<p>It’s easy not to notice who’s borrowing & lending clothes, and who’s just borrowing, when you have plenty of money as a priviledged full pay family.</p>
<p>If your family can afford 50k a year, then your family is in the top 5% of earners in the country</p>
<p>GMT I was just responding to the original post, not to inspire any angry sentiments. My point was that people are nice, supportive, and choose their friends for their qualities not their bank accounts.</p>
<p>Stargirl, When they were younger, my children received FA to help them attend a private elementary school. Their perception was that the wealthy children were unaware of how privileged they were or that there was anything unusual about their houses or vacations or other facets of their lives. Some people lose this unawareness as they get older and some don’t, but in general I think the people without much money are much more aware of the differences than those for whom money is unimportant because it is always available. Remember that when the wealthier students seem insensitive to your financial status, it is almost always unintentional. You are much more sensitive to it than they will ever be. But that is no reason to avoid their company!</p>
<p>Thanks, @twinsmama. I often get annoyed when I hear comments like, “oh, it was only twenty dollars…” so I see what you mean.</p>
<p>One quick story: When I was at Andover I used to go home with friends for Thanksgiving because I lived too far away to go to my home. One year I went home with a friend to NYC. Her family lived in the projects on the Lower East Side. Once, we got together with another friend for the day. We visited his home, which was a penthouse on the Upper East Side. None of us cared who lived where and whose parents had what. It didn’t make a difference in our friendship and how we viewed each other. This is how I viewed life at PA. You couldn’t tell who was rich and who was poor, and social cliques weren’t based on parents’ income. I thought that was great. :-)</p>
<p>I agree that the differences are much more apparent to the have-not kids and that most slights or comments are unintentional. I also agree that GMT’s tone was uncalled for. </p>
<p>Everybody needs to brush the chips off their shoulders and make efforts to move forward. I mean not just cc posters but also students, applicants, and families. If you go looking for prejudice or snobbery you will find plenty of it but if you have an open attitude and attribute most slights to inexperience or insensitivity, you will probably help educate people, make more friends, and have a better time all around. </p>
<p>At one visit to D’s school I spent a lot of time with a parent who is an immigrant. I know nothing about the family’s financial status but I felt the parent was overly sensitive to cultural differences, seeing prejudice where it didn’t exist, weighing their every move based on how it might be interpreted. </p>
<p>At one point I suggested something and immediately they said “oh I’m sure they will look at that and think badly of me because of my culture.” Yet it was something I myself would have done and was in no way something that would even be thought about in cultural terms. </p>
<p>Of course I dont know this persons past experiences with racism or cuturalism. I’m pretty sure financial status did not factor in, because I could tell that they are not poverty stricken. And before all the armchair analysts chime in, this person has lived in the U.S. for decades, has a good job, and has American-born children.</p>
<p>To balance the picture, I was also hanging around with 3 other immigrant parents from an assortment of countries and races, who did not seem overly concerned with how others perceived them. The joy of it is that all the kids are American born or raised and seemed to mix freely within the student body and occasionally joined the adults at meals. BS at work.</p>
<p>I know the original poster was specifically asking about financial status but I think the same principles apply to cultural and racial differences. I don’t think it’s really possible for better-off people to truly understand the value of a dollar unless they somehow end up in that situation. And I do mean a dollar, as in how I fretted some years ago, as to how I could afford the minimum public school photo package for two kids, when the lowest priced package was $2, a noticeable chunk of my monthly budget. Yeah it was some time ago but not in the 1930’s! I know the sting of hearing “oh it’s only $20.”</p>
<p>Regarding the stats posted in post #19, when comparing average grants in different schools (i.e. FA budget/ FA student), one more factor needs to be considered, which is cost of attendance. At the end of the day, for FA reciepients it’s what they pay out of pocket that matters. For example, for the school year 2013-2014, the tuition and fees in Lawrenceville is $54,540 while that figure at both Exeter and Andover is about $47,000. Taking COA and the differences in the needs of boarding/day students, schools that promise to meet 100% of demonstrated need are close in the FA level they offer to their FA students. It’s the difference in the percentage of student body on FA that’s more pronounced.</p>
<p>The takeaway points from looking at those FA numbers I posted in #19 are:</p>
<p>1) grant amount per family can be sizable, it’s not 200 families receiving $500.</p>
<p>2) the FA amount familes receive from different schools can vary widely, and may not be reflective of the relative size of the schools’ endowments. </p>
<p>3) the schools w smaller endowments do indeed grant sizable FA grants, AND these schools generally have a more forgiving admit rate than the schools w the Godzilla-sized endowments. If u need FA, it would be a good strategic move to expand your list of schools beyond those 5 schools w the 5 largest endowments, which have admit rates in the teens.</p>
<p>@stargirl3 ,
I’m currently a BS freshman. I’ve found that at my school, the students’ families all come from different financial backgrounds. I needed quite a bit of financial aid to go to school. Although some do treat $20 as if it were pocket change, (and i think that $20 is a lot of money), no one ever makes a point of showing they have more than anyone else. My roommate comes from one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the country and always has the newest version of everything (Clothes, Gadgets, etc…) I can’t imagine a lifestyle like that, but it doesn’t get in the way of us being amicable roommates. I wouldn’t stress about this, there are many other things to spend time worrying about during the application process. Good luck! 
