<p>Y'know, I think I'm happy I went to school in the REAL DARK ages when there was still a house mother who was supposed to be guarding our virginity.</p>
<p>My D was completely smitten with a school she'd never heard of, following an overnight and weekend. She really liked the girls she met. She's had another since, really liked the girls she met ( both were girls schools) , but nothing less impressed her more then the former. I've been encouraging a few more because I thought she needed some more options and overnights seemed helpful. Hmmm....</p>
<p>Do you think if SHE (not you) brought the experience to the attention of the admissions office, they might offer her a second overnight? Also she can ask that they take more care to get an appropriate host for her..IF she'd want to give it another night's experience. </p>
<p>The reason I suggest she bring it up is I'm still thinking that's the same admission office that will decide on her application. It would show her as a mature person, coming back to give the school a second chance. If she can approach it very positively, hers might be the better voice to make a request for "Overnight, The Sequel." IF she'd like to try again but can't summon up the voice to make the request, it's not bad if you do it for her, just a close second choice IMHO. </p>
<p>If not, you've already counseled her very well to just consider it bad judgment on the part of the host. I'd ask her to imagine her evening as if all that hadn't happened. What else did she observe about the dorms? What else did she think of the college? </p>
<p>It's also a shame that the host preoccupied your D for so many hours in the early evening badmouthing the school, rather than expose her to a range of opinions. For both of those reasons, this proves it was bad luck in the host -- but likely not a bad school to attend.</p>
<p>My D had a fabulous host who told her her motivation to do this volunteer task was that her host had been lousy, yet she came and loved the school! So she only wanted good experiences for any prospective students. It happens.</p>
<p>So sorry to hear about that embarrassing experience. My daughter did four overnights, and her experiences were all positive. I guess she lucked out. I never even thought of a host spending time making out in front of a guest. I guess you never know. . .</p>
<p>My cousins daughter had a bad experience at UConn with a girl and her boyfriend....opened her eyes to what goes on at times, but made her more diligent in finding a more compatible roommate.
I never liked overnights myself for discerning unless you knew someone there...I've heard too many horror stories from people I know and students I talked to on campus. It can go both ways. Someone I know had an "overnight from hell" (her description) from Holy Cross but ended up going there because of a scholarship and loved it...became a host herself to try to undo what happened to her. A student at Wheaton said she loved her overnight but hated the school when she went, the "chumminess" showed to her was not there in Sept. Probably no one could have told her then, it might have been just part of the process. But a few students don't make a school.
One last story was in the popular book "The Gatekeepers" about admission to Wesleyan Univ. I remember the author saying they lost a great prospect when she did an overnight and saw the seedier part of the campus. She could have stayed with a different type and came away with a different perspective, but that's the way it goes. My son knew it would be a crap shoot and didn't want to do them, but if he visited any that were too far away, it probably would have been more practical.
I know schools sometimes have trouble getting students to be hosts, some like to get students that match the perspective student, an athete with an athlete, an honors student with an honors student, but it always as said previously, doesn't work out perfectly.
At Drew, when my son visited for the day, they asked me what he was like. I remember the first question was about sports, but when I said he wasn't on a team, she asked about courses, etc. His host for the day was pretty cool he said, honest about a lot of things, took him places the normal tour wouldn't go, had him talk to other students, etc. Leaving at 8pm, he didn't tire himself or the host and I feel he got a good grasp of things.
