!
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I definitely wonder sometimes how some of the Joneses live as they do. I have some exposure into the personal finances of a few of them due to my line of work and all of them are spenders, saving very little. I don’t know about credit card debt but their income and assets generally make them ineligible for financial aid but they can afford very little for college though on paper they should be able to pay full freight or close.
That said, it’s just curiosity. Everyone gets to choose how they want to live and I can understand prioritizing enjoying the present over saving. Having grown up poor, I still have my frugal habits, but do splurge on the things I value most - entertainment, dining out, and travel - but not to the exclusion of saving. My lifestyle is very modest compared to my income as a result. And I have no interest in keeping up with the Jonses or living like those in my income bracket do, as I do not value expensive homes, cars, clothes, hotels, or flying business/first class. I’m sure my colleagues and acquaintances wonder why I’m so frugal, don’t have an expensive house, or drive a luxury vehicle.
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Time to carpool to settle the potential confusion – surely some of those 7 seats were not taken? 
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[quote=“stradmom, post:95, topic:3642698”]
My (Irish born) mother used to differentiate between “lace curtain Irish” and “shanty Irish.”
[/quote]i
This was a real tangible distinction that I recently learned about at a museum.
Certain types of lace was a commodity and worth more than gold in some circles. Using certain types of lace and certain patterns indicated how rich you were. Very high status symbol especially when machine made lace started to become more common. Lace was actually smuggled into a country and bought by those able to afford it.
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I miss my minivan! I rue the day I gave it up. It was called the “party van” because you could cram everyone in plus more. Wasn’t the best for brakes etc. and eventually had a bunch of problems but I miss it more than not.
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I loved to shuttle my daughter and her friends.
Even though I was not wearing a chauffeur-cap, the moment they all crammed into the car, I turned into an invisible accessory and apparently temporarily lost parental status.
The insights I gained by quietly “concentrating” on driving, mouth wide open, were enlightening – certainly more than 7 days worth of attempted dinner-table conversations.
(Would have never happened in the Jones’s 911 convertible - to get back to the topic)
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