<p>@stargirl13: Listen to the students! My parental two cents, meanwhile: </p>
<p>We’ve had kids at three B schools. For reasons I won’t bore you with, one was on significant financial aid at Exeter for most of her time there. No one knew she was receiving aid and I mean that. She didn’t go out of her way to advertise it but I’m sure there were markers, including her consistent lack of cash. She felt no stigma and found the socioeconomic (and ethnic/cultural etc.) diversity at PEA to be the real deal and extremely inspiring – far superior to the hyper-privileged, monocultural vibe in our home town. By choice, she worked a couple of hours each week at a job most on this board would consider fulfilling and even fun – no assigned chore. Did she notice that some friends wintered at Vail, summered in Tuscany, or scored coveted internships through dad? Sure. Did she object to her friend having a pet bear? Yes — quietly. Was it a bummer when certain friends bought gowns at Bergdorf’s for prom and we bought cheap online? Meh, ultimately not so much. We found that the kids mixed beautifully at Exeter. (I have to believe the same is true at Andover and many other schools with a demonstrated commitment to true diversity and the finaid dollars to bring an assortment of interesting kids to the table.)</p>
<p>I suspect it depends on the school and I would ask hard questions and observe closely while visiting, but our experience was slightly different at the (coincidentally or not) lesser-endowed N. England B schools our kids attended – as full-pay students. To be frank, the wealth and so-called preppy or clubby factor did seem more pronounced and there were far fewer kids on finaid at those schools which I prefer not to name. Schools need full-pay kids to help keep the lights on, after all, so, yes, the majority of students at those schools were full pay and many came from serious wealth – families from the US and abroad. Note that ethnic/cultural/international diversity does not mean socioeconomic diversity and it doesn’t guarantee an “It’s a Small World” type of community, either. There was less organic mixing at these schools, like it or not, and some borderline self-segregation and clique-like tendencies that were a tad demoralizing. One of our kids encountered second-hand privileges through his/her friends that dazzled to the point of foaming at the mouth and s/he did feel pressure to mask our family’s financial realities. Said child was asked, straight up: “Are you poor or something?” after balking over a pricey weekend trip. S/he also on occasion heard kids mocking others less privileged (for their relative poverty) behind backs, too, but ignored it and correctly viewed those kids as unenlightened. I hope this type of nonsense is rare and would really like to agree with the poster who suggested that it’s probably less about the environment and others and more about how you perceive yourself. But, again, given our experiences, I think it varies from school to school. Kind, well-parented, inclusive kids are everywhere. Rotten apples are found here and there, too. Avoid them like the land-mine turds they insist on being.</p>
<p>I’m not sure I agree that “you can’t control how you feel about this.” I definitely think you CAN control how your process/deal with your standing vis a vis your peers. Our perspective is: look, there will always be someone wealthier, smarter, faster, and better looking but that’s life. And short of being outright hazed or bullied or mocked or stuck in a toxic environment of elitism, which is not okay, you kind of have to deal and make your own magic. I think the amazing education and attendant opportunities that some of these schools offer can operate as a great equalizer. Imagine: come March 10, you’ve been admitted to the same fabulous institution as the more privileged kids because a group of seasoned adcoms who generally know what they’re doing brought you together to form a class. Because they believe in you and saw that you have something meaningful to contribute. You a priori belong now, and are as viable and worthy as the others so, from there, it’s up to you. I’m not suggesting it’s always easy, but if you are overly sensitive to the status thing or fall into an abyss over the sense that you come up short in any particular area, including relative wealth, then you will not thrive at B school. If you muster the fortitude to reach out and make friends with all types and take advantage of all you can during your lucky time there (which will fly by, believe me), then you’ve mastered the game and will have an incredible foundation (and interesting stable of friends) for life. If you end up in an environment with kids who are blanketly exclusive, elitist, and clubby based on circumstances of mere birth, well, that would really stink and feel lonely. Hopefully, you aren’t even applying to places like that – if they still exist.</p>
<p>We think it’s sort of cool that our kids have even been exposed to some of the decadence while remaining grounded by our family’s realities. They’ve developed a grit and a sophistication of sorts that will serve them well in life. I would have loved to have frolicked on Nantucket or the Upper East Side with pals back in high school. Or to have received a Turnbull & Asser cravat for Christmas. And I would have enjoyed Thanksgiving in Compton with a classmate to see what that’s like. Instead, I attended a really lame local high school, worked weekends at a gas station, and attended a very average college/grad school. My spouse and I now prize education above most else but attending an elite boarding school in America is a privilege, not a right. If you’re admitted, celebrate, stand tall, be confident, and don’t squander one second of your time there. The rest should fall into place.</p>
<p>Something to keep in mind, BTW: wealthy families/alumni, etc. make it possible for kids needing financial aid to attend. They are definitely not the enemy in this context, to my mind, though you’ll see varying opinions on CC.</p>
<p>Brilliant post Valdog. Thank you.</p>
<p>You’ve said it all Valdog, beautifully, thank you!</p>
<p>Really insightful post, Valdog!</p>
<p>Valdog, I’m sharing your post with my family. Thank you!</p>
<p>So well said, Valdog. Thank you!</p>
<p>Aw, shucks, thanks. And apologies for the length…</p>
<p>Happy Thanksgiving to all!</p>
<p>Thanks again, Valdog! I especially like your point on being exposed to wealth but keeping your head on Earth.</p>