I’m totally on board with this. It’s my D who is not ready to let go of her own unrealistic expectations for herself.
To disclose or not disclose dip in grades reason during school closures. ADHD and depression got 504
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Mine wasn’t either; she puts an insane amount of pressure on herself, which of course adds to anxiety. We always made a concerted effort to not push APs, join organizations unless she really wanted to, etc. Her friends never discussed grades or scores; it’s just part of her personality. We were very fortunate my MIL is a retired GC from back in the day when they helped with college choice; other than budget and chiming in if she asked our opinions, we stayed out of the discussion. My MIL went over every option and offer with DD; they researched each school’s opportunities and weighed pros and cons. It was in those discussions DD started to shift to what was best for her beyond the superficial. MIL asked some tough questions; seriously, she was a godsend.
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The Covid question IS on the common app, but your daughter should not explain three B grades. I can’t think of a student who didn’t suffer in some form or another during 2020 and 2021. Colleges are well aware of what was going on at most high schools during that time.
Well, she could do it her way and apply to the schools she thinks she wants. She may not get in, and then she takes a gap year by default. Not a big deal from the application stand point but she may feel depressed for a while and that’s not good.
My kids both found their schools and that was it. One and done. They knew the outcome might be that they’d have to take the gap year if ‘something’ went wrong and both were okay with that. For one, it also did fall apart when the merit scholarship she was expecting was $5000 less. Turns out they had the wrong ACT score and once we got that straightened out she was good to go, but that was February and if it hadn’t worked out, she would have been on that gap year. I think in some ways she was hoping for the gap year that she could take ‘thru no fault of her own’ as she was very young (only 17) and could say to her friends “Oh, the school screwed up my FA so I’m going to take a year off.” Alas, off to college she went and it all worked out.
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As a psychiatric provider I am all for disclosing neurodivergence. However I agree with previous comments that the college admission essay is not necessarily the appropriate place for such disclosure. I also wholeheartedly agree that there is nothing to be ashamed of with the grades she received. Sensitivity to perceived rejection, failure and criticism is a symptom of ADHD and leads to people pleasing and perfectionism.
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My daughter was probably too vulnerable in some of her essays. She took some of the rejections more personally than she would have had she not laid her heart on the line.
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This makes me sad, and we see it so often! The colleges say 'we want to know you- tell us who you are. So much of adolescence is the intensely personal process of working out who you are- and whatever combination of literalness, the desire to be heard / seen / known, and the desire to please the AOs applies leads so many kids to bare their souls way too much. This has become such a thing that now we hear kids who worry that they don’t have anything ‘dramatic enough’ to tell.
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Yes, it seems unethical. Colleges really do “court” students. They bombard them with recruitment mailings and prompt them to write soul-baring essays, and then the AOs roll their eyes at “yet another” essay about overcoming mental health struggles.
How would 17 yo high school students know that college essays are really more like job interviews, where you should never say anything negative about yourself?
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It is so hard for them to hear this advice from a parent, in my experience anyway.
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I think the we want to know you goes both ways. The college holds the power. So they want to know you and can use the info as they see fit.
My son wrote about being literal and used an anecdote about Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang. He’s not on any spectrum. Just how his mind is.
I was fearful of the essay but he just talked about how he focuses more on what his friends say or delays a response to cope and ensure he’s not missing the joke.
It worries me. He did real well admission wise.
My issue in OPs situation is they are using it to justify 3 Bs. Perhaps the student simply earned a B.
That’s not a crime.
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I think that it is also important to remember that you cannot control what applications get read right before yours. What if the person before you had cancer and had to go through multiple rounds of chemotherapy?
OP:
You should listen to episode 265 of the “Your college bound kid” podcast. In there, they talk a bit about this very topic…what to disclose in an essay and what not to disclose. And their general advice was to NOT use it as a therapy session where you are laying your heart and soul out on the line about all of your personal problems. Why? It will come across as the applicant sounding weak psychologically.
Speak to your strengths. Like “Hey, dealing with the COVID closures was really hard and my grades in 3 classes dipped just a bit but it wasn’t that much. And through it all, Ive learned that I’m much better at in person learning. I’m really looking forward to actively engaging in my campus community. Here’s one way I’m doing that now in HS.”
Just to put things into perspective, my DD got 3 C’s freshman year during the COVID shut downs (she’s in 11th grade right now). Grades since then have been a mix of As and Bs. To be honest, I don’t think you should be freaking out about 3 B’s on a transcript.
What you SHOULD be focusing on instead, if it were my kid, is finding a school that’s a good fit for YOUR daughter given HER psychological needs. Focus less right now on stuff like “must be a top 20 school or our lives are over.”
I think/hope OP was talking about the additional info section.
The common app essay can be about anything - her love of whatever, a shell she found on the beach, how she loves a nice restaurant, a tree she sees out her window, the yellow fuzz on tennis racket strings.
It doesn’t have to be specifically - a here’s who I am, although hopefully that comes through in whatever she writes about - but it doesn’t need to be a straight this is me.
I still stand by what I said.
I do not think that the OP’s DD should spend a lot of time in ANY essay heavily emphasizing major depression and everything. Touch upon it in a general way (like, refer to it as health problems), but don’t treat it like you’re sitting down with a therapist for a session. Listen to the podcast…they explain it a lot better than I am.
There’s thousands of great colleges in this country. It’s not just about getting into UNC Chapel Hill. But when your kid hears the drone of frantic “I HAVE to get in!” every day from peers at school, it’s hard to remember that.
Oh I agree. I wrote early in the chain not to go here.
I’m just saying the essay in general doesn’t have to be even about you. About you yes but it might be the exhilaration you get flying in an airplane as you take off. Or the calm you get from staring at the moon.
Yes I 100% agree with you.
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