Types of schools to best draw out shy/introverted kids

Parents Corner
21

<p>Are they more shy (as in crave somewhat of a social life, just afraid of it), or more introverted (doesn’t care for people much)?</p>

<p>If they were “shy”, and want to get over their shyness, I’d suggest a bigger school where they would have to work to get friends, which they eventually will probably try to do out of loneliness. In a small peppy school friendships come easier because people are forced talk to each other, so I don’t think they’d get over their shyness as well in a small school than in a big school. However if being shy isn’t something that really bugs them, or if it’s something that they’re not ready to tackle, then I’d recommend a small school. (If asking for help and class participation is the problem with the shy kid, instead of making friends, then the small school will be better because they will be forced to participate.)</p>

<p>If they’re introverted on the other hand, they probably wouldn’t have the motivation in a big school to get up and make friends because being alone doesn’t really bug them much, so for them, I’d pick a small school where friends will come to them. Also, introverts don’t normally have a big problem with the small class sizes because they normally don’t have an issue socializing in non-personal situations. For introverts, getting close to them presents a bigger challenge, so I’d pick small school</p>

<p>If they’re both like you said, then I’d pick a small school, but play close attention in picking one that suits they’re personal interests. If they get involved with clubs it will force them to talk to strangers initially and also encourage friendship by being around those with similar interests. This is the group closest to me because I’m uncomfortable around strangers, and am very hard to become friends with.I’ve found (at least in high school) that being involved in particular EC’s has really helped me become more social.</p>

<p>Also is there by chance a decent school nearby that a friend might be going to? If so, it might be good if they go to the same school as their friend, who can help them along as a crutch. I’ve noticed personally, I find it MUCH easier to socialize with people I’m somewhat unfamiliar with, when I’m with someone I’m close to. Having a current friend around sometimes makes getting new friends a lot easier.</p>

<p>But I’m only in high school, so it could be much different in college…</p>

22

<p>I would also vote for a small LAC. When the classes are small one tends to participate and engage. In the midwest I would consider Grinnell, Oberlin, Carleton, Macalester. I must also say however that I have always liked Rice although I do not count Texas as the midwest.</p>

23

<p>I would avoid commuter campus schools. A place where most/all freshmen live on campus and most socialization takes place on campus makes it easy for a shy freshman to go to activities with others from his/her dorm floor, etc. It is also probably better to go to a school that draws from a large geographic area, where the freshmen are all looking to find new friends. Worst case would be to go OOS to a school that draws mostly from a local region, where most students’ will already have high school friends who attend the school. </p>

<p>Accessibility to ECs are also important. Whether big school or small school is better here depends a lot on if the ECs of interest are mainstream or unusual. If a student is an athlete, but not Division I material, better to go to a small school where the student can actually make the team. It is similar with other non-sports ECs. If student is interested in a less common EC, a large school would be more likely to offer it. But if the student is interested in a popular EC, the EC would likely be more accessible at a smaller school. Some ECs have to limit the number of participants, so a shy kid might get shut out of the activity at a large school.</p>

<p>ECs are a key way for shy/introverted kids to form their social circle. Overall, I think LACs have higher participation rates in ECs. </p>

<p>A shy/introverted student who is content to stay that way could probably stay within that comfort zone more successfully at a large U. A shy/introverted student who wants to be more drawn out would probably find it easier to do so at a LAC.</p>

24

<p>I think the University of Dayton might be worth exploring. It’s a medium-sized, private that is known for having friendly, accepting students. It was named “Happiest Students” in the nation. They are very big on service activities, which are great for forming friendships and getting involved.</p>

25

<p>Recommend a schoolw with a Residential College system. THat really helps shy/introverted folks feel connected/nurtured/supported</p>

26

<p>Obviously, no ‘one size fits all’ for the shy and/or introverted. Why not do a couples of college visits locally - a large state U, a LAC, a mid-sized private - and let your D sit in on classes at all three to see what feels right? </p>

<p>S is at Grinnell, by the way, and has really benefited from all the close personal relationships with faculty, the personalized advising (no distribution requirements), and the small classes. But fit matters - he knew this was his school the day he visited, though he had liked many others. Your daughter may surprise you by having a similar reaction to some school.</p>

