@datalife
I’m so sorry. It’s really hard to see our kids lose out on opportunities that feel so right for them.
Your daughter is smart and qualified academically. Trying to guess why a great candidate on paper didn’t get an offer when we don’t have access to the most important (IMO) stuff is a little like me trying to guess why two people I set up on a blind date didn’t hit it off and get married. I can’t know for sure.
But one thing I DO know is: most people who only apply to 4 of the most competitive schools will not get in.
Can they get in?
Yes.
But will they likely get in?
No.
Imagine this: if you stayed with me and then asked me what time do you need to leave to go to the airport and I tell you, from experience, you should leave here 2 hours before your flight. And then you google the trip and see we live 14 minutes away from the airport and you say to yourself “oh actually I think 60 minutes will be enough time.” And then you miss your flight and call me from the gate in tears and say “what happened?” Well, I could absolutely break it down with you and we could think about how the line at security was too long, or the car rental shuttle was late, or all of that. we could absolutely do that. And as your friend, I absolutely would. I would hug you and comfort you and help you analyze the trip for next time, because no one wants to hear “I told you so” when they are in tears at an airport.
But the real answer is: you gave yourself 60 minutes instead of 2 hours. That is the real problem most likely.
So, that’s why every experienced parent here will shout from the mountaintops: cast a wide net! apply to a number of schools!
The real issue, as I see it, is you applied to 4 schools with very low admission rates.
That doesn’t change the fact that I feel for you, and it sucks, and I am very sorry. Your kid is awesome and leaving late for the airport doesn’t change that.
Applying to 4 equally selective schools each with 15% acceptance rate doesn’t mean one has 60% of chance of getting in one. The real chance is not materially higher than 15%. To increase one’s chance, one has to apply to schools that are different.
I just found out something wonderful…so, basically, at the beginning of the BS process I’d only ever heard of Milton because my mom went there. She was the one who added other schools to my list. I only heard about schools that are easier to get into after J15. Turns out, she knew about them but didn’t tell me on purpose because she only wants me to go to better known schools (plus Milton which is less better known I think). I thought that she was as ignorant as me, but really she just cared more about the school names than the schools themselves! And now I’ve missed my chance to go to BS for four years! So that upset me a lot. She’s not even letting me apply to CSW next year which is an awesome school. Yay…
That’s like saying “I’d only heard of Dartmouth because my mom went there”. Milton is a very well-known, excellent academy with a long list of accomplished alumni. It is only less well-known in BS circles because it is different in two ways: (1) it has an adjacent K-8 that feeds many students into the HS, and (2) it has a smaller boarding population as a result.
If you decide to re-apply next year, Milton would be worth serious consideration.
Although I agree your mom’s reasoning is flawed, I won’t blame her because I myself had very similar thoughts. I suspect that 60k a year is serious money for your family so she wants to make sure it’s well spent. I also suspect that you have a very good local school as a back up.
If you really want to go to a BS, you can talk to her after this cycle and let her know your thoughts. Work hard and apply next year. Many kids get in the second try. With this year’s experience you will do much better next time.
Oh no that’s not what I meant! Milton is definitely amazing- I just meant that the only boarding school I’d ever heard of was Milton and so that was the only one I was planning to apply to. Milton has always been my first choice and I have wanted to go there since I was little. Exeter only because my first choice after I read through their entire website in February. I wasn’t saying Milton is bad at all, just that it was the only one I’d heard of.
I’m just going to throw this out there. I definitely recommend signing up for the virtual class ‘sit-ins’ if any of the schools you were admitted to offer them. IMO it is 10x more informative than the virtual ‘panel’ events. From my experience the panel events are too much of a sales pitch to get an accurate representation of the school (especially when it’s only teachers and no students on the call)!
I also strongly suggest that if you do attend a class ‘sit-in’, try to attend more than one. It’s easy to get a bad perception of the school if you base your judgement off only one class, so if more are offered, sign up for them!
The first virtual Hotchkiss class I attended was a freshman class (and I’m sure this is in part because of covid this year), but the students seemed very timid and the teacher was having a tough time getting students to participate. The next two class calls I went to (one was a 10th grade class, one was 11th), were the complete opposite. All of the students were quick to participate in discussion and I’m now planning on reading one of the books they discussed because I their conversation about it was so interesting.
I just saw an Instagram page called blackatmilton and it honestly terrified me. Like there were a lot of posts of students talking about the racism/microaggressions they went through and it was so sad.
Sadly, this seems to be a common experience at PWI of all types, including public high schools, private day schools, public and private universities, etc. I am not saying that to dismiss your feelings or accept the status quo, quite the opposite. There is a lot of work to do. "Black at...": Black students use Instagram to expose racism at private schools - CBS News
Kids like your daughter, young for the grade, often have great success the following year by reapplying as repeat freshman. It is a very common thing to do.
I agree with @gotham_mom but it’s also important to recognize that many, if not most, of these schools are actively engaging in conversations and taking steps to address this legacy.
Also, while it doesn’t minimize the pain of the people involved, a large amount of the “black@“ posts (you can search for “black@“ for every prep school and college - most are equally terrible) are years, often decades old. They don’t reflect today’s reality at these schools. While there is still work to be done, many are already moving in the right direction.
There’s a great thread trying to capture the data around admissions results.
There are already about 1500 application results, but it likely represents less than 10% of results. If you have the chance, please take a minute to fill out the confidential google form.
I had a question would it be too late for me to apply as a repeat since I am turning 15 this year and 16 next meaning id be 16 in 9th grade (if i repeated)?