100% accurate @coloraturadad. D’s vocal coach has become her second Mom thankfully. The Mom that she listens to and is respectful with. Vocal coach and I are a team. It takes a village.
Ahhhh @bridgenail @SpartanDrew and @coloraturadad , LOL! Yes. All The Preconceived Notions… my D had them. In fact, there was one school in particular that rejected her application for a summer program after Junior year (ouch, that smarts!) but she passed the prescreen. We planned the audition even though she was SURE they were going to be all kinds of snotty and superior, and she would “never get in or ever go there”. Guess where she ended up???
Edit: I think it’s FINE to insist on a good application list, and even push for certain schools. But like @bridgenail says, you HAVE to let them choose their home! (Within the family’s financial ability, of course!)
There was mention of this being a vocalist-heavy forum…mine’s an instrumentalist!
Enjoying the audition reports and can feel the relief of the nearing finish line! (Although in my experience, that’s when it becomes the toughest for parents—that waaaaay toooooo looooong wait from the final audition to admission decisions. The kids can finally relax and get on with enjoying their senior year with their peers, and our anxieties are just ramping up as all our friends’ kids have already committed and are selecting housing, etc. Brutal!)
Three cheers to lots of acceptances and big money all around! My advice in the meantime: do NOT allow yourself to get hung up on the intimidating, crazy-making, depressing admission stats. Yes, many of these programs are unconscionably hard to get into, but you already knew that on some level and probably have a safety or two on the list. And frankly numbers aren’t all that meaningful in music, because there’s no “all-things-being-equal” in the arts, and everything is subjective. You simply don’t know which side of that ratio your own kid will land on. And the numbers change every year anyway. (Save the research for bragging rights later, if you must. 
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The audition-circuit experience is priceless and unforgettable. Never again will we have that uniquely special one-on-one time together, both filled with such promise and hope and driven by such a shared mission.
But wait, no one has mentioned other parents at auditions! (Was that just my thing?!) I found myself endlessly annoyed by other parents…the ones drilling the rest of us about where else our musicians were applying and when…all the name-dropping and humble-bragging and straight-out bragging…and the hoverers who were SO clearly making their kids extra agitated and stressed with their constant check-ins and unsolicited suggestions…the parents with their ears pressed against the audition doors for their own kid’s auditions AND for others to guage the competition…ugh! I learned very quickly to make myself scarce for my own sanity (and my kid’s, no doubt!)—to this day, my favorite spot on his campus is the quiet little nook where I passed his audition time!
Loving the talk about preconceived notions. YES! Kids can be so opinionated, and often based on ridiculous (or at least very skewed) data. And young people can be so impressionable, too. A particularly warm and ego-stroking audition judge can launch a school to the top of the list; a musician who doesn’t seem particularly accomplished and mentions having graduated from X can suddenly push X to the bottom of the list; a respected mentor can make an offhand comment and voila, that’s truth! This part only becomes more intense as the young adults are deciding between offers, I’m afraid. Everyone seems to have an opinion, and no one holds back!
I did push one school/application onto my kid because at the last minute (literally the night before deadline) I panicked and thought he should have one more shot somewhere in case he was denied everywhere. I know it was never really a contender in his mind—he only did it to appease me, he never once considered their offer with any genuine intent, and it was a waste of time, energy and application/arts supplement fees! Maybe it bought me slightly greater peace of mind, anyway?!
Also loving and commiserating with the “kid always has a rock in her shoe” comment—that’s my high schooler!
Eeek! I am that parent with their ear to the audition room door! I guess I’ll go find a coffee shop in Boston next week. This is all new to me. At least another Mom was there outside the room waiting on her kid too. Personally, I don’t think it’s a big deal asking where else they are applying. Maybe if they go to the same school they can connect and become roommates! It’s a small word and as you said, they are already behind the 8 ball with housing and college comittment overall.
I think it’s more of a “we are all in this together and see you next week” kind of camaraderie rather than annoying and competitive. At least that’s my take anyway. I have met some really really cool parents of other jazz vocalists in this process and I am right there cheering on their kids as much as my own.
Oh goodness, no worries, it’s all in the tone…there are the pleasant, small-talk making, we’re-in-this-together approachable and fun parents like you who are rooting for them all (I found some comrades in the process, too–those are the ones you bring to the coffee shop with you! ), and then there are the competitive, I’ll-decide-if-you’re-worthy-by-your-list invasive and braggy ones. I was only annoyed by the latter, and I didn’t get the sense that I was alone in that. 
@SpartanDrew- Did I ever tell you about the time I saw a mom pressed against the audtion room door and someone insude the room opened it?! Yep, she fell right into the room, landing near the piano bench- it provided levity for the adjudicating panel, but her kid was moritifed!
Moms, take your iPad or Kindle loaded with some good books, find a seat in the lobby area and let your kid drop everything off with you. There are schools where the students take a theory placement exams on audition day, so it’s good to have one place where the kids know to find you. Don’t listen to the gossip from other parents- most are great people, but every season there are one or two who just try to play head games. You’ll see the same people at auditions everywhere and my daughter still has great friends whom she met during auditions and who ended up aat either the same schools.
