@JustOneDad I have known (personally) of children, and grandchildren, of big donors to receive developmental admits, but never someone else’s offspring. In every case the student had stats that qualified them for admission in any case.
Could you be more specific? What are “someone else’s offspring”? Are you talking about large donors trying to influence or “buy” admission for someone NOT in their immediate family?
The end justifies the means, I guess. Why not apply to schools this kid is sure to get into on his own and keep this as a reach without this complication. I can’t think of a school that would be worth this kind of interaction with the donor, and if the kid knows about the influence attempted, it could be damaging. Not to mention, what does it teach?
Z lists etc. are a necessary evil and they do exist but the social engineering that is going on with admissions moves in the opposite direction. Perhaps one justifies the other. But honestly, is this really how you would want your kid to get in?
Yep. Lol. If my kid was otherwise qualified, I wouldn’t lose a minute’s sleep over it. Sadly, I was a “nobody” at one kid’s school and merely a plain-vanilla, not-even-remotely-developmental alum at the other.
Some of the money being tossed around is like what $100 is to us. If I could spend $100 to get my kid in someplace, of course I would.
^^^No. This student is academically and otherwise qualified…he’s no different on paper than droves of students who are accepted. We have no way of knowing if he will be accepted or denied on his own. This sort of push gives him a closer look, that’s all. His application gets taken out of the big pile and put into the small pile. No one is talking about accepting an unqualified big donor’s kid who doesn’t deserve it.
Also, the OP is completely within his rights to discuss exactly what the donor will do for his son, and only then should decide if he wants the help. This is about what is best for the student, not the donor’s feelings. If the donor is reasonable, rational, and experienced, he will completely understand this. And no one will owe the donor anything - he’s doing this because he wants to help a great kid get into his beloved college, and this is another way for him to give back. He knows that his college will benefit from having such a student. This is not a favor for which a debt is owed. If the OP gets the sense that the donor thinks that he’s owed something (not the sense I get from the OP at all), then he should say “no thanks.”
Unless this kid is over the top special, he is just another qualified student who maybe denied. How would the donor know this college will benefit from such a student and not from other denied students? Clearly he would be asking the school for a favor to admit this student. It is a stretch to say he is giving back by recommending a student. If that’s the case, I could be giving back to my alma mater thousand of times over, but they are not asking me to give back in such a way.
OP I wouldn’t hesitate if son would go there since he is in the range by his own merits. It won’t guarantee acceptance but will guarantee a closer look. Just keep in mind adcoms don’t usually decide on development apps. If he writes a LOR, he should also communicate with his development contact. Son should apply EA if available (you said no ED).
When we toured a top LAC several years ago, the tourguide was an admitted development admit. She said she was only there because she was 3rd generation and her family members were big “supporters”. She had never set foot in (a) the library or (b) the science bldg, and all she showed us there was that we could see her boyfriends temporary housing from the window. Um… big deal. She didn’t take us into the library because she didn’t know anything about it 
DS didn’t apply (for several reasons, but that tour didn’t help). She was an idiot, and if that is who they use to represent the school, he was unimpressed.
We also had a strong connection at another school (we knew a past president). When we visited, they knew we knew him and we were treated well, but we did NOT pull any LOR card as we and he were both clear that it would ONLY be considered if our child applied with FULL intention of attending if accepted (he was plenty qualified). DS liked the school but chose to go in a different direction and did not apply. So not call and/or LOR was done.
“This sort of push gives him a closer look, that’s all.”
It likely doesn’t even go from the (proverbial) big pile to the smaller one. It gets him a few extra minutes. Maybe, it helps, maybe it doesn’t. The kid isn’t a legacy.
I don’t even think he has to agree to attend. IRL, he can tell the donor the college is a strong contender. I think, most likely, in terms of what admissions really wants in its class, the donor probably a) doesn’t know and b) doesn’t really know this kid well enough to push for him more than a wee bit. Remember, OP described, “grades within their range and test scores at the 75th percentile, average ECs, and no real hooks.” That doesn’t come close to how a single digit school ultimately makes final decisions. It doesn’t say a thing about real match. Nor the kid’s academic fit for that college or its need for him in their class.
