We were knew to the process but I would say that it varied.
All D1 though not sure that matters. For one school in which the coach was very strong on recruiting, they had visited our house, stayed for quite a while, we had been on campus and met them, etc. the parents were invited to the OV weekend and were involved. I went without my wife and there were other parents there for the weekend. I ended up hanging out with other parents which was helpful to hear what they had to say. At the end of the visit, the coach met with all the students individually and told them where they stood, or presented an offer. After the student coach meeting, they met with the parents and student for a quick wrap-up. I know of one student that was told then that they were welcome on the team, they hope that they apply, but would not be getting coaches support thru admissions.
At one OV, I believe the coach wanted to meet with the parents/me at the end to say hello and quickly touch base, but being knew to the process I only waived and said a quick hello from the car, and then driving away my kid said the coach wanted to meet me.
At another schools it was as @politeperson said, drop them off and pick them up. We had met with the coach previously but had no involvement and interaction with the OV weekend other than drop them off and pick them up.
I don’t think it is bad to provide updates, but it is also less important. At this point, she will be on campus and presumably “how has your season been going?” will come up. If she is in limbo after the visit (no offer but no “you aren’t getting an offer”), I would keep providing updates. Then you are back in a similar position to when you were trying to impress the coach enough to get the visit.
I don’t think you need to update on early season XC races unless there’s something big to update on. In most areas of the country the serious racing doesn’t start for a month or so. Coaches are usually already tuned in by then anyway.
We did this for ours both ways. During the actual OV time, parents should be prepared to make themselves scarce. However, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be available. We had one AC ask me where I was staying and told us flat out that the HC expected to talk to us (parents) afterward. Another HC stated that they wanted to meet with parents because they learn a lot by speaking with the recruit’s family. I will say that the status of recruitment was much clearer when parents were involved in coach discussions. My suggestion is that you have your kid ask the coach about his/her expectation about speaking with parents after or before the OV.
I think it is fine to keep giving updates after the offer up until actual admission, if for no other reason than to reinforce the expectation of coach support.
For D1 official visits, I know the college will pay for the student to fly in, but what about the parents? I assumed the answer is no, but some friends are saying they are getting to go on all these around-the-country visits with their daughter, a top D1 athlete.
D1 programs can pay for transportation and lodging for parents/guardians. NCSA provides a readable summary of the OV rules - https://www.ncsasports.org/ncaa-eligibility-center/recruiting-rules/official-visits.
But to clarify, it doesn’t mean that they do. At the end of the day it depends on the funding of the program.
In terms of what’s allowed though, here is how UT spent an obnoxious $280,000 on the OV for their top recruits, which included plenty of parent schmoozing.
Not to mention the “remodel” of their football locker room. University of Texas spent $7 million remodeling their football locker room and the results are jaw-dropping
The sad thing for many if not most of these feted athletes is no NFL or NBA contract, no education and long term health issues such as CTE and joint issues. Lebron made an excellent documentary on this subject, “Student Athlete”. https://youtu.be/M0arOfqNnOM?si=WtP_npTXD99pK6H1
And so sad for all the other athletes in other sports who have to worry if there team
Will get cut and have to make do with underfunded programs.