But it's a personal choice, it's just hard how one person can effect a whole process and I don't blame some colleges for not doing the overnights anymore.</p>
<p>Another idea for arranging an overnight stay is not to go through the admissions office, but to contact the student or staff head of a student organization (in our case, Hillel) in which your child has an interest. I did this a total of 5 times for S and D, and only once was it a disaster--one of the girls that the Hillel director at a small LAC found for D was kind of a "sad sack" with seemingly no social skills and no friends--this from my D who is very outgoing and social, but also very non-judgmental of others. D felt sorry for her, but it so colored her view of the school that she insisted we leave IMMEDIATELY the next morning when we met her, presumably to go on a campus tour. The other experiences with randomly chosen, although through Hillel, overnight hosts were very positive for both kids. Just an idea . . .</p>
<p>dg5052 - that's an excellent idea to get a host through Hillel - at least there will be something in common. The same might be true for another religious organization. The kids belonging to such organizations might have more of a higher-power driven incentive to make the applicant feel welcomed?</p>
<p>When stuff like this happens, I hope you'll let the Office of Admission know.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, kids this age can have lapses in judgment. There are bound to be bad hosting experiences...they've happened at every school where I've worked. You'll find that most schools are quick to act when they have less-than-positive feedback about day and overnight visits.</p>
<p>my son did an overnight at a top tier college..and a very socially challenged (no eye contact I mean zero) student reluctantly picked him up at Admissions (numerous frantic calls made) and informed him that his frat had suddenly MADE him come and get him as part of his rat duties. Said student promptly left my son (without a key and the hall bathroom required one among other things) in the dorm, and said he would be back by 3am--had to go to a big party.<br>
Our son ended up attending two of the accepted student days at this college in order to overcome this rather jarring beginning...and is now in his third year there after coming to a decision that his social life is his own responsibility to create. He has a rather fantastic eclectic social life and we are proud of him. I think we are going to skip overnights for son number two. Probably not a fair way to judge any college. It is a lot to expect for any student to deal with a high schooler bunking on their floor on a study night and weekends are sort of not usually appropriate for social mixing.</p>
<p>I'm not a real fan of overnights. My Ds have never done overnights as prospects. </p>
<p>A bad overnight can easily and understandably sour a prospect on an otherwise prefectly acceptable or wonderful school. And it's difficult to dismiss an umpleasant, unkind or inattentive host as not being represntative of the school. (After all, the purpose of the overnight is to experience the school first-hand, so why bother attending if you're going to discount a negative experience.)</p>
<p>If my Ds had an interest in an overnight visit, I's arrange an "unofficiall" visit with a friend.</p>
<p>DD had 2 wonderful overnights that sealed the deal for her. The first was with a friend while she was looking, the second for accepted students. On the second she was paired with a great student host in the same major. She was comfortable walking around campus when host was not available. That night she said she stood by herself in the middle of campus, did not feel alone, and said yes- she belonged there.</p>
<p>Overnights were helpful for my D and I will likely encourage my S (in a few years) to use them as a tool.</p>
<p>My D applied to 4 schools and was accepted at all. All of them were 2,000 miles from home. She visited the schools before applying and used overnights after acceptance at 3 of the schools as a data point in making a final choice. Just another way to get a feel for fit, atmosphere, vibe.</p>
<p>When I was in college, a sleazy guy in my dorm had a reputation for having sex with as many "subfrosh" girls as possible. I assume it was the subfrosh girl's choice to abandon a presumably female host for Mr. Sleaze, but he's what I think of when I consider sending my daughter off on overnight visits!!!</p>
<p>My D used to be a shy and introverted child :) and has significantly changed over the last few years. Last year she went to the school's sponsored overnight for accepted students, although she was really terrified of not knowing anyone. We offered to go with her, but she was adamant that she wanted to do it alone. We were proud of her. She did not particularly like the overnight hosts, but really loved the rest of the time, and met some of her current best friends at that event.</p>
<p>S went (by himself) last Spring as a HS senior to visit at the college he now attends. He knew a soph girl at the school from some other activity and crashed in her room. It worked well.</p>
<p>If your student knows someone at the school they might visit but stay with someone they know.</p>
<p>There are so many great colleges out there that it is OK to dismiss a school based on a terrible visit. It's a different story if you don't like your host, but you like the vibe of the rest of the campus vs feeling totally isolated the entire time. I had one HORRIBLE visit last year, where I ended up going to "sleep"(turning on my ipod) around 9 pm and claiming time zone differences b/c I hated my host so much. I could have overlooked that and still applied/attended the school, but as I realized that I was not like the majority of students there. Lots of peircings, tattoos, drugs, ahhhhhhh. </p>
<p>I also think it's a totally different beast applying to LAC vs large universities. All the schools I applied to are tiny and so I will not attend without an overnight, but if I wanted to go to PennState I would be confident that there would be a group that I'd love.</p>