lately i’ve been really curious as to why i got rejected from a specific school i applied to.
can you email a school and ask why you were rejected/waitlisted?
would i just email the admissions team?
@HeadEast - thank you for your post. I find experience like yours very interesting. Parents with their own personal experience with boarding school bring so much depth to the discussion.
We were clueless going into the search, but did have a couple of friends we could talk to about it. That and this board made all the difference.
@HeadEast - I agree with your assessment about Hotchkiss. Our daughter is also a 9th grader (“prep”) at Hotchkiss. From severally other equally good schools where she had an option to join, as a family, we liked Hotchkiss the most.
I echo your thoughts about their current leadership. Head of School and other members of leadership care about each and every kid. In my couple of other posts, I have mentioned how Mr. Crag Bradley has put together an amazing culture. All the parents we have spoken to have amazing respect for his leadership; No exceptions.
It’s not Mr. Bradley, but this caring attitude extends to other faculty members and staff. I could share another incident where we were struggling with an issue, when our daughter had just joined, and we wrote to one the key staff members. Not only the person responded to our concern, but suggested a slot of 30 mins to discuss our concern and solve it. And since then, it has happened quite a few times. The faculty and staff have abundance patience and genuine care for the kids, and they are guiding them beyond academics, sports and extra-curricular activities. They are truly helping them become better as an individual.
Based on our daughter’s experience, we can surely say that the students embrace excellence across the board. We have also never heard from our daughter about any sort of comments about any ‘privileged/snobbish’ kids at the school. The kids are genuinely happy for each other’s success; there is no spirit of unhealthy competition.
Our daughter has been genuinely happy during her stay at the school during last 9 months. No one in our immediately family has ever attended boarding school, and so we had limited past exposure to rely on, but based on our other experiences, I believe this ‘happiness’ is not based on endowments, niche rankings, faculty reputations, admission to ivy leagues, but how the faculty, staff and peers support and care for each other, and that’s where Hotchkiss is doing an amazing job today. Hope the ‘peak Hotchkiss’ lasts for a long time:)
I would suggest not emailing them. Not only do they not have the time to deal with this, they probably can’t and won’t give you an answer. I guess the only reason it might be okay to ask is if you plan on applying again next year, and then you could approach it in a manner of “how can I improve my application for next year?” Otherwise, time to move on.
@ens2006 I was going to say the exact same thing as @cityran. I’d only do this in the context of “how can I improve my prospects because I want to reapply” and not “why did I get rejected.”
Also, I would wait until mid-summer when any potential wait list movement is done, the class is set, and the AO is on the other side of all this year’s process. Though the A10 date of many schools has passed, as others have surmised, I think it’s likely there will be more WL movement this year depending on the then-current state of things re: Covid-19.
thanks for the advice.
i’m not intending to reapply, and i’ll be going to a different bs next year. i suppose i’m still hung up about the rejection, but i should probably move on.
@ens2006 yes! The saying around here is “love the school that loves you” and I think it’s sound advice. Try to hold onto the reasons you applied to the school you’re attending and all the great stuff about it. As the summer wears on and September draws nearer, hopefully you’ll get more excited about it and committed in your heart as much as in your head. The rest will fade in the rearview mirror. Good luck to you!
Someone famous said “Comparison is the thief of joy”…
@HeadEast I was all in on your assessment until you went down the path of stating the Hotchkiss is the preeminent school due to such and such. Why can’t we all just realize as parents and students that people like different things. Harvard is not better than Princeton and Hamilton is not better than Cats. They are all great.
I think a lot of what you said was true, that many families head down the path of applying only to a handful of schools that they deem are the “best” whatever that means.
As for me, I’m happy that we chose for fit and I know that there are often multiple choices that would result in equally good results. Maybe applicants can think of things as being the best for them rather than it having to be the “best” of the heap.
I think a lot of the pressure and stress on kids comes from having to be the “best” What is good enough? Is being the top goal scorer on your team enough? How many prizes do you have to win? Do you have to do something on a national level? What about the kid who was light years ahead in sports or math or art? Are they the best? Does that diminish what you are doing?
Having raised kids in a highly competitive town and now having kids at competitive BS, we’ve never shied away from competition but we ALWAYS focused on doing YOUR best and being comfortable in your skin. Guess we’re different in that regard except that our kids (and we) have a laundry list of successes in multiple fields so something must be on track. I can tell you one thing, I’ve said we love our school choice but we’ve never, ever said it was the best.
How about deciding on what is the best way to make your kid the best person who does their very best for others?
@Happytimes2001 I think you need to reread what I wrote, your criticism is not at all what I said
@Happytimes2001 Perhaps be a little nicer, and definitely read more carefully. @headeast did not state Hotchkiss was the preeminent boarding school - it was an attribution to a third party.
I can understand @HeadEast 's enthusiasm and excitement, and she was relaying a story how, as two parents who had gone to Andover/Exeter and may have assumed that was going to be their child’s path, they were happy DC didn’t feel pressured and had made an independent choice.
@Headeast stated: ( Sorry I don’t know how to cite/highlight) “For our family one other point that we heard that had a significant impact was the recurring theme that Hotchkiss seems to have superior leadership currently and that all while all schools have an ebb/flow over time, that this time may be the time where we are at “peak Hotchkiss” in that cycle. In fact, we learned that Kendra O’Donnell (former Exeter headmaster) now sits on the Board at Hotchkiss and and we heard anecdotally through a mutual connection that in Kendra’s view Hotchkiss may likely be the preeminent boarding school currently. Unconfirmed obviously but nonetheless the fact that she sits on the Board (and I don’t believe is an alum or parent) speaks volumes.” Your words verbatim.