OMG that would totally have been me falling face first in the room!!! AAACK! OK NOTED. I have a great book and of course Words with Friends to keep me occupied. Off to the coffee shop I go. Actually hubby and I hung out quite a bit at The Rat on campus at Miami. I think I should have had a frequent punch card for sangria and got a free one after 5 punches or something! :-))
Anyway, the thing is, each kid is applying and auditioning at maybe 8 or so schools right??? They can’t attend every one of them. Only one. This is a crazy process and it will be so exciting to hear where everyone ends up. And selfishly, the parents I’ve met in this process and I secretly our kids end up at the same school so we can have a Mom’s weekend together sometime. It won’t happen but we can hope anyway.
You pegged it, Mezzo’sMama – it’s just the few gossipy, know-it-all parents so clearly playing head games that got under my skin. (I will say, though, I can’t help but be super curious where their kids landed!)
My news is a year old, but I like the @SpartanDrew journal, so I can’t resist joining in. We did not have much in the way of door-listeners. Maybe one family was camped out near the door at UMichigan. Also did not see the posturing at any of the places we went. Maybe that speaks to coincidence or the instrument type. I definitely did not want to hang out and listen. By the time S got to auditions at suspected ‘match’ schools, his cake was already baked, and we had heard him play a lot of times before. I wonder what can be discerned and taken action on by feedback from the door listening.
You’re right @GoForth. Nothing can be gleaned from door listening. LOL. And I would never listen to someone else’s kid. I think that’s intrusive for sure. Advice taken. I’ll be at the coffee shop. Or more likely… the wine bar! Haha!
I think the door-listener at UMichigan became “informed” on what kind of firepower can show up at an audition, so that was a good learning experience for someone who hadn’t run through the circuit yet.
True story. Last year I am w/ my D waiting for her turn at one of her auditioned schools/conservatories. I am chit chatting with her in Spanish when an elegant lady wearing an expensive coat walks toward us smiling and asked us with a heavy eastern European accent “Hi, may I ask you where are you from?” We told her where we were from and she followed with “I would like you to meet my soprano daughter who will also be auditioning today, Cinderella meet these folks from Puerto Rico.” After they left my D and I could not contain a straight face. I swear I thought I was inside a fairy tale book. The giggling was unstoppable growing into a loud laughter. It was surreal but it kept us in a good state of mind away from our nerves. I am laughing as I write this from the memories.
We got that at the jazz jam session at the end. Seriously though, every single one of those kids auditioning was great. They wouldn’t be there if they weren’t. It’s going to be interesting how it all plays out. Do the schools over offer to say 12 kids to get 8 spots filled knowing some will turn it down? I have no idea how that works. I had a mom of another jazz vocalist tell me they are only taking 2 at western mich! Eeek! Really?! Yeah those are numbers I’d rather not know right now. It won’t change anything. Your kid will bring everything they have and it’s either enough or it isn’t.
@coloraturadad I saw some of that at the jazz jam! When asked for a vocalist to volunteer to sing a girl and her mom nearly vaulted SpaceX rocket style out of their seats to have her up there to sing! I had to stifle my laughter. :-))
If you haven’t read A Gentleman in Moscow, it’s just the thing to pass the time at auditions, because, like Alexander, you are trapped and can’t go anywhere! LOL!
All this about listening at the door has me laughing! And taking notes for next year when I’m trailing my son (voice?cello? music ed.?) through this process. I don’t want to ever be the mom that falls into the audition room!
I had my first listening at the door experience when he was six and his teacher entered him in a piano competition. Most parents waited in the lobby, but he was six—so they sent me back into the second waiting area with him, maybe because he was carrying his stuffed dog along with his music. He went into the room with the judge by himself but I could hear every note from the waiting area, even without pressing my ear to the door. It was agonizing. He played beautifully, and came out and all smiles and wanted to discuss the strange (to him) appearance of the judge. That was the first lesson in who gets more nervous.
OK I’ll confess to door listening one time out of eight, but your honor there were mitigating circumstances. The door was not sound proofed so I meagerly had to be in the vicinity, and I had not delivered my singer to her bed until after 1 AM the night before (two audition weekend), and I was worried the rigors of the travel schedule would wreak havoc on the high notes, so I was as much willing them to function as eavesdropping.
I throw myself on the mercy of the court.
Haha thank you for your honesty @NYCMusicDad or I would have felt like the only one! And to be fair I haven’t heard D perform 2 of her 4 songs. Unfortunately the door listening was ineffective in hearing them as well. Lol
Loving the confessions! (And I’m quite confident that each of you is of the totally charming and not-at-all-annoying parent variety. 
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Listening at doors… My H and I have a wonderful memory of listening outside D’s very first trial lesson, when she was 14; I’m sure we were ridiculous! I remember getting my ear right up to that crack. Only later, at lesson #3 or #4 did we realize there was a security camera in the hallway that played on a monitor IN THE TEACHER’S STUDIO! Dear Lord. So, no listening at doors for me. I’m cured! Lol, anyway, I don’t have the stomach for it. I don’t WANT to know! My overriding memory of audition days was sitting somewhere, basically covered with down coats, scarves, gloves, and with my foot through a backpack strap. Glamorous. @coloraturadad , I think we met Cinderella’s Mom’s twin sister. Lol!