Transfer essay to USC Fall 2013. Please help! I'll bake cookies for you!!

College Essays
1

<p>I'm transferring to USC. This is my prompt.</p>

<h2>Please provide a statement (250-500 words) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.</h2>

<p>Since I was just a little girl back in Vietnam, my not-too-superstitious mother has always said that life would always support my decision, and I would dream big and achieve even bigger. I never believed in her words. Guess what? She was right. Opportunities have been thrown at me ever since. And at the age of sixteen, I jumped at the chance to attend Peninsula College pursuing my AA in Port Angeles, Washington. As my graduation is approaching, transferring to USC will allow me to continue to pursuit my dream and build upon the amazing American life that I began two years ago. </p>

<p>What is my dream? At that time two years ago, my dream was becoming a Math Professor simply because my genuine love for Math and I wanted to convey the beauty of Math to others. But the more I got to interact with the International Club at Peninsula College, the more I grew my passion for the friendship and relations between different people from different backgrounds. Amazed by its ethnical diversity, I signed up to be the member of the club immediately. On February 2012, my college held an event called Pub Global, where people with different nationalities share their cultures. Being the leader of the Vietnamese booth, I couldn't help to recognize the enormous differences between cultures, even between Chinese culture and Hongkong culture. After three quarter of being an active member, I got voted to be the Treasurer of the International Club in winter 2012. On May 2012, I volunteered to organize a two days camping-trip for more than thirty members of the International Club in Salt Creek campsite. The culture clash was really complicated and difficult to overcome. But as that night when all of us sitting around the bonfire, laughing, joking and eating over-burned marshmallow, I realized that even significant culture differences could not stop us from integrate and become one. All we need were a little hard work. That was when I know that I was meant to make it happen. I want, no, need to bring people together, not just in a school wide, but internationally. That is why I chose to major in Global Business at University of Southern California.</p>

<p>Peninsula College has diverse background: there are 115 students from different nationalities. I became friends with the students, learning about their cultures and organize activities for them to interact with others. I took Spanish classes to communicate with the Hispanic students in my school. Last summer, I traveled to Indonesia by myself to have a first-place experience the differences. They were really educative, but it wasn't enough. I want to challenge myself more. I found that University of Southern California is well-known for its cultural diversity as there are many people from all over the world come and study. This is the environment I want to challenge myself in. So I decided to apply to USC to chase down my dream. The rest of the story depends on your decision.</p>

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<p>Am I missing my objective? Do i need to go deeper to my future job??? Did I do too long on my reason to choose my major?? Those are precisely 500 words.</p>

<p>P/S: to anyone read and leave constructive comments, I'll send you my love, my baked cookies and my best wish that you'll success in everything you're doing, because you are the BEST!</p>

2

<p>If I had seen this earlier i would’ve replied earlier, but hopefully this can still help. </p>

<p>1) You probably already know this, but unless you’re applying to other colleges, I would take out that you’re specifically applying to USC because this essay is seen by all colleges you’re applying to on the Common App. </p>

<p>2) The reasons for transferring paragraph could be shortened. </p>

<p>3) You only spend a few sentences explaining what you hope to achieve by transferring. </p>

<p>Hope this helps!</p>

3

<h2>yeah I just figured it out :(( well this is my revised version, I hope you still can help :smiley: :smiley: </h2>

<p>Ever since I was just a little girl back in Vietnam, my not-too-superstitious mother has always said that life would always support my decisions, that I should dream big and persevere to achieve even bigger. I never believed in her words. I thought she only said it because she’s my mother, but now I can see that she was right. Opportunities have been thrown at me since I was a kid. At the age of sixteen, I took the chance to attend Peninsula College to study my Associate Degree and Running Start program in Port Angeles, Washington.
My dream is to expand my parents’ business which is an International Corporation, specializing in exporting clothing. This is why I choose to major in Global Business. My parents built everything from scratch. After numerous ups and downs and facing many failures, they now own a successful chain of garment factories in Vietnam. They’ve been making and exporting clothes to the United States to companies such as Maurice or Trixie. As I inherit my parents’ business, I will work with the costumer from the United States and the material sellers from China. But if I want to expand this business, I would need to be up to date to today’s business world. The first step to fulfill my dream is to see the other cultures’ perspectives, understand them and capture the craze of the people as this will greatly enhance my would-be business.
Peninsula College has diverse background with varying culture: there are 115 students from different nationalities. I became friends with some of the students, learning about their culture and interacting with each other. To communicate with the Hispanic students, I studied Spanish. Last summer, I traveled to Indonesia by myself to feel the first-hand experience of the cultural differences. In my first quarter, I signed up to be a member of the International Club of Peninsula College. After three quarters, I was elected to be the Treasurer of the Club in winter 2012. Later, I volunteered to organize a two-day camping-trip for more than thirty members of the club at Salt Creek Recreation Area County Park. The culture clash was really complicated and difficult to overcome. For example, the Hong Kong students didn’t want to be included with the Chinese while the Chinese students insisted that Hong Kong was a part of China. But that night when all of us were sitting around the bonfire, laughing and eating burned marshmallows, I realized that even significant culture differences could not stop us from integrating and becoming friends.
In pursuing my dream, I need to meet with more diverse people and more diverse cultures to improve my connection. California is the leading in the United States on popularity and diversity, which made it a perfect environment for me to study and practice my professional field. As my graduation date is approaching, continuing on to a 4-year-program will be the next step to pursuing my dream as an International Businesswoman, expanding my parents’ business.</p>