The paragraph above is the point I basing my comment on. So someone thinks that Hotchkiss is the preeminent BS and this is somehow not saying that you think it is the “best”? OK, because when I reread it for clarity, it is exactly the type of my child is going to the “Best” school I was referring to. If you meant something else, I’m sorry I didn’t find it.
My point is, there is no best, only best for you/your family.
I usually find my reading comprehension to be strong, and I agree with @Happytimes2001 take on this. It may not literally be @Headeast saying “Hotchkiss is the best” but…come on.
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Clearly there’s been a misunderstanding.
…as I’m sure we all agree that Choate is the best!
My point (as I clearly stated it) was that the fact that Kendra O’Donnell (the former headmaster of Exeter) serves on the Hotchkiss board with no alumni connection or child in attendance speaks volumes to me. That is all.
Yes, I did mention anecdotal feedback on Mrs O’Donnell’s thoughts (certainly not anything that we put any stock in) but thought it was obvious that we were not interested in chasing any sort of affirmation of “the best” but are solely interested in the best fit for our child. I tried to make it abundantly clear that given both of our experiences my spouse and I have no interest in that perspective for our child. In fact, I’m sure that wherever @Happytimes2001 child attends is the “preeminent” school. Good luck!
@HeadEast Actually happytimes never ever states or even thinks that their child’s school is “best” nor do I or anyone in our family think there is a “best” Please refer to all posts. That is the essence of my statement. There is no “best”
Wow, guys! I’ve been out in the swamp for a couple of days and things steamed up on here…I guess that is why this is titled “The Official Freak Out Thread” !?
@Golfgr8 It seems like that for sure - and I’ve been out for a few weeks! ? Well, I do hope everyone is happy and healthy! I’m sure we all want this storm of a pandemic to blow over so some semblance of normal life can resume…
I agree with @Happytimes2001 and TBH- I thought the same exact thing. When I read the post in question to my husband, he said - You gotta love that brand of chutzpah.
And we have a very large oil painting of Maria Hotchkiss in our home - so go figure.
First - former BS Heads are asked to join other BS boards all the time - so her appointment is far from special . The question - and the answer is always really subjective - is whether or not ( based on her run at Exeter ) you think she’ll be an asset or a good fit at Hotchkiss. It’s not an automatic- WOW- she came from EXETER so that must mean that the school is on some new or different upward trajectory.
That makes zero sense because it doesn’t work that way.
I’m sorry, but to me- this just sounds like parent gossip from people who are obviously VERY impressed with Exeter - and good for them- they should be, but it’s also a little jarring if it’s coming from Hotchkiss parents. IDK about you - but I see other underlying issues with culture if this mindset ( or death wish- IMHO ) turns out to be pervasive or even true. Yikes- you’re at Hotchkiss… it’s an amazing school.
Exeter is special only to people attending Exeter - so the line for worship isn’t really that long when you think about it. Students who attend Exeter made a choice ( hopefully based on fit ) and there’s absolutely nothing special that sets them apart or above any other boarding school or student - and I’m not knocking Exeter - that’s just reality . They go to Exeter- so what?
I joined a BS board in my late 20’s. I wasn’t married at the time or had any children, but I did start a very successful company after I dropped out of college … and retired in my late 30’s . So - so much for the notion that one must have mind-blowing academic pedigree to be appointed. Okay- I take that back - I dropped out of a college that most people think is very prestigious, but ( true story ) I did have the intelligence at the time to hire a very smart and ambitious Miss Porters alum who gave up college to be my personal assistant. And- I attribute all my success to her. I’m serious- she is the smartest person I know and I owe her everything . Go MPS, but I digress.
Anyway - based on my experience as a Trustee and why I was brought to the table - I can tell you that there are many different skillsets on a BS board and some of them are not readily known or always visible by simply reading a Trustee Bio on a school website - and while some people are seated for long range strategic reasons and vision ( and money ) - some are bringing balance or something entirely different to the table that has absolutely nothing to do with their previous life, current life or obvious expertise.
In other words - she might’ve been chosen to sit for other reasons that have nothing to do with Exeter or her administrative abilities because those things could be seen as secondary or just a complimentary piece. You just don’t know - plus new members rarely come in with a specific mandate or very much power - and there’s always a distinct learning curve and a very complex- well established hierarchy to contend with.
TBH- I find it extremely difficult to believe that Hotchkiss suddenly wants to be Exeter or even compete with Exeter - they don’t need to because NO SCHOOL needs to nor do they even want to!
Hotchkiss already has a very successful- highly regarded Brand for God’s sake - and I think any post suggesting otherwise - which the post in question inadvertently did - based on ONE board appointment no less - greatly diminishes what makes Hotchkiss unique and it also raises a lot questions . I’m sure some people might find this appointment controversial for reasons clearly implied in the post - so there’s that if you care to flip it.
That is - unless current parents and the Hotchkiss board have an acute case of Exeter envy for whatever reason - which I find really hard to believe …
But seriously - I can always deal with unbridled school spirit and maybe a little over the top " Top School " chutzpah occasionally - but the underlying message about Hotchkiss and the overall purpose of the post really baffled me. I’m not trying to be mean or rude - I’m just still scratching my head - even though I enjoyed reading the post. 
My husband just suggested that we light candles under the portrait of Maria…
I am so sorry- I had to share because I’m dying right now .