<p>Get some social skills. And a life. (@LoremIpsum…seriously? Damn) Find something you like and stick with it.
High School is something to look back on, to remember the crazy things done with friends…not an excuse to turn your kids into tools. Have some mercy ffs. If the kids described here are anywhere close to the geniuses as which they come across, then it shouldn’t and won’t matter if they go to HYP or the state school.</p>
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<p>If this is what you are seeing, then I would suggest getting rid of the video games. I never allowed my kids to play them, and they found their passions just fine. Passions are often born from boredom.</p>
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<p>Definitely agree with this! Encourage your sons to start writing their college essays early (summer before senior yr) and give them lots of good sample essays to read. My dad never helped me with the college process at all until college essays came along. Then he bought me a couple of books on writing essays and offered to proofread my essays. Couldn’t have done it without him! It was much more helpful than planning my EC’s or pushing me to get straight A’s, two things that should be done by the student him/herself, not the parent.</p>
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<p>It’s things like this that disturb me. I don’t see how a university could look at a student and say “Ah, this person plays lacrosse and not tennis. They are much more fit for this university”. What if you’re Asian and just really like playing the piano and tennis!?!?!?! It’s like, you’re allowed to be passionate, just not in what other people like to do. It’s pretty damn ridiculous.</p>
<p>No don’t take away the video games. Kids need to have fun. Passions come from passion, simple as that. You don’t become passionate about something just because you have nothing else to do. If you take away your kids’ games and give them a lacrosse stick, you’re just going to teach them to hate lacrosse. Video games aren’t really good for a college application, but lots of similar things are. Maybe programming and computer science related things are close enough to games for them, or maybe there’s some sport that they can find themselves enjoying (karate or taekwondo rather than SSF4). </p>
<p>But please please please don’t force your kids to do anything. It’s all about encouragement. Don’t be soft on your kids, but there’s no reason to be a jerk. If your kids don’t like what you’re doing, you’re probably doing something wrong.</p>
<p>Further down the road, getting involved in regional/state/national competitions can be very helpful, as well as subsequent awards. Any experience in a field they are interested in can be very beneifical as well- doing some special project, doing research, doing lab work, getting involved in an internship, etc. Great news about all these items is they are extremely valuable not only to the college application but also to the student in general: the real-world experience is priceless.</p>
<p>Win an Intel Science Talent Search. That seems to be the golden ticket for many Asian kids I personally know.</p>
<p>Look beyond the usual Ivy, MIT, Stanford choices. At minimum read up on all the College Confidential Top Universities and Liberal Arts Colleges. There are MANY excellent colleges out there.</p>
<p>Match the kid to the university/college not the college to the kid. What I mean is know your kid and then find a place they can thrive. It could be Harvard but it equally could be a Colleges That Change Lives place. Or the big state university- My oldest is at at top LAC, but my youngest who is every bit as smart and good a student has a career interest that would not be developed well at a LAC, or for that matter one of the Ivies. The best programs for her seem to be at the big state universities. Sending her to Brown would be counter productive.</p>
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I think this is an important point, and it involves a cultural difference between at least some Asian families and a more typical American viewpoint. US universities will more greatly value achievements that demonstrate personal initiative and leadership than those which demonstrate extensive practice and commitment. Thus, for example, in my opinion, unless your kid is so excellent a pianist that he is likely to be a featured soloist in college, colleges are not going to be impressed by the fact that he practices 4 hours a day. To them, that will simply suggest that he is obedient. They will be more impressed with activities in which kids take leadership roles. You might consider Boy Scouts, for example. When done properly, the boys take the leadership roles, and the adults primarily provide support (something which is perplexing and frustrating to some parents).</p>
<p>To put it another way, US colleges may be more impressed by a kid who is very active in a rock-climbing club, than with a kid who plays violin in the All-State Orchestra.</p>
<p>To put it yet another way, it’s not so much that the kid needs to look “different,” but that he needs to look (and be) self-directed. That’s harder to show if his activities are the same as a lot of other kids just like him.</p>
<p>One more thing: it’s true that not all piano players are the same. But ask yourself this: what would your reaction be if your son wanted to switch from classical piano to jazz piano? In my opinion, jazz piano would be much better for admission into US colleges, unless the kid is a true virtuoso.</p>
<p>^“what would your reaction be if your son wanted to switch from classical piano to jazz piano?”