27

<p>Absolutely, the more visits the better. Those 3 categories that M’s Mom notes are perfect, although finding those ‘mid-sized privates’ from my experience can be difficult, if we’re talking 5000-15000 students. Of that size, we visited Duke, Miami/Ohio & Saint Louis U. </p>

<p>You might also want to factor distance from home into the equation. For a shy kid, you want him/her not so close that it’s an easy bus ride home every weekend, but on the other hand across the country probably isn’t the best choice either. Never liked non-commuter schools myself, but don’t totally discount them either–you never know! FWIW, both my D’s picked large schools between 2-4 hours away. One is outgoing & the other not so much. It worked out fine.</p>

<p>It’s ALL about the fit, so get out there & visit. I had an fantastic time checking them out, and it was great bonding time with my D’s at a time that teenagers don’t care to spend too much face time with the parents…:)</p>

28

<p>My introverted son has done very well at the College of Wooster. Professors are engaging and the kids are nice. He has slowly come out of his shell.</p>

29

<p>Thanks to all for your insights. For those who asked about his stats – actually they are very good. GPA 4.0 and plays two varsity sports. Has yet to take the ACT because he is just finishing sophomore year. But I would be surprised if ACT score is anything less than 32 because he really excels at both math and english/writing.</p>

<p>Should have mentioned this earlier but here are the schools we are starting to think about:</p>

<ul>
<li>St. Olaf</li>
<li>Lawrence</li>
<li>University of Iowa</li>
<li>Luther College</li>
<li>Marquette University</li>
<li>Carleton</li>
</ul>

30

<p>A LAC that would be more of a financial safety would be U-MN at Morris. They don’t charge out of state premiums and give scholarships based on class rank.</p>

<p>Another LAC popular in our town is Gustavus. They have some bigger merit scholarships. The students tend to be the friendly Minnesota Nice type people.</p>

31

<p>Just wanted to share something I read on another thread about this topic. Kind of the “you can lead a horse to water. . .” idea. A shy, quiet kid can be just that in a small school or in a large one (i.e., your kid who did not talk much in high school might not talk much in college, regardless of size).</p>

<p>I think many parents with introverted kids, particularly those who are extroverts themselves, confuse being quiet with being unhappy. I’m not sure anyone needs to be a chatty kathy in class to get a good education.</p>

<p>DS#2 is a current hs senior, and about the quietest kid I know. At this point we’ve heard from most schools and his top two are one with 1,200 kids and one with 15,000. I know where <em>I</em> think he should go, but I also have to trust him to make this decision.</p>

32

<p>I think someone else brought up the point that there is a difference between being shy and being introverted. Introverts are happy as clams doing things by themselves and may become stressed in large groups. Shy people, OTOH, may be people that want to be part of a group but don’t have the social skills to jump in. I think shyness can be overcome with a deliberate effort and it should be because it can be a self-imposed barrier. I was both shy and somewhat of an introvert as a young teenager but decided that I didn’t like that and made a concerted effort to change. Finding people that “get you” at college, finding a college that fits, can help a shy person blossom. I still consider myself somewhat of an introvert but most people will not say that I’m shy.</p>

33

<p>Will your S want to play his sport(s) at college? A smaller school might make that more possible than a large Division I school like U. Iowa.</p>

34

<p>While S does have some introvert qualities I would say he leans more toward the shy side. He just lacks the social skills and confidence right now. </p>

<p>^ As far as the sports angle goes, we’ll see how his junior and senior year go. There’s an outside chance that he could play D3 soccer.</p>

35

<p>Don’t try to change your introvert. Read up on the extrovert/introvert differences (one title that stuck in my mind- “The Introvert Advantage”). Any college can work if it is a good fit. I would worry about a small college that tried to engage every student in activities- some are not “joiners”. btw- around 75% of the general population is extroverted while about 75% of highly gifted people are introverted. Some very real thought processing differences and different needs- wish the literature had been available before I raised my polar opposite son.</p>

<p>Your seemingly shy son may blossom in the college of his choosing. It could be a mega U where he finds his comfort zone- enough others at his social developmental stage… or the small school with like minded students.</p>