Be honest with the donor, be grateful. Leave the next step to the donor. If all he can write is, “I know this kid, I watched him grow up and I heard he did x and y, he’s got good character,” then there’s no magic advantage. (In contrast, the kid could write somewhere about how he came to know and refine his thoughts about this school via the donor, blah, blah.)
I have seen a past president of the college write an LoR and, based on the content, it offered no swing at all.
Absolutely the content of any recommendation will matter. As it should. Any lukewarm LOR is unhelpful. This holds true for teachers LORs. I always encourAge students to ask a teacher, delicately, if they feel able to write a strong LOR for them. If the answer is wishy-washy, time to look for a different teacher to ask
@JustOneDad - Sorry if I was unclear. I have known of children (and a grandchild) to receive streamlined admission to a selective school because of the mega (bldgs) donation of a parent/grandparent. I have never known of a student getting an admissions favor just because they knew or were friends with a donor family.
Ironic that JOD is asking people to be more specific.
“She had never set foot in (a) the library or (b) the science bldg, and all she showed us there was that we could see her boyfriends temporary housing from the window. Um… big deal. She didn’t take us into the library because she didn’t know anything about it”
I hope you let the school know!
The receptionist in the admissions office couldn’t be bothered to look up from her knitting, Hannah.
What school? They should be either told or shamed.
ah knitting people, they can hear and see everything, it just isn’t apparent to others. Of course you shouldn’t be knitting at the front desk, but if there is downtime, I can see a knitter just picking up the needles and not really realizing the difference because they think they are interacting as usual. I think there is a silliness in expecting student tour guides and receptionists to really give you insight, sorry. Yes it is meant to, but would a good tour guide and attentive receptionist really make a difference to your experience attending, well no, not a bit. So glad this was not a distraction in deciding in my household, due to lack of ability to tour the opposite coast.
edit: just to be clear, guides and receptionists like that should be replaced if they aren’t putting the school in a good light.
Yes there is such a syndrome but I don’t think anyone is endangered by calling admission favors. That isn’t the source of the syndrome. Likely the more entitled you feel, the less chance you have from such a syndrome. Perhaps the students who really thinks they are unworthy, and just can’t get their own preferences known to the pushy parents. But in reality the sufferers are often women who don’t have role models in business etc.
It was a long time ago. Not worth mentioning. Just giving as an example that the tour guide was a development admit.
The receptionist was downright rude. Everyone coming into the admissions office was essentially ignored. If someone asked a question, like if or where they should sign in, she essentially pointed at the sign-in sheet without so much as a hello or making any eye contact. As for the tour guide, posters have discussed their behavior and impact (or lack thereof) for years here, but schools should use ambassadors who give a good, not a bad impression of the school. Our tour was in the spring, and the tour guide was, IIRC, a sophomore. And she’d never set foot in the library or science building? Thats downright embarrassing. I have toured many, many , MANY colleges, and only twice have I experienced people in admissions being so completely clueless about their school and unable to answer basic questions. I make no excuses or apologies for them, BrownParent. The schools should be embarrassed. As for which schools to apply to, DS did not apply to the school with the knitting lady/useless tour guide. Not for those reasons, but they certainly didn’t help leave him with a good impression of the school. And again, this was a top school…
And FWIW, “imposter syndrome” is a description coined by Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes at Ga State University to describe women (its now generalized to men too) who did not internalize their talents and accomplishments, and instead thought they’d be found out as a fraud or phony, ascribing their successes to luck, etc. Its not a personality disorder or a diagnosis. Its a description of aspects of insecurity, low self esteem, anxiety, etc. Its not an “actual syndrome”, compmom/brownparent. Its a description of this kind of self-critical thinking. They called it a “phenomenon” not a “syndrome”. http://www.amazon.com/The-Impostor-Phenomenon-Overcoming-Success/dp/0931948770 It was a term they coined 30 years ago.
That tour guide sounds terrible.
I was a tour guide. There were some buildings I never went into (not the library). But I’d never say that on a tour. Actually it’s quite possible that I’d never been in my school’s main science building when I started giving tours. But of course I talked about the building, some of the equipment inside, etc.
And we actually took the tour groups inside the library.