Absolutely nothing given this is truly he wants to do. The problem many young kids have, like I said early, is 1) they don’t really know what they want (no passion so to speak) or 2) change their passion too fast like change fashion. Want to be a lawyer today but want to be an architect tomorrow, and movie director the day after. As a parent, I would be fine with any passion as long as they stick to it. Of course, I am not saying we should discourage experimenting. But at some point in life (better before go to college) they need to figure out what they really want to do.</p>
<p>To be honest, I really wish my parents have taught me some instruments when I was a child. I think it’s very interesting skill to have but of course I am a grownup now.</p>
<p>I think it’s hard for parents (and not just Asian parents) to really communicate to our children that we want them to do what they are passionate about and talented at, even if it’s different from what we do. We can’t help being worried about their financial security, and we can send the message (whether it’s deliberate or not) that what we really value is a career like medicine or law. I have a son who is a music major, so I struggle with this all the time–but I have to remind myself that it’s his happiness and fulfillment that really matter–although my wife insists that whatever he does, it needs to provide health insurance.</p>
<p>I’m not sure how things work at your sons’ high school, but my school hosts a club fair each year. My freshman year, I signed up for every club I was mildly interested in. Signing up only puts you on the club’s e-mail list, so I wasn’t obligated to be a member of every group. As the year went on, I figured out which clubs I was more interested in and stuck with those. To this day, almost all of my activities are three-year commitments (I’m a junior).</p>
<p>For your sons, I suggest that they try a wide range of activities the beginning of their freshman year and figure out which ones truly interest them.</p>
<p>If they have some interest already, they can start their own club. It’s a good show of leadership.</p>
<p>Captain of the math team and science bowl is what he should aim for</p>
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<p>Exactly so! My son got three personalized acceptance letters from three top-20 colleges and each of them specifically mentioned those activities that he had pursued on his own and off the traditional pre-packaged track. A single self-directed project, done well, should be enough to stand out from the crowd.</p>
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<p>To some extent, however, many of these experiments will revolve around core themes. Find the intersection of those repeating themes and you may have helped each son discover a passion.</p>
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<p>This may come from a student, but it’s all any parents have to do, and do it from the beginning.</p>
<p>At this early stage, just try to equip your boys with the verbal, written, and interpersonal skills they will need to play against Asian male stereotypes when they need to market themselves to colleges.</p>
<p>Tigerdad, I’m an Asian female and was raised in a typically Asian society with very typical mentalities and almost no mention of studying overseas until I decided for myself about two years ago that I wanted a more liberal education. </p>
<p>I did ballet, art, piano and my parents would nag at me about focusing on studies and really leave community service programs and enriching stuff like learning to cook or doing a personal project on the solar system- not for any competition, but out of pure interest- to other people. But as I grew older I tried to find ways out of these things that they’d tried to force on me as a kid, and decided to pursue my own passions. </p>
<p>I guess the idea of being successful to universities is really how much a person carries him/herself and how much they are their own man/woman. I’m still a junior, so I can’t say for sure that I’ll be accepted to the Ivies but I sure hope so. Don’t try to reach perfection, especially for someone else. Do you know that story of helping a butterfly open its cocoon and the butterfly dying? Tailoring a personality probably will hurt, both physically and in terms of chances. </p>
<p>P.S. I hated piano but loved music, and after 4 years I’m better at self-taught guitar than 15 years of rigorous piano. Nuff said.</p>
<p>Good advice here. I want to add that some kids don’t discover their ‘passions’ in middle or high school - or even college. They may like and enjoy many things and it could be that they don’t find what they love until later in life. As long as they are studying hard, being responsible about their obligations, and demonstrating ‘character’ (however you define it in your family), they will be successful in life. It’s not fatal to one’s health, happiness or success in life not to be ‘passionate’ - although you probably won’t get into a highly selective and competitive school. </p>
<p>As a parent, it can be frustrating when your kid has a talent or gift, but they aren’t willing to invest in it: How hard do you push? And when do you stop? It can be harder still when they make choices that you think are unhelpful (though not necessarily ‘bad,’ in which case you intervene). Ultimately, I value the long term relationship with my kid - the mutual respect, the ability to say difficult things to each other, the knowledge that we are there for each other no matter what - more than I value their achievements. </p>
<p>In the end, where our kids go to school ends up being much less important than the kind of people they turn out to be. Keeping the bigger perspective can be hard sometimes, but it is the important part of being a parent rather than their ‘college admission coach.’</p>