To disclose or not disclose dip in grades reason during school closures. ADHD and depression got 504

Applying to College
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That the student is struggling is ok - as the student has ADHD and processing issues. The Mom is saying covid caused the dip. I’m not sure you can say that with certainty but ok. It’s ok for students to struggle and that’s so important that we all find our right place in life.

But the question asked was is it ok - for lack of sounding insensitive - to place blame on a student getting 3 Bs - and 89s at that.

That insinuates Bs are bad - and it’s simply not the case.

And if colleges had to start separating a 93 from a 98 to see which is a better A, we’d have much more complexity.

And it’s just, to someone on the receiving end of it, making an excuse - and that’s never a good thing.

So I think talking about what covid did or didn’t do to someone and to talk of the politics as OP did - isn’t germane to the question they asked which is:

So what to do? Should we explain and include the ADHD and 504 need?

And I think the answer most/all have made is - nothing.

Put the best student out there you can - and a 3.6 and 3 Bs or if it were 8 Bs is A OK!!!

I think about my neighbors - I live in a nice neighborhood - 7 figure homes - and I think where my neighbors went to college - Mississippi State, Lipscomb, Alabama, UTK, Rutgers, MTSU, Belmont, Kentucky, LSU, Auburn, Lee University, Minnesota etc.

You don’t need to go to the top of the heap to be in a really great place…way way way (IMHO) too much emphasis on rank and pedigree. Sure it’s great and I honestly love it and wish my kids had chosen their most prestigious vs. a safety - but they chose the safety - but I have no doubt that they will have the level of success that they want in life - should they strive for it - and so will your student.

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I can relate to what you are saying. I have ADHD and struggled big time with online learning and hybrid was worse. I’m a year behind your daughter and I got a C!!! in Honors English (my best subject) my freshman year. I am not going to explain it or defend it. I don’t think I need to. Everyone knows what school was like that year (what life was like!). Instead they can see that I turned it around since then. I got an A last year and have an A+ so far this year. I won the award for top sophomore English student last year and my LOR will come from my English teacher. This will let them know that in-person classroom discussions are where I shine. I would much rather highlight the positive than dwell on the negative.

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My D23 wants to tell her story and I’m coming around to accepting that. I haven’t seen the essay but I’ve talked to her sisters who have read it. I hope it’s positive enough. I have my doubts, but it is her essay and application and not mine.

:smiling_face_with_three_hearts: I can’t tell you how much I love this: “broadening the idea of what success looks like.” I think this kind of perspective would be beneficial well beyond the college application season of life, especially for a kid with differences. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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So much real life wisdom here for parents whose kids have struggled. I imagine it could be very liberating to let go of the expectations imposed on us and find that special fit for our kids, where they are likely to thrive and have the supports they need when they need them.

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Just one more tip to share with your daughter. College admissions essays are essentially sales tools. Their purpose is to make the reader want you, not necessarily to better understand you. Your best friend, your therapist and your mom seek to understand you. Admissions officers play a different role.
Best of luck.

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I will keep trying but she’s not convinced yet.

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What would be the upside of disclosing her ADHD or ‘justifying’ those Bs? The schools are going to look at the gpa for what it is, and not spend a lot of time thinking 'Oh, if only she’d gotten 91 rather than 89 on those three classes as a sophomore we could accept her, but now we can’t." They also aren’t going to say “Oh, poor kid has ADHD so we would excuse her low grades and accept her over some other kid with the same stats and no ADHD.”

You/she need to put everything in a positive light. Daughter might write an essay about how different her learning is now that she has tools (medication, study skills, diet) to help her and how much more she enjoys studying now that she can focus,etc. She can write about how hard it was to transition from in school learning to on line, and what she did to adjust. She can also say she never adjusted and how much she loves being back in the classroom.

But ask what will be accomplished with disclosure, without disclosure, whether her grades are just fine for the schools she’s looking at.

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This is great advice!

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I will say, as a parent of a 20yr old with ADHD/mental health issues who dropped out after freshman year and is not in a good place, mental health/wellbeing is at the top of the list. Pay attention to those signs, take your foot off the pedal, or show your kid how to do that. Gap years are more important than ever.
They have the luxury of time at 18.

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Will the explanation you propose improve her application? Will it make colleges want her more? If the answer to these questions is “no,” don’t include it.

Colleges already have way more qualified applicants than they can ever admit. Why would an explanation about ADHD, anxiety, and depression, as well as an “explanation” about why she got Bs instead of As, encourage an admissions committee to admit her instead of someone else who does not have those things on their application? They are not evaluating her relative to how they’d expect her to do. They are comparing her to other applicants and trying to assemble a class.

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This kind of explanation doesn’t help an application. It comes across as an excuse. Or it makes a kid sound fragile. Or a perfectionist (in a not good way.)

If your D wants to mention it in an essay, it should be in a success she’s found since. “After struggling with the isolation of online classes, I found engagement with the community through xyz…”

I get it. Your D had a really tough time and is now feeling that it may have ruined her options. Try to keep the focus on how and where she’ll thrive going forward as well as anything learned from the choppy period that she should avoid or embrace.

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Need to read this. Thank you. My current sophomore jusr took a leave for her mental health. In retrospect we should have explored a gap year, but that’s ok she’s starting hers now. I agree now is when they have the time for these things.

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This is something I needed to hear today.

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My D23 is loudly protesting the idea of a Gap year. Even though one might be very necessary. The trouble is - to a teen a gap year doesn’t sound nearly as exciting as going away to college.

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Yep. Their brains are still developing and they can be extremely stubborn. One could get creative and create a gap year abroad or away from home to make it more appealing, or I guess some just need to find out the hard way. I realize the later may have larger financial consequences of course. I have an S25 who I bet will enthusiastically jump on board the gap year trend, especially as he’s witnessed what his sister is currently dealing with.

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We are in a similar situation (but no ADHD). Things seemed to be better, enrolled in a local college now, but having issues with his psychiatric NP sending in his prescriptions, might need to go out of network like we do with his therapist. Thank goodness we had tuition insurance last year because these medical expenses are crazy.

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Yes if D does do a gap year then it’s going to involve travel and time away from us and her home town for sure.

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I think a gap year can help if something constructive is done. I know a kid who went to Central or South America and helped in a village on projects.

I think, in addition to growth, maturity and a year away from school, it can give the child a sense of achievement - which I imagine would be helpful for any kid.

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i just texted my kid exactly what you said. she too has been writing an essay about overcoming mental health issues. i understand it all completely - what she has been through; and i’m not glossing it over. But i hope she takes a slightly different route. it’s not a therapy session.

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My best advice as the parent of an ASD/ADHD college student is let go of all preconceived notions of what the college experience should be like or what “elite/elite-ish” college you think they should go to and focus on the absolute best fit and environment for THEM. For D20 that meant ruling out NCSU engineering for example; even though her close friends were heading there, the program felt too competitive-focused for her. She really wanted a welcoming, collaborative program and school. We had the benefit of an 18 year heads-up, so we planned for different scenarios: she may need to live at home and commute, she may need to reduce her load to part-time, she may need to take a semester off. We didn’t know what would happen, so we had to have safety nets in place and then be very flexible as things play out.

One of my favorite tv show lines is from Ross in Friends: “PIVOT!!!” That sums it up; something happens, and we pivot and try something else. As a type A/OCD person, I’ve become surprisingly adept at adjusting on the fly :